


Vixx Valentine Prompts: 2021

by Clytemnestrasrevenge



Series: Prompt Collections [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Amnesia, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Assassins & Hitmen, Blood Magic, Body Worship, Bodyguard Romance, Break Up, College, Confessions, Dinner Party, Dissociation, Enemies and also Lovers, Fae & Fairies, Flashbacks, Ghosts, Homoerotic fights, Hotel Sex, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Inspired by Eros and Psyche (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Light Dom/sub, M/M, Magic, Makeups, Marking, Meet-Cute, Oneirokinesis, Possessive Behavior, Prompt Fill, Referenced Drugs and Alcohol, Rough Sex, Sensory Memory, Sparring, Strangers to Lovers, VIXXentines2021, Weapons, prince - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 102,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clytemnestrasrevenge/pseuds/Clytemnestrasrevenge
Summary: A collection fics based off prompts from @crazyjane13 on Twitter.Various pairings and ratings, details will be listed in the notes for each chapter.(Trying to tag in order of prompt)(No beta we die like men)
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N/Jung Taekwoon | Leo, Cha Hakyeon | N/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Hongbin, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Lee Hongbin/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: Prompt Collections [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151969
Comments: 92
Kudos: 37





	1. My heart is still remembering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘My heart is still remembering’  
> Pairing: Hyuken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 4.2k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: Memory loss, hospital setting, incorrect science (I’m not a neurologist but I did my best)

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Jaehwan had woken to darkness and confusion. And then a very bright light being shined in his eyes. 

His body convulsing, head pounding, mind on fire.

He didn’t know where he was, or when he was, or who he was. A blank slate. The inside of his brain was like watching white paint drying on a white wall. 

Time passed. He didn’t know how much, nor did he particularly care. He was taken somewhere, had tubes stuck up his nose, a needle taped to his forearm, a weird clip placed on his index finger. 

He did nothing. Said nothing. Was nothing. 

A person was there, too. A man. Not like all the rest of the people who came, no white coat of weird monochrome outfits and face masks. He’d just shown up at some point. Jaehwan couldn’t remember when. 

The man had cried when he’d walked into the room where Jaehwan was being kept. He’d collapsed beside the bed Jaehwan had been placed in and tried to grab Jaehwan’s hand. 

Jaehwan had pulled away. Nervous and upset at being touched by this overly emotional stranger. 

“Baby, what happened!? I’ve been losing my mind trying to figure out where you were!”

“Don’t touch me, creep! I don’t fucking know you, go away!”

The man had said more words but Jaehwan had stopped listening, poking the button to call for help. One of the white-coat people had shown it to him. Jaehwan didn’t know who would come help him, or where they would come from, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted the man to go away. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

_“He was in an accident... in shock... traumatic brain injury... retrograde amnesia...”_

Jaehwan lay in his bed, only half listening to the monochromaticly dressed woman explain to the strange man who’d been harassing him. She’d injected something into the bag that hung next to Jaehwan’s bed, supposedly to make him relax, but all he felt now was exhaustion. 

The stranger had started crying again. A hand slapped over his mouth. An arm wrapped around his middle like he was trying to give himself a hug.

“Will he get better? I mean- is that why he thinks he doesn’t know me? How- fuck, im sorry.”

The stranger walked away from the woman and collapsed into a chair, slumped over, head hanging. Elbows on his knees and fingers laced behind his neck. 

Jaehwan looked away. Turning his face to the wall and shutting his eyes. 

“He could, amnesia is always hard where prognosis is concerned. The swelling in his brain has been decreasing steadily, though, and the inflammation is reduced. His memories could come back at any time, or they might never come back. We really don’t know at this point.”

Who were they talking about? Poor fucker, whoever he was, sounded like he’d had an extremely shitty day. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“I brought some of your favorite snacks, Google said that showing you stuff you like might help bring back memories,” the stranger said, setting a plastic bag down on the table beside Jaehwan’s bed. 

Sanghyuk. He’d introduced himself about seven times yesterday so Jaehwan supposed he should address him by his proper name. 

“Oh for fucks sake, I thought you’d finally gone,” Jaehwan groaned, eyes falling shut in defeat. 

“Nope, not going anywhere.” 

Sanghyuk patted him on the leg before starting to unpack his bag, Jaehwan doing his best to tune the man out and fall asleep.

“They took your iced americano at the desk before I came in, because apparently you aren’t allowed caffeine, but I got some choco pies, homerun ball, orange juice...”

The crackling of cellophane wrapping filled Jaehwan’s ears, suddenly, uncomfortably loud. He pushed at Sanghyuk’s arm, trying to get him to stop, but he didn’t. Kept right on peeling the food out of its plastic housing. And he wouldn’t shut up either.

“Stop!” Jaehwan managed to croak, desperately grabbing at Sanghyuk’s wrist, “Please, stop- that noise.”

Sanghyuk stilled, thank whatever merciful god was smiling down on Jaehwan, hands frozen in the act of opening a bag of chips. 

Jaehwan sighed into the silence. No more static sizzling his eardrums. 

“Do- do you want to try?” Sanghyuk whispered, after staying quiet for a full minute. He reached for one of the snacks that was already open and broke off a piece of squishy looking bread with red inside. “You always eat the head first, remember these?”

Staring unblinking at the fish-shaped confection for a moment, Jaehwan snorted and reached out to snatch the piece from Sanghyuk’s hand. “Of course, I know what bungeoppang is, are you stupid? Who doesn’t know? Do I look like a foreigner to you?”

“So, you remember them?”

“Jesus Christ, _yes,_ I fucking remember them!”

“And this,” Sanghyuk asked, holding up what was very obviously a bottle of orange juice and feeding Jaehwan another bite of pastry.

“That’s orange juice. Obviously. It fucking says orange juice right on the label, I can read.”

“And this?”

“Choco pie, and again, I _can_ read!”

Sanghyuk sighed quietly. “So, you can remember snacks, but you don’t remember me,” he said, more to himself than to Jaehwan, nodding slow.

“No,” Jaehwan snapped, “I have no fucking clue who you are. Will you get out now?”

Without waiting for an answer, Jaehwan rolled onto his side and hid his face against the inside of his arm. Back to Sanghyuk. Knowing Sanghyuk wasn’t going to leave despite Jaehwan asking him too. He was just going to go sit in the corner of the room like a gargoyle and read like he usually did. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

More people came. Familiar people. 

Jaehwan’s parents came and went a few times. He’d never been especially close to them but it seemed like him being in hospital had guilted them into visiting. 

Old school friends came. Hakyeon. Hongbin. Friends Jaehwan didn’t think he’d seen in ages who were all very overtly concerned about his well-being, so much so that it felt like he was watching a play.

Someone named Wonshik came. Jaehwan had no idea who he was, but he’d introduced himself as Jaehwan’s friend _‘from the studio’._ As far as Jaehwan could recall, he worked as a freelance artist and so had no dedicated studio or even an office outside of his apartment. But Jaehwan was starting to realize that his recollections were not entirely trustworthy.

For instance, last week, someone had asked him for the date and Jaehwan had told them. But everyone in the room had gotten annoyingly quiet at his answer. They’d stared at him like he was some kind of freak until a nurse had explained that it was actually the year 2021, not 2018 like he’d said. 

Little things like that kept happening, little epiphanies that would startle Jaehwan’s stagnating brain into frantic motion. Get the wheels turning in his head until the inevitable lull, brought on my medicine or tests or just general exhaustion. 

People came and went, but for some reason, Sanghyuk was always there. 

He didn’t try to keep up consistent conversation, which was a blessing. Usually either reading or typing away on a beat-up Macbook Air that he kept in a backpack. Occasionally, the sound of tapping keys would make Jaehwan’s head hurt and he’d ask Sanghyuk to stop, which he always did. It was like he’d set up a little camp in the corner of the room. 

None of Jaehwan’s other visitors found his presence strange. In fact, almost everyone apparently knew him. They’d give him hugs and exchange quiet words, like a random dude living in Jaehwan’s hospital room was the most normal thing in the world. 

Jaehwan switched off the daytime talk show he had been playing on the wall-mounted TV with a disgruntled huff and flicked his eyes in Sanghyuk’s direction. 

Sanghyuk was slouched in his chair, a well-worn paperback open in one hand, still in the same wrinkled black t-shirt and jeans he’d been wearing for the past two days. 

“You can go home and like- shower or something. Change clothes. You don't have to just sit there forever,” Jaehwan said, watching the man lift his eyes from the book and stare back at him. There were dark circles under his eyes, Jaehwan noticed, the whites of the eyes themselves laced with red tracery like Sanghyuk hadn’t slept. 

Sanghyuk shrugged, used to Jaehwan’s hostility by this point, and returned his attention to whatever it was he was reading. “I’m fine,” he replied quietly, “I don't like going home right now.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like being there by myself. Easier to be here.”

Silence descended between them again, Sanghyuk reading, Jaehwan staring. He didn’t know what Sanghyuk was talking about, but if the guy wasn’t planning to leave anytime soon, he might as well make himself useful.

“What are you reading?”

Sanghyuk blinked. “The Magician King, by Lev Grossman.”

“Will you read it to me? I'm sick of listening to Doctor Bullshit try and sell me dietary supplements.”

“It’s the second in a series, you’re probably going to be confused.”

“Read it to me anyway.”

With another shrug, a tiny smile playing on his lips now, Sanghyuk got up and dragged his chair closer to the side of Jaehwan’s bed, clearing his throat before starting to read. Voice soft, always mindful of Jaehwan’s sensitivity to noise.

_“It was five o’clock in the afternoon, their normal meeting time. For the first few months after they’d arrived at...”_

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Brought you a cake pop,” Sanghyuk said cheerfully, breezing into the room in a new outfit. Hair still damp from the shower he’d presumably just taken. 

He’d only been gone for an hour at most, but Jaehwan had discovered after only a few minutes that his pristine hospital room was much less comfortable without the giant man hulking in the corner. A sensation of loneliness had descended upon him like a blanket being dropped over his head. Smothering. All-encompassing. Making it so hard to breathe that he’d had to hit the _Help_ button and one of the nurses put something in his IV to help him calm down. 

“You’re back?”

Jaehwan eyed the small paper bag that had been tossed on the foot of his bed.

“Yep.”

“Are you staying?”

“Yep.”

Jaehwan let out a soft sigh, relaxing back into his mountain of pillows. He had questions for Sanghyuk, things he’d been thinking about for the past few days but hadn’t gotten up the strength to ask. Maybe now would be a good time. Sanghyuk wasn’t engrossed in his work or a new book yet, fussily unpacking his bag with his back to Jaehwan. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jaehwan called, tentative, taking the pink cake pop from its wrapping and nibbling at it. 

Sanghyuk stopped fussing and turned to look, an inquisitive tilt to his head. “Shoot.”

Trying not to come off as fidgety, Jaehwan said, “You know me, don’t you? Or I know you? I assume that’s why I can't get rid of you, but you’ve never said...”

Sanghyuk’s jaw firmed up, mouth pressed into a thin line, visibly tense. But he set his backpack on the floor and dragged his chair over again. Perching on the edge like an anxious bird. “Yeah. We know each other.” 

“From where? That studio, or whatever it is?”

“Not exactly.” 

Jaehwan bit his lip, running the edge of his blanket between his fingers as he waited for Sanghyuk to explain. 

“You work for Wonshik right now, remember him? The guy with the tatts and the muscles that brought you that teddy bear the other day?”

Jaehwan nodded. 

“You know how he explained that he signed you to his record label two years ago after he saw one of your insta-lives? As a singer?”

Jaehwan nodded again. Sanghyuk’s pause was longer this time and it only served to increase Jaehwan’s trepidation. Now he wasn’t sure whether he actually wanted to hear the answer or not.

“I consult for Wonshik, as a writer and producer. You and I worked on our first song together almost two years ago now. That’s how we know each other.”

“So we’re just colleagues? Or are you- what, like my manager?”

“No.”

Again, Sanghyuk stopped talking, tugging open one of the drawers on Jaehwan’s nightstand. He pulled out something small and shiny and laid it on the mattress beside Jaehwan’s hand. 

“We’re engaged, actually. For just over three months until- until you got hurt,” Sanghuk murmured.

Jaehwan stared at the shiny thing. A ring. Plain silver band that looked like someone had chucked it into a garbage disposal. Not quite processing the words he’d just heard. 

“It got all messed up in the- you know, so I’ll have to find you a new one. If you want a new one, obviously. Not sure whether we’re still engaged, what with you not- well. I guess it's something to talk about if your memories come back.”

“Engaged,” Jaehwan repeated, tone empty and mind blank. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Yep.” Sanghyuk let out a shaky breath. He made an aborted little movement, almost reaching for Jaehwan’s hand and then pulling his own hand back in the same motion. Clasping his hands in his lap. “I know that’s probably a weird thing to hear, being engaged to a person you don’t know. I wasn’t going to tell you until you asked.”

“So that’s why you won’t leave? Because we’re engaged?”

“Yep.” 

“And when you mention going home, not liking being there alone, you mean, like, _our_ home?”

“Yep.”

Jaehwan frowned, searching his brain for any memory of this house he apparently shared with Sanghyuk. He found nothing. 

“What’s it like? Our house?”

“It’s an apartment, not a house,” Sanghyuk replied, almost smiling, “The dishwasher is crap, and the water always takes too long to heat up. And you painted our living room wall with that chalkboard paint stuff so you could draw on it or write on it whenever you got an idea.”

Jaehwan grinned at that, not realising he’d done so. That, the chalkboard wall, it sounded cool. “That sounds like something I’d do,” he replied, spinning the silver band around the tip of his index finger. 

“Yeah, it's very you. You liked to leave notes for me on it, like pick up more milk, or not to forget my dentist appointment, stuff like that. We were looking for a new place actually, since your popularity had been picking up and we needed better security. But you already made me agree to another chalkboard wall when we moved.”

“And-” Jaehwan paused, unsure of how to frame the weird sounding question that popped into his head, “You liked being engaged to me?”

“Loved it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have proposed.” 

Jaehwan frowned again, still staring at the ring. It was strange to think about; being engaged to Sanghyuk when he had no idea who Sanghyuk actually was. But the story was nice. And it made sense now, why he never left. That seemed like fiance behavior. 

“How did you propose?”

Sanghyuk _did_ smile then, a boyish, genuine smile that lit up his whole face. 

“Not in a crazy fancy way. I figured you wouldn’t have wanted something big like that. We went to our favorite ice cream shop -it was a saturday- and I got you a giant cone and then asked when you were halfway done. I’d planned to wait until you were finished but I was too excited to stop myself. You actually threw the cone at me and screamed, which was a worrying thing to happen after asking someone to marry me, but you kept screaming and somewhere in there you said yes.”

That sounded good too. And very like something he’d do. Jaehwan’s smile grew infinitesimally wider.

“Wanna see a picture?”

The smile dropped away as fast as it had come, Jaehwan’s stomach churning with sudden nerves. Hearing about this was one thing, but seeing it- was different. Maybe it would help. Or maybe it wouldn’t, he didn’t know. But it couldn’t do any harm. At the very least, he would feel nothing.

“Sure.”

Sanghyuk reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, clicking around for a few seconds before turning the screen so Jaehwan could see. 

There Sanghyuk was. His arms around the waist of a person Jaehwan vaguely recognized as himself, although he’d changed his hair color at some point so it was a few shades lighter. And they were kissing. His hand was on Sanghyuk’s chest, the silver band was around his finger, and there were splotches of pink on Sanghyuk’s shirt and hair. Presumably from Jaehwan’s thrown ice cream. 

“Hongbin took it,” Sanghyuk explained, laying the phone gently on Jaehwan’s lap, “I had him hide behind the counter so you wouldn’t see him.”

With mild relief, Jaehwan found that he didn’t feel much of anything, staring down at the screen. It dimmed automatically and he poked it so it would light up. Just looking. 

While he didn’t _feel_ anything, he could _taste_ something. Strawberry cream. Some weird sense-memory making its presence known. Jaehwan licked his lip. 

“That’s nice,” he murmured, still tasting strawberries as he handed the phone back. “It's cute.”

When he finally looked up, Jaehwan saw that Sanghyuk’s expression had changed. He looked crestfallen but was obviously trying to hide it, and Jaehwan couldn’t help feeling bad. “I’m sorry,” he added, not sure of what else to say.

Sanghyuk shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for. I wasn’t expecting you to remember everything just by looking at one picture. I mean, I hoped you’d- something- but still, it's not your fault. At least you know why I’m here now.” 

Stretching a bit as he stood, Sanghyuk pulled his chair back to his corner and resumed going through his backpack. 

Jaehwan resisted the urge to apologize again. Still clutching the silver ring in one hand.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

A few days (or was it weeks? Jaehwan had trouble gauging time when he was constantly in between sleeping and waking), Jaehwan found himself humming a melody he didn’t recognize. 

He was in bed as usual, and was drawing on an iPad that Sanghyuk had brought him from home, _their home,_ making up some stupid comic about Iron Man. The notes had come to him from nowhere at all. He hadn’t even noticed when exactly he’d started humming. 

Sanghyuk had been out in the hall, speaking with one of the doctors, but he almost tripped over his own feet when he walked back in. The sudden movement startled Jaehwan and he jumped a little in place, trying not to drop his stylus. 

“That’s our song.”

“What’s our song?”

“That,” Sanghyuk replied, waving a hand in Jaehwan’s direction, “What you’re humming. That’s our first song, the first song we made together, I should say.”

“We made together,” Jaehwan repeated, forming the words as slowly as he could. “To sell?”

Sanghyuk put a hand in his pocket, took it out again, then ran his fingers through his hair. A touch of uncharacteristic restlessness showing through his normally calm fasade. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I wrote it, you sang it, and Wonshik, for lack of a better word, sold it.”

“Can I hear it?”

“Yeah, sure, of course,” Sanghyuk replied, nearly leaping toward his corner, “Let me just-“

He was digging around in his bag again, Jaehwan fidgeting nervously in the center of his bed. 

They’d let him stop wearing a hospital gown, which was a mercy, and Jaehwan stuck a hand inside the kangaroo pocket of his oversized hoodie. Feeling for the ring he’d hidden inside. Jaehwan had put it back in the drawer after Sanghyuk showed it to him, but found himself taking it back out and looking at it whenever Sanghyuk wasn’t in the room. Eventually he’d decided to just keep it out, not wanting to wear it, but liking the feel of having something heavy to hold on to.

“Here,” Sanghyuk called, coming over to stand beside the bed and passing Jaehwan an earbud. “Are you sure it’s okay? I won’t play it too loud, but if the sound is going to bother you...”

“It’s fine,” Jaehwan replied, giving the man’s hand a reassuring pat, “I’ve always liked hearing the sound of my own voice.”

Sanghyuk made a noise somewhere between a choke and a laugh as Jaehwan nestled the earbuds firmly in his ears. 

As soon as the song began to play, Jaehwan’s sensorium was suddenly and violently overwhelmed with the smell of freshly ground coffee beans. It was like someone had pushed his face into a bucket of the stuff and was forcing him to inhale. He could almost feel the gritty texture on the inside of his nasal passages and the back of his throat. 

Jaehwan gave a convulsive sneeze, and then sneezed again, looking around for the source of the smell as he listened. 

The song was undeniably beautiful; a slow, sweeping ballad with gentle lyrics and an equally gentle build. It was most definitely the song that had been stuck in his head. And he did like the sound of his own voice. It paired well with Sanghyuk’s composition if he had told the truth about writing it. Nearly familiar too. Like a song he’d heard when he was a kid and could almost sing along too, but not quite.

“Where is that smell coming from?” Jaehwan asked, finding it a bit difficult to hear himself speak with the music still playing. 

Sanghyuk pressed pause, hesitantly reaching out to remove one of the headphones. “What smell? I can’t smell anything.”

“Coffee. So much god damn coffee, I feel like I’m going to throw up,” Jaehwan muttered, squeezing his eyes shut. But even as he spoke, the smell dissipated. Like it had never been there at all. Weird.

“I don’t know,” Sanghyuk replied, shrugging his shoulders and clearly at a loss for what to do, “Do you want me to call the nurse?”

“No, no. I’m fine.” 

Jaehwan waved away his concern, taking the headphone and putting it back in his ear. Sanghyuk hit play again and the music picked up, the coffee smell coming with it. Not so overpowering, though. More pleasant.

He listened to their song three times in full. Sanghyuk stood beside him and held the phone, twisting a band on his left hand with his thumb. Jaehwan hadn’t noticed it before. How had he managed that? He saw Sanghyuk all day every day. It was a silver band, twin to his own, but considerably less damaged. Must be his engagement ring. 

“What did you think?” Sanghyuk asked, after the song came to an end for the third time and didn’t restart. 

Jaehwan blinked sleepily up at him. He was drowsy, the soothing song lulling him almost to sleep. “It’s beautiful. You’re a good composer, if that story wasn’t just a lie to try and impress me.”

Sanghyuk grace Jaehwan with a soft smile, swiping his thumb lightly across Jaehwan’s cheeks. “It wasn’t a lie but I’m glad you still like it. Did it make you sad, hearing it?”

“No, just a bit sleepy. Why?”

“You’re crying, baby. I didn’t want to interrupt. But you started crying almost immediately. Did you not notice?”

Jaehwan raised a hand to his own face and found that it was, in fact, wet. And he _hadn’t_ noticed that he was crying, nor did he feel sad, which was all very odd. 

He tried to staunch the flow of tears with the corner of his bedsheet, dabbing at his eyes and cheeks, but they wouldn’t stop. Like the floodgates had opened inside him. The tears just kept on coming and yet Jaehwan still didn’t feel sad.

“I just realized, we worked on that song in the coffee shop by my old place. You hate being at the studio if it’s not to record, and I didn’t have a proper office, so that’s where we ended up. Shut the place down four nights in a row,” said Sanghyuk, retrieving a box of tissues for Jaehwan before taking a hesitant seat on the edge of the bed. “Maybe that’s why you smelled coffee.”

“I _hate_ this!” Jaehwan snapped, suddenly furious with his own body. The involuntary reactions that made no sense to him. It was like he was trapped in a box inside his own head and someone else was manning the controls. Making him smell things that weren’t there, making him taste things he hadn’t eaten, making him panic and cry for no discernable reason. “I hate feeling things that don’t make sense!”

Gently, tenderly, Sanghyuk took Jaehwan’s hands in his own. Rubbing soothing circles into Jaehwan’s palms with his thumbs. The gesture relaxed Jaehwan and his tears slowed, again, without his permission.

“It’s alright, just let the feelings come. Holding them back won’t do you any good.”

“I’m not holding anything back! My stupid body is just doing whatever the hell it wants!”

“Your heart still remembers, baby, your brain will get there too. It may just take some time,” Sanghyuk replied, “We can make it through this together.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~


	2. The Thing About Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘The thing about love’  
> Pairing: Kenbin  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 14.5k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: My version of the story of Eros and Psyche

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Hongbin was born beautiful. Everyone who saw him agreed.

He was born to a beautiful family; a beautiful mother, a beautiful father, and two beautiful brothers. But, with his perfect features and broad shoulders and the elegant curves of his body, Hongbin was the most beautiful of them all.

Commonly praised as the male incarnation of Aphrodite, Hongbin was worshipped by men and women alike throughout the land. People bowing to him in the streets and coming to his home to try and catch a glimpse of his legendary beauty.

But, alas, with such reverence inevitably came distance. Everyone who saw Hongbin found his beauty intimidating. Thought him to be a step above the rest. Nearly divine. Something to be adored and admired but _never_ interacted with.

And so, Hongbin was lonely, with only his brothers for company. No friends his own age. No lovers, no companions, no confidants. He was lonely, but he was also extremely brave. Brave and strong and intelligent. With the heart of a lion, the mind of a scholar, and the face of an angel, he made quite the catch. And yet, he was wanted by no one.

Too beautiful on the outside for anyone to even consider the person he was on the inside. Too beautiful for anyone to wish to get to know the mind behind the mask. Why should they? He was _beautiful_ and beauty was more than enough.

His family worried for their beautiful son. Worried that his virtues would imprison him in solitude for the rest of his life. Hongbin’s father sought help from the divinities on the matter of his youngest son. Praying to the god Apollo and begging him for help. He prayed night after night after night, left offerings at his temple day after day after day, desperate for a solution, until the Oracle of Apollo called out to him.

She told him that his youngest son would not be alone. That Hongbin could have a fulfilling and happy life, if, at weeks end, his father took him to the top of a nearby mountain and left him there alone.

Atop the mountain, the Oracle said, Hongbin would find a husband. A winged serpent. She said that this was the only solution because a serpent would not be intimidated by Hongbin’s beauty the way another human would.

Not daring to go against the word of the gods, Hongbin's father returned to their home and told his youngest son what must be done.

Being the brave soul he was, Hongbin agreed to go. Convinced of his _otherness,_ that he was destined for isolation, he did not much care what happened to him. But he knew that it would make his family happy. Hongbin loved his family, the only people on earth who truly knew him, genuinely cared, and he was not going to let them down.

Hongbin did not pack for his journey or spend his time fretting about the future during those final days at home. He spent them in the company of his brothers, talking long into the night and reminding them how much he loved them. How much he was going to miss them.

In truth, Hongbin did not believe he would ever come down from that mountain top. Surely, he would be eaten by wild animals or starve to death by the time anyone thought to seek him out.

So, when he climbed up the winding path behind his father at weeks end, it was with heavy steps and an even heavier heart.

He hugged his father once they reached the top and bid him goodbye. His father wept as he bent to kiss Hongbin’s forehead. Wept as he told Hongbin it was for the best. Wept as he turned and took his leave, making the long trek back down the mountain alone.

Hongbin settled himself in a gap between two large tree roots to wait for this supposed serpent. The bark was rough, and it scraped at his arms, scratching the skin exposed by his sleeveless tunic.

The sun fell below the horizon and the air grew cold, and still nothing even vaguely _resembling_ a serpent appeared.

Hongbin waited and waited and waited, shivering, until he eventually fell into a restless sleep. Filled with dreams of sharp teeth and razored claws hiding just out of sight. Coming to devour him whole.

When the sun rose again the next morning and Hongbin woke, there was still no serpent. However, the dawn light revealed a palace on the mountain’s opposite face. A lavish structure of marble and gold that was still partially shrouded in mist.

His curiosity piqued and having nothing better to do, Hongbin decided to climb down and investigate. His sandaled feet slipped on the visibly unfrequented path and he stained his tunic with dirt in a few places, but he made it to the palace’s front steps in a surprisingly short amount of time. He knocked twice and the door swung open, but when he moved inside, there was nobody.

_‘Welcome,’_ a disembodied voice called, making Hongbin jump, _‘Rest. Eat. I will come to you once the sun has set.’_

Hongbin peered around the wide foyer, steps hesitant as he inched further into the palace. Not quite trusting this voice he did not recognize.

_‘You have no need to fear, my love. You are safe here.’_

Again, Hongbin looked from left to right. Searching for the source of the voice and finding nothing. But something in the words lessened his trepidation.

While unfamiliar, the voice was warm. Gentle and soothing, he could find no malice in its tone. And there was a banquet laid out on a low table beside an incredibly soft looking sofa. Hongbin had not eaten since breakfast the previous morning and his stomach grumbled at the sight of the heavily laden dishes.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Having eaten his fill and taken a nap on what had indeed turned out to be an extremely comfortable sofa, Hongbin had wandered around exploring the palace’s ground floor.

There was a well-stocked library, sitting rooms, bedrooms, bathrooms, dining rooms, every kind of room he could think of, as well as a lovely terrace and rose garden. He had also discovered the bathing pool and spent a long time there, admiring the intricate frescos of plaster and ceramic while he scrubbed the dirt from his skin. A clean tunic had been waiting for him, folded beside a stack of towels, current colored linen as soft as clouds.

He had dressed in the new tunic and was sitting in the main room when the sun finally set once again. Waiting where he had found the food that morning, for the owner of the mysterious voice to reveal themself.

_‘Come up, my love, and see me, if you wish. I await your presence.’_

Hongbin slowly stood, smoothing the folds of the tunic down as he considered the idea. He had deliberately not investigated the upper floor, able to see from the staircase that it was completely shuttered and entirely unlit. What if the voice belonged to a monster hiding in the dark? Or some evil spirit that wished to do him harm? But surely, if the voice’s owner were evil, they wouldn’t have fed him and let him run around their home freely all day? Surely not.

He climbed the wide stairs in the entry hall, slow, tentative, his footsteps echoing off the high ceilings in the silence. Hongbin was brave, but he was not stupid, and knew when caution was required. This was most certainly one of those times.

Once he reached the landing, Hongbin noted that his view was unchanged for the most part. No lanterns were lit, no candles flickered, the windows were boarded shut. But at the end of the hall that stretched out before him, a set of double doors that had been closed that morning now stood ajar. No light emanated from inside the room, but Hongbin could feel a presence there. Waiting for him.

And so, he went. Shoulders back and head held high, walking purposefully down the hall and only stopping once he had reached the threshold. Trying to peer through the darkness and catch a glimpse of who, _or what,_ was waiting there.

“Hello,” the voice said, no longer disembodied or very mysterious at all. A rich, almost smokey tenor, it originated from a spot awfully close to Hongbin, directly before him, maybe only a yard away, and Hongbin started when it spoke.

“You don't need to be frightened, my love, I’ve told you so already. Here, take my hand.”

“Who are you?” Hongbin asked, jumping a second time when he felt a fingers curl around his wrist. The stranger led him further inside until his shin bumped against something hard and Hongbin made a quiet noise of surprise.

“It’s just a pallet, you may have a seat,” the voice replied, waiting for Hongbin to sit before lacing their fingers together. Hongbin did not _sit,_ exactly, his wobbly legs simply gave out and he collapsed on the edge of the pallet, staring sightlessly down at the hand now holding his. A nice hand, he thought, if touch alone was anything to measure by, soft skin and long, slim fingers. Warm as well.

“As for who I am, I am the husband you were promised.”

“I was promised a winged serpent. Unless I am very much mistaken, serpents do not have hands.”

A laugh came then, a honey-sweet laugh that rang in Hongbin’s ears like tinkling bells, and he felt the pallet dip beside him. The stranger was sitting too, but not close enough to touch. “I am not a serpent, and I apologize if that comes as a disappointment to you. But I _am_ your husband, if you’ll have me.”

“Why is it so dark here? Can you see?”

“Yes, I can see. And it is dark because I wish it to be so. This is my home, after all, and it is the first rule of the house. No window may be opened, no flint stuck, no light ignited on the top floor. You must swear to follow this rule if you wish to stay.”

“Why? I cannot even light a candle? What if I need to walk around in the night? I’ll run into a wall or trip or fall down the stairs!” Hongbin exclaimed, set off balance by the strangeness of the situation.

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” the voice asked, a hopeful note in its tone.

Hongbin released the hand still holding his and crossed his arms. “I haven't decided yet.”

A pouty little grumble from beside him. “Well, if you need anything in the night, I will fetch it for you. You have no need to worry about such matters.”

“You still haven’t told me who you are!”

“Yes, I have, I told you just now. I am your prospective husband.”

“That is _what_ you are, not _who,”_ Hongbin replied. Equal parts confused and intrigued.

“Who I am you may never know. But if you must call me something, then you may call me Jaehwan.”

“Jaehwan,” Hongbin repeated, rolling the name across his pallet. Testing the feel of it. Rather surprisingly, it suited the voice. Tasted sweet in his mouth as he spoke it aloud once more. “Jaehwan.”

“Yes. Jaehwan.”

“But that isn’t your real name?”

“No, simply a nickname from childhood.”

“Will you tell me your real name?”

“No.”

“Why not? If you are to be my husband, the least you could do is tell me your name.”

Another grumble, and Hongbin felt the person stand. The warm weight beside him vanished as quickly as it had come. “That is the second rule of the house, my love. You must never know me. Never try to learn my name or look upon my face. Never. These are my only two rules, but they _must_ be followed.”

Hongbin spluttered wordlessly, not understanding the why of it. They were ridiculous rules, absurd even.

The hand returned, clutching his own in a grip that was firm but not rough. “Please,” the voice continued, or, _Jaehwan_ continued, if that was the name he would be given, “Please, my love, I am trusting you with this. Will you promise?”

“Fine,” Hongbin harrumphed, only comfortable agreeing to the strange demands because he was still unsure whether he would be staying or not.

“Good!” Jaehwan chirped, sounding much more lighthearted now that the formalities were over, “Make yourself comfortable and we may get to know one another. I hope the food and clothing provided you were adequate?”

“Adequate enough,” Hongbin muttered, scooting further into the pallet and tucking his legs beneath him. How one was supposed to get to know another without knowing their name or what they looked like was a mystery to him, but he did not have anything better to do.

“Good, good.” Jaehwan resumed his seat, now an almost uncomfortable distance away, Hongbin's arm stretched out to full extension since the man had not released his hand. “Gods, I feel as though I already know you! I’m so pleased that you’re here!”

“What exactly _do_ you know about me?” The suspicion Hongbin had temporarily banished was raising its head once more. Was Jaehwan an admirer from the city? Someone Hongbin would recognize? Could that be the reason for all the secrecy?

“I know that you are called Hongbin,” replied Jaehwan, the name leaving his mouth on the softest of sighs. “I know that you are approaching your twenty-fifth summer, and that you come from the city, and that you have two elder brothers, and that you favor books and music, and that you are beautiful.”

“How do you know all that?”

“The Oracle of Apollo told me.”

The idea of Oracles indulging in gossip was not reassuring news but Hongbin took it in stride. “What about you, then? Where are you from?”

“I cannot tell you.”

“Well, how old are you?”

“I cannot tell you that either.”

“What exactly _can_ you tell me?” Hongbin snapped, getting exasperated now.

He felt Jaehwan’s weight shift on the pallet, uncomfortable. “I can tell you that I am a man, which I hope is alright?”

“Yes, it’s alright.”

“And I can tell you that I do not favor books very much, but I adore archery and playing the lyre.”

“That’s all?”

“For now, yes.”

Hongbin let out a tired sigh and the man squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, truly I am, do not be upset with me,” Jaehwan pleaded, tugging Hongbin's fingers in a way that bordered on petulance.

“I’m not upset,” replied Hongbin, “I simply do not understand.”

“You will learn to know me well, my love, I am sure of it. My face and my name will matter not once you know my heart. Once you know my soul.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

They talked often the first few evenings after Hongbin’s arrival.

He was settling into life at the palace, finding a routine. Jaehwan only came after sunset and vanished by the time the sun rose in the morning, leaving Hongbin alone for the duration of the day, but that was alright. He was used to spending long stretches of time by himself, having done so all his life, and he honestly found it enjoyable.

Hongbin could do anything, go anywhere, inside the enormous building, and he explored the lower floor until he had its layout committed to memory. He usually had at least one nap, a necessity with Jaehwan’s visits keeping him up into the small hours. And he would bathe and then dress in whichever new tunic was left for him.

There was always fresh food provided on the dining table, where it came from, Hongbin had no idea. But he would eat every now and then as he was passing through. He took strolls in the rose garden and sunned himself on the terrace, and he would read for hours at a time in this room or that. Indulging in Jaehwan’s seemingly infinite supply of books. For someone who did not like to read, the man certainly possessed quite a few.

“Why do you have such a large library?” Hongbin asked during his fourth evening, once again reclining on the pallet in the upstairs bedroom.

Jaehwan was holding his hand, something that the other man seemed incapable of not doing. From the moment they met until the moment of their inevitable parting, Jaehwan always held Hongbin's hand.

“I acquired them upon learning of our union. I thought you would enjoy them.”

Hongbin smiled despite knowing that Jaehwan could not see it. “I do enjoy them, thank you.”

The little he had learned about Jaehwan’s personal life had not given Hongbin much by way of clues about his identity, but he found himself liking the man despite it. Jaehwan possessed a kind nature. Courteous and polite. He was sweet; soft and even shy at times, eager both to please and provide in any way he could. He seemed delicate, too, _preciousness_ ringing clear in his words and actions, which Hongbin found utterly charming.

And it was enjoyable, talking to him. Easy. Their conversations, while usually mindless in nature and lacking in substance, could last for hours without Hongbin ever feeling tired or bored.

Every now and then, the man would grow pouty, but only if he thought Hongbin was annoyed with him, which Hongbin very rarely was. And he could be cajoled back to happiness with little effort on Hongbin's part.

All things considered, their unusual union was better than anything Hongbin had ever hoped for or expected. Jaehwan seemed to be a good person and their relationship, strange rules aside, was an amicable one. Hongbin thought he could be happy there, in the palace. Content with this life and the person that came with it.

“I have made up my mind,” Hongbin said with absolutely no preamble, scooting a bit closer and reaching out until he found Jaehwan's free hand. Taking it in his own and clasping it gently. “I’ll stay.”

“You will?! Truly!?” Jaehwan squeaked, apparently bouncing up and down if the creaking pallet beneath them was any indication.

“Truly.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

As their nights together continued, Hongbin discovered that his feelings for Jaehwan, as negligible as they had been in the beginning, were starting to blossom.

He found himself holding Jaehwan’s hands more and more. Reaching for them before Jaehwan had a chance to offer. Wanting to touch and be touched in kind.

But, whenever he attempted to initiate anything more than simple interlocking of fingers, Jaehwan would grow nervous. Skittish and fidgety.

“It’s alright, you know,” Hongbin said, one night during his third week, “I chose to come here. I chose to stay. You aren’t holding me against my will. It isn’t wrong of you to reciprocate.”

Jaehwan made a startled sound, almost like a hiccup. “I know this, I am just- unsure.”

“Unsure about what?”

Hongbin reached up, aiming for the spot where he assumed Jaehwan’s face was hovering nearby. He found his mark, cupping Jaehwan’s cheek on one hand. Supple and round, just as Hongbin had thought it would be. His skin was silken softness where it brushed against Hongbin's fingertips.

“I wish for the love you feel towards me to be _entirely_ true. Heart to heart and soul to soul. Would this not- not ruin it?”

Letting out a quiet laugh, Hongbin ran his fingers downward. Tracing the line of Jaehwan's jaw, the bow of his upper lip, the shell of his ear. Attempting to learn his face by touch as he normally would have done by sight. “I need to understand at least _some_ part of you. If I cannot know your true identity, can never see you, _and_ never feel you- it would be like you aren’t really there. I cannot simply fall in love with a voice, no matter how lovely that voice may be.”

“Well, I... I suppose that’s true,” replied Jaehwan, worrying his bottom lip. Hongbin could feel it. The shallow indentations of teeth pressed against pillowy flesh. “But, my love, I do not wish to rush things. My desire for you is stronger than you could ever fathom, and I do not want to mar what grows between us, even if it grows slowly. I only hope one day your desire for me will be just as strong.”

“I desire something from you now, in this moment,” said Hongbin, combing his fingers through Jaehwan's hair. Wavy hair, he thought, not long but not short either, a few inches longer than his own. Hanging down to just below his pointed chin.

“What something would that be?”

“A kiss. May I kiss you?”

Another one of those quiet hiccups. Hongbin stopped himself from chuckling.

“You may- but _only_ a kiss. Nothing more.”

Hongbin nodded, drawing Jaehwan towards him. Tilting his head slightly. Guiding the man’s mouth to his own with the hand he now had cupped under Jaehwan’s jaw.

And then, Hongbin kissed him. He heard Jaehwan suck in a sharp breath. Feeling his mouth tingle at the softness of Jaehwan's lips, the sweetness of the kiss.

Jaehwan rested a hand on Hongbin's chest and leaned in a shade closer. The movement either entirely unconscious or deliberately slow. Jaehwan’s lips parted for him when he parted his own, the slight brush of their tongues sending Jaehwan’s fingers trembling. Hongbin could not stop himself from smiling then, smiling into their kiss at Jaehwan’s receptiveness.

After only a handful of heartbeats, Hongbin pulled away. Not too far, but far enough that he could speak without the other’s mouth impeding the formation of words.

“Are you shy?” he asked, brushing his thumb along Jaehwan’s cheekbone, “Is that why you wish to remain cloaked in darkness? Because you are shy?”

The man mumbled something unintelligible that only vaguely resembled speech and then cleared his throat. “I am hideously ugly, compared to one such as yourself. No one with your beauty should be forced to look upon me, especially not when I am asking for your love. It would be shameful.”

Hongbin tisked, gently drawing the man back, holding his chin between thumb and forefinger. He kissed Jaehwan one more time. Delighting anew at the ease of it.

“I’m sure you are a darling, I can tell by the curves of your face. I’d bet you are no less than a joy to look upon.”

“I’m not!” Jaehwan spluttered, wriggling a little where he sat, and Hongbin laughed. He cupped Jaehwan’s cheeks again, trying to somehow feel if the man was blushing.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Two months had passed since his arrival at the palace, and Hongbin, ever the secret romantic, had fallen entirely in love with Jaehwan, despite _still_ not having seen his face or learned his true name.

He had taken to sleeping during a good portion of the day, wishing to conserve his energy for his husband's nocturnal visits. Jaehwan was not truly his husband yet, but in his mind, Hongbin called the man nothing else. His husband.

Hongbin had tried, once or twice, to take his daytime naps in the bedroom upstairs, but he never managed to catch Jaehwan’s comings and goings. Jaehwan was simply there, or he was not. It was a mystery, to be sure, but one Hongbin was not likely to solve in the immediate future, so he set the matter aside. Choosing to sleep his days away in one of the lavish ground-floor bedrooms instead.

He had slept late on that particular day and was just stepping out of the bathing pool when he heard his husband's disembodied voice echo around the tiled walls.

_‘I am here, my love, if you would like to visit me.’_

Always so silly. Self-deprecating, almost. As though he honestly believed Hongbin might _not_ wish to meet him.

Forgoing the fresh tunic he would normally don at this stage, Hongbin wrapped a towel around his waist instead. Leaving a trail of wet footprints as he padded out into the main house and up the staircase. Damp hair dripping on the stone floor.

“Darling?” he called, tracing his usual path along the hallway and crossing the threshold of Jaehwan's bedroom. Hongbin could not see, but he could sense his husband's presence, and not too far away.

“Where is your tunic?!” Jaehwan squeaked, his volume confirming his proximity.

Hongbin smiled, Jaehwan letting out a whimper in response. “I thought we could skip the formalities today, darling. Come here.”

He extended a hand in the direction Jaehwan’s voice had come from, pleased when those now familiar fingers brushed lightly over his palm.

“What are you wearing?” he asked, tone still conversational but dropping into a sultrier register. Hongbin knew that Jaehwan liked the sound of his voice. Had said once that it was _‘as deep as the ocean and as soothing as the waves’,_ and Hongbin wasn’t above tactically employing that knowledge for his own purposes.

Jaehwan cleared his throat, not protesting as Hongbin guided him backward to the spot where he knew the pallet was. “A tunic. And trousers. And sandals. Why?”

“Simple curiosity. I wished to know what all has to be removed.”

He leaned in, seeking Jaehwan’s mouth for an instant before finding his waist. Tugging the tunic free from his trousers and lifting it easily off over Jaehwan’s head. They were of a height, or Hongbin assumed they were, which simplified matters greatly. No having to go up on tiptoe or duck his head. Everything was in perfect alignment.

“My love, are you sure-“

“Very sure.”

Palms flat on his shoulders, Hongbin gently pushed Jaehwan down until he was seated on the edge of the pallet before nudging him backward. Jaehwan collapsed on his back with a gasp.

“But- has it been long enough?”

“Quite.”

“How can you be sure of such things?”

Hongbin had knelt, one of Jaehwan's sandals already unlaced and tossed to the side, the second quick to follow. “For someone who claims their desire for me is boundless,” Hongbin replied, straightening up and hooking his fingers under the waistband of Jaehwan’s trousers, “You do seem _very_ hesitant to have those desires fulfilled.”

He tugged the garment off in one swift motion and Jaehwan whimpered a second time.

“I _do_ desire you. In the deepest reaches of my heart, I do, I swear it. But what if this spoils what we have? I couldn’t bear that, genuinely I could not.”

Hongbin put a knee up on the pallet, plush goose-down compressing under his weight, and smiled. Feeling a tentative finger brush his abdomen. “It won’t.”

Jaehwan seemed bolstered by Hongbin’s calm deceleration, growing a bit braver. His hand resting on Hongbin's bare waist, that same finger lightly tracing the edge of the towel still wrapped around Hongbin's hips. He had propped himself up with one arm if Hongbin had to guess but that was alright for now.

“Go on, take it off.”

And Jaehwan did. Untucking and then unwrapping the towel with agonizing slowness, letting it fall to pool on the mattress beside them.

“See? It’s not so bad, is it?”

“No, not bad, _nothing_ about you could ever be _bad,”_ Jaehwan mumbled, squeaking in surprise as Hongbin reached down and pulled him bodily further up on the pallet.

It was still pitch black in the bedroom but Hongbin's sight had adjusted as well as it ever did by that point. Not enough to see anything of substance, only tiny spots of reflected light. A gleam in his husband's eyes, a patch of moisture where his tongue had swiped across his bottom lip. Not much, but enough to remind him that Jaehwan was, in fact, _real._

Hongbin reached out again, fumbling for a moment until his hand found the small table beside the bed. He had prepared this morning, head filled with an array of hopeful scenarios all day, and so when his fingers closed around the vile of oil waiting there, Hongbin was not surprised. If anything, he was pleased that he had put it in the correct spot.

“Hongbin, my love?”

“Yes?” Hongbin replied, pulling the stopper free and dribbling a bit of its contents onto his hand. Feeling Jaehwan shift restlessly beside him.

“Have I forced you to wait too long? Was wishing to wait the wrong path to take? Are you upset?”

Nudging his husband's legs apart and situating himself between them, Hongbin sat back on his heels, peering sightlessly down at Jaehwan’s face. “No, darling, you haven’t forced me to do anything, and you have done nothing wrong. You are simply overthinking things too much. Now I would like you to stop talking for a few minutes, alright?”

“Alright, but why do you want me to stop ta- _ah!”_

Jaehwan’s question abruptly choked off as Hongbin brushed his rim. He circled it a few times before dipping the tip of one finger in, and then pulling it out. Running a soothing hand up and down Jaehwan’s thigh, repeating the process until he felt his husband begin to relax.

“Because occasionally, darling, you talk too much and get distracted, and I’d like you to be paying attention now,” Hongbin said, answering the half-asked question as he slid his finger all the way in. He waited then, not moving yet, absently stroking Jaehwan’s cock as he gave him time to adjust.

“Oh- oh _don’t_ do that!”

Hongbin stopped at once, removing both hands from the vicinity of Jaehwan's body as gently as he could.

“No, _wait-_ I meant,” Jaehwan mumbled, dropping his head back on the pillow seemingly in defeat, “I meant, if you do that, I’ll finish too quickly. Please- continue.”

“Oh,” Hongbin sighed, feeling a bit giddy, hearing how breathy Jaehwan's voice had gotten. He resumed his ministrations, adding a second finger to the first, Jaehwan's body tightening up around him. “Can you finish twice?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan whined, and Hongbin smiled to himself. Returning to the task at hand with renewed vigor. “Good.”

He slid his fingers in and out, slowly at first, then quicker, only beginning to scissor them when he was satisfied that the stretch was enough. The other hand in a loose fist around Jaehwan's cock, stroking in time with his shallow thrusts until Jaehwan suddenly grabbed his elbow. Trembling as he came on that lightly scored but still soft tummy Hongbin had felt many times but had never actually seen.

“More?” Hongbin hummed, pressing a third finger in beside the other two and eliciting a high-pitched moan.

“Yes _please...”_

Hongbin nodded, more for his own benefit than Jaehwan's. He thrust his fingers a few more times before gently pulling them free. Leaving Jaehwan clenching around nothing as he dripped more oil onto his hand and slicked himself up.

Jaehwan had not released him, still gripping tight to Hongbin's elbow, and Hongbin bent down to kiss him. Bracing himself with a hand on the headboard as he did so. Feeling the heat of Jaehwan's squirmy little body against his own and swallowing his whines.

This was good. The intimacy of it. It was providing Hongbin with the sense of connection he felt had been lacking between them. A tangible reminder of the future that lay before them. Their _togetherness._ He hoped he was not the only one feeling that way. But Jaehwan's reactions provided a bit of affirmation at least, and they could have a long, heartfelt conversation about it later.

“Up,” he murmured, petting Jaehwan's cheeks and then straightening up himself so he could scoot to the other side of the bed.

Hongbin lay on his back, easily guiding a slightly woozy Jaehwan onto his lap. Legs straddling Hongbin's hips and hands gripping the headboard. Or, that’s where he guessed they were. He could not actually see. But he heard the slight creaking of wood, so it was a safe bet. This would be a good way to do it, their first time together, he thought, trying and failing to imagine what Jaehwan must look like in that moment.

In his head, Hongbin had put together a composite sketch of sorts, based off half-remembered touch and half-forgotten dreams. Slender body. Not quite an athletic build but almost. A somewhat large nose, full mouth, nicely defined jaw. For no reason in particular, he always imagined that Jaehwan's skin was rather pale like his own. That his lips were a dark wine red, that his hair was black. Shiny, too, like spilt ink, with eyes to match. Framed by thick eyelashes that always tickled Hongbin's cheeks when they kissed.

But a mental collage could only do so much, and he was failing to put any sort of expression on that imaginary face. What Jaehwan would look like, slowly raising himself up with Hongbin's hands on his waist to help guide his movements, and then lowering himself onto Hongbin's cock with equal slowness, Hongbin had no idea.

“Oh- _oh gods,”_ Jaehwan mumbled, flush down against Hongbin's hips now, entirely still.

Hongbin squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, trying to modulate his breathing. Feeling Jaehwan's stomach muscles tighten under his fingertips. He was still impossibly tight and impossibly hot, and Hongbin was grateful for the brief pause so he could wrap his mind around the sensation. “You may talk now, darling, I just wanted to try and help you live in the moment.”

Either ignoring his words or temporarily unable to hear them, Jaehwan dropped a hand to Hongbin's chest, fingers skittering over his collarbone as he began to move.

Hongbin helped as best he could, lifting Jaehwan a bit before letting him drop, again and again and again. Panting out encouragements and praise and sweet words of affection as Jaehwan rocked down against him. Rolling his hips faster and faster and faster, chasing release.

The prolonged foreplay combined with the frankly lascivious noises spilling from Jaehwan's mouth meant that Hongbin’s own race to the finish line was going to come to an end quicker than he would have preferred. But he could not help it. Jaehwan felt too good around him, Jaehwan's body felt too perfect between his hands. There was nothing he could do but succumb to the pleasure.

_“Hongbin, Hongbin, Hongbin...”_

Jaehwan was reciting his name like a mantra under his breath, the noise of the headboard knocking against the wall almost drowned out by the blood rushing in Hongbin's ears.

Maybe the darkness, not being able to see, had heightened his other senses. Maybe that was why every sweating, blissful collision sent his brain spinning. The warmth in the pit of his stomach growing stronger. The tension in his muscles growing thicker. The pinprick stars bursting in his field of vision growing brighter with each passing second.

_“Darling,”_ he groaned, the single word barely out of his mouth before he reached his climax. Not having any time to pull out or much inclination to do so if he _had_ had the time. Feeling Jaehwan's body contract around him, shaking, both hands now on Hongbin's shoulders and spine arching under Hongbin's palm.

Jaehwan slumped forward and buried his face in the juncture between Hongbin's shoulder and neck. Limp now, but still trembling a little with after-bursts of pleasure and Hongbin still inside him. All his normal fidgety energy drained away.

“I love you,” Hongbin whispered, hastily wiping his clammy hands on the bedsheets before wrapping his arms around his husband. Hugging as tight as he dared.

Jaehwan snuffled a bit. Shallow puffs of breath warm against Hongbin's skin. But Hongbin could feel a smile curving up the corners of those lush lips, no matter how exhausted a smile it was.

“I love you more.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Nearly half a year gone, and Hongbin was in a state of grace.

His love for Jaehwan had only grown stronger.

His affection for Jaehwan had only grown deeper.

His time spent with Jaehwan had only grown happier.

Never, not once in his life, did Hongbin think he would ever find another soul that completed him the way Jaehwan did. He had never honestly believed that he could love another person this way, or, for that matter, that anyone could love him like Jaehwan did.

Did it bother him, still, not knowing Jaehwan's identity? Yes. And did it bother him that, while he adored the body he could touch and the voice he could hear, he still had no notion of what Jaehwan looked like? Yes.

But these concerns grew less and less with each day that passed. Hongbin trained himself into thinking that Jaehwan's real name _was_ Jaehwan. And his imaginary construct of Jaehwan's appearance had grown so intricately detailed that he could picture it with perfect clarity.

His heart was content, basking in the company of his husband each night. And his mind was content, saturating it with the unending store of knowledge in Jaehwan’s library during the day. He was at peace there, in the secret mountain palace, and had no wish to return to a life of loneliness.

That night, Jaehwan had arrived only a few minutes after sunset while Hongbin was still eating dinner. He had deliberated letting Jaehwan wait until he was finished, but the longing to feel him close by was too strong.

Hongbin left most of the dishes behind, only bringing a bowl of his favorite grapes as he made his hasty way up the staircase and down the hall.

“My love,” Jaehwan sighed, as Hongbin entered the bedroom. His arms coming around Hongbin’s middle, back-hugging him uncomfortably tight. Pressing his mouth to the nape of Hongbin’s neck.

“How was your day, darling? What did you do?” asked Hongbin, reaching up to pet Jaehwan's hair. He knew what answer he would receive, it was the same every time he asked that question, but Hongbin always asked anyway. Because it was polite.

“My day was wearisome, and I cannot tell you.”

His normally cheerful tone was sulky, the words grumbled against Hongbin’s skin.

Hongbin hummed wordlessly, popping a grape into his mouth and attempting to steer his husband in the direction of the bed. Jaehwan would not budge. Clinging on even tighter when he felt Hongbin move.

“What is the matter? You seem out of sorts?”

Jaehwan gave a disgruntled little huff, pulling away and beginning to pace back and forth across the room. The soft sound of his sandals slapping on the marble floor indicating his path through the dark. But he did not actually answer.

Hongbin moved to sit down, setting his bowl on the bedside table and leaning against the headboard. Legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. “Talk to me, darling,” he added, once he’d swallowed his mouthful, “You’ll feel better once you do.”

“I don’t _want_ to tell you, and yet I feel as though I must.”

Did not _want_ to. That was a new phenomenon. As far as Hongbin was aware, all the secrets Jaehwan had kept up until now were from necessity rather than desire.

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because,” Jaehwan snapped, stomping his foot like a petulant child, “It will upset you! And the last thing I _ever_ wish to do is upset you!”

Hongbin did his best not to smile. The sweetness that rang clear in his husband’s actions, even during a mild tantrum. It warmed Hongbin's heart. “You never upset me, darling. Stop pacing like that and come sit down. Here,” he patted the spot beside him on the bed.

With another huff, Jaehwan flopped onto the pallet, boneless and face down with his arms folded over his head. He was murmuring something inaudible, the words muffled by sumptuous linen sheets. Hongbin carded a hand through his hair, slipping a hand under his tunic so he could more easily rub wide circles into Jaehwan's back. Attempting to soothe.

“Now, tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t be upset.”

Jaehwan shook his head.

Despite his best efforts, Hongbin was beginning to worry. Trepidation prickling in the back of his mind. He knew so little about Jaehwan's life or day-to-day activities... what did he feel he should explain that he had not already? There were only so many things that would personally affect Hongbin, and his mind jumped to the worst case first.

“Is it me? Are you sending me away?” he asked, shutting his eyes as if that would shield him, protect him from the answer. Because if Jaehwan _did_ in fact wish to send Hongbin away, to break off their union for some reason, there was not a vindictive bone in Jaehwan’s body. Of course, he would want to do so while causing the least heartbreak possible.

At his question, Jaehwan sat bolt upright, dislodging Hongbin's hand from his back. Frozen for an instant. “No! Of course not! Never!” He threw himself into Hongbin’s arms, half-on half-off Hongbin's lap as he peppered Hongbin's cheeks with kisses.

“Well then,” Hongbin sighed, relief flooding through him like cool water, “Whatever it is can’t be so terrible. Tell me.”

Jaehwan whimpered, a downright pitiful sound, but he sat back up. More slowly this time, snatching greedily for Hongbin’s hands and clutching them tight.

“It is your brothers,” he whispered, as though he were ashamed, shock running down Hongbin's spine like an icy finger, “They have been praying for you recently, that they miss you terribly and hope that your beauty has persuaded the gods to let your soul reside in the Elysian Fields.”

Now it was Hongbin's turn to startle upright, sitting up from his slouch so fast that he narrowly avoided bumping foreheads with Jaehwan. “They think I’m dead?!” he exclaimed, staring sightlessly around the room, searching for answers, “Why do they think I am dead?! Where did you hear this, Jaehwan, tell me! Now!”

Jaehwan hesitated, only coaxed into speech when Hongbin grabbed his wrist and squeezed. “I heard _-Ahem-_ that is to say, I was informed by the Oracle.”

_“Informed by the Oracle,”_ Hongbin repeated, words dripping with skepticism.

There was deception there, he could hear it in Jaehwan’s voice, and it hinted at a larger lie that was still unknown to him. But, rather than trying to wring the truth from his husband's undoubtedly tightly sealed lips, Hongbin decided to set that matter aside and focus on the main problem.

“Why do they believe me dead? Did the Oracle inform you of that as well?!”

“Because” Jaehwan swallowed audibly, the pressure of Hongbin's fingers around his wrist increasing, “Because she told them so.”

“Why, _in the name of the gods,_ would the Oracle lie to my family about such a thing?! What point would there be to cause them unnecessary grief?!”

“Please, my love, my heart, you must understand! It is for your own safety-“

“My safety _be damned!”_

Hongbin was on his feet now, with no memory of having decided to stand. He felt sick. Sick in the knowledge that the family he loved so dearly, the family he had chosen to leave behind, were only being put through more pain.

“I have to go,” he said, voice chilling over with the surety of a split-second decision. “I have to go and show them I am alive and well.”

“No!” Jaehwan was up before Hongbin made it two steps, hugging him close, as if he thought he could physically stop Hongbin from leaving. “You’re getting upset, my love, you _promised_ you wouldn’t!”

“Let go of me.”

“No! You do not understand! If you are seen-“

“I don’t think _you_ understand!” Hongbin shouted, nerves on the edge of splitting. He roughly shook Jaehwan off him and stomped in the direction of the door, but before he could reach it, it closed with a bang. The sound of the lock turning echoed in the silent room like cannon fire.

Hongbin turned slowly on the spot, glaring in the direction he guessed Jaehwan was. Hands clenched into fists at his sides. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Keeping you safe.”

The words sounded farther away than Hongbin had guessed, and more to the left.

“You believe that _locking me up like a prisoner_ is the best way to keep me safe?”

Jaehwan sniffled in the darkness. “I know that you do not understand, my love, but you- you must trust me. If you leave, if you are seen and word spreads, your life will be in great danger. All I wish for- all I am trying to do is protect you, please, you _have_ to trust me.”

He was not wrong, Hongbin truly _did not understand._

Why would his life be in danger? In danger from whom? Or from what?

“What else aren’t you telling me that I should know?”

Silence.

“Jaehwan, answer me!”

More silence.

_“Now,_ Jaehwan!”

Another sniffle, and Hongbin realized that Jaehwan was crying.

It felt like a stone had dropped into the pit of his stomach. Regret at frightening the man he loved. Knowing how sensitive Jaehwan was but shouting at him anyway. Letting his temper get the better of him. That regret mingled with the anger still congealing in his veins. Grappling with the sudden wave of distrust he had not felt in months.

Taking several deep breaths, Hongbin tried to force himself to calm. More screaming would do him no good. All he needed in that moment was a cool head, to find a solution.

“Jaehwan,” Hongbin said, tone even and measured, “If I cannot leave, then I need my brothers to be allowed to visit me here. I understand that you are only doing what you think is right, but I need you to understand _me_ now. I _have_ to see them.” He paused, taking another deep breath before continuing, “I will make them swear on their lives not to tell anyone where I am, that I am alive, other than my parents. I will not be in danger.”

“I don’t think that is wise-”

“I’m _not finished!”_ Hongbin snapped, momentarily losing his grip on the anger. Hating the sound of Jaehwan’s sob.

Jaehwan fell silent once more and Hongbin took another deep breath. “If you continue to insist that I am not allowed to see my family,” he continued, eyes squeezed shut tight, “Then I will leave this place by whatever means necessary, and I will never return. No matter how much it would hurt to do so. Do not test me on this, Jaehwan, I am entirely serious.”

It pained him, resorting to threats to get his way, but Hongbin did not know what else to do. His family meant the moon and stars to him and he would not allow them to suffer. Their happiness was why he had come here in the first place, after all. If he _did_ have to run away from his new home, it would break his heart, but he would do it.

From over in the corner where he had apparently been crouching, Hongbin heard Jaehwan get to his feet. But his husband did not come near, did not approach, did not reach out to take his hand as he normally would have. Come to think of it, this was the first real argument the two of them had ever had.

“You may do as you wish, my love,” Jaehwan whispered, the sound of the lock clicking open making Hongbin jump. “Your siblings will be here at sunrise. Spend three days with them, but you must send them away before sunset on the third day.”

More sniffles, from the opposite side of the room and Hongbin extended his hand in that direction. Wishing to convey his gratitude, to apologize, a combination of both. But Jaehwan did not come any closer.

“I will take my leave. Rest now, so you will be of a sweeter disposition when they arrive.”

“Jaehwan, wait.”

Silence.

“Jaehwan?”

Silence.

“Jaehwan, darling, are you still here?”

Silence.

Hongbin sighed, shoulders slumped, standing alone in the bedroom for a minute more. But it was clear to him that Jaehwan had gone. Employing whatever secret entrance he used to come and go.

The full weight of their confrontation now hanging heavy over his head, Hongbin turned and padded softly out into the hall. Down the stairs. Through the entry hall and into the library. He chose a book at random and settled down on his favorite sofa beside the ever-crackling hearth, tucking himself against the pillows. He would read until he fell asleep, he decided, opening the book to the first page and staring sightlessly down at it. The words swimming in his eyes.

All he could think of was where Jaehwan had gone.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

When Hongbin awoke the next morning, eyes still full of sand and a crick in his neck, it was to a noise he had never heard in the palace. Thudding, definitely, somewhere nearby. A knock?

Memories of the night before rushed back all at once and he jumped to his feet. Jogging to the front door in as dignified a manner as he could.

Hongbin yanked the heavy door open, hinges protesting from disuse, to find his brothers waiting on the threshold. Both looking drowsy and confused.

“Hongbin!?” they cried in unison, catching sight of him at the same time.

He threw himself into their open arms, nearly crying from relief. Familiar, beloved faces. Pressing kisses on his forehead and affectionately tousling his hair. He had missed them more than he had realized, now that he was allowing himself to truly feel their absence, and it was so _good_ to see them.

Hongbin ushered them inside and over to the dining table, listening to the bizarre tale of how they had come to be here as the three of them ate.

His brothers had fallen asleep in their beds at home, nothing seeming abnormal or strange, but upon waking, they had found themselves on the mountain top. Neither had any memory of how they had gotten there, but they had spied the palace in the mist, same as he had, and come to ask for help. They had not even known Hongbin would be waiting inside.

“I'm just glad to see you both, however you got here,” Hongbin said once their story was done, smile so wide it felt like it would split his face in two.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

His brothers were not malicious by nature, but there had always been something of a competitive spirit amongst the three siblings.

As their visit stretched into its second and third day, they began to grow jealous of Hongbin’s new life. The palace in which he lived, the lavishness of the surroundings, the easiness of it all. No having to cook or clean or work or do chores. All Hongbin had to do all day was lounge around and be pampered until his mysterious husband appeared to pamper him some more.

And as their jealousy grew, they began to needle at Hongbin. Only a bit at first, asking about his husband. What kind of man Jaehwan was. Was he a noble? Was he rich? Was he handsome? And once they had discovered that Hongbin had answers to none of these questions, the questioning grew more intense. Trying to poke holes in his perfect life by any means they could find.

_“How can you love a man you’ve never truly met?”_

_“Why won’t he tell you his name, is he a wanted criminal?”_

_“How can you trust him, when he hides so much?”_

_“What if he has some sickness of the mind?”_

_“How do you know he really loves you?”_

_“Where does he go during the day, another spouse, perhaps?”_

_“Why does he insist on locking you away? What good could it do?”_

_“Has he ever told you the truth about anything?”_

“I don’t know,” was the reply Hongbin gave to each of their questions. Because he did not. He was worried by their words, growing more worried all the time, seeing them as nothing more than inquiries from people who loved him and were simply looking after him.

_“You should peek.”_

_“Who cares about his crazy rules?”_

_“Wait until he falls asleep and look at his face.”_

_“He is your husband; you deserve that much at the very least.”_

_“You have to look; I’m surprised it's taken you this long to do so.”_

_“For your own safety and peace of mind, you must look.”_

Worn down by the constant barrage, Hongbin finally agreed as he sent his brothers off, just before sunset on the third day of their visit. Confused and conflicted and more than a little tired. It had been the most concentrated human interaction he had had for six months and Hongbin had not realized how draining it was, being around people.

Once the door was firmly shut behind them, Hongbin stumbled over to one of the sofas and dropped onto it. Drowsy mind swimming with the plan his brothers helped him hatch.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

It could have been fifteen minutes or fifteen years when he woke to the sound of Jaehwan’s disembodied voice calling out to him.

_‘I am here, my love, if you wish to speak. I hope your visit was enjoyable.’_

Hongbin could have wept just then, broken down in tears at the sound he had missed so terribly over the past three nights.

The love it sparked inside his chest was all-encompassing. But now, it was mixed with suspicion. Like a toxin circulating in his body and poisoning his heart. He _had_ to look, _had_ to follow the plan, if for no other reason than his own peace. He could not spend the rest of his life with a man who constantly hid in the shadows. It was not healthy. Hongbin would not be able to trust Jaehwan again until his curiosity was satisfied.

Swift as a deer, Hongbin flew up the stairs and down the hall, careening into Jaehwan and holding him close. Stroking the back of his head and kissing his temples, breathing in his smell. His husband always smelled the faintest bit like rosewater.

Jaehwan had squeaked in surprise when they collided, body going stiff and rigid for a few moments until he relaxed into Hongbin’s embrace. “I have missed you, my love. Your visit, did it- is all well with your family?”

“All is well,” Hongbin replied, drawing Jaehwan over to the pallet and shoving him roughly down onto his knees. “I’ve missed you too, darling.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Satisfied that his husband was deeply asleep at his side, snoring softly, sated by the evening's amorous activity, Hongbin got out of bed as quietly as he could.

The plan had worked easily enough. Jaehwan always indulged him in everything he wanted, and while Hongbin _did_ feel miserable taking advantage of his husband’s loving nature this way, those feelings could not compare with his burning need to _see._

It was all he had been able to think about. First with Jaehwan’s mouth around his cock, working some indescribably magic with his tongue that Hongbin could not begin to fathom. Then, buried in Jaehwan’s heat and Jaehwan’s face buried in a pillow, sobbing as he came until he could not come anymore.

_Seeing._

Seeing Jaehwan’s face.

Seeing his body.

Watching his lips form words.

Finding out how his eyes looked when he smiled.

Discovering if Jaehwan did, in fact, blush.

There was nothing else but _sight._

Moving slowly so as not to startle Jaehwan awake, Hongbin tiptoed over to the nearest window, feeling around the edge of the frame until he found the seam of the shutters. Tracing the gap with his finger until it connected with something small and cool and metallic. The latch.

Hongbin hardly dared to breathe as he turned it, but the bolt slid free with barely a sound. He pulled the shutters apart, opening them and letting the night pour inside, and turned on the spot. Covering his mouth to try and smother a gasp as he stared at the pool of moonlight illuminating his husband's sleeping form.

The face of the man lying on the bed was one that he had seen countless times. Etched onto statues of marble and painted on temple walls. Even depicted in the tiled mural in the bathing room downstairs.

He was Eros, that beautiful youth with a wreath of intangible roses gracing the crown of his head. Strands of wavy pinkish-gold hair fanned across the silken pillowcase; thick dark lashes fanned across his cheeks. Sunkissed skin glittering even in the dimness, like he had been dusted with crushed diamonds. Limbs long, lithely muscled body tangled in the bedsheets.

He- Jaehwan, Eros, _the man_ was very like Hongbin had imagined, where proportions were concerned. The correct nose shape and what seemed to be the correct height. But color. The sallow-skinned, dark-haired boy he had conjured was nowhere to be found. Pink, bronze, copper, rose gold, a hint of crimson on his lips; Jaehwan was like a watercolor painting of a sunset.

_“Eros?!”_ Hongbin croaked, grasping the window frame to keep himself upright. The shock of this, of Jaehwan’s true identity, almost made him sob. All thoughts of silence and secretary were long forgotten.

Jaehwan’s nose twitched, fingers curling sleepily in his hair as he stretched, and then cracked one eye open. Expression a bit confused but still drowsy where he lay in the center of the bed.

Then, in the span of a blink, he was up. Scrabbling backwards in a panic until he toppled off the other end of the pallet.

“What are you doing!?” he exclaimed, trying to cover himself with the sheet and cowering behind the bed, “I told you not to look! You _promised_ you would not!”

Hongbin was stunned into stillness, his mind fighting against this stolen truth. Not wanting to accept it as reality. He could not even speak. A hard lump in his throat and the beginning of tears rapidly dampening his eyes.

“I _trusted_ you!” Jaehwan cried, ducking down so he was almost completely hidden from view. Only his shoulders were visible. Bare and shaking as his whole body was wracked with sobs.

Swallowing down sobs of his own, Hongbin tried to speak and failed, then tried again with a bit more success. “You- you’re a god?! I do not understand why you- why _a god_ would feel the need to hide from a mortal... I don’t understand...”

“I told you,” Jaehwan spat, betrayal darkening his tears, “I only _ever_ wanted to keep you safe! My mother wants you dead!”

“What? Your mother? But that’s-” Hongbin’s mouth fell open. He was at a complete loss. The mother of Eros was Aphrodite, everyone knew that, but why the goddess of love and beauty should bestir herself to wish for his death, Hongbin had no idea.

“You were stealing her attention; do you not remember? Or have you been gone from the mortal realm so long you have forgotten how they once showered you with praise? Called you the new incarnation of Aphrodite? Would bow to you in the streets and pray to you as if you were divine?!”

“Jaehwan, I- listen-“

“No, _you_ listen!” Jaehwan shouted, glaring at Hongbin with eyes the color of molten copper. Beautiful, _beautiful_ eyes.

His anger was swelling, as though the revelation of his own divinity was bringing forth a new aspect of his personality. But Hongbin knew that was not what it was. It was pain. The hurt of being betrayed by one he loved, erupting out of him in the shape of a scream.

“I am a dutiful son! Whatever my mother asks of me, I do without question! No matter how large or small the task! And so, when she gave me one of our special arrows and sent me to you, with orders to ruin you, I was going to do it! What did I care for the life of a mortal that was stealing my mother’s power?! Nothing! I would have made you fall in love with the ugliest human I could find!”

He was panting now, gasping for breath around the tears choking him and the words flowing from his lips like a faucet that had been left open. Unable to stop.

“But when I saw you, walking through the market stalls with you brothers, I could not go through with it! The arrow had to be used on _someone_ or mother would find out that I had disobeyed her, and so I used it on myself! Pricking my own skin with the point as I looked upon you. And would you like to know the worst p-part?!” Jaehwan stuttered, wrapping the bedsheet around himself as he stood up. Trails of iridescent tears rolling down his face and dripping from the point of his chin.

“It did not work! Had no effect at all! Because I had already fallen so deeply in love with you that I knew I would never get out!”

Hongbin stepped forward, just a single step, towards the man he loved. The man he barely recognized. Jaehwan backed away. He kept backing away until his shoulders collided with the wall.

“I passed messages to the Oracle of Apollo, swore her to secrecy and instructed her on what to tell your father so I could bring you here, to my home, to safety! To tell your family you were dead so my mother would no longer seek you out and try to do you harm! You wish to know why I hid my face and my name?!” he shouted, nearly vibrating with indignation, “So that if we were ever discovered, if you were out in the open, if you got caught, you could not divulge my identity no matter how many times you were asked! My mother wouldn’t know I had helped you so I would be free to rescue you again!”

The anger left Jaehwan in the span of a blink. Just like that, he had melted to the floor once more, kneeling and hugging himself with his face hidden against the wall.

Hongbin was not sure when his own tears had begun to fall, but his cheeks were wet. Disgusted by his own lack of faith in Jaehwan and nauseous with regret. Bile creeping up and burning his throat.

“I did not ask too much of you, did I?” Jaehwan whimpered, raising his head to look at Hongbin like a puppy that had just been kicked, “Was it really _so much_ to ask? Was the temptation too strong? I thought- thought at first that my two rules wouldn’t be difficult to respect, but now- now I am not sure of anything anymore.”

“No- no, darling, you didn’t ask too much,” Hongbin replied, proud when his voice came out relatively steady, “I shouldn’t have looked- should have trusted you.”

He moved forwards again but this time, when Jaehwan shrank away, Hongbin did not stop. Could not stop. Overwhelmed with the need to dry Jaehwans tears. To try and make everything between them alright again, even though he knew how difficult it would be.

“I am sorry,” he whispered, cupping Jaehwans cheek. But Jaehwan turned away. Eyes downcast as he slipped from Hongbin’s arms and hurried to the now open window.

“My heart is broken, you understand?” Jaehwan asked, as though he genuinely thought Hongbin did not. “This place is nothing to me now, you may do with it what you wish. Stay, go, it matters not. I cannot live here. Love cannot live where there is no trust.”

From the center of his shoulder blades, a pair of feathery wings unfurled, the color of freshest snow. The translucent rose crown on his head became solid, a single petal falling from one of the blooms and tumbling down to the floor. The bedsheet melted away to reveal a knee length tunic of white and gold.

“Goodbye, my Hongbin.”

Hongbin leapt forwards, hands outstretched to try and catch his darling, but he was not fast enough. It was too late. Jaehwan had already slipped through the window and flown off into the darkness.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Jaehwan? Jaehwan? My little dove, are you hiding yourself away in there?”

The sound of his mother’s voice succeeded in rousing Jaehwan from the depths of his melancholy enough that he was able to raise his head, peering at the closed door through tear-blurred eyes.

He did not come there, to his bedroom, situated at the top floor of his mother’s palace on Olympus, very often. But when he did, it was almost always to sulk. Jaehwan did not enjoy sulking, it did not suit his temperament, but as it was, he could do nothing else. And his own palace was no good to him now. This was the only place he could think to seek refuge.

But hiding away here often brought about the personal interest of his mother, and Jaehwan had very much been hoping to avoid such an occurrence.

Without knocking, because she never knocked, Aphrodite opened the door and swirled inside. She was as resplendent as ever, golden hair so long that it nearly touched the floor and encrusted with precious gems from head to foot. It hurt Jaehwan to look at her for too long, especially when he was in such a weakened state.

“My little dove,” she crooned, coming over to perch on the edge of the sofa Jaehwan had collapsed upon several days ago. Shifting him until his head rested in her lap. Combing long-nailed fingers through his hair. “What ails you?”

“Sickness of the heart, mother, that is all,” Jaehwan replied, weary, letting his eyes slip shut.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with that pesky mortal boy, would it? That one I sent you to deal with?”

Jaehwan cracked one eye open, feigning innocence. “Who?”

“The one who was stealing prayers from me. Prayers that were rightfully mine. You remember him, I am sure.”

“Oh... him. What about him?”

Aphrodite graced Jaehwan with one of her shrewder looks. “Come now, you must have noticed. He has been wandering around the continent and calling your name for almost a year now.”

Jaehwan closed his eye again. He did not have the energy for mind games just then. If his mother was going to punish him, then she would. There was nothing he could do.

And yes, of course, Jaehwan had noticed. It would have been impossible not too with Hongbin making such a fuss. He could not even content himself with flying down and watching Hongbin from afar. He had tried.

There was no catharsis in it. Hongbin had not moved on, had not fallen in love with someone new and left Jaehwan behind as not more than a memory. He did nothing that Jaehwan could feel righteously angry about, nothing for him to laugh about, nothing to make cruel jokes about to help him get over his feelings.

It was simply torture. Watching the mortal he loved for weeks at a time before returning home to sulk. And then inevitably leaving to follow him again. Hiding in shadows or around corners or behind clouds. Always just out of sight as Hongbin scoured the earth for any trace of him.

Jaehwan could have gone to him for true. Stopped hiding and let Hongbin see him, but he never did. Because Jaehwan was afraid. Terribly afraid to place the shattered remains of his heart back in the hands of the person who had broken it in the first place.

A year was a long time when the span of a mortal's life was considered. In fact, it was almost twice the time they had spent in each other's company. But was it enough? Was a year of repentance in exchange for an eternity of heartbreak enough?

Jaehwan did not know, and not knowing scared him. That aside, Jaehwan could not be sure that this was not some type of charade. Some artifice designed to lure Jaehwan back and injure him further. Hongbin had broken his trust once, and once was too much.

“Did this mortal wound you, my dove? Did he trick you? Did he snare you and then break your precious heart?”

Jaehwan nodded weakly. He did not know how to disagree.

“I see. Rest well, my little dove. Go down to the water gardens and find a nymph to take your mind from your heartbreak. Visit your friends, I know Hermes has been asking after you of late. Enjoy yourself.”

As if Jaehwan had the energy for such things. For drinking and sex and generally engaging in frivolity. But, instead of arguing, he just nodded again. Easier this way.

“You have no need to fret anymore. Mother is going to take care of everything.”

With that, Aphrodite stood and gently settled a pillow under his head, pressing a kiss to Jaehwan’s forehead. Her words took a moment to sink in and Jaehwan called out, Aphrodite pausing on the threshold. “Be gentle with him, mother, please, he meant you no disrespect.”

Aphrodite hummed, glistening blue eyes narrowed in thought. “We shall see.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

A few days later, Jaehwan dragged his miserable body down roughly thirty-seven flights of stairs, hiding on the highest balcony in his mother’s throne room so he could watch Hongbin's audience.

The beautiful mortal had formally requested a meeting with her the previous morning and Aphrodite had granted it. Unusual circumstances, but not entirely unheard of.

Jaehwan was too frightened to go and sit on his small throne by her side, not when Hongbin would arrive at any moment. He _could not_ feel the weight of those sparkling brown eyes on him, Jaehwan would not be able to bear that. He was not sure if he would be able to bear hearing Hongbin’s voice either, but eavesdropping incurred less risk than a face-to-face confrontation. Perhaps he was strong enough.

Then again, perhaps not, Jaehwan thought. Heart sinking as he saw Hongbin enter the throne room. Or, well, he could see the top of Hongbin's head, that chestnut colored hair of his had grown out in the year since they had parted, nearly brushing the tops of his shoulders.

Jaehwan bit back a whine at the sight of him. Straight backed and proud, striding across the room like he was born to be there. So brave. So much braver than he was.

When Aphrodite caught sight of Hongbin, she actually laughed. A laugh that was both soft and menacing, which was a technique Jaehwan had tried to learn several times but always failed. It unnerved most Olympians, and scared the mortals half to death, but not Hongbin. Hongbin did not even flinch.

“Goddess,” he said, bowing low, the sound of that voice like an arrow through Jaehwans chest, “I come to ask for your help in gaining the forgiveness of Eros, or Jaehwan, as he liked me to call him. I have tried everything else, looked everywhere else, and you are my only hope.”

Hearing his own name, spoken in that _voice..._ Jaehwan had to duck down, momentarily losing sight of his love, to clap a hand to his mouth. Doing his utmost not to cry.

Again, Aphrodite laughed. “Are you proud of yourself, mortal? Wounding the heart of a god is a terrific feat.”

“No, I am not,” replied Hongbin.

“And what makes you think that you deserve my son’s forgiveness? What have you, a _mortal,_ done to earn the forgiveness of a _god?”_

“Nothing, yet, but I am willing to try and prove my love for the rest of my life, if he will allow me. I know he will.”

Jaehwan bit the inside of his cheek, hoping that pain would keep the tears at bay for just a few moments longer.

“Oh, you _know,_ do you? What makes you so sure?”

Hongbin cleared his throat, raising his head just enough that Jaehwan could make out his profile. That perfectly proportioned face, each devastating detail of it hitting him like a slap to the cheek. “We complete each other.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes, Goddess, we do. I know it and so does Jaehwan.”

“You complete each other,” Aphrodite hummed, tapping her lip with one pearlescent fingernail. “Such a statement dictates that the two of you are equals. You are not. You equate yourself with a son of Olympus, when, in reality, you are like a sheep trying to equate yourself with a shepherd. It is simply untrue, this tale you weave.”

Hongbin bowed again, but not as deeply. “You are entitled to your beliefs, Goddess, as am I. Will you help me plead my case to Eros?”

After a moment of pensiveness, Aphrodite stood from her throne and beckoned Hongbin to follow as she strode from the room and out of one of the side doors. Unfortunately, this meant that Jaehwans eavesdropping post was now useless.

Once he was sure they would not be able to see him, Jaehwan leapt delicately over the edge of the balcony and fluttered down to the ground. He skittered after them at a safe distance, ignoring the giggles of several groups of passing nymphs, until his mother stopped.

She had led Hongbin to her rose garden for some reason, the blooms always in season, bursting with every color of the rainbow. Jaehwan had tried to copy a similar garden at his own palace but his did not have the same grandiosity. Hongbin had enjoyed that garden, he knew, having spent too many daylight hours hidden in the clouds watching his love stroll along its winding paths.

Jaehwan nibbled his lip and concealed himself behind a fountain to listen as his mother finally resumed speaking.

“If you wish for the chance to prove yourself to my son, mortal, you will first have to prove yourself to me. I will give you a series of tasks and if you complete them all to my satisfaction, I will grant you an audience. Do you agree?”

“I do, goddess, thank you,” Hongbin replied, inclining his head, “What would you have me do?”

Aphrodite pointed in the direction of something Jaehwan struggled to make out at first. An enormous pile of... rocks? It was hard to tell from so far away.

“Those are seeds, mortal, many different kinds all mixed together. You have until sunrise tomorrow to sort them. Good luck.”

Jaehwan’s heart sank even further, something he had not thought possible, as he watched his mother walk away and leave Hongbin standing alone. Such a task would be impossible for a mortal to complete. He should have expected as much from her.

But to Jaehwans surprise, Hongbin dutifully approached the pile and knelt beside it, taking a handful of seeds and beginning to sort them.

Was he really going to try? Did he genuinely care for Jaehwan enough to submit himself to such a loathsome task?

Jaehwan watched him sort for an hour. Then two. The sun reached its peak and began to fall and Jaehwan still watched. Hongbin did not stop for a single moment. Not to eat, not to drink- but of course he would not pause for food. He did not have any. Aphrodite, in all her glory, had forgotten that mortals required sustenance.

Waiting until Hongbin’s back was fully turned, Jaehwan snapped his fingers. A bowl of those special grapes the mortal so favored, and a skin of water appeared in the grass beside his left knee.

As soon as Hongbin noticed the small gift, he stopped sorting. Standing and turning in a full circle, clearly looking for something. Most likely Jaehwan himself. But Jaehwan made sure he was out of sight until the mortal gave up and sat back down.

Why had he done that, Jaehwan wondered, mentally chastising himself. Why had he been deliberately kind to one he should care nothing for? The most likely answer was also the simplest one. Jaehwan was too tender-hearted for his own good. His love for Hongbin still burned bright inside his chest, even if it hurt him. And he pitied the mortal out here all alone, left to attempt and complete a thankless task.

As far as Jaehwan was concerned, Hongbin had already passed this test simply by being willing to try, but he knew his mother would not see it that way. And he also knew she would be able to tell if he helped Hongbin directly. However...

Struck with a sudden idea, Jaehwan crouched down low. His face only inches from the ground as he whispered to a line of ants marching past his hiding spot.

The ants paused, listened, and then marched on, now going in the direction of the seed pile.

Hongbin jumped in surprise as the ants went to work, organizing the seeds into neat little heaps. Jaehwan smiled.

When Aphrodite emerged next morning, expecting to find Hongbin still drowning in disorganization, she was extremely displeased to see seven smaller piles, each for one different variety of seed.

And so, that was how the trials continued.

In her annoyance, Aphrodite declared that the next test was that Hongbin spend the next night on the ground, apparently forgetting that he had just succeeded in doing exactly that. He would have succeeded without any of Jaehwan’s assistance, but Jaehwan still sent him a book to help pass the time. One of the tales of adventure he loved so much.

Jaehwan watched from the top of a nearby tree, feeling unusually content, as Hongbin lounged on his back in the grass. One arm folded behind his head, holding the book with the other, one leg crossed over the other knee and foot bouncing absently in the air.

Then, Hongbin was ordered to retrieve a piece of Golden Fleece from a river near the foot of Mount Olympus, and so down the mountain he went. Jaehwan trailing along behind him high in the sky.

He watched his mortal wade out into the fast-moving water, trying in vain to catch the tiny bits of fleece that occasionally floated past. The river was cold, Jaehwan knew, and when Hongbin began to shiver, Jaehwan could not stop himself from lending a hand.

He flew a few hundred yards up the bank and sang a song to the reeds, listening as they passed it along from one reed to the next. When the song had traveled far enough that Hongbin would hear it, the reeds called out to him. They told him that he was wasting his time out there in the middle where the water ran fastest. That he would be better served to collect the bits that got caught up in the briar on the bank.

And Hongbin followed their advice. Jaehwan hoped he would assume the words were a tip from a friendly river nymph or some such like, but he was not sure it had worked.

When he climbed back up to Olympus and presented Aphrodite with, not one piece of fleece, but four, the frustrated goddess ordered him to collect a flask of water from the mouth of the River Styx. Deeming this task to be entirely impossible for a mortal and sure in the knowledge that he would fail.

So, back down Hongbin went again. Never stopping, never complaining, only focused on the task at hand. Down and down and down until he reached the place Aphrodite had indicated.

But the mouth of the River Styx was an extremely dangerous spot, filled with rapids and sharp rocks and crashing, splashing waves.

Jaehwan, who had just been beginning to enjoy himself for the first time in a year, was horrified to see that Hongbin was actually going to try. Heart in his throat, he whistled a bird call that he hoped his mortal would be unable to hear over the roaring of the river.

Hongbin leapt nimbly from rock to rock, each jump leaving Jaehwan breathless with fright, until he slipped, managing to keep out of the water but cutting up the side of his calf. Jaehwan heard the quiet noise he made, one of pain, and was on the verge of revealing himself from sheer desperation when the giant eagle he had whistled for swooped into view.

She gently lifted Hongbin with her taloned feet and safely carried him to the mouth of the river, waited for him to fill his flask, and then deposited him lightly back on the bank.

When Hongbin returned to her throne room, Aphrodite was so upset she actually frowned, an expression Jaehwan had only seen on her face maybe twice in his entire life. She declared that Hongbin had one final task. A challenge. To travel to the underworld and ask Persephone to put some of her magic into a box, and then bring it to Aphrodite. If he succeeded, she would take Hongbin to where she _thought_ Jaehwan had been sulking this entire time and help him plead his case.

Hongbin simply nodded and took his leave, heading for the closest door into the underworld.

However, walking to the underworld took much longer than flying there. While his mortal was taking one path, Jaehwan took another.

He had met the queen of the underworld only a handful of times, but her reputation preceded her. A champion of true love and a bringer of sunshine. She also was not very fond of his mother, they had fought over a lover once, which was information that Jaehwan thought could only work in his favor. Jaehwan beat Hongbin to the palace of hades by several days and he managed to speak to her alone. Explaining the situation and begging for her help.

Persephone agreed, pleased both at the thought of slighting Aphrodite and helping to reunite true love. When Hongbin arrived, she was there, waiting for him outside the palace gates with a sealed box she told him contained some of her beauty. Formed in the shape of a rose in Aphrodite’s honor.

Hongbin took it, bowed in thanks, and then began the trek first back up to the mortal realm, and then, to Olympus for what would hopefully be the last time.

Jaehwan had waited to make sure his mortal retrieved the box safely, and then shadowed him back up the path. Providing convenient distractions to lead away the few monsters that had been lying in wait. Giving him as clear a run as possible.

He had already made up his mind to forgive his love, for anyone that would go so far as hades to prove their devotion surely meant it. But he had also decided to go through the proper channels to do so.

Jaehwan would fly up to his bedroom once Hongbin arrived on the top of Olympus. He would sit and listen patiently as Aphrodite passed along her plea for love and forgiveness she had promised to deliver if Hongbin succeeded. And then he would grant Hongbin permission to see him, would run to him, and be enveloped by those strong arms he had come to know so well.

It would be a _perfect_ reunion.

Hongbin had just reached the foot of the great mountain when, in what seemed like inevitable fashion, his curiosity got the better of him.

Jaehwan watched Hongbin’s steady pace slow and then finally stop. Watched him tentatively remove Persephone’s box from the satchel in which he had been carrying it. Watched him hold it in both hands and simply look at it.

His love had a curious, hungry mind. A trait Jaehwan could no longer fault him for since the danger of exposing his identity was long finished. And peeking inside the box should have been safe. All Hongbin would have seen, if Persephone had told Jaehwan the truth, was a single rose with petals as black as night.

But she had not told Jaehwan the truth, and when Hongbin cracked open the box’s lid, the spell of deepest sleep concealed inside along with the rose infected him at once.

The spell had no doubt been meant for his mother, Jaehwan thought, panicked, as he dropped from the clouds just in time to catch his sleeping lover before he hit the ground. And a spell meant to put an Olympian to sleep would surely kill a mortal in a matter of minutes.

“You will not die now,” Jaehwan murmured, carefully cradling his love in his arms and taking off, wings flapping harder and faster than they normally did to support Hongbin’s weight, “Not after everything you’ve been through. I loved you from- from the first moment I saw you. I loved you then and I love you still, and I will not let you go so close to the end of your trials. I will _not.”_

Soaring through the air at breakneck speed, Jaehwan flew right past the palace of his mother, aiming instead for that of his grandfather. Zeus, the mightiest, most powerful of all.

He swooped through the doorway to Zeus’s throne room, feet skidding on the marble floor as he came to a wobbly halt. By some grace of the fates, his grandfather was actually there for a change and he rose upon Jaehwans chaotic and unexpected arrival.

“Great Zeus, I’ve come to beg for your help!” he cried, falling to his knees and clutching the still sleeping Hongbin against his chest.

His grandfather descended the steps of his dais and knelt at Jaehwan’s side. If he found it difficult to look at his mother in all her glory, trying to look directly at Zeus was almost impossible. “What is the matter, Eros? Who is this beautiful mortal?”

“Please, he is my one true love! Spelled to sleep by Persephone! It was an accident; the spell was meant for my mother I think but it took my love instead! He will die any moment now if we do nothing! Please, grandfather, grant him immortality, I _beg you!”_

“Hush, child. Be at peace.”

In an uncharacteristically good mood too, another blessing. The fates must truly be on Jaehwans side in this.

He could sense Hongbin’s heartbeat beginning to fade and tears sprung in his eyes. Jaehwan let them roll, making no effort to try and stop himself crying.

“You love this mortal?”

“More than anything!”

“And it isn’t merely some passing fancy?”

“No! Our love is the truest ever shared between two living things! It is eternal!”

Zeus sighed but stood up, signaling one of his cup bearers. They appeared a moment later with a golden goblet, filled to the brim with ambrosia, and handed it to Jaehwan.

“If it will save you from the pain of a lost love, Eros, I will grant your wish,” Zeus proclaimed, the mighty ring of truth and power reverberating in his words. “Let him drink, and he shall awaken as an immortal.”

Jaehwan cradled Hongbin’s head in the crook of one arm and gently opened his mouth, tipping a bit of the ambrosia past his parted lips.

Hongbin swallowed convulsively and Jaehwan fed him a bit more, small sip after small sip until Hongbin’s eyes fluttered open.

Sobbing with relief, Jaehwan set the goblet on the marble floor and pressed his forehead to Hongbin’s. Caressing his cheeks, his jaw, the column of his throat. Fingers lingering on his chest to reassure himself that Hongbin’s heart was in fact beating.

It was, the rhythm of his pulse as strong and steady as it had ever been.

“My darling? Is it really you?” Hongbin asked, the sound of that oceans deep voice echoing inside Jaehwans head.

“You are safe now, my love, well and truly safe. We can be together forever.”

Zeus stood and affectionately patted the top of Jaehwans head. “Go now and bring that box to your mother,” he said, moving away in the direction of his throne. And then, more to himself than anyone else, he added, “When a love is true, it can overcome all pains, sorrows, and challenges, no matter the cost.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Eros was one of the Erotes, along with other figures such as Himeros and Pothos, who are sometimes considered patrons of homosexual love between males. Eros is also part of a triad of gods that played roles in homoerotic relationships, along with Heracles and Hermes, who bestowed qualities of beauty (and loyalty), strength, and eloquence, respectively, onto male lovers."
> 
> In summery, Eros gay lol  
> Just in case you were curious


	3. I'm ready to get hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I'm ready to get hurt’  
> Pairing: Kenvi  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 2.3k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: mentions of drugs, mentions of weapons (it was supposed to be a homoerotic fight and then that didn't happen lol)

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Bass pounding in his ears, the taste of overpriced gin on his tongue, the sweet smell of Dolce Estasi by Bulgari wafting into his nose from the woman beside him, Wonshik watched Jaehwan across the club floor.

The room was darkened, full of strobing lights and air saturated with fog, but Wonshik could still see him as clear as day. On the balcony directly opposite. Sitting there in his navy-blue suit, legs crossed at the knee, a shit-eating grin on his face as he sipped his drink. And he was staring _directly_ at Wonshik. Not even _trying_ to be subtle about the fact he was trespassing on Wonshik's property.

It wouldn’t have pissed Wonshik off so much if the irritating man hadn’t just stolen half a mil’s worth of product right out from under him. In broad daylight. And then sold it back to Wonshik’s dealers for nearly double the original price.

This wasn’t the first time he’d lost a substantial amount of money because of Jaehwan’s insanity. Not even _close_ to the first time. The man was a constant, unfairly good-looking thorn in Wonshik’s side. Always underfoot and causing trouble.

And had they slept together before? Yes, a few times, but that particular set of memories only added insult to injury at this point. Wonshik hadn’t even known who Jaehwan was the first time. He’d simply brought a beautiful person back to his hotel room and thought nothing of it. It wasn’t all that unusual. Until, after the good part was done, Jaehwan had held him at knifepoint and handcuffed him to the bed. And then stole his wallet, just to be an asshole.

That hadn’t been the last time, either, but the other times- well. Wonshik was too mad to think about fucking right then, because Jaehwan was _still_ staring. Watching Wonshik watch him.

After taking another sip of his drink, Jaehwan shook out his sleeve and looked at the giant Rolex strapped around his wrist. He gave an exaggerated yawn and winked at Wonshik as he stood up. Glancing back over his shoulder and flashing a smile as he disappeared into the crowd.

Wonshik didn’t get up right away. He wanted to see where Jaehwan would go, and this was by far the best vantage point for surveillance.

He saw Jaehwan’s golden head appear at the bottom of the stairs, that blue suit glittering under the club lights as he wove through the crowded dance floor. Bypassing the main bar and ducking out a fire exit that, by all rights, should have set off the sprinkler system. But this was Jaehwan he was dealing with. He’d probably wired the alarm before he even set foot in the building.

Once the door had shut again, Wonshik stood, smoothing the front of his black turtleneck and downing the rest of his gin. One of his men was at his side in a moment but Wonshik waved him off. He had personal business to handle and showing up with a bodyguard would just be shameful.

He moved slowly, making his way down to the very same fire exit. Not wanting to tip off any plants Jaehwan might have hidden in the crowd. It didn’t matter if he did tip someone off. Jaehwan knew he was coming. This little stunt had been orchestrated specifically to get Wonshik’s attention.

Jaehwan wanting _anyone’s_ attention was almost never a good thing, but Wonshik was curious. And a little bit stupid, he could freely admit that. And he had a craving for danger that sometimes bordered on self-destructive. Jaehwan was nothing if not _deliciously_ dangerous.

As soon as he set foot in the alley behind his club, Wonshik saw him. Leaning up against the wall and smoking what Wonshik assumed was one of the extra-long menthols he favored. Wonshik didn’t know the brand. He didn’t smoke himself and had never thought to ask. He certainly wasn’t in the mood to ask right then.

Wonshik walked up to Jaehwan, plucked the cigarette from between his lips, dropped it on the ground, and then lightly stamped it out with the sole of his shoe. Trying to come off as unbothered as Jaehwan looked. Getting in Jaehwan’s personal space.

“Rude, I just lit that.”

“You’re breaking the law,” Wonshik replied, inclining his head at the _‘No Smoking Within 20 Feet of the Door’_ sign posted above Jaehwans head. “Safety hazard.”

“Oh, then by all means,” Jaehwan replied, pulling his pack and diamond-encrusted silver lighter out of the inside pocket of his jacket, “Feel free to have one with me.”

He offered Wonshik the pack and Wonshik took it, but he slipped it into his trouser pocket without lighting one up.

“Is that why you’re here? Trying to burn down my club?”

“No,” Jaehwan pouted, attempting to stick his hand in Wonshik’s pocket.

As soon Jaehwan’s hand touched him, Wonshik took that as the excuse he’d been waiting for. He grabbed the other man by the navy-blue lapels and shoved him back against the wall.

A metallic _click_ stopped him from tossing Jaehwan into the other wall for good measure. Something solid jabbing him in the ribs.

“Play nice, Shikkie.” Jaehwan hummed, grinning happily as Wonshik released him and took a step back. Letting Wonshik see the Beretta 92, complete with suppressor and night-sights, that he’d pulled from _god_ only knew where.

“How’d you get that past the metal detectors?”

“They’re broken, unfortunately.”

Wonshik supposed he should have guessed that without having to ask.

“Is stealing my property not enough? You had to vandalize it too? Gonna punch some holes in the walls in there too, or something? Steal the DJ equipment?”

_“Your_ property. Who ever said it was your property?”

“The deed and bill of sale with my name on it, Jaehwan, that’s pretty much the most basic part of owning a legitimate business.”

“Don’t try to pass off your money-laundering operation as a legitimate business, Shikkie, you know you don’t have to lie to me,” Jaehwan replied, lowering the gun. Letting it hang by his side in what looked deceptively like a loose grip. But Wonshik knew better. “Anyway, you _know_ this one is my favorite. Won’t you give it to me? It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you haven’t given me a gift yet...”

He wiggled a little in place, pulling an annoyingly cute face.

“Giving you gifts would be a lot easier if you didn’t steal everything that isn’t nailed to the ground.”

“Technically, a club _is_ nailed to the ground. I can’t exactly steal a building, Shikkie. C’mon, just let me have this one! You’ve got plenty more!”

“Is _that_ why you’re here?” Wonshik asked, feeling almost disappointed. He also decided to leave out the fact that Jaehwan _could_ steal the club, if Wonshik was ever stupid enough to tell him wear the deed was kept. “To try and buy my club?”

The cute face turned back into that pout. The pout which Wonshik simultaneously hated and adored. “No, but it never hurts to ask.”

“Why _are_ you here then? Because we both know I should have killed you already.”

Deliberately ignoring Wonshik’s question, Jaehwan went on tiptoe to peer around the alley. “Speaking of killing me, I don’t see any of your usual henchmen around. Scared to let them see us together?”

“I don’t have _henchmen,_ Jaehwan, I have employees. Because unlike you, I don’t think I’m living in a comic book.”

Jaehwan tisked, making another grab for the cigs Wonshik had confiscated and getting his hand slapped away for his trouble.

“Well, if you won’t smoke with me, may I interest you in a bump?” he asked, taking a little baggie of white powder from the same inside jacket pocket and dangling it in Wonshik’s face.

It was coke, obviously, and Wonshik was willing to bet it was the same coke Jaehwan had just stolen.

“Don’t get high off your own supply. Number one rule of being a drug dealer,” Wonshik snapped, the anger he’d temporarily been distracted from thinking about surging right back to the surface.

Jaehwan grinned. “It’s not _my_ supply. It’s yours. So, I should be fine.”

Wonshik’s hand clenched into a fist and it took a conscious effort to try and relax it again. Made all the more difficult by Jaehwan’s snickering.

“Ooh, you wanna hit me now, don’t you?”

Wonshik very much did, but he kept his mouth shut.

“You _do,_ don’t you, Shikkie?” Jaehwan repeated, voice taking on a sing-song quality Wonshik was sure he would be hearing in his next nightmare. “Just because I may or may not have stolen a tiny bit of coke?”

“A _tiny bit?_ You call 24 kilos a _tiny bit?!”_

“In the grand scheme of things? Yeah!” Jaehwan giggled, “That’s like... what, lunch money for you? I put the earnings to good use!”

“Doing what?” The words left Wonshik through gritted teeth. He debated whether it would be worth it to try and explain _‘it’s the principle of the thing’_ and decided it wouldn’t be. Lectures had never worked in the past.

“This, for one thing,” Jaehwan replied, holding the gun up again. Barrel facing skyward so the streetlights reflected off the black diamonds that covered almost the entire casing. Suppressor and all. “I think that’s money well spent, don’t you?”

Wonshik moved as fast as he was physically capable, darting a hand out and grabbing the gun before Jaehwan had time to react. He clutched it in both hands and snapped the stupid thing in two, breaking right at the weakest point, where the suppressor attached to the barrel. Wonshik wasn’t an idiot. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to break the actual _gun_ itself, but still, the effect was good.

He carelessly tossed the pieces on the ground beside the cigarette he’d dropped a few minutes ago, ignoring the temptation to stomp on them as well.

“Tell me what the fuck you want, Jaehwan, or I will _quite literally_ throw you off my property,” he snarled, getting in Jaehwan’s face. Enjoying the fact that he could look down on the other man, eyes level with that soft golden hairline.

Jaehwan laughed again, running the tip of his index finger down Wonshik’s chest. Catching on one of Wonshik’s chains and giving it a playful tug. “I just wanted to see you... is that so bad?”

“Your timing could have been better. Like, yesterday, for example, when the thought of shooting you in the head didn’t make me smile. Would have definitely been better to come see me yesterday.”

“You couldn’t shoot me Shikkie, you’d miss me too much,” Jaehwan replied. He slung his arms around Wonshik’s neck, up on tiptoe, pressing their foreheads together. Like it was some kind of romantic moment.

Wonshik shoved him off again, pushing Jaehwan back against the ally wall and holding him there this time. He was so frustrated that he didn’t know what to do with himself. Didn’t know if he wanted to punch Jaehwan in the mouth or kiss him. Choking him out seemed like a happy median between the two options.

Before he’d even gotten a hand around Jaehwan’s throat, though, Jaehwan had pulled a knife out of the inside of his sleeve and took a swipe at Wonshik's face.

Wonshik managed to duck just in time, hearing the blade cut the air right beside his left ear, but he’d had to let Jaehwan go in order to avoid getting stabbed.

“I can’t believe you fucking shoved me, Shikkie! You broke my gun! Why would you try and beat up someone who’s unarmed?!”

“You’re not unarmed, you have a knife!”

“You didn’t know that!”

Wonshik hissed out a breath. Forced to take several very hasty steps back to evade Jaehwan’s blade. At least he was fast. And his footwork was considerably better than his opponents.

Jaehwan had started laughing again; a rich, genuine laugh that bubbled up from the deepest part of his chest. Dark eyes gleaming with mirth and smile wide. “You’re so hot when you're mad,” he added, between bursts of laughter.

“And when you’re having fun, you get-” Wonshik started, waiting for the inevitable mistake. Jaehwan overreached, trying to get his blade nearer to Wonshik’s throat. Wonshik grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward. Banging his hand on the wall until he yelped and dropped the blade. Then spinning Jaehwan in place and holding him immobile. For real this time. Wrists pinned behind his back and face to the wall. “-careless.”

Breathing harder than he would have expected from the small amount of exertion, Wonshik shook his hair from his eyes. The careful styling no doubt ruined now. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, but if you steal from me _ever_ again, Jaehwan, I will have you fucking killed. And don’t think you can talk your way out of it, I'm sick and tired of you messing up my work.”

He reached up and gave the other man’s blonde hair a yank for good measure, dragged him away from the wall, and shoved him roughly toward the mouth of the ally.

Jaehwan stumbled a little but giggled all the same, panting slightly as he turned to watch Wonshik pace to the fire door they’d exited through. “I was telling the truth, I _did_ just want to see you!” he called, voice echoing around the ally, “And don't forget to make us reservations somewhere pretty for valentine’s day!”

Wonshik forced himself not to look over his shoulder, choosing instead to flip Jaehwan off as he yanked the door open and stepped inside.

He decided not to think about Jaehwan anymore that night, lest he do something extra stupid like try and hunt him down. And anyway, he had already made them a reservation for Valentine’s day last week. No brain power required for that task either.

Now, it was time to have some fun.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll do better lol


	4. I’ll control your day and night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I’ll control your day and night’  
> Pairing: Haken  
> Rated: M/E  
> Word Count: 734
> 
> Warnings/Notes: College, proffesor x student

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Day 

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Jaehwan watched Professor Cha write the assigned reading pages on the whiteboard from the front row of the lecture hall.

This was his favorite class. Jaehwan was fairly sure it was the only time in his entire life he’d voluntarily sat in the first row of the class, but how could he resist? Watching the way Professor Cha’s collared shirt always stretched over his back when he raised his arm to write. Seeing that deadly smile up close. Not to mention how nice his slacks made his ass look. A fucking gift from the gods, that was, Jaehwan thought, chin propped on his hand and elbow on the table. 

Even though he was sitting in the front row, Jaehwan found paying attention to the lesson extremely difficult. Focusing had never been his strong suit to begin with, and the addition of a relatively young and violently attractive professor didn’t help keep his wandering mind in check.

“Read the chapter by next class and answer the questions I’ve posted to the portal. Any questions?” Professor Cha asked, setting his marker down and turning to face the class.

Rather unfortunately for Jaehwan, Professor Cha’s sharp brown gaze landed on him first, and he would have caught Jaehwan drooling if Jaehwan hadn’t remembered to keep his mouth closed. And even if the physical drool was absent, the lust-sick expression and glazed eyes were very much present.

Jaehwan dropped his eyes to his notebook, cheeks flushing red, as the rest of the class chorused a slightly bored sounding, _“No.”_

“Good. Enjoy your weekend, and I’ll see you all on Monday morning.”

The students around him hurrying to pack up their books and tablets startled Jaehwan into motion. He stuffed his notes into his backpack and pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head. Hands stuffed in pockets and his bag slung over one shoulder as he scurried toward the door.

He’d almost made it to freedom when Jaehwan succumbed to temptation and shot a glance over his shoulder.

Professor Cha caught his eye and held it. Giving Jaehwan an almost imperceptible wink.

Jaehwan gulped, whipping his head back around and nearly jogging out of the lecture hall.

Classes couldn’t end fast enough.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Night 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Hakyeon-” Jaehwan gurgled, the name coming out slurred as he tried to speak around the fingers in his mouth.

A slap connected with the fleshy part of his cheek and Jaehwan whimpered, even as the fingers were retracted and his face was tilted up.

“That’s not polite, baby boy, how should you address me?”

“Sir. sorry, Sir.”

Another slap, and Jaehwan bit his lip. Enjoying the pleasure-pain of his now stinging cheeks.

“That’s correct. Now, what were you going to say?”

Jaehwan tugged a little on the cuffs that bound his wrists together behind his back. Feeling the unforgiving hardness of the wooden floor against his knees. Staring unblinkingly up at the inhumanly perfect professor currently standing over him. “Nothing really, Sir. I just like saying your name.”

Hakyeon graced him with an indulgent smile and lightly pressed the sole of his shoe against Jaehwan’s still-clothed crotch. Jaehwan squirmed at the pressure, but only a little, forcing himself not to rut against it to get some kind of friction.

“You're so cute, baby, such a good boy for me, aren't you?”

Jaehwan nodded hard, greedily sucking Hakyeon’s fingers back into his mouth when they tapped at his bottom lip.

“But,” Hakyeon continued, pressing a bit harder and thrusting his hand forward, the tip of one finger brushing the back of Jaehwan’s throat and making him gag, “You weren’t being a very good boy in class today, were you baby?”

Jaehwan didn’t respond, couldn't, spit dripping from one corner of his mouth as Hakyeon thrust down his throat again. Building a rough but slow rhythm he knew would reduce Jaehwan to frustrated tears in a matter of minutes.

“Not paying attention... doodling all over your notebook instead of taking notes... those don't sound like things a _good boy_ would be doing this close to midterms.”

His attempted protests muffled, Jaehwan gave a little squeak of indignation and sat back on his heels.

“Get on the bed, baby boy,” Hakyeon continued, removing the fingers from Jaehwan’s mouth and dragging him up by the hair, smile now one that was downright predatory. “You need to be taught a lesson.”


	5. You put me in a cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Keo Story:  
>   
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘You put me in a cage’  
> Pairing: Keo  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 1.7k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: illusions to an affair

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

_He has locked my heart up in a cage,_ thought Taekwoon, staring at the man lying in bed beside him. 

Admiring the long swathe of his lover’s bare back. 

Running his eyes from the point of one shoulder to the other. 

Staring at the short downy hair where it ended on the nape of his neck. 

Almost daring to reach out and touch.

Almost, but not quiet managing to extend his arm. 

Taekwoon licked at dry lips.

Thinking of the night before. 

The soft touches.

The gentle caresses. 

The promise of delicate pleasures that kept him there like a hostage. 

Kept him coming back night after night after night. 

Despite knowing he had somewhere else to be.

Somewhere else he should be.

Somewhere else important. 

Not here, still lying in his lover’s bed as the sun began to peer over the horizon, morning light spilling in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. 

The man beside him stretched, arms extended over his head, muscles shifting beneath his flawless skin. 

The man turned. 

Blinked his big brown eyes sleepily as he took in the sight of Taekwoon. 

Realized Taekwoon was still there, not where he should have been. 

“You’re still here?”

Taekwoon hummed a wordless hum, finally reaching out to sweep his thumb across his lover’s round cheek.

Cradle his lovely face.

Trace the bow of his upper lip. 

“You’re beautiful,” Taekwoon whispered.

Not thinking of the place he should be. 

Unable to think of anything but the man now smiling an all-to knowing smile. 

“So are you, baby, but you’ve gotta get going,” Jaehwan replied. 

No venom in his words. 

No chastisement or judgment.

Simple truth.

“I don’t want to go.”

“But you’ve gotta,” Jaehwan insisted, nodding his head as if for emphasis. 

Placing slim fingers on Taekwoon’s chest. 

Taekwoon knew he was right. 

Knew that his time there, in this haven, this temporary respite from daily life, had come to an end. 

“I know,” said Taekwoon, drawing his hands back from Jaehwan’s body with an effort of will.

Rising from the bed and collecting his clothes.

Dressing quickly. 

Rolling deodorant under his arms.

Stepping into grey slim-fit trousers, buttoning up a white collared shirt, securing a navy pinstripe tie around his neck, lacing up his dress shoes. 

Knowing he still smelled mildly of sweat and sex and day old liquor. 

Knowing Jaehwan’s particular aroma would linger on the clothes he had arrived in for days after he returned home, only ever forcing himself to take them to the dry cleaner at the last possible moment. 

Knowing that the miniscule marks he had left on Jaehwan’s body would remain long after he left.

Thinking about the texts they would exchange in a day or two as he swished burning listerine around the inside of his mouth. 

A picture of a hickey, angled in such a way that Taekwoon would be able to see all the way up from Jaehwan’s collar bones to his open mouth. 

An exorbitant number of cutesy text-faces he would do his best to decipher and then reply too.

A hasty _‘I love you’_ he would send before getting into a different bed. 

“When can I see you again?” asked Taekwoon, running a damp comb through his hair, watching Jaehwan’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

Jaehwan wrapped his fluffy bathrobe more securely around his torso. 

He reached to straighten Taekwoon’s tie with those quick, nimble fingers. 

“How soon can you go for another fake business trip?”

“A few weeks, maybe a month.”

Jaehwan nodded, gaze vacant, opening the medicine chest and removing one of the many small plastic bottles it contained. 

Twisting the cap open without looking and popping a pair of white pills into his mouth. 

Ducking down to swallow some water straight from the faucet. 

“Well, then you have your answer.”

Taekwoon frowned. 

Already unhappy at the thought of being away from Jaehwan for so long.

Jaehwan smiled an indulgent smile, retrieving the bottle of Taekwoon’s everyday cologne and handing it over. 

Watching as Taekwoon dabbed a bit on his wrists, and then a bit more on the pulsepoint in his neck. 

Knowing as well as Taekwoon knew, how important it was that Taekwoon exude an aura of normalcy when he arrived home. 

Home. 

Only a ten minute cab right away. 

Not the four hour flight Taekwoon had lied about when he was asked. 

“I’ll see you before then, Yeon invited me to dinner at your place this weekend. Binnie and his girlfriend, and Shik as well.”

Jaehwan chuckled, a low, mirthful chuckle that forced Taekwoon to repress a shiver. 

“I think he’s trying to set me up with Shik again, actually. The only two singletons left in his social circle. He always seats us next to each other, have you noticed?”

Taekwoon broke his momentary silence, something adjacent to jealousy, something ugly, bubbling under his own skin. 

“I have,” he murmured, disapproval leaking into his tone as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. 

Noting how thin his lips looked, pressed into a tight line of unhappiness as they were. 

“Are you going to let him?”

“Let who do what?”

“Let Yeon set you up with Shik,” Taekwoon clarified, straightening his silver belt buckle so it was correctly centered. 

That same dark laugh came again.

Jaehwan petted him, soothed him, gently carding his fingers through Taekwoon’s hair. 

He became quiet once more, the mild spike of hypocritical jealousy becoming quite manageable under those soft caresses.

“I’m too busy for a boyfriend, even one as good looking as Wonshik,” Jaehwan replied, the upward curve of his mouth now more playful than anything else, “And besides, you take up all the free time I _do_ have.” 

Taekwoon inclined his head. 

Hiding a secret smile of his own, hearing that Jaehwan wasn’t interested in anyone else. 

Words that placated his doubts and fears, for the moment, anyway.

“I’ll see you at dinner, then,” Taekwoon said, voice quiet, pulling up the handle of his rollaboard suitcase and pacing toward the front door. 

The wheels of the small case sounded unnaturally loud as they rolled along the hardwood floor.

A neat suitcase, small, yes, but functional.

Simple and clean, all black, the kind of suitcase one would expect a businessman to take on a 3-day, 4-night business trip. 

Taekwoon had touched it just once since he had arrived at Jaehwan’s apartment.   
  


Not bothering with the suits he had packed inside.   
  


Wearing the comfortable clothing he kept at the back of Jaehwan’s closet instead.

Only to retrieve a square, velvet-lined box he had brought with him, always unable to stop himself buying gifts for his lover whenever something in a shop window caught his eye.

A silver diamond bracelet on this occasion. 

Not purchased through normal means, of course, but rather with one of his several business credit cards. 

That particular card wasn’t for business at all, it linked to a special account under only his name, that wasn’t known to anyone but himself. 

But necessity forced him to lie and call it a business card, the few times he had been asked. 

Large sums of money disappearing from his and Hakyeon’s joint accounts on a regular basis would have looked much too suspicious for Taekwoon’s liking. 

He was cautious, but not without cause. 

That caution forced him to book hotel rooms in which he would never stay.

To place orders for food delivery he would never pick up.

To take a cab to the airport upon leaving home before getting directly into another, traveling back into the city the way he’d come. 

Precautions, in case Hakyeon ever grew curious enough to check.

“Mm, dinner,” Jaehwan replied, shaking his dark hair from his now medicinally dulled eyes, “Don’t forget to pretend to hate me.”

As if Taekwoon could forget.

Another precaution.

Making throw-away comments, dropping small hints, whenever Jaehwan was mentioned in conversation. 

Reeling in his behavior until it was barely above respectfully civil whenever Jaehwan was around.

Pretending, in short, that he found Hakyeon’s best friend irritating.

Pretending that he didn’t like Jaehwan, so that if his fidelity was ever under suspicion, Jaehwan was the last person he would be suspected of being involved with.

“I won’t,” Taekwoon murmured, pausing on the threshold and bending slightly, stealing a final kiss before taking his leave. 

Not a long kiss, nor a lingering one. 

Nothing that would leave his own mouth kiss swollen or red.

Just enough.

A kiss he could think about during their prolonged parting, innocent enough that no arousal would spark in him, but deeply enough that the sweet taste of his lover’s lips would be strong in his memory. 

Pulling Jaehwan close against himself with a hand on his hip. 

Fingers pressing hard into the skin on the side of Jaehwan’s neck. 

Selfish, possessive, half hoping that his rough handling would leave visible marks behind. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Jaehwan sighed, once Taekwoon had pulled away, distracted hands opening and then retying the belt of his bathrobe, “Get home safe.”

Taekwoon nodded.

Tearing his gaze from Jaehwan’s face, swiftly turning his face away, as though he was ripping off a bandaid. 

“I love you,” Taekwoon said.

“I love you too,” Jaehwan replied. 

Nodding again, fortifying himself, Taekwoon stepped through the doorway, rolling his suitcase into the hall.

Walking quickly to the elevators.

Hearing the quiet click that meant Jaehwan had closed the door. 

_He has locked my heart up in a cage,_ thought Taekwoon, staring at his own reflection in the elevator's mirrored interior wall.

Feeling his own misdeeds like a vice tightening around his throat.

Nearly drowning in a sense of revulsion, the weight of his secrecy only dragging him deeper into the sea of transgressions within which he lived. 

Understanding the vileness of his actions, and yet unable to stop himself from enjoying the danger of it. 

The thrill of adrenaline rushing through his body, the unspeakable delight of having an illicit secret well kept. 

_He has locked my heart up in a cage, and I hope he never sets it free._

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnng this one may be continued on for later prompts
> 
> post-publication date a/n: the story outlined in this prompt is going to continue through chapter 9.


	6. Even right now, I’m still crazy about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the story described in Chapter 5  
>   
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Even right now, I’m still crazy about you’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: M (for themes)  
> Word Count: 3.4k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: implied affair, mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Dinner.

_ Dinner _ couldn’t end quickly enough.

Taekwoon sat at the square dining table in his apartment, Hakyeon on the same side and seated to his left.

A square table, not a rectangle. 

Chosen specifically so that _ nobody will feel like they're at the head of the table, like meals are a social event as opposed to a business meeting, and the conversation can flow easily and be comfortable.  _

Taekwoon didn’t particularly like the table, but he hadn’t had the energy to argue with Hakyeon, even back then. 

He and Hakyeon sat on one side, Hongbin and his girlfriend on their right, Sanghyuk and his girlfriend on their left, and, directly across the table, were Jaehwan and Wonshik. 

It always astounded Taekwoon, the collection of young, intelligent successes that Hakyeon had managed to collect. 

A video game production company executive. 

One of the city’s brightest up-and-coming defense lawyers.

A part time leading man in the national drama company, part time fashion model. 

One of the most prolific singer (rapper)/songwriters currently living in the country. 

Himself, a day trader turned venture capitalist slash angel investor. 

And then Hakyeon, a fashion designer with his own exclusive and wildly popular label.

All multimillionaires.

All under thirty-five.

All sitting around the same stupid square table.

Just astonishing. 

Rubbing shoulders with the cream of society, however, had never excited Taekwoon the way it excited Hakyeon. 

Taekwoon networked only because he had to, mingled only when he needed to, smiled and made pleasant small talk only if he was forced to. 

His husband's little dinner parties, _ gatherings  _ as Hakyeon called them, were an unavoidable source of social interaction, but this particular gathering wasn’t as bad as they could sometimes be. 

Hongbin was here, and Taekwoon had always liked Hongbin.

He was good to talk to, with a dry sense of humor that Taekwoon admired, and he wasn’t the type to force conversation simply to fill silence. 

Sanghyuk was here, who had been a last minute addition. 

A relaxed person that Taekwoon had only met a handful of times but who he found generally inoffensive. 

Wonshik was here, who had started out as Taekwoon's school friend before Hakyeon adopted him into the fold. 

One of his oldest friends, in fact, whose presence could, depending on the moment, be considered either a blessing or a curse. 

And, of course, Jaehwan was here.

The group were on their... Taekwoon wasn’t sure if it was the forth or fifth bottle of wine, which made things a bit more bearable, and they were almost done with the main course. 

Steak au Poivre served with homemade french fries, finished with a cognac-spiked sauce and garnished with parsley, that Taekwoon had prepped that afternoon and then cooked that evening. 

One of the best things about having a husband who could cook, Hakyeon always joked, he never had to hire catering. 

Not that Taekwoon minded creating menus and fixing dishes for these parties. 

Quite the contrary, the cooking was the best thing about them as far as he was concerned, a useful excuse to engage in his favorite form of stress relief. 

But Taekwoon wasn't in the mood to contemplate his generally neglected hobbies. 

Instead, at that moment, Taekwoon was thinking that Wonshik’s presence was definitely weighing in on the  _ curse  _ end of the spectrum. 

All were laughing and chattering a bit loudly to one another, but Wonshik was speaking the most animatedly of all.

Waving his fork around to emphasize whatever point he was making, fully sideways on his seat, eyes fixed on Jaehwan’s face and smile annoyingly genuine. 

It must have been an anecdotal joke of some kind that he was telling, because he and Jaehwan suddenly broke out in giggles, Wonshik accidentally dropping the fork and Jaehwan nearly spitting out the wine he’d been sipping. 

As it was, Jaehwan choked a bit as he laughed, grin so easy and real that Taekwoon was fairly sure he wasn’t high yet.

He would be at some point, it was an inevitability, his silliness dulled down to a slow quiet by the pills he always carried somewhere on his person. 

Taekwoon watched this spectacle of hilarity over the rim of his wine glass.

A few ice cubes clinking together where they floated in the burgundy liquid. 

Eyes narrowed in displeasure. 

_Just_ buzzed enough that he could glare at Wonshik without feeling guilty about doing so. 

Hakyeon took his hand atop the table, beaming when Taekwoon turned to glance at him.

Intimidating good looks made all the more striking by the vibrant crimson shirt he had selected for the evening. 

Eyes bright with that particular joy only an extrovert could find in the midst of a party. 

Taekwoon loved him, he really did, he thought, allowing himself to smile. 

And then...

Jaehwan slipped off the edge of his chair; laughter erupting from the rest of the guests, including Hakyeon, as Wonshik bent to help him.

Always grabbing his attention, always dragging Taekwoon's eyes to settle upon him like he was a human magnet, even in the midst of all... all this good.

Taekwoon stood.

Trying to make his exit unobtrusive.

Resting a hasty hand on Hakyeon’s shoulder and murmuring that he had to check the dessert before slipping from the dining room.

Taking his wine glass with him. 

He padded down the hall, past the small breakfast room in which they ate when no guests were present, and through the door to the kitchen. 

The dessert had only been an excuse. 

An opportunity for Taekwoon to steal a bit of silence. 

To give his mind a break. 

But he  _ did _ begin setting things up, turning on the oven so it started to preheat and removing what would soon be an almond praline cheesecake from the refrigerator. 

He had made that as well.

The oven would take a few minutes at least to heat, and the cake would only be five or ten minutes more, so Taekwoon set about retrieving the cake plates from their high shelf and cake forks from their special drawer. 

“I’ve been instructed to ask you for a shirt.”

Taekwoon had been so intent on his mindless task that he hadn’t heard anyone come in. 

But that voice was unmistakable. 

He turned, leaning against the edge of the kitchen island's countertop, to look Jaehwan up and down. 

Jaehwan looked back at him. 

Slouching against the doorframe. 

Hair tousled and eyes alight with mischief, a slice of bare ankle showing where his penny loafers ended and his cigarette pants began, a dark red splotch staining his white shirt just over his heart.

“I spilled,” Jaehwan added, plucking at the white fabric as though Taekwoon couldn’t see, “Hakyeon told me to track you down and force you to give me a shirt. And to ignore you if you grumbled about it.”

Exquisitely conscious of where they were, Taekwoon chose not to speak. 

The kitchen may be some distance from the dining room, but not enough of a distance for him to trust himself yet. 

Too easy to be overheard.

If Jaehwan could appear unexpectedly, anyone could. 

Hakyeon could. 

Without saying a word, Taekwoon retrieved his glass from the counter and walked quickly past Jaehwan.

Moving down the hall toward the master bedroom.

Expecting Jaehwan to follow without being told. 

Past both his and Hakyeon’s home offices, past the guest room, past the double doors to the balcony that ringed the entirety of the apartment’s exterior. 

The party noise growing softer and softer with each step.

Onward, until he had bypassed his bedroom and entered the walk-in closet that he and Hakyeon shared. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” Jaehwan asked, standing casually in the center of the closet. 

The majority of his weight on his left leg so the other jutted out, arms loosely crossed over his chest. 

Taekwoon didn’t reply.

He was busy, scanning the rows and rows of clothing.

A furious battle taking place inside his mind. 

To dress Jaehwan in one of his own shirts, or one of Hakyeon’s?

Both options presented him with an illicit thrill, even if the thrills themselves were different.

On one hand, to see his lover draped with his own shirt, smelling like his own cologne, in the presence of his own husband and friends. 

Or, on the other hand, a slightly darker pleasure; to dress his lover up in his husband's clothing like they were about to play some dangerous game.

Not trusting himself with very much right then, with all the alcohol in his system, and not wishing to tempt fate, Taekwoon settled on the first option. 

He stepped to his side of the closet and began to flip through his choices.

Jaehwan moved closer, relieving Taekwoon of his wineglass and muttering, “I guess that’s as a no.”

“You’re getting sloppy, take it easy,” Taekwoon replied, pausing a moment to look down at Jaehwan who now stood at his side. 

Looking, but not actively trying to stop Jaehwan as he rolled his eyes and lifted the glass to his lips. 

Drinking deeply, lashes fluttering shut like a sleepy child. 

He looked so sweet in that instant, the faint lines of anxiety smoothed from his forehead and cheeks slightly flushed, that Taekwoon nearly succumbed to temptation and gathered Jaehwan into his arms. 

But he did not. 

He turned his face away and returned his attention to perusing the rack. 

Finally settling on a button-down of palest blue, the cotton soft from frequent wear, his favorite shirt. 

“Here,” Taekwoon murmured, removing the shirt from its hanger. 

Exchanging it for his now empty wine glass.

“And stop laying it on so thick, it's going to hurt Shik's feelings when he figures out you're leading him on,” Taekwoon added, pretending it was an afterthought. 

“Mm, getting _jealous,_ Woonie?”

“No,” Taekwoon lied.

He had no right to jealousy, he knew as much, and yet the emotion remained. 

It remained because, even there, even in his own home, in the midst of hosting a dinner party with his wonderful husband, Taekwoon still _loved_ Jaehwan. 

And he felt that love like a white-hot poker that had been stabbed through the center of his rib cage.

He couldn't help it, was unable to make himself stop _feeling_ the way he did.

Marriage was simply the state he existed in, not something that brought him joy the way even a quick glimpse of Jaehwan's face did.

It had been the smart thing to do, a move to solidify both Taekwoon and Hakyeon's positions in the world, to grow their combined assets more efficiently.

That had been the reason Hakyeon proposed, Taekwoon knew, although such truths had never and would never be spoken aloud. 

Above all else, their union had been one of productivity.

There _was_ love there, somewhere, between Hakyeon and himself, Taekwoon had never doubted that; the kind of easy, simple love that grows between people that have been together for a very long time.

But it wasn't the type of love he felt whenever thoughts of Jaehwan popped into his head.

Not the vibrant, burning, passionate love that warmed his frigid insides better than the sweetest cup of coco.

The kind of love that Taekwoon could bask in, soaking it through his skin like rays of brightest sunlight. 

Even the simple act of contemplating his own feelings made Taekwoon's cheeks begin to heat and he forced himself to stop.

He lowered his head and sent his gaze searching for his lovers face, standing like a statue with his hands in his pockets. 

Just watching. 

Jaehwan’s naughty smile had returned as he began to unbutton his stained shirt. 

Slipping button after button from loop after loop.

Gaze holding Taekwoon’s, freezing Taekwoon in place. 

Pace so excruciatingly slow that it was almost like physical torture. 

Jaehwan slid the stained shirt off, letting it fall to the closet floor with an unbothered flick. 

Then, gripping the hem of his undershirt in both hands, Jaehwan pulled that off over his head, letting it drop as well. 

“The stain soaked through,” he said, cheeky grin spreading with each passing second. 

As though that were some kind of excuse for stripping in the closet during a dinner party with someone else’s husband. 

Not that he needed to make an excuse.

Taekwoon simply stared.

Hands still hidden in his pockets so the slight tremor of his fingers wouldn’t be noticed.

Stared as Jaehwan slipped his arms into the light blue garment and did up the buttons, leaving the top three open.

Stared as Jaehwan rolled first one sleeve, then the other, up so they ended just below his elbows. 

Stared as Jaehwan undid his belt and tucked the shirt in, then closed his belt again. 

It had been a good choice, Taekwoon thought, taking in the way the blue tone brightened Jaehwan’s flawless skin.

And, with the sleeves rolled that way, he could now see that Jaehwan was wearing the bracelet he’d given him last week.

The string of diamonds sitting heavy on his delicate wrist. 

But the openness...

Taekwoon moved half a step closer, reaching out and closing one more button so that the fading lovebites on Jaehwan’s chest were hidden from view. 

No point taking chances. 

“Kiss me,” Jaehwan breathed, fingers closing around Taekwoon’s wrist more tightly than he would have expected. 

Eyes widening. 

Smile dropping away.

Expression one of pleading that was all too familiar.

“No,” Taekwoon replied, in equal softness, gently removing himself from his lover's grip and turning Jaehwan toward the door, intent on shepherding him back to the party, “Not now.”

Not because he didn't want to.

_ God, _ how Taekwoon wanted to.

Wanted nothing more in that moment than to keep Jaehwan there in his bedroom for the rest of the night and lock the door. 

But he was too aware of all the people in the house. 

Much too aware.

The danger of being caught.

What that would mean, what effect it would have on every aspect of his life. 

Taekwoon had done that particular math many times, and he wasn’t willing to risk it just then. 

“No,” he repeated, quiet but firm, when Jaehwan tried to pull him to a stop after only making it a few steps into the hall.

Taekwoon shook his head.

Keeping Jaehwan moving, steering him with a hand on the small of his back. 

The most inconspicuous point of contact he could think of.

After nudging Jaehwan toward the final stretch of hallway, Taekwoon turned off into the kitchen to finish preparing dessert. 

The oven had heated during the brief interlude and he slid the cheesecake onto the top rack, setting the timer on his phone so it would vibrate in five minutes. 

Taekwoon took several slow breaths, bracing himself, and then returned to the dining room as well. 

Moved to sit in his place on Hakyeon's side of the horrid square table. 

“Good choice, you picked a nice color,” Hakyeon said cheerfully, nodding in Jaehwan’s direction as he took Taekwoon’s hand once more. 

“Wholeheartedly agree,” added Wonshik, chuckling, despite the fact that no one had asked his opinion. 

Jaehwan squeaked and stuck out his lip, pretending to pout, causing Wonshik to chuckle some more and tap him affectionately under the chin. 

Taekwoon was silently glad he’d forgotten his empty wine glass in the closet, otherwise the urge to chuck it at Wonshik’s head would have been too strong to ignore. 

Minutes passed. 

Five, and Taekwoon excused himself to take the cake from the oven.

Ten, and Taekwoon watched the guests troop into the kitchen with their dinner dishes and exchange them for small plates of cake. 

Fifteen, and Taekwoon listened as Hakyeon happily explained what Madeira Wine was and why it would be the perfect pairing for the dessert as he poured everyone glasses. 

Taekwoon lost track of time as the party transitioned from the dining room to the living room.

Kitchen empty but for piles of dirty dishes. 

Guests all sprawled on the assortment of couches and accent chairs Hakyeon had purchased when he had purchased the stupid table. 

Lights dimmed and soft music playing, electric fireplace sending crackling warmth radiating out from behind its pane of glass.

Taekwoon was squished into the corner of their large sectional, the charcoal mohair fabric itchy on his exposed wrist, clutching his second glass of Madeira with Hakyeon snuggled against his side. 

Hongbin’s girlfriend was telling a story, and it must have been interesting because everyone was listening raptly (Hongbin most raptly of all).

But Taekwoon had lost the thread of it. 

Drowsy from the warmth and the alcohol.

He was on the verge of falling asleep when Hakyeon raised their entwined fingers to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of Taekwoon’s hand. 

The gesture woke him enough that he managed to shoot a surreptitious glance in Jaehwan’s direction. 

Checking if his lover had noticed.

Jaehwan had succumbed to Wonshik’s touchiness maybe an hour ago, Wonshik’s arm around his shoulders, his head tilted sideways so his temple rested against Wonshik’s forearm. 

And Jaehwan wasn’t looking at him. 

Taekwoon wasn’t sure if his lover had seen anything at all, and several more sneaked peeks provided no insight, until he noticed Jaehwan’s fingers inconspicuously stray in the direction of his pocket. 

He watched, slowly filling up with vexation, as Jaehwan retrieved something small from his pants pocket and surreptitiously slipped it into his mouth, swiftly following the movement with a sip from his glass. 

Jaehwan _ must  _ have noticed, then. 

Jaehwan must have seen.

Jaehwan must be unhappy about it, if he’d gone all this time without popping a pill, only to take one now. 

Why did he bother coming to these parties, Taekwoon wondered?

Unlike Taekwoon, Jaehwan was free to turn down the invitations. 

Why would he put himself through them if he didn’t need to?

Why would he force himself to bear witness to Taekwoon’s matrimony if it caused him upset?

Because, as Hakyeon's best friend, he thought he was obligated to turn up and be supportive?

Or, some masochistic streak rearing its head?

Taekwoon knew first hand that Jaehwan  _ did  _ have masochistic tendencies, but they were not normally so overt, nor so self-destructive.

The party carried on, drinking games were played, jokes were told.

It felt very late when their guests finally began to leave.

Sanghyuk first, along with his girlfriend, then Hongbin’s girlfriend, since she and Hongbin did not live together yet and so were returning to different homes. 

Or, they _ would  _ have been, if Hongbin hadn’t passed out half an hour previously, now sleeping in the guest room where Wonshik and Taekwoon had deposited him. 

The body count was lower than Hakyeon’s previous gatherings, which normally resulted in blacked out guests cluttering up their apartment until the following lunch time at least, but then again, they hadn’t been drinking anything hard this time. 

“Are you sure? He’s more than welcome to crash with Binnie in the guestroom,” Hakyeon was saying, tucking Jaehwan’s house keys into his pocket. 

Taekwoon had forgotten to pay attention to the conversation again. 

Barely taking in the way Hakyeon and Wonshik had been looking at each other now that all the other guests were gone.

Not particularly caring about the way Hakyeon touched Wonshik’s arm as he spoke, or the way Wonshik’s hand strayed to Hakyeon’s back when they moved in synchrony.

Not even a drop of jealousy at the possible revelations brought on by these hasty observations.

No, Taekwoon was _entirely_ distracted.

He was currently supporting Jaehwan, having been charged by Hakyeon to do so, although he’d privately decided to do so even without his husband’s instruction.

Jaehwan’s eyes were closed. 

Already more than halfway gone and barely able to stand.

Giggling to himself where he was slumped between Taekwoon’s arms.

Back to Taekwoon’s chest and head lolling on Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s welcome to stay,” Taekwoon added, feigning reluctance. 

Secretly, shoving the feeling so deep down that it wouldn’t accidentally show on his face, Taekwoon was basking in a moment of purest contentment. 

Able to hold Jaehwan against him without fear of reprisals, even if only for a moment. 

“It’s not a problem,” Wonshik said, stumbling a little and smiling like an idiot as he made his way over to their huddle, “I’ve been there before, and its on the way to my place. And you know how weird he is about sleeping in his own bed.”

Hakyeon nodded, voicing something in reply, but Taekwoon didn’t hear it. 

Brain filling with static as its wine-soaked gears finally started to turn. 

Finally, _finally_ processing the conversation they were having. 

Wonshik was going to take Jaehwan home. 

And Wonshik had been to Jaehwan’s home before. 

_ Why? _

With extreme hesitancy, Taekwoon cajoled Jaehwan into Wonshik's arms.

He watched them wobble out into the hall.

Watched them step into the elevator when it arrived. 

Watched Jaehwan's lashes flutter open at the last possible moment before disappearing through the elevator's metal doors, those big brown eyes fixing on Taekwoon with startling alertness. 

“Lets go to bed, Woonie, I’m beat, the dishes can wait until tomorrow,” Hakyeon was saying, their guests already forgotten as he padded back into the kitchen and filled a glass with water, downing it in five large gulps. 

Water was probably a good idea but Taekwoon couldn’t make his legs move.

It was like he’d been glued to the floor. 

“You were being so nice to Jaehwan just now, are you feeling alright? Sick?”

Hakyeon flashed a mischievous smile over his shoulder, refilling his glass and then filling a second one. 

“I didn’t want him to puke on the carpet,” Taekwoon murmured, drawing a laugh from his husband.

And then he was being towed down the hall, stopping at the guestroom so Hakyeon could leave the second glass for Hongbin, before continuing on to their bedroom. 

Movements mechanical as he stripped and put on pajamas. 

Head still buzzing.

Eyes unseeing as he got into bed. 

Barely hearing the words “I love you” leave his mouth as his head hit the pillow. 

Taekwoon fell into restless sleep, dreams plagued by worries and insecurities, a grotesque mixture of both. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: this story has kind of taken over my brain for the moment, and I have already written quite a few continuations since finishing yesterdays chapter. They will be marked as continuations when I post them. Apologies if you don't enjoy this story line, normal *single story per prompt* service will resume after chapter 9.


	7. I can’t stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the story described in Chapters 5 and 6  
>   
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I can’t stop’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: M (for themes)  
> Word Count: 5.5k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: *Mentions of Dissociation*, implied affair, mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Hello?”

Taekwoon held the phone to his ear, slowly standing and pacing a few steps away from the sofa. 

Not moving too fast, never wanting to come off as suspicious. 

He had allowed Hakyeon to see the caller ID, the words  _ ‘Minseok, new client (confusing surgery robots)’ _ flashing up on his screen before he answered. 

A strategic move, because while Taekwoon had a dummy contact for Jaehwan in his cellphone (the number only one digit off), he changed the name and icon photo of Jaehwan’s  _ real  _ contact roughly once a month. 

Just frequently enough that regular correspondence between Taekwoon and the made-up person would look nothing but normal. 

For, a month was the usual duration of Taekwoon’s initial personal involvement with a client before they were passed along to someone lower down on the executive food chain. 

And he only moved far enough away that Jaehwan’s voice would be unrecognizable to Hakyeon's ear, especially with the movie playing in the background. 

_ ‘Baby,’  _ Jaehwan mumbled, speech slurred and sleepy,  _ ‘Where are you? I thought you were coming over.’ _

“Uh, no, I don’t go out of town until tomorrow, why? Is there something I can help you with?” Taekwoon replied, words careful.

He turned and gave Hakyeon a look of feigned exasperation over his shoulder, his husband cooing in sympathy. 

_ ‘Baby, I thought,’ _ a hiccup,  _ ‘-I thought you were gunna be here. But you’re not.’ _

“Again, I’m not leaving town until tomorrow...”

How much more plainly could he spell it out?

His upcoming fake business trip was scheduled for the next evening, and he and Jaehwan would have three nights to spend together.

Jaehwan knew that; Taekwoon had reminded him of it only this morning.

Why was he calling so randomly like this when he knew Taekwoon was home?

The amount of street noises on the other end of the line were starting to worry Taekwoon, especially as they seemed to keep growing louder.

_ ‘I thought-‘ _ another hiccup accompanied by the sound of a blaring car horn,  _ ‘Today.’ _

“Where are you?” Taekwoon asked, crossing one arm and propping his other elbow atop it. 

_ ‘Don’know.’ _

“Listen. Share your location and I’ll come pick you up and take you home so you can sleep it off, okay?”

An incomprehensible mumble.

“Can you do that for me? Share your location?”

_ ‘Mmhm.’ _

Taekwoon heard the soft ping, alerting him to a new notification.

“Okay, good. Now, stay right where you are. I’ll be there as quick as I can. Don’t move.”

_ ‘Hurry up, baby, I miss you.’ _

Taekwoon hung up the phone without replying and turned, trying to think if he needed anything specific. 

Phone? 

_ Check. _

Wallet?

_ Check. _

Keys?

_ Check . _

He was in sweatpants and an old hoodie, but there was no reason for him to bother changing clothes. 

“That guy sounded trashed,” Hakyeon said, as he watched Taekwoon lope around the living room. 

“He is. I’ve got to go retrieve him.”

“Why you?”

“I’m the last person he called, I guess, the first person that came to mind.”

“And you can’t just send a cab to get him?”

“If he wasn't a client, maybe,” Taekwoon replied, grabbing his puffy coat off its hook in the foyer, “But if I told him a cab was coming, he’d probably try to get into a random strangers car and then wouldn’t be heard from for six months or something. Better not to risk it.”

“I can come with you if you want, for moral support?”

Taekwoon shook his head. “You stay, stay and get comfy. One of us running around town collecting inebriated businessmen is enough.”

“Why do you think he got so fucked up? Is he that kind of person?” Hakyeon asked, sipping lightly from his cup of chamomile tea.

Taekwoon let out a snort of humorless laughter. “Borderline genius IQ paired with clinical depression can make people do some extremely stupid shit. We see it all the time, unfortunately.”

“Okay, well drive safe and text me when you’re on your way back.”

Taekwoon forced a small smile, pausing as he bent to drop a kiss on Hakyeon's forehead.

“I will,” he replied.

“Honestly, you’re too nice of a boss, I would have just sent a cab.”

After tucking his husband snugly inside a cocoon of blankets and reassuring himself that Hakyeon wasn’t concerned, Taekwoon left.

Locking the front door behind him.

Making quick work of the elevator.

Getting into his car and turning the ignition key, the engine rumbling to life. 

He took his phone back out of his pocket and finally checked the location he’d been sent.

It was Jaehwan’s address. 

His home address, or, almost. 

The same street but two numbers off, like he was in one of the neighboring apartment buildings. 

Choosing not to think too much right then, Taekwoon focused on guiding his car out from the underground carpark. 

It wasn’t a long drive, the route familiar to Taekwoon, and the lateness of the hour meant that the streets weren’t as crowded as usual.

Until he crossed into Jaehwan’s neighborhood, that is.

Leaving behind the quiet nest of luxurious residential streets where he and Hakyeon lived.

Entering the trendy, up-all-night, fast paced part of downtown.

Busy city life a constant buzz no matter the time.

Taekwoon threaded his way through the streets, checking every few minutes to make sure the dot on his map that was Jaehwan hadn’t moved. 

The mild concern he had felt upon receiving a random phone call from his lover was steadily beginning to increase the longer he drove.

Calling him while he was at work was one thing, or when Hakyeon was out of town on _ business trips  _ of his own. 

But not on a regular night.

Jaehwan knew better than to call during time generally reserved for  _ wedded bliss,  _ such as it was. 

Knew better than to expect him to answer the phone if Hakyeon was there, something Taekwoon had only done on this occasion because ignoring a late-night call would probably seem weirder than simply answering it. 

And all that aside, Taekwoon was normally the one to start getting antsy before their visits, not Jaehwan. 

Turning left onto Jaehwan’s street, Taekwoon slowed down a bit. 

Scanning the sidewalk for any sign of that familiar face, trying to spot Jaehwan amongst the crowds of people still milling around. 

It didn’t take long to find him.

Taekwoon drove past him first, cursing quietly under his breath as he continued on to the next intersection and then made a U-turn. 

Driving back along the other side of the street and pulling his car up against the curb.

Putting it in park and slipping the keys into his pocket. 

“Jaehwan,” he called, his generic sports car looking slightly shabby when compared with the other vehicles parked on either side.

Jaehwan didn’t turn at the sound of Taekwoon’s voice. 

He was sitting under a bus shelter, dressed in nothing but a pair of flannel pants and an oversized T-shirt, socked feet encased in the slippers he only ever wore inside his home. 

Legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle.

Eyes heavy lidded, staring out unseeingly before him. 

Dark hair ringing his head in a messy halo.

The sight of Jaehwan’s bare arms made Taekwoon shiver, wondering how he hadn’t frozen to death with winter temperatures as low as they were.

“Jaehwan,” Taekwoon repeated, coming to a stop beside his lover.

Kneeling before him to try and get his attention. 

Jaehwan blinked at him, gaze dull and unfocused.

“You came?”

“I said I would. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Jaehwan looked away, back out at the busy street. 

“If I’d had to bet on it,” he murmured, absently fiddling with the hem of his shirt, “I’d have bet you wouldn’t. But I didn’t know what else to do, so I thought it was worth a try.”

“And why is that?”

Jaehwan shrugged, and only then did Taekwoon realize how hard he was trembling, whole body racked with shivers. 

“Come here,” Taekwoon said, taking off his puffy coat and draping it around Jaehwan’s shoulders. 

At least he had a hoodie on underneath, but the cold still bit at his few spots of exposed skin.

“Let’s get you inside, hm?”

Jaehwan nodded, after a few moments more of silent staring, and Taekwoon stood. 

Helping his lover to his feet and wrapping an arm securely around his waist. 

Trying to keep him from stumbling as they began to walk quickly up the sidewalk, then turning onto the short path that led to his building's front door.

Taekwoon kept his eyes down as they crossed the lobby, looking neither at the doorman nor the concierge in a vain hope that he wouldn’t be recognized.

He knew he would be, coming to visit Jaehwan often enough both on his own as well as in Hakyeon's company. 

But these people had no way of knowing who he and Jaehwan were to each other.

Aside from astute guesses, based on the wedding band still sitting prominently on Taekwoon's left hand, when matched with the visible lack of such a ring on Jaehwans.

Taekwoon usually would have removed it before entering the building, if he was by himself.

But, then again, these were not usual circumstances.

Everything about it, in fact, was  _ unusual.  _

Taekwoon felt like a man who was living two separate lives, lives which had just undergone a vicious collision.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on?” Taekwoon asked, once they were safely sheltered within the elevators' mirrored walls. 

Jaehwan’s eyes were glued to his slippered feet.

Shaking all the harder now that he could feel the artificial heat.

Sensing that he was going to get no verbal reply any time soon, Taekwoon gathered Jaehwan into his embrace. 

Hugging Jaehwan close against his chest.

Rocking slowly back and forth. 

The elevator dinged, heralding their arrival on the 27th floor, but Jaehwan made no move to exit.

With a quiet huff of breath, Taekwoon hoisted Jaehwan up.

Holding tightly with both arms, carrying his shivering lover out into the hallway and towards his front door.

Jaehwan’s legs wrapping around his middle and arms around his neck, clinging to Taekwoon like a baby monkey. 

“Where are your keys, sweetheart?”

“It’s open,” Jaehwan replied, murmuring the words into Taekwoon’s hair. 

Taekwoon tried the door and found that it was, in fact, open. 

“You should lock your door, it’s not safe to leave it like this,” Taekwoon said.

He carried Jaehwan across the threshold, grasping for some strand of normalcy, even if only in conversation. 

Through the foyer.

Past the kitchen.

Toeing off his trainers before dropping back to sit on the deep leather sofa in the living room.

Jaehwan’s heels dug into his back slightly, and he scooted forward, now slouching against the cushion so Jaehwan’s feet wouldn’t be squished behind him. 

“Sweetheart,” Taekwoon sighed, shifting so that his hands settled on Jaehwan’s hips. 

Squeezing him a little until he finally lifted his face from the crook of Taekwoon’s neck. 

“Why did you call me? And why were you trying to freeze yourself solid outside? Why didn’t you bring a coat?”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehwan replied, staring fixedly at Taekwoon's chin, “I know I shouldn’t- what did you tell Yeon?”

“I told him I had to rescue a drunk client. Tell me what you needed, sweetheart, I have to get back.”

Jaehwan’s mouth began to tremble but he clamped his jaw shut, visibly suppressing whatever emotion he was struggling with. 

Eyes shiny, still refusing to meet Taekwoon's. 

“I am lonely,” Jaehwan whispered, fingers curling and uncurling where they were settled at the nape of Taekwoon’s neck.

“You’re lonely?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you call Yeon? We could have both come over and kept you company.”

Jaehwan blinked rapidly, gaze darting all over the room.

“If I called Yeon,” he said, very carefully and very quietly, “Then I couldn’t have you here the way I need to.”

“You want sex?” Taekwoon asked, one eyebrow rising in surprise. 

Verbalizing the first assumption that popped into his head.

He hadn’t expected Jaehwan to call him in search of a spur-of-the-moment dick appointment, and he didn’t have enough time for that anyway, but it was still... it struck a discordant note.

“No,” Jaehwan replied, frowning in confusion, and then louder, angrier, “No!”

“Then, what are you talking about?” 

Taekwoon’s question fell on deaf ears. 

Jaehwan was pushing him away, hands on Taekwoon’s chest for leverage as he untangled himself from Taekwoon’s body.

Scooting backward and standing on unsteady legs.

Walking away, leaving the room, like he couldn’t hear Taekwoon calling his name. 

With a groan of irritation, Taekwoon pulled his phone from his hoodie pocket and sent Hakyeon a hasty text.

_ ‘Found him, but he lives 20 mins away across the bridge so it will take me awhile to get home. Eta roughly an hour.’ _

Leaving his phone on the sofa, Taekwoon got up to follow Jaehwan, hoping his brief lie would be explanation enough.

Sound of running water caught his notice and Taekwoon aimed his steps in that direction.

Through the large bedroom that held so many of his best memories and into the bathroom. 

The sink was flowing steadily, droplets splashed all over the counter, Jaehwan rummaging around inside the medicine chest.

Two of those round white pills spilling from their bottle onto Jaehwan’s open palm. 

It took Taekwoon a moment to understand what he was seeing.

A sudden wave of frustration overtook him.

Frustrated at Jaehwan’s constant smothering of feelings.

Never letting his heart show, never letting his pain show, always choosing instead to drown himself in the sickly-sweet syrup of medicinal peace. 

Running away, that’s what Jaehwan was doing. 

Running away from his problems instead of trying to fix them, or face them even.

Taekwoon had put up with it for so long that he’d begun to accept the pills as a normal part of Jaehwan’s everyday life, but they weren’t.

It wasn’t normal. 

He would probably go back to ignoring the pills' omnipresent shadow in a few days, but right then, Taekwoon thought he would explode if he didn’t do something about them. 

Before Jaehwan had a chance to raise them to his mouth, Taekwoon grabbed the pills from his hand and hurled them across the room. 

The quiet  _ ping  _ as they bounced off the far wall was not nearly as satisfying a sound as Taekwoon had hoped for.

“Enough!” Taekwoon shouted, snatching the bottle from the counter and throwing that as well for good measure, “I’m fucking sick and tired of you getting high instead of dealing with your issues! You called me here, I came, so just fucking  _ talk  _ to me!”

Jaehwan had jumped as soon as he’d begun shouting, eyes wide with a mixture of fear and shock as he stared at Taekwoon. 

Backed up so he was pressed against the bathroom wall and a hand convulsively curled around his own throat. 

Shaking harder than he had been outside but otherwise, entirely still. 

He wasn’t even blinking. 

Taekwoon very,  _ very  _ rarely shouted.

“Talk!” Taekwoon snapped, trying to startle his lover into speech, “Just say _ something,  _ Jaehwan!”

“I’m sorry-”

“Not that! Say _ anything  _ else!”

“I-” Jaehwan stuttered, “I just couldn’t be alone anymore! I had to go outside to see other people and when I got out there, I realized it just made me feel even more anonymous! And I love- love Yeonie but I can’t handle his smothering mom energy right now and I just wanted to hear your heartbeat and hold your hands for a few mi-minutes, just a  _ few minutes, _ which I can't do if he’s here!”

Jaehwan sank to the floor, roughly running his fingers through his hair.

“I didn’t call you for a  _ hookup,  _ I just needed you here- I just  _ needed  _ you!”

Taekwoon understood then, even if the explanation was a bit jumbled.

“I know,” he murmured, turning off the faucet and kneeling down as anxiety-fueled words continued to spill from Jaehwan’s mouth.

Gathering Jaehwan up and pulling him gently away from the wall.

Slowly laying Jaehwan down on his back on the bathroom’s heated marble floor, cradling the base of Jaehwan’s skull as he did so, not wanting to accidentally hurt him. 

“I was forgetting again,” Jaehwan whispered, blinking up at the ceiling as Taekwoon pressed a kiss to the center of his forehead, “I was forgetting that I- that the world and the people in it were real. That I was real. That any of this was real, and not just some wild _ nightmare.” _

“I know,” Taekwoon repeated, in equal softness.

He shifted down a bit, still kneeling on the floor, and took Jaehwan’s left foot in his hand.

Raising it so he could press a kiss to the inside of Jaehwan’s ankle. 

Then leaving kisses up Jaehwan’s shin.

Over the point of his knee.

All the way until his trail of kisses ended at the top of Jaehwan’s left thigh, at which point he began the process all over again on Jaehwan’s right leg.

From his legs, Taekwoon continued moving upwards.

Pressing chaste kisses to Jaehwan’s hip bones, across his abdomen, up to Jaehwan’s sternum.

Then, pushing up his shirt, a single kiss against each visible protrusion of the bones that made up his rib cage. 

Taekwoon’s mouth traced a path across Jaehwan’s chest, over his collar bones, the point of each shoulder. 

And then down his left arm, his bicep, his elbow, the soft part of his inner forearm.

Taekwoon could feel the pulse fluttering against his lips like butterfly wings as he gently pressed them to the inside of Jaehwan’s wrist. 

Then his palm.

The back of his hand.

The tip of each finger and finally his thumb, then starting again until Jaehwan’s right arm had also been covered in kisses.

Continuing upwards, Taekwoon's lips brushed lightly upon the hollow at the base of Jaehwan’s throat. 

Along the column of his neck.

Under his jaw.

The center of his chin.

The tops of Jaehwan’s pointy ears and then his earlobes as well.

He kissed each of Jaehwan’s cheeks, the tip of his nose, first his left eyelid and then the right.

He kissed Jaehwan’s temples, first left, then right, before finally laying a soft kiss on his lips. 

It happened sometimes, this kind of episode.

If  _ episode  _ was even the right word.

Jaehwan wasn’t the most stable individual to begin with, he never had been, and most of the time he anesthetized himself with liquor and pills. 

But sometimes, despite his best efforts, the chaos would build inside his head until it reached a breaking point, and he would partially forget who he was, where he was, what he was doing.

It would be like he had left his body, or so he had explained it once, watching himself move about the world like a ghost that was peering over his own shoulder. 

And he would search for hours in a mirror, looking for himself but never finding, as he didn’t recognize his own reflection.

Only seeing the face of a stranger peering back at him from inside the glass and so frightening himself all the more. 

_ Dissociating,  _ Jaehwan called it, when he was at his most balanced.

But now, times like this, he only ever called it _ forgetting.  _

When Taekwoon thought about it, which wasn’t often because thinking about his lover's pain made him excruciatingly sad, Taekwoon thought the forgetting was a twisted sort of mercy.

A way to free Jaehwan from the agony he lived with every day, to spare him from the worst of it. 

Taekwoon didn’t understand completely, couldn't, but he understood enough to know that the little ritual he had just performed  _ did  _ help somewhat.

It helped bring some semblance of awareness back to Jaehwan’s body, helped soothe the numbness away and remind him that he could still feel physical sensations.

Plus, the attention and affection it provided never went amiss where Jaehwan was concerned. 

The trembling in his limbs had quieted with each brush of Taekwoon’s mouth.

Jaehwan’s breathing had quieted too; what had been long heavy gasps only minutes ago were now reduced to the soft sighs Taekwoon was accustomed to hearing when Jaehwan was asleep. 

He wasn’t asleep just then, only relaxed, lips parted and hands clinging loosely to the front of Taekwoon’s hoodie. 

Taekwoon didn’t begrudge Jaehwan for anything, simply glad he could help in any way possible. 

He felt guilty, for not realizing what was going on earlier, for not helping sooner, for getting angry instead of listening.

And for shouting too, although sometimes a bit of shouting was the only way to shock Jaehwan’s system into processing what was going on around him. 

“You need to sleep now, sweetheart,” Taekwoon murmured, once they’d laid on the bathroom floor in silence for almost ten minutes. 

Holding one another, their foreheads touching and fingers intertwined. 

“I do,” Jaehwan sighed, allowing himself to slowly be maneuvered upright, “And you have to go, don't you?”

“I do,” Taekwoon agreed, heart breaking at the idea of having to leave his love now, only moments healed and liable to lapse back into unhappiness at any time, “But I’m coming over tomorrow evening.”

Jaehwan hummed in what Taekwoon assumed was the affirmative.

Walking backward with his eyes closed as Taekwoon guided him from the bathroom and over to his bed.

“Can I ask you something before I go? You don’t have to answer, I’m just curious,” Taekwoon murmured, once he had pulled the covers back and Jaehwan was sitting on the edge of the mattress. 

Jaehwan nodded in sleepy acquiescence, watching Taekwoon pull the hoodie off over his head. 

Then raising his own arms so Taekwoon could tug the hoodie down around him. 

Taekwoon paused, framing his question, lifting the hood so it covered Jaehwan’s hair.

Then tucking Jaehwan under the covers. 

Satisfied that his love was comfortable and encased in warmth, and now seated on the mattress’s edge himself, Taekwoon said, “Having me around more helps you feel better, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“Then why,” Taekwoon paused again, swallowing hard, “Why haven’t you ever asked me to stay?”

Jaehwan blinked his eyes open in confusion. “Ask you to stay?”

“I meant- asked me to leave Yeon. So I could stay with you.”

Silence fell between them, Taekwoon half worrying that he’d upset Jaehwan again, but he was genuinely curious.

Jaehwan wasn’t normally shy about asking for things, no matter how large. 

Was it simply because the prospect of a real relationship was something Jaehwan did not want?

“Asked you to leave Yeon?” Jaehwan repeated, thinking so hard that the sound of turning wheels in his head was almost audible, “I would never ask you to leave Yeon.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Jaehwan said, shrugging his blanket covered shoulders, “It would be like I was stealing you. You would be stolen. And you aren't a possession that can be stolen. I love you and I want you to make decisions because  _ you  _ want to make them, not simply to placate me.”

Jaehwan nibbled his lip for a moment, eyes closing again before he continued, “I don’t think you would ever be truly happy with me if I asked you for such a thing. And anyway, I don’t want to hurt Yeonie, you know that too. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m glad to call you mine, even if I can do so very rarely.”

“I understand,” Taekwoon replied, smoothing the hair back off Jaehwan’s forehead. 

Expression softening.

Heart surging with affection for this beautiful, wonderful person. 

Sleepy Jaehwan was always the most genuine Jaehwan; his internal walls of defense lowered just enough for him to be candid for a change. 

No persona of indifference he affected in public.

No practical jokes or funny faces or attention-seeking snappy quips. 

Nothing but true, undiluted Jaehwan. 

That was the Jaehwan that Taekwoon loved most. 

_ This  _ was the Jaehwan that Taekwoon loved most. 

“Why?” Jaehwan asked, sitting up abruptly just as he was settling back into his pillows, “Why did you ask that? Are you thinking about leaving him?”

It was Taekwoon’s turn to shrug.

He  _ had  _ been thinking about it.

Whenever his mind wandered, ever since that dinner, he found himself considering what it would be like. 

Waking up to Jaehwan.

Eating breakfast with him.

Drinking coffee from their matching mugs, getting takeout in the evenings when Taekwoon was too lazy to cook, falling asleep tangled up on the couch.

Doing all this with Jaehwan everyday, instead of only a few times a month. 

The nature of their relationship meant that while they were together, the two of them were confined to Jaehwan’s apartment lest they risk being seen by Hakyeon or one of his innumerable friends. 

But, if circumstances changed, they could go  _ out _ together.

Go bowling or go out to fancy dinners or go for walks in the park. 

They could even go on vacation together. 

All of these tantalizing possibilities and more floated before Taekwoon's mind’s eye.

So yes, he was considering it, but had not made any decisions yet.

Only considering.

With hands on his shoulders, Taekwoon gently pushed Jaehwan back down against the pillows. 

“And, I’ve been meaning to ask, why does Wonshik know where you live?” Taekwoon murmured, re-tucking the covers under Jaehwan’s chin.

“Oh, last month I promised him tickets to my upcoming show, and he finally came over to pick them up a few days before Yeon’s most recent dinner.”

Jaehwan snuffled, leaning into the fingers Taekwoon was brushing rhythmically across his cheek. “Two tickets... I think he’s finally dating someone, unless he’s bringing his mom.”

“Good for him,” Taekwoon said with a soft laugh.

Bending down to press a series of quick kisses to Jaehwan’s forehead.

Then one lingering kiss to Jaehwan’s lips.

Then, just because he could, biting gently at the soft part of Jaehwan’s cheek until he heard Jaehwan giggle.

“I’ve got to go now, sweetheart. Will you sleep?”

“Yeah,” Jaehwan nodded, already beginning to doze, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Taekwoon whispered, and then, so softly he didn’t think Jaehwan would hear, “I can’t stop loving you, no matter how hard I try.”

After sitting silently for a few extra minutes until he heard the rhythm of Jaehwan’s breathing change, Taekwoon forced himself to his feet. 

Satisfied that his love had fallen into dreamland but very  _ dissatisfied  _ at the idea of having to go home.

Taekwoon moved about the apartment like a ghost. 

Sock-muffled steps silent as he collected all of the pill bottles from the medicine cabinet, swept them into a shoe bag he found on a shelf in Jaehwan’s closet, and then looked for somewhere to hide them. 

Settling on the last place he figured Jaehwan would look, inside the oven.

He knew Jaehwan would find them eventually, and would no doubt submit Taekwoon to a ruthless interrogation about their disappearance tomorrow, but that was alright for now. 

The goal was only to let Jaehwan begin to heal without their interference. 

It was good that he had come, Taekwoon thought, recalling his immediate reaction to Jaehwan's phone call. 

That had been bad; that reaction.

Uncharitable to say the very least.

Instant annoyance at the intrusion into his facade of  _ real life.  _

He regretted feeling so now, and determined not to react so again, if such a thing were to recur in the future. 

Taekwoon made sure that the door was locked from the inside before taking his leave.

Slipping his arms into his puffy coat and zipping it up, already making up a story about his missing sweatshirt if Hakyeon asked. 

His drunk client had gotten sick all over him and he had thrown it straight in a trashcan rather than trying to save it. 

Once he’d remembered where he’d parked his car, Taekwoon made quick work of the drive home. 

Twenty minutes sooner than he had projected, but that was alright. 

Something about there not being any traffic. 

That was a good reason. 

Taekwoon parked again in his spot in the underground carpark and rode the elevator up to his floor, then unlocked and opened the front door as quietly as he could. 

Not wanting to wake Hakyeon up if he had happened to fall asleep.

Taekwoon had guessed that might be the case, as he had received no check-in texts from his husband since saying that he would be home in an hour.

He had guessed wrong. 

As he crossed the threshold, shoes in hand and walking on tiptoe, Taekwoon found that the living room was empty.

It was empty, and yet the TV was still on.

Odd. 

Taekwoon was on the verge of calling his husband's name when a noise from the kitchen caught his attention. 

He stayed quiet, walking silently down the hall until he could peek through the gap between the kitchen door and its frame, which was only barely cracked open. 

The sense of surprise that filled him was weirdly mild. 

Not the reaction one would expect from a person who had accidentally walked in on their spouse mid-tryst. 

Hakyeon was sitting on the counter, a figure standing between his spread legs, groaning a baritone groan as Hakyeon tugged roughly on their hair. 

A figure that, after a moment's stupefaction, Taekwoon easily recognized as Wonshik. 

Taekwoon watched, listened, for only ten more seconds, only long enough to be sure that it wasn’t his imagination playing tricks.

Hastily backing away and opening the front door again.

Shutting it softly. 

Stepping into the shoes he had just been carrying.

He stood there in the hall, thinking, for an unknown span.

Entirely lost in thought.

What this would mean for him and Hakyeon.

What this would mean for him and Jaehwan.

What this would mean for Wonshik, for that matter, if his feelings for Hakyeon were anything more than a passing fancy. 

Taekwoon didn’t know. 

He didn’t know anything, other than the fact that he didn’t want to deal with this tonight. 

But his busy brain didn’t seem like it was going to allow him to deal with anything else.

Jangling his keys, accidentally swinging the door open too vigorously so it banged against the wall, pretending to be speaking to his secretary on the phone, Taekwoon re-entered the apartment as loudly as a naturally quiet person like him could manage. 

There was some noise of scuffling, no doubt the hasty movements of two people making themselves presentable, but Taekwoon did not walk in the direction of the kitchen this time. 

Instead, he walked the opposite way, still reciting raised-volume nonsense into his phone all the way to his home office. 

Tossing his puffy coat onto the little loveseat in the corner and taking a seat behind his desk.

Pretending to hang up his phone, opening his laptop, and automatically pulling up his online banking.

Staring blankly at the columns of account numbers and balances as he tried to make a quick guess of how Hakyeon would wish to split their finances if they were to break up.

_ Break up, _ Taekwoon scoffed inside his head; they weren't children, there would be no breakup.

If they did  _ anything, _ it would be get a divorce. 

He felt a strange lightness all of a sudden.

A great weight being lifted from his shoulders. 

The main reason Taekwoon had stayed for so long, matters of finance and expediency aside, was that he hadn’t wanted to hurt Hakyeon. 

Just like Jaehwan, causing injury to Hakyeon was the last thing he would ever wish for. 

But, if Hakyeon had moved on, if Hakyeon no longer felt the love for Taekwoon he had always claimed to feel, if separating would spare Hakyeon from having to sneak around the way Taekwoon did...

What harm could it do?

Surely, it would only do good?

Surely, it would be a healthy change for both of them?

Taekwoon didn’t know; he had much more thinking to do that night. 

Sleep was well and truly beyond his reach. 

A soft knock on his open door made him jump in his chair.

“Hey! You made it home safe! I was worried when you didn’t text me about coming back,” Hakyeon said, smile as bright as ever.

Taekwoon licked at dry lips. 

Lots of small things suddenly making a new kind of sense to him, like blocks falling into place. 

And, he noticed with mild interest, Wonshik was nowhere to be seen.

No need to come up with an excuse if they assumed Taekwoon was ignorant of his presence to begin with. 

“Yeah, sorry, I forgot” Taekwoon replied, “I’ve got to figure some stuff out, international trades got fucked up, would you mind turning on the coffee maker before you go to bed? If you’re going to bed?”

Hakyeon’s smile grew gentle and he padded around the desk, dropping a kiss on Taekwoon’s cheek. 

“Sure,” he replied, voice playful, “Come to bed as soon as you’re finished and try not to micromanage until morning.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: kldfjgesriughseirugoghven8rtovn
> 
> additional a/n: just explained dissociating from personal experience, that's not what its like for everyone


	8. No matter what I do, I won’t be able to leave you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the story described in Chapters 5, 6, and 7  
> The Keo Story:  
>   
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘No matter what I do, I won’t be able to leave you’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: M (for themes)  
> Word Count: 5.5k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: implied affair, mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

The next evening, Taekwoon wheeled a suitcase over the threshold of Jaehwan’s front door. 

A much larger suitcase than usual.

Two suitcases, actually. 

Hakyeon had still been at work, or so he claimed, when the time came for Taekwoon’s faux departure, and so he wished Taekwoon a safe trip and blew him kisses over the phone. 

He had been out of the house all that day as well, busy with the upcoming release of his spring collection, work taking up all of his time.

Or, Taekwoon supposed, work and Wonshik had been taking up all of his time. 

Regardless of which it was, Hakyeon had been gone since before Taekwoon woke; his weary body finally crashing into bed around 4:30 am and then rising again at nearly ten. 

Taekwoon had called his secretary, for real that time, and informed her that he would be out of the office for the next five days and that he wished not to be disturbed unless it was of gravest importance. 

That it was a family matter.

And how much of a lie was that really?

So, free from work and left alone, Taekwoon had no choice but to stew in the- the only word for it was  _ chaos _ that had taken up residence inside his head.

He’d felt frantic, a step above hyper, since he’d woken up.

The gallon of coffee he had been steadily drinking didn’t help.

Only making his fingers shake harder, his heart beat faster, thoughts stream more wildly around his brain. 

So Taekwoon had started packing. 

It had just been a small suitcase at first, his normal little black rollaboard.

And then he hadn’t been able to make himself stop collecting his things. 

First, his favorite clothes, as well as work clothes to fill the necessary gaps in the partial wardrobe he kept at Jaehwan’s place.

Next, smaller things.

His laptop, his spare phone charger, the cookbook his mom had given him for Christmas the year after he finished college, the tiny cat statute he had kept on his desk since he and Hakyeon moved in together, his diploma, certain documents that could be important to have on his person.

Finally, larger things.

Things that, now that they were absent, would most certainly be remarked upon. 

A painting he had won at a stuffy art auction, drunk out of his mind and bidding on absolutely everything out of sheer hilarity. 

The coffee maker that only he used, as Hakyeon almost always preferred tea, but which still occupied a large amount of real estate on their kitchen counter. 

The best records in his vinyl collection.

And so Taekwoon had ended up with two large suitcases, as well as a duffle bag. 

And a backpack. 

He didn’t even know why he had packed. 

This _ ‘trip’  _ could be exactly like all the others.

A hotel room he would never visit booked on the other side of the country.

Food ordered to that exact hotel that he would never eat.

Lack of general transactions blamed on the use of his expense account, that nobody but he and the accountants had access to.

But Taekwoon had royally fucked up that plan, by subconsciously tricking himself into not booking a hotel room the way he should have that morning, nor taking a cab to the airport first before coming to Jaehwan’s apartment.

And so it would be practically impossible for him to pretend that everything was as it usually was. 

Hakyeon was going to come home to a house that looked like it had been burgled by an extremely picky burglar, and no husband in sight. 

By packing the way he had, Taekwoon had accidentally planted a ticking time bomb that was going to blow up his life, some time within the next eight hours. 

He couldn’t stop pacing.

Across Jaehwan’s living room, from one wall lined with shelves to the other that consisted only of windows, and then back again.

And again.

Jaehwan wasn’t home yet either; Taekwoon had let himself in with the key Jaehwan had given him over three years ago.

Always zipped within the inside pocket of his little rollaboard. 

Jaehwan had an evening show that day and he wouldn’t arrive for another half an hour. 

What was Jaehwan going to say? 

Jaehwan didn’t want to hurt Hakyeon; he had refrained from asking Taekwoon to leave Hakyeon for him, had held himself removed from their relationship for nearly as long as there had _been_ a real relationship. 

He was such a good person.

The idea of Hakyeon finding out, of Hakyeon being wounded or getting angry, was going to upset him terribly. 

Taekwoon knew this, and yet he had removed the choice from Jaehwan’s hands without Jaehwan’s knowledge anyway. 

Because something inside him had  _ snapped _ last night. 

Around two in the morning, buzzing on caffeine and a few sips of whisky taken straight out of the bottle hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk. 

Taekwoon had been filled, all at once, with such a poignant mixture of gladness and sorrow that he had broken down in tears. 

Folding his arms atop his desk and sobbing into them.

Still unsure if they had been more happy tears or sad ones.

Mourning for the dull but easy lifestyle of his past and rejoicing at the prospect of a future full of happiness, both ideas taking hold of him simultaneously. 

Taekwoon couldn't imagine Jaehwan’s reaction just then. 

He was too nervous.

His pacing steps had carried Taekwoon into the kitchen and he opened the fridge, staring into it in search of something to eat.

Jaehwan’s rather juvenile love of sweets and junk food provided Taekwoon with a wealth of unhealthy snacking options.

Almost too many options to choose from. 

He settled on a cheese stick and a can of grapefruit seltzer; unwrapping the cheese first.

Nibbling on it in a way that reminded him irresistibly of a rabbit.

The loud pop of the can being opened startled Taekwoon, since he hadn’t been entirely paying attention as he opened it, and he seized up. 

Body jolting so hard he nearly dropped the cheese stick. 

But eating, drinking, these were good things to help occupy Taekwoon’s mind. 

And the infusion of calories also helped his caffeine shakes begin to subside. 

As soon as his snack was finished, Taekwoon resumed pacing, the can of seltzer now fizzing quietly in one hand. 

He took his phone from his pocket as he walked and then put it back without checking anything. 

Glanced at the watch on his wrist without actually noticing the time. 

Worried his bottom lip between his teeth so hard that he accidentally broke the skin, washing the tang of copper from his tongue with grapefruit effervescence. 

The key turning in the lock made Taekwoon jump again, and he froze mid step. 

Fear constricting his lungs, chest tight with worry. 

_Jaehwan_ being angry with  him  was an option Taekwoon had done his best not to consider.

Being so angry at Taekwoon for making a decision that would affect both their lives that he would kick both Taekwoon and his bags out onto the curb, and never wish to see either again. 

That didn’t sound like something his Jaehwan would do, but all the same, the idea of it only added to Taekwoon’s growing anxiety.

He was almost full to bursting.

The doorknob twisted and then the door was pushed open, and Jaehwan was there.

Features still accentuated by his stage makeup, a bag slung over one shoulder, dark wool coat hanging over his slender frame like a shroud. 

_ Breathtaking.  _

“Woonie!” Jaehwan exclaimed, a hand fluttering to his chest in surprise.

First, noticing Taekwoon standing in the center of his living room, then taking in the multitude of luggage scattered over the floor. 

“Woonie?”

“Y-yes?” Taekwoon asked, mentally cursing his voice for leaving him in a stutter. 

It took another moment for Jaehwan’s eyes to narrow in thought. 

And then to widen in understanding. 

“Taekwoon, what have you done?”

No nickname, no pet name either.

Not a promising sign.

But, then again, Taekwoon hadn’t properly explained yet. 

“Sweetheart, don’t be angry,” he said, raising his hands as though trying to both ward off and subdue some oncoming, furious storm. 

That really could have been phrased better. 

“Hear me out, and when I’m done you are more than welcome to be angry if that’s what you feel, but just hear me out first,” Taekwoon tried. 

A slight improvement. 

Jaehwan was still standing on the threshold, arms crossed, hip jutting in one direction and opposite leg jutting the other way.

Mouth shut tight, slight lines creasing the center of his forehead. 

“Come in, at least, please? You standing there like that is making me- well.”

Jaehwan arched one dramatic eyebrow, carved out and darkened by one of the theater's makeup artists so it ended in a razor sharp point. 

The gesture no doubt a response to being instructed to _ ‘come in’  _ to his own home. 

He stared at Taekwoon for a few seconds more, then stepped inside and shut the door with a businesslike snap. 

“Go on, then,” Jaehwan replied, winding around Taekwoon’s bags and taking a seat on the sofa, crossing his legs at the knee, “Explain. And when you’re done, you can explain what the hell you did with my meds.”

Taekwoon moved to sit beside him, ignoring the inevitable question of Jaehwan’s missing pill bottles for the moment, perching on the sofa like an anxious sparrow. 

Opened his mouth to begin and then closed it again. 

Words sticking in his throat. 

Somehow, giving voice to what he had done was more frightening than the actual  _ doing  _ itself. 

It would make everything so real, so finite. 

The panic beginning to curdle the contents of his stomach was forestalled as Jaehwan reached out to brush fingertips over Taekwoon’s knuckles. 

Touching Taekwoon’s knee and then taking his hand.

The contact had a grounding effect on Taekwoon and he cleared his throat, clutching Jaehwan’s proffered hand in both of his own, letting the warmth and steadiness of it fortify him until the panic subsided. 

“Do you remember what it was like to be hopeful about the future?”

An odd place to start his explanation, but Taekwoon couldn’t think of another way. 

Jaehwan’s eyes narrowed further. 

“I mean,” Taekwoon continued, forcing the words out with all his strength, “Remember your first week of university? That feeling that all first-week uni students have, like the life stretching out before them is full of unending promise and possibilities?”

“I didn’t go to smartass school like you and Yeon. There was nothing hopeful or fulfilling about it for me,” Jaehwan replied, relenting at the pleading look no doubt written on Taekwoon’s face, “But yes, I get the general idea. What’s your point?”

“My point,” Taekwoon said, doing his best to gather his scattered thoughts, “Is that, for the first time in nearly ten years, I feel hopeful again. Excited about what the future may hold. I was so used to the status quo, to living the life that has always been and deemed appropriate and correct, always doing what was expected of me, that I hadn’t noticed my own hope had died.”

Taekwoon let out a shaky sigh, tightening his hold on Jaehwan’s hand. “After I left here last night, I had some startling revelations, and it will be easier if I just give you a play-by-play, so the field is clearly outlined before we start making any plans.”

“We are not brainstorming strategies for a football match, Woonie,” Jaehwan replied, a badly hidden smile tugging up the corner of his mouth, “But go ahead. Give me the rundown.”

And Taekwoon did. 

He told Jaehwan everything; what he had seen, the haphazard plans he had concocted in the middle of the night, each item he had packed and why he had packed it. 

Let the thoughts that had been whirling around inside his skull pour out of his mouth. 

Not holding back a single thing. 

Laying his whole self at Jaehwan’s feet and then waiting for Jaehwan to decide what to do with him. 

“I am so proud of you,” Jaehwan said, after Taekwoon’s story had finished and he had momentarily lapsed into pensive silence, “And if you really feel so strongly that this path is what’s best for you, then I'll gladly follow you along it.”

Supportive words, a good start, but Jaehwan was still frowning. 

He was saying the things Taekwoon desperately wanted to hear, but-

“Are you sure? Sure you’re okay with all this?”

Jaehwan frowned harder, looking down at their interwoven fingers.

“You know I love you. Anything that makes you happy makes me happy too, and if being with me will make you happy then I am all the happier.”

He’d just said the word  _ happy  _ four times in a row.

Taekwoon was starting to feel a little light headed. 

“You don’t look very happy...”

“I’m in fucking shock, Taekwoon,” Jaehwan said, his voice the slightest bit high pitched, “I wasn’t expecting you to just runaway from home like this, its incredibly unlike you.”

Taekwoon knew that.

He was a planner. 

Someone who was always three steps ahead, always checking and rechecking and then rechecking again so nothing could go wrong, no mistakes could be made. 

Running away from home was actually an apt description of what he’d done. 

“This feels like a dream.”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything. 

“I knew you guys had a fucked up marriage,” Jaehwan muttered, pulling his fingers from Taekwoon’s grip and slumping down against the cushions, covering his face with both hands, “But Jesus Christ.”

Taekwoon still didn't say anything.

“I mean, I know I'm a part of the problem, don't get me wrong, but both of you?! _ Both of you  _ having affairs simultaneously? Wouldn't it just have been easier to have an open relationship?”

“No,” Taekwoon said, voice surprisingly firm, “I don’t want an open relationship.”

Jaehwan snorted, sliding sideways so he collapsed dramatically, his head resting on Taekwoon’s knee, “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Me neither,” Taekwoon murmured, threading his fingers through his lover's hair.

The strands still stiff with product.

“I can’t believe we can finally be together for real, it sounds too good to be true.”

“It sounds perfect.”

Jaehwan smiled against the fabric of Taekwoon's jeans.

Then raising himself up a bit, curling a hand around the back of Taekwoon’s neck and pulling him down. 

Kissing Taekwoon on the mouth so sweetly that Taekwoon could taste sugar. 

Taekwoon leaned into it, into him, feeling Jaehwan’s lips part slightly and dipping his tongue between them. 

Cradling that perfect face in his hands.

They could be _ together.  _

Jaehwan could really be _ his.  _

Taekwoon maneuvered Jaehwan the rest of the way up and drew him closer, a bit more roughly than he had been aiming for.

That possessive streak making its presence known. 

He traced the seam of Jaehwan’s lips with his tongue, hugging Jaehwan’s body against his so tightly that Jaehwan squeaked in protest.

But Taekwoon didn’t let him go.

Couldn’t let him go.

Leaning back into the cushions so Jaehwan was draped halfway across his lap. 

Kissing him still. 

Feeling his own pulse jump as he did so, always so close to the edge of excitement whenever Jaehwan was near. 

Jaehwan was the first to break away, turning his head enough that he could catch his breath.

Panting shallowly against Taekwoon’s jaw. 

Catching sight of his slightly swollen mouth, Taekwoon chased him.

Biting playfully at Jaehwan’s reddened bottom lip.

Jaehwan laughed then, a bright sound that had Taekwoon laughing too.

And then the laughter stopped. 

“Yeonie’s gunna fucking lose it.”

As he had spoken, the expression of baffled amusement that had graced Jaehwan’s face dropped away as quickly as it had appeared.

“I know.”

“He’s going to be so angry.”

“I know.”

Jaehwan sat back a little, not so far that Taekwoon couldn’t touch him, but just enough that he could lean his shoulder against the backrest. 

Gaze distant and mind far away.

“He’s literally gunna wreck me.”

_ Angry Hakyeon  _ was a concept Taekwoon only really understood where it concerned other people. 

They’d always gotten on so well, interactions always so pleasant, that Hakyeon had never truly been angry with Taekwoon.

Obviously, they’d had disagreements every now and then, as happened in most relationships, they'd even taken a break once or twice. 

And Hakyeon had been annoyed with him before on multiple occasions, but never properly angry.

Taekwoon had seen his husband's anger, though, when it was directed at others; a silent, frigid thing of unforgiving ice.

Daunting, menacing, honestly downright terrifying, and Taekwoon had been glad to never personally feel that wrath aimed at him.

But Jaehwan had known Hakyeon longer, been friends with him since they were in high school.

And he _ had,  _ so far as Taekwoon was aware, been caught in the grip of Hakyeon's anger before. 

He had more cause to worry than Taekwoon did, where anger was concerned.

Part of Jaehwan’s job was modeling for Hakyeon’s label. 

There was a photo of him in Hakyeon’s office at home, blown up so it was nearly life-size, one which Taekwoon snuck covert glances at all the time; Jaehwan and two other models, showing off Hakyeon’s very first collection.

If Hakyeon learned about what they had been doing, of not only Taekwoon’s betrayal but Jaehwan’s as well, he would no doubt fire Jaehwan on the spot. 

Would want nothing more to do with him. 

Would shun him, and that would cause all his friends to shun Jaehwan too.

Talk would spread around the pool of young successfuls in which both Jaehwan and Hakyeon swam. 

Gossip; mean gossip that would stick to Jaehwan for years, that would sully his reputation.

Not because that would be Hakyeon's intention, Hakyeon wasn’t that flavor of vindictive, but because that was the way things always turned out. 

And that sullied reputation would precede him in whatever he did; Jaehwan would no longer be referred to as that handsome actor with the voice of an angel, he would be the guy who slept around with married men.

Because _ Taekwoon,  _ Hakyeon would be able to understand why he’d done what he’d done. 

Why a spouse might look for attention outside of a relationship because they were not getting what they needed from their partner alone.

He had done so himself. 

But the betrayal of a  _ best friend? _

The fact that Jaehwan had allowed Taekwoon to run to him, that Jaehwan had agreed to it, that Jaehwan had been sleeping with his husband behind his back for _ years? _

That was something Hakyeon would find absolutely unforgivable. 

It was the principle of the thing.

Taekwoon’s heart sank all at once. 

The nervous jitters evaporating, leaving his body feeling weak and drained. 

Utterly appalled with himself, his hasty, thoughtless actions.

Selfish.

So selfish.

He was always so fucking _ selfish. _

Focusing only on his own feelings, his own idiotic feeling of hope, without taking into account how anyone else would feel, how they would be impacted by his rashness. 

Jaehwan wasn’t the naïve, overly-sensitive little piece of damaged goods that he’d been when they met, or not in the same way.

He hadn’t been that way for a long time.

Had done too much growing up.

But Taekwoon knew that person still lived at the heart of Jaehwan, and he realized now, that  _ that  _ Jaehwan would not be able to handle the ordeal he was about to be put through if all things proceeded and Hakyeon found out this way.

It would kill him.

This could still be undone, Taekwoon realized, a great lump rising in his throat.

He still had time to fix it.

Time enough to take the bags back home and unpack them, excuse the mess, say he was going through his things to see what needed getting rid of.

Time enough to say that his business trip had been canceled, that the person he had been planning to meet with had gotten sick and rescheduled last minute. 

Time enough to postpone his respite in this haven, wait another week before coming there to bask in Jaehwan’s light, to bask in his love. 

Because no matter what, Taekwoon wouldn’t be able to let Jaehwan go.

No matter if he were married or divorced, no matter in which apartment he lived, Jaehwan leaving his life was a sheer _ impossibility.  _

Taekwoon couldn’t begrudge Hakyeon his dalliance's, he wasn’t hurt by them, didn’t mind them. 

He didn’t care if Hakyeon slept with someone else in secret as long as Hakyeon was happy. 

He could live with that, live with it easily, and continue on as though everything was normal. 

But the idea of losing Jaehwan was more than Taekwoon could bear. 

“I have made a mistake,” Taekwoon whispered, the tremor returning to his fingers where he held them clasped in his lap.

Jaehwan raised his head, confusion swimming in his eyes as he asked, “What?”

“I have made a mistake,” Taekwoon repeated, forcing his body into movement, “I need to go back.”

He stood, limbs working mechanically as he gathered his luggage about him.

Slung his duffle bag across his chest and balanced his backpack atop one of his suitcases. 

Trying not to look in his lover's direction, Jaehwan stunned and bewildered where he still sat on the sofa.

“Your meds are in the oven. We can have our holiday next week and I’ll call you when I get to work tomorrow morning, okay?”

“What?” Jaehwan asked again, a clear note of upset in his voice now, “You’re leaving!? I thought- what?”

“This was a  _ mistake,” _ said Taekwoon, words rising slightly in volume as he began rolling his suitcases toward the door, “Yeon isn’t home yet, if he was, he would have called by now. I have to think this through properly, find a way to do it while causing the least collateral damage, if such a thing is possible.”

“But you packed,” replied Jaehwan, finally standing up, “You made a decision. You packed and left and came here, and you were following your heart for a change. And now- you’re just going to go back and pretend like nothing happened?”

“Yes.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?!”

“Because doing it this way will hurt Yeon too much, and when he’s hurt he gets angry, and it won't be me he’ll be angry with, it’ll be you! I was stupid to do this, stupid and rash, and I didn’t consider- I need to figure out how to manage him without ruining your reputation in the process.”

Jaehwan stomped across the room, grabbing Taekwoon’s wrist and pulling him to a stop. 

“Don’t pretend this is some act of chivalry,” he spat, yanking the bags from Taekwoon's hands, “You’re just scared!”

“Yes, I am, I’m scared for  _ you!” _

“No you’re not!”

“Yes I am, I don’t have time to argue with you right now!”

Jaehwan didn’t understand, but that was okay for the moment. 

Taekwoon would explain it to him in the morning when he got to the office, when he would be free to speak to Jaehwan without the threat of being overheard.

He just had to _ go  _ now, go before it was too late and Hakyeon got home, go before the situation was beyond repair.

“Then why did you fucking come here in the first place?!” Jaehwan cried, shoving one of the suitcases away so it banged into the wall, “Was it some kind of prank? Get my hopes up and then just bail?!”

“I came because I was acting on a whim! I wish I hadn't, but not for the reasons you’re assuming!”

“Oh, yeah, I bet you wish you fucking hadn’t! Get out! Go run back home to your boss before you get put in time-out!”

Taekwoon exhaled a breath, short and sharp, spinning around to look his furious lover in the eye.

“You don't understand the ramifications all this would have on your life, do you?” he asked, voice grave, “What will happen to you personally, professionally- everything?”

“Of course I fucking do!” Jaehwan shouted, paying no attention to the fact that his front door was open and that his neighbors would undoubtedly be able to hear him, “I’ve known it from day one! I’m a grownup! The choices I made were mine then, and they are mine now! I understand exactly what I’ve gotten myself into, Taekwoon, and I don’t regret anything that has happened or will happen or may possibly happen, because I love you! Do you  understand that?!”

“I understand that you’re reckless,” Taekwoon said, forcing himself to sound calm, not to rise to Jaehwan's volume, “And I understand your propensity for self-destruction. I won’t put you through more suffering because of my selfishness, Jaehwan, you deserve better than that.”

Taekwoon stepped away, rolling one of his large bags into the hall before returning to collect the one Jaehwan had knocked over. 

Eyes glued on the floor.

Sure in the knowledge that he was doing the right thing, but not trusting his resolve to last much longer in the face of Jaehwan’s turbulence. 

“So, what do I deserve then? I deserve to be  _ the other man  _ for the rest of our lives?”

Unnervingly quiet.

Taekwoon’s head snapped up automatically, himself and the final bag only a step across the threshold, lost for words.

But Jaehwan kept talking. 

“I _deserve_ to be relegated to the background? Only loved when it’s convenient?”

“Sweetheart, that's not what I meant-”

“Then what _ did  _ you mean?”

Again, Taekwoon didn’t know what to say.

_ Was  _ that what he meant?

No, of course it wasn’t. 

He just needed more time to think, more time to calculate the best solution, find a way to make things right that would spare them all. 

But his mouth wouldn’t move; standing frozen in the hallway, watching Jaehwan crumble. 

“I’ve never asked for more than you could give, Woonie, I’ve never asked you to give anything up. Not your life, not your marriage, nothing. And I can manage, only taking what you gave to me willingly. But not this. I can’t handle this level of back and forth. It’s too much. It’s too cruel.”

A quiet sniff. 

“Don’t come back here until you make up your mind.”

And then, before he could stop it, the door was shut in his face.

Not slammed, like Taekwoon would have expected. 

Shut quietly and entirely without theatrics. 

Taekwoon didn’t try to open it again, despite still having his key.

He had to hurry now. 

Hurry, to salvage the situation. 

Hurry, so Jaehwan’s feelings wouldn’t have been hurt for no reason. 

_ Hurry.  _

When Hakyeon finally arrived home just before midnight, he found Taekwoon reorganizing his vinyl collection on the living room floor. 

Taekwoon gave his excuses, voice barely above a whisper. 

He couldn’t even meet Hakyeon’s eyes as he gave them.

Heart empty.

Hands cold.

The hope he had been so filled with less than twelve hours ago, entirely gone. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“It’s so nice to have you back, Hwannie, you’re never allowed to travel for that long again,” Hakyeon said, reaching across the square dining table and squeezing Jaehwan's hand.

Jaehwan smiled in return, pleasant, but his eyes were vacant. 

Like he wasn’t really there.

And he hadn’t looked at Taekwoon once.

“Six months _was_ a bit much,” he replied, retracting his hand and resting it in his lap, “I’m still getting used to being home.”

“Well, we’re all glad you’re here,” Hakyeon said, grinning, and then turning his attention to the blonde haired, blue eyed man seated at Jaehwan’s side. 

Jaehwan had _not_ been traveling for six months. 

A fact that, out of everyone seated around the square table, only Taekwoon knew.

And he knew only because he had pestered Jaehwan's assistant so relentlessly that the poor guy had given in and confessed. 

Jaehwan had been in a hospital first, and then in a rehab facility where he had been kept for two and a half months, very much against his will. 

And  _ then _ he had traveled. 

Taking a leave of absence from his theater work and going abroad to America; returning to his status quo and revisiting old habits. 

Which was presumably where the American sitting next to him with an arm slung around the back of his chair had come from. 

Taekwoon would know, if he had bothered to listen to Hakyeon and the man’s polite small talk. 

He’d listened only long enough to hear the man tell a very curious Wonshik (in his horrid accent) that he was a movie producer, before tuning out of the conversation. 

“I’ll be right back,” Jaehwan said quietly, muttering something about ice cubes as he hurried away in the direction of the kitchen. 

Taekwoon managed to stay seated for seventeen seconds before getting up and following Jaehwan down the hall, not even bothering to make an excuse.

On his way out, he heard Hakyeon laugh and then murmur in an almost conspiratorial tone, “Don’t worry, they’re old enemies. Probably just have some scores to settle now that Jaehwan’s home. Best leave them to it.”

As he had expected, Taekwoon found Jaehwan in the kitchen, dabbing at his nose with the back of his hand and searching the cabinets for something.

Probably a glass, if that thing about wanting ice was true.

“You’re back,” Taekwoon said, not as cautious as he once had been, reaching out to lay a hand on Jaehwan's arm, “I didn’t know you were back. You didn’t tell me.”

Jaehwan flinched at his touch and pulled away.

“Why should I have told you? You had no reason to know.”

“I had every reason to know; I’ve been worried sick-“

“What do you want, Taekwoon?” Jaehwan interrupted, voice short. 

He still refused to meet Taekwoon's eye.

“I  _ want  _ to know how you are, how you really are, not whatever lies you’ve told everyone else. And I want to know why you’ve been ignoring my calls.”

“How I am and what I do are no concern of yours anymore. You made up your mind.”

And there it was.

How couldn’t Taekwoon forget?

He hadn’t  _ made up his mind  _ so much as  _ taken too long.  _

Because no matter how hard he tried to figure it out, Taekwoon still couldn’t find a way to end things with Hakyeon, to be honest with him about why things needed to end, and have all parties involved emerge unscathed. 

As far as he was aware, it was impossible. 

The problem certainly gave credence to the old playboy law: _‘if you want to be with multiple people at the same time, make sure they’re from different social circles’._

By now, though, Taekwoon was _long_ past the point of trying to minimize damage. 

“I was going to tell him, sweetheart. I was just waiting for you to get out of rehab. But then you took off to America before I had a chance to tell you that. And I’ve tried to tell you multiple times but you have been ignoring my calls.”

“Bullshit,” Jaehwan breathed, finally locating a suitable glass and pacing over the fridge. 

Taekwoon trailed after him, the feeling of desperation he had been stewing in for the past half a year still very much present. 

Jaehwan tugged the freezer door open and scooped a few ice cubes into his glass, movements unsure, like he’d forgotten what he was doing halfway through. 

He stood up and set the glass on the counter, turning to look at a point somewhere over Taekwoon's left shoulder.

“If you’d really wanted things to change, then you wouldn’t have decided to come back here in the first place, you wouldn’t have left. Not that it matters anymore.”

Conscious of where they were but no longer caring, Taekwoon slipped his arms around Jaehwan's middle and backed him up against the counter. 

Catching Jaehwan's wrists in his hands.

Holding them firmly against his chest. 

That possessive streak again.

“I didn’t  _ leave,  _ Jaehwan. I could never leave you. Never,” he said quietly, grip tightening when Jaehwan tried to squirm away.

“Semantics don’t matter, you’ve missed your chance. I’m off the market.”

“And I’ve been off the market since we met. That's never stopped us before.”

Jaehwan's breathing was growing shallow, glaring at the center of Taekwoon's chin. 

Fingers flexing against the fabric of Taekwoon's shirt. 

“I’ve missed you and I love you and I want to know what’s going on,” said Taekwoon.

They were so close, Taekwoon could easily pick out the dark flecks in his love’s chocolate brown eyes. 

“What’s going on,” Jaehwan hissed, successfully shaking Taekwoon off on the third attempt and skittering a few feet away, “Is that whatever we were is over. And if you wanna manhandle someone, go manhandle your husband.”

With that, Jaehwan snatched up his glass and walked out the door into the hall, leaving Taekwoon standing in the kitchen.

Alone.

  
~♡♡♡♡♡~  
  
  



	9. I was eager to escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prequel to Chapter 5  
> (Takes place roughly 4/5 years before that)
> 
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I was eager to escape’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 7k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Taekwoon sat on a high stool in the hotel bar, fresh off a full day of meetings, sipping a mojito through a tiny straw. 

He didn’t need to be there, really.

Only one city away from the one in which he lived, two hours at most.

Could have easily taken the late train home and slept in his own bed that night.

But Taekwoon wasn’t tired, and he was enjoying his evening of freedom.

Away from home and everything that  _ home _ contained. 

Not having anyone to answer to, even if just for one night; breathing fresh, unfamiliar air was a welcome escape. 

He was finding a dark kind of joy in it. 

A strand of pink hair fluttered in front of his eyes and Taekwoon pushed it lazily back off his forehead. 

Staring around at the dimly lit room.

People-watching. 

A large group had just come in, and Taekwoon looked at them over the rim of his glass. 

It was some kind of work party, most likely, as they all seemed familiar with each other but lacked the casualness normally seen between genuine friends. 

Taekwoon did not usually enjoy being around large groups of people, but that was the great thing about a bar.

Lots of people in the same room, within close proximity, but each still somehow removed from the other. 

A crowded, lonely place. 

Unless, of course, that sense of wonderful anonymity was broken by someone approaching another, which was what was about to happen to Taekwoon. 

He had caught the man’s eye for only a split second, but that had been long enough. 

A tiny flash of recognition.

A tiny furrow in his brow. 

“I’m so sorry, do I know you?”

Taekwoon turned his head slightly, sipping his drink, looking the man who had approached him up and down. 

He was good looking. 

Maybe Taekwoon’s age or a few years younger. 

Slightly built, with an angular face and fluffy brown hair. 

Big brown eyes framed by an even bigger pair of wire-rimmed glasses. 

He was wearing a dark green suit with a black turtleneck underneath, and his thick lips were a very pretty shade of pink. 

“Don’t think so,” Taekwoon replied, turning away to look at the wide array of fancy bottles on the wall. 

For some reason, the man didn’t go away at his obvious dismissal. 

“Are you positive?” he asked, hopping up on the empty stool beside Taekwoon and openly staring, “I could have sworn I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

Resigning himself to taking part in the inane conversation, Taekwoon spun his own stool a little, reaching out to stop its momentum with a hand on the bar top. 

“Pretty positive. If we’d met before, I’d definitely remember that face.”

The man smiled a smile that was almost shy, his round cheeks tinged with a soft blush.

“Was that a flirt? Are you flirting with me?”

Taekwoon  _ had _ been, even though he really shouldn’t have. 

But he simply shrugged in response, suppressing a snort of laughter at the man’s weird wording.

The man held out a hand for Taekwoon to shake, still smiling as he said, “My name is Lee Jaehwan. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Taekwoon shook, but oddly enough, that name _ did  _ actually sound familiar. 

“Jung Taekwoon, and the pleasure is all mine.”

At the sound of his name, the man’s eyes widened a touch. 

He leaned over, peering at Taekwoon, his face close enough that Taekwoon could now see that the lenses in his glasses were fake. 

“That’s a bit forward if you, we’ve only just met,” Taekwoon murmured, leaning back so that he could no longer count the dark flecks scattered inside Jaehwan’s chocolate colored irises. 

But Jaehwan wasn’t listening. 

“I _ knew  _ I recognized you from somewhere!” he exclaimed, bouncing a little in his seat, “You're Jung Taekwoon! Yeonie’s boyfriend!”

“You know Hakyeon?”

“Of course!”

God, Hakyeon really did have friends  _ everywhere. _

There was no escaping him.

Jaehwan poked his arm.

“You  _ seriously _ don’t recognize me?! There’s a giant fucking picture of me hanging on his office wall!”

Taekwoon gave a noncommittal hum. 

Watching, again over the rim of his glass, as Jaehwan huffed out a breath. 

Watching as he took off his glasses and set them on the bar top.

Watching as ran his fingers through his hair so it lay up and back, swept off his forehead in a gentle if slightly messy wave, and then tilted his chin up a bit.

Watching as he affected a bored expression, that pouty mouth opened slightly and turned down at the corners in a weirdly sexy parody of a frown. 

And then, startlingly enough, Taekwoon  _ did  _ recognize him. 

One of the models in Hakyeon’s _ ‘first collection’ _ photo. 

Taekwoon had seen it many times now, but he’d never met the models before. 

And he hadn’t recognized Jaehwan simply because he would have  _ never _ expected the guy in the picture to be so peppy and cutesy in person. 

Taekwoon hummed again, nodding a bit in affirmation. 

“Seriously, it’s just glasses and a little less hairspray. I’m not Clark Kent, I can’t look all  _ that _ different,” Jaehwan grumbled, setting his glasses back on the bridge of his nose and nudging his hair back down over his forehead. 

“It’s not your looks so much, more your demeanor,” Taekwoon replied, in quiet amusement, “You seem much cooler in your picture.”

“I liked you better when you were trying to flirt,” Jaehwan grumbled. 

Taekwoon ignored that, raising a hand to signal the bartender.

“What’s your poison?”

“Literally anything with tequila.”

Taekwoon nodded, lazily flipping open the drinks menu and scanning it just as the bartender appeared. 

“He’ll have a Paloma,” he said, inclining his head in Jaehwan’s direction, “Put it on my tab. And while you’re here, I’ll have another one of these, please.”

“What’s a Paloma?” Jaehwan asked, once the bartender had moved away.

“Something with tequila in it.”

“Ah. Well- thanks anyway. I can pay you back, hold on.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Taekwoon replied, laying a hand on Jaehwan’s wrist to stop him from taking out his wallet. 

Deciding to get the nitty gritty out of the way as soon as possible, he added, “So, how do you know Yeon? Aside from having your picture on his wall.”

“Oh yeah!” Jaehwan chirped, forgetting all about his wallet and smiling up at Taekwoon once again, “We went to high school together!”

“How come I’ve never met you?”

Jaehwan’s brow furrowed in thought for a moment. 

“Well, I’ve been out here working on a show for the past five months, and haven’t had a chance to go home for a visit. You guys haven’t been together that long, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Taekwoon repeated, “Only four months. I guess you’ve been out here since then.”

Then he paused to take a final sip of mojito from his now empty glass. 

“And you two are close?”

“Best friends,” Jaehwan replied, “Proper best friends, you know? Like, promised-to-be-best-man-at-each-others-weddings level best friends.”

“Are you married?” Taekwoon asked, changing the subject. 

Deciding that was enough conversation on the Hakyeon front. 

They were currently having a fight. 

Or, not a real _ fight,  _ just extra annoyed with each other and on a temporary break. 

The last thing Taekwoon wanted to talk about tonight was his bossy, domineering, little control-freak of a boyfriend. 

Jaehwan spluttered, adorably shocked by the question. 

“Nope, single. Are  _ you  _ married?”

“Nope. You would have been Hakyeon's best man at my wedding, you should know.”

“Oh, duh. Sorry.”

The faint blush had never really left Jaehwan’s face and it grew a shade darker as he accepted his drink from the bartender.

Holding it in both hands and sipping with his eyes closed. 

A soft expression settled over his face as he drank and Taekwoon found himself liking it; that expression as well as that face.

He was enjoying watching Jaehwan.

Enjoying flustering him too. 

“So, how is a person as cute as you still single?” Taekwoon asked, smiling in secret delight at the little choking sound Jaehwan made in response.

“Not for lack of trying,” he grumbled, grimacing, “I guess I just haven’t found the right guy yet.”

“Your teeth are very straight,” Taekwoon said, in a conversational tone. 

Because they were.

Exposed by that grimace, Taekwoon had been able to see that Jaehwan’s teeth were very straight and very, very white. 

“Don’t look at my teeth!” Jaehwan squeaked, covering his mouth with one hand, “Don’t think about them either!”

“Why not?”

“Because it means you’re thinking about putting something in my mouth!”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything, choosing instead to take a sip of his fresh drink and stare passively at Jaehwan. 

Watching his face grow redder with each passing second. 

“I mean- people only think about other people's teeth if a) they’re noticeably bad, or b) that thing I just said that I hope to god I’ll never repeat,” Jaehwan clarified, a bit lamely in Taekwoon's opinion.

Another sip. 

“Okay, well thanks for the drink. I’m gunna go before I embarrass myself any further,” Jaehwan said, after the silence had stretched out a bit too long. 

He made to hop down off his stool but Taekwoon stopped him, loosely gripping Jaehwan’s wrist. 

“Sit and tell me about yourself,” he murmured, coaxing Jaehwan back up to sitting before letting him go, “If all I get in exchange for a drink is a lecture about teeth, I’ll be extremely disappointed.”

“What do you want to know?” Jaehwan asked, eyeing Taekwoon in a way that came off as cautious. 

Taekwoon sipped. 

And then Taekwoon smiled. 

“Everything.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

A few hours past, probably two, if Taekwoon had to guess, although he wasn’t paying much attention to his watch. 

So far, he had discovered quite a few things about his new friend. 

That Jaehwan  _ was  _ younger than him, but not by much; twenty-four to Taekwoon’s twenty-six.

That Jaehwan was only three shows away from finishing up a run of the musical Cinderella, in which he played the prince, and that he was dying to come back home. 

That Jaehwan had only started modeling for Hakyeon as a favor; he’d done all the first shoots pro bono, and somehow ended up with a part time modeling career that paid the majority of his bills all on its own. 

That Jaehwan had been recruited by the national theater company straight out of high school but had initially turned it down, wishing to go to university instead; although he’d only lasted for a year before begging the theater to take him back, which they mercifully had. 

Taekwoon had learned that Jaehwan was somehow very loud and very quiet at the same time, and was extremely easy to be around.

That he had a terrible case of foot-in-mouth syndrome when speaking to new people. 

That he liked drinking even more than Taekwoon, which was honestly an admirable achievement.

That he’d had only one real boyfriend, and that almost everyone else in his life hadn’t stuck around, including both family and other prospective partners; that last of which had been mentioned with an elaborate casualness that Taekwoon didn't quite believe. 

That he was slightly naïve, as well as slightly attention-starved, and that he was very touchy; lacking a fundamental understanding of other people’s personal space. 

Not that Taekwoon minded, of course. 

Jaehwan had dragged Taekwoon over to his castmates and introduced him to every single one of them, referring to Taekwoon as a  _ ’long lost family friend’. _

And then Taekwoon had dragged him away again. 

Wanting a monopoly on his attention. 

Although he had to admit, watching Jaehwan talk to his friends while standing right next to him was  _ unhelpfully  _ amusing. 

At certain points, he would almost seem to forget that Taekwoon was there. 

Chattering happily away to whoever he was speaking with.

And then he would very suddenly remember that Taekwoon was there, exquisitely conscious of Taekwoon’s proximity. 

He wouldn’t stop talking, but he would stutter a little.

Would look quickly at Taekwoon, then look away, then look and look away again, blushing harder with each look. 

And then he  _ would  _ stop talking, either to listen to the other person's reply or to take a sip of his drink, growing fidgety and restless until it was his turn to speak again. 

All Taekwoon had to do was stand silently at his side and enjoy the show. 

“That needs refilling,” Taekwoon said quietly, towing Jaehwan back to the bar by the hand and signaling the bartender for another round.

“So does yours,” replied Jaehwan, only moving to shrug off his dark green blazer once Taekwoon had released him. 

The black turtleneck wasn’t as form fitting as Taekwoon had assumed, slightly baggy around the middle before disappearing where Jaehwan had tucked it in. 

But if Taekwoon had to take a bet, he’d guess that Jaehwan had a very nice body hidden away under all the layers. 

Taekwoon sat on the barstool, a different one than the one he had been previously occupying, all the way in the far corner now. 

A strategic move to try and minimize nearby distractions. 

Jaehwan hopped up beside him, still chattering away at top speed. 

Lightly touching Taekwoon’s knee or forearm every time he thought Taekwoon’s attention had wandered. 

They didn’t seem to be deliberate, the touches, more a reflex action than anything else, but Taekwoon still felt a little  _ zing  _ of excitement every time he did it. 

“You’re blushing,” Taekwoon remarked calmly, after Jaehwan had blushed in response to one of his comments for probably the thirtieth time. 

Jaehwan hid his face in his hands, fake glasses and all. 

“I know, I can’t help it,” he whined, a pitiful sound, shoulders slumping in defeat. 

Taekwoon was just buzzed enough that he allowed his smile to show. 

Gently pulling Jaehwan’s hands down so he could look at that lovely face. 

There was palpable chemistry between them, Taekwoon had noticed it almost immediately. 

Able to see it in each of Jaehwan’s reactions.

In the way they had automatically moved closer together whilst walking around in the crowd. 

In the way his skin seemed to spark each time Jaehwan was close enough to touch, like an electric current was running from one of them to the other. 

It was pure attraction, on Taekwoon’s part anyway.

The kind of raw, uninhibited fascination that was impossible to ignore.

Nothing like the slightly boring but pleasant affection he had gotten used to feeling. 

There was nothing  _ boring  _ about this. 

Taekwoon realized he had been staring for a bit too long, but he didn’t stop. 

Leaning forwards instead of turning away.

Staring until Jaehwan dropped his gaze to the floor, then gently lifting Jaehwan’s chin with the tips of his fingers until their eyes met once more. 

“I like you,” he said, bold as you please, but keeping his tone neutral. 

Staring for a few seconds longer before settling back in his seat. 

Jaehwan gulped. 

Snatching up his glass and finishing half of it in one go. 

One knee bouncing nervously. 

Jaehwan was so, _ so _ much fun to fluster. 

There was a diabolical sweetness to it, to making Jaehwan stutter and flush, that Taekwoon found almost addicting. 

He couldn’t make himself stop.

“I like you too, but I- Uh. I shouldn't. You shouldn’t either,” Jaehwan mumbling, fiddling with the citrus wedge that was hanging off the rim of his glass.

Taekwoon looked at him blankly. 

“Why not?”

“You’re, you know,” Jaehwan widened his eyes for emphasis, “You’re dating Yeonie.”

“We are on a break,” Taekwoon replied, tone still even and measured.

Jaehwan gulped again. 

“Oh,” he murmured, brow furrowed in thought.

Frowning as he sipped his Paloma.

Very clearly trying to do some complicated mental gymnastics.

“Even so, exes and- people you’re on breaks with, are really off limits to friends, you know, I shouldn’t...”

Taekwoon sighed, raising his straw to his mouth and sucking down the last drops of effervescent liquor. 

“Stop thinking about should and should not,” he replied, setting his glass on the bar top and getting to his feet, “Instead, try thinking about what you  _ want.” _

He checked his pockets, making sure his phone and keycard were still there, ignoring the look of mild panic that had filled Jaehwan’s eyes as soon as he got up.

Probably thinking that Taekwoon was done paying attention to him. 

But, of course, Taekwoon wasn't. 

“I have a very nice bottle of red in my room, and I’m going to go drink that instead. Room 1405. Come up, if you figure out that’s what you want.”

And with that, Taekwoon turned and walked straight out of the bar. 

Not bothering to pause and settle his tab, as he’d already asked that it be charged to his main bill. 

Strides purposeful as he navigated his way across the sprawling hotel lobby toward the bank of elevators. 

The mechanical double doors were _ just  _ beginning to close when the sound of hasty footsteps reached him, someone sticking out their hand just in time to stop the doors sliding shut. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Jaehwan. 

“You didn’t have to leave like that,” he said, panting a little from giving chase, “I didn’t get to say goodnight to my friends.”

_ “You _ didn’t have to follow me like that,” Taekwoon replied easily. 

Slipping his hands into his pockets and leaning back against the elevator wall. 

Feeling incredibly pleased with himself.

Jaehwan stood on the opposite side, which wasn’t actually all that far away, legs crossed and feet together like a ballerina. 

Hands clasped in front of him and eyes trained on the floor. 

An agony of delightful anticipation filled Taekwoon as the elevator continued to move. 

Up and up and up at what felt like an excruciatingly slow speed. 

When the ding finally came to herald their arrival, Jaehwan jumped a little, but he followed Taekwoon out into the hall.

Light, fast steps carrying them both left and then straight until they reached Taekwoon’s door.

Jaehwan stood behind him as he swiped his keycard; Taekwoon could feel those big brown eyes staring at his back. 

Then the door was open and they stepped inside.

The large suite considerably darker than it had been when Taekwoon left.

“Why did you dye your hair pink?” Jaehwan asked, as Taekwoon shut the door.

Neither one of them flipped on the light switch. 

“I lost a bet but decided to keep it,” Taekwoon replied. 

He didn’t know who made the first move. 

They moved at the same time; one moment standing a few feet apart, arms around each other the next.

Taekwoon’s hands gripping Jaehwan’s waist.

Jaehwan’s fingers running through Taekwoon’s hair. 

Faces barely an inch apart.

“Why do you ask? Don’t you like it?” Taekwoon hummed, quickly untucking Jaehwan’s sweater.

Jaehwan swallowed, the movement of his adam’s apple unmistakable even in the near-dark. 

“I was just wondering. It’s- really pretty.”

Taekwoon kissed him then, finally, and kissed him hard. 

Drinking in the pleased little noise Jaehwan made as Taekwoon maneuvered him the few steps it would take for his back to collide with the wall. 

Taekwoon held him there, held him still, kissing his top lip, then his bottom lip, then the top lip again. 

Teasing.

“You’re beautiful,” Taekwoon said, barely above a whisper.

Watching Jaehwan’s lips part.

Watching his head drop back. 

Watching his chest rise and fall with the unsteadiness of his breath. 

“You’re beautiful and I _ want  _ you.”

Jaehwan tried to lean in then, tried to kiss him, but Taekwoon took a half step back.

Arm extended, One hand flat on his chest keeping Jaehwan in place.

“Tell me,” he instructed, in the same soft voice, pulse thrumming.

Very much enjoying the fact that  _ he _ was the one giving orders for a change. 

Something he could _never_ do, never _be,_ back home. 

Enjoying being the one in control. 

“I want you too,” Jaehwan replied, voice taking on a slight rasp that Taekwoon hadn’t heard yet, almost husky, “So, so badly.”

Taekwoon dropped his hand, catching Jaehwan up again and pressing their lips together. 

He could taste grapefruit and a hint of tequila on Jaehwan’s tongue, dipping into his mouth only a little at first. 

Then a little more, Jaehwan making another one of those pleased sounds as their tongues brushed. 

Tugging at Taekwoon’s hair with trembling fingers. 

Their hips grinding together, seeking friction, and causing both men to groan.

“You mentioned... something about... wine?” Jaehwan asked, the question broken up by kisses.

Taekwoon relented, but only the smallest bit, tugging the turtleneck off over Jaehwan’s head. 

“Do you want to stop and have it now? Or do you want to have it after?”

Jaehwan didn’t answer, distracted, going at Taekwoon’s belt with both hands and undoing the buckle.

Nibbling his own lower lip in concentration.

Taking the lack of a reply to mean  _ after,  _ Taekwoon ducked his head and pressed a kiss to the side of Jaehwan’s neck.

Pushing him back against the wall once more and trailing kisses across the delicate skin there. 

Pausing every now and then to suck a mark onto Jaehwan, biting a little too. 

Jaehwan gave a soft shiver at the first sensation of lips on his throat, and he gasped lightly, body melting against Taekwoon’s with that felt like practiced ease. 

It was  _ easy,  _ this, Taekwoon thought, running his teeth over Jaehwan’s adam’s apple. 

Easy and so, so _ good. _

Without giving any warning, Taekwoon bent down and hoisted Jaehwan into his arms.

A hand under each of his thighs.

Carrying him over to the bed and depositing him on it rather unceremoniously. 

Jaehwan squeaked when he was dropped but sat up almost immediately, returning his attention to Taekwoon’s belt.

“You left your jacket in the bar,” Taekwoon hummed, looking down at the top of Jaehwan’s head with genuine amusement.

Running his fingers through that poofy hair and mussing it up.

“I’ll get it later.”

“You’ll be busy later.”

Jaehwan let go of the now unconjoined halves of Taekwoon’s belt, unbuttoning his slacks, unzipping his fly.

“Then, I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“You’ll be busy then too.”

“Will I?” 

Taekwoon paused a moment, tugging his wallet from his pocket and removing the condom and small packet of lube he always kept in it. 

A habit formed at uni that he’d never broken, but exceedingly grateful for it now. 

“You will,” Taekwoon replied, taking his phone from his pocket as well. 

He ignored the seventeen missed texts from the last person he wanted to be bothered by, turned the phone all the way off, and then tossed it and his wallet on the corner of the bed. 

“You will,” he repeated, hands dropping to Jaehwan’s shoulders and pushing him down so he was lying on his back, “Because only one night with you could not _possibly_ be enough.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

After the first round was done, and the second, they’d dozed for an hour to regain some of their spent energy. 

The two had woken again sometime around three in the morning, or, Jaehwan had woken, and then pestered Taekwoon until he too had woken up. 

Sitting on him and playing with his hair and laying a multitude of quick pecks to Taekwoon’s lips. 

“Shower,” Jaehwan said, still sitting with his legs straddling Taekwoon’s ribs, tracing nonsense letters on Taekwoon’s pectoral. 

“Go ahead, it’s all yours,” Taekwoon replied sleepily, letting his eyes fall shut. 

Not pleased by that response, Jaehwan made a pouty noise and poked at Taekwoon’s cheek. 

“Shower,” he repeated, folding himself in half so their noses nearly touched. 

“You want me to shower with you?”

Jaehwan made another little noise, but this one sounded happy. 

“Alright,” Taekwoon sighed, taking a moment to gather his strength before shifting Jaehwan off him.

Getting slowly out of bed and then helping Jaehwan up, holding both his hands as they made their way to the bathroom. 

It took him longer than it probably should have to figure out how to turn the shower on, and then even more time to get the water warm, but Taekwoon finally managed it. 

Jaehwan clung onto him throughout the entire ordeal.

Nose pressed against Taekwoon’s spine, small puffs of breath warming Taekwoon’s skin. 

The steamy water thoroughly soaked them both a moment later.

Plastering their hair to their foreheads.

Running down their still slightly sweaty bodies.

Jaehwan hummed softly, eyes closing as Taekwoon massaged shampoo into his hair. 

Lightly scratching his scalp in a way Taekwoon hoped was soothing. 

Perhaps Taekwoon had underestimated _just_ how starved for attention Jaehwan was.

Not that he minded overmuch, enjoying the feeling of pampering someone like this. 

Enjoying the idea of more.

Of caring for them and holding them and listening to them until they felt thoroughly spoiled. 

Once they had both been washed clean, Taekwoon turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around his waist, taking the robe the hotel had provided and bundling Jaehwan snuggly up inside it. 

His hair smelled like ginger and lavender when Taekwoon kissed his forehead. 

“Better?”

“Much,” Jaehwan replied, that same shy smile, the first smile Taekwoon had seen from him, gracing his face once more. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

They slept again.

Damp hair leaving spots on the pillow cases.

Lanky limbs tangled together where they lay on the center of the mattress.

They slept and slept until the midday sun spilling in through the curtains became too difficult to ignore. 

Taekwoon blew off the two meetings he had scheduled for that day.

Just flat out blew them off. 

He couldn’t think of anything he was less interested in doing that day than sitting in conference rooms with old men who would glare at his colorful hair and try to lecture him on things he already knew just because he was young. 

As if he _ wasn’t _ actually the one in charge and they _weren’t_ simply hired help.

So, Taekwoon blew them off. 

He never even turned on his phone. 

Choosing instead to spend the day with this angel he’d stumbled upon, eating room service and watching crappy TV and talking for long stretches of time. 

But the state of grace he was inhabiting wasn’t one that could last. 

This escape from reality must come to an end.

_ Real life  _ would drag him back, kicking and screaming if needs must. 

That's just how things were. 

“Jaehwan, sweetheart,” he murmured, running a hand up and down the side of Jaehwan’s torso. 

“Hm?” 

Despite verbally acknowledging the fact that Taekwoon had spoken, Jaehwan wasn’t listening. 

Too busy pressing kisses to each of Taekwoon’s fingertips. 

Lying on his side with his head on the pillows, unstyled hair flopping over his eyes, the top half of his body bare even though the hotel robe was still tied around his waist. 

The room had begun to darken again, and in the early evening light, Taekwoon could see that a haze of fixation had settled over Jaehwan’s features.

“I’ve gotta go in the morning.”

“Hm?”

“Tomorrow morning, sweetheart, I have to go home.”

Jaehwan blinked at that.

Abruptly sitting upright and flicking his hair out of his eyes.

“You’re going?”

Taekwoon nodded solemnly.

“I should have taken the train back today, but I couldn’t make myself leave.”

“Oh,” Jaehwan murmured, shoulders slumping and head downcast. 

A moment of anxiety laden silence stretched between them until Taekwoon sat up too.

Cupping Jaehwan’s face in his hands.

Kissing each of his squishable cheeks.

“I’ll see you when your show is finished and you are able to come home,” Taekwoon said, trying to cajole a smile back onto Jaehwan’s face, “We’ll be in the same city again. Don’t worry.”

It hurt him somehow, seeing this beacon of warm, concentrated sensuality draining of color. 

Face pale with what he thought could possibly be fear.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, but instead of speaking, Jaehwan pounced on Taekwoon. 

Hugging Taekwoon so hard it brought a grunt from him. 

“Nothing,” Jaehwan whispered, nipping Taekwoon’s earlobe before jumping off the bed.

Leaving Taekwoon on his back, slightly stunned. 

Jaehwan slipped his arms back into the sleeves of his robe and began feeling around inside the pockets of his emerald green slacks. 

They’d been thrown on the floor last night, heartlessly abandoned after Taekwoon had peeled them off his wriggling body, and Taekwoon had actually forgotten what color they were. 

“Get us something tasty from room service, I'll be right back.”

Without another word, Jaehwan scurried out of the room. 

The cheap hotel slippers on his feet slapping with each step. 

Taekwoon sat up, rubbing his eyes in silence for a few seconds before scooting off the bed.

He dug around inside his suitcase until he located a pair of soft cotton sweatpants, stepped into them, and then moved away to retrieve the room service menu from where it had fallen onto the floor.

“One order of the grilled chicken breast and... one bucatini arrabiata. And two bottles of the jargon pinot noir please. Thank you,” Taekwoon murmured into the hotel phone, hanging up once his order was confirmed. 

Jaehwan still hadn’t returned so, with a weary sigh, Taekwoon found his cellphone and plugged it into the chord already waiting on the nightstand. 

Watching the screen light up as the power turned back on.

The notifications came flooding in almost immediately, but Taekwoon ignored the work emails and messages from his secretary.

He would claim a migraine when he apologized to her and his colleagues tomorrow. 

But the other notifications, six missed calls, twenty-four missed texts, and three missed facebook messages; all from _ Yeonie <3. _

Not in the mood to call back, but slightly curious about the messages, Taekwoon clicked on his text thread. 

Scanning the words without really processing their meanings.

_ ‘I hope you’re having a good day’ _

_ ‘Did your meetings go ok?” _

_ ‘Are you eating dinner? You better have eaten dinner!’ _

_ ‘Or lunch, at least’ _

_ ‘Are you ok?’ _

Taekwoon kept scrolling to the more recent messages.

_ ‘Where are you’ _

_ ‘I thought you were coming back this morning, did something happen?’ _

_ ‘Taekwoon, please answer’ _

_ ‘I know you’re still mad at me but I want to make sure you’re safe’ _

_ ‘Your secretary called me trying to find you, apparently you're not picking up the phone at your hotel either, what’s going on?’ _

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling...

_ ‘Please pick up your phone.’ _

_ ‘If I don't hear from you, I'm going to drive down there and start checking hospitals, Taekwoon.’ _

With a quiet beep, the door opened and Jaehwan flounced back into the room.

He must have taken the keycard, smart boy.

Taekwoon returned his attention to his phone for only a moment more, quickly typing and then sending a message to Hakyeon so he wouldn’t show up out of the blue and wring Taekwoon’s neck for making him worry:

_ ‘I’m fine. Taking the first train back tomorrow. Goodnight.’ _

“I brought the robe from my room so you could have one too,” Jaehwan said, laying the robe on the bed and dropping a backpack he had slung over one shoulder. 

Taekwoon made sure his phone was on silent before locking it, placing it face down on the nightstand. 

“That was thoughtful of you,” he replied, smiling a little.

Jaehwan must have gone to his own room; Taekwoon had actually forgotten that he had a room of his own to go to. 

“Did you get food?”

“It’s on its way.”

With a cheerful hum, Jaehwan flounced onto the bed, his head only making it halfway up to where Taekwoon was sitting. 

Taekwoon’s smile grew, momentary anxiety abated, and he scooted away from the pillows.

Laying down beside Jaehwan and kissing him upside down.

They stayed like that, lost in each other, until a knock came at the door.

Signaling that dinner had arrived. 

While Taekwoon poured wine into glasses for them, Jaehwan returned to his backpack, searching through the front pocket until he found what he was looking for. 

A small plastic pill bottle, Taekwoon saw, when he glanced over his shoulder.

“Medicinal or licentious?” he asked carefully, watching Jaehwan pop two white pills into his mouth and swallow them dry.

Frowning slightly as he straightened up. 

“Both,” he replied, holding up the bottle in such a way that Taekwoon couldn’t read the label, “You want?”

Taekwoon shook his head and Jaehwan shrugged, leaving the bottle and his bag alone in favor of investigating the food. 

Jaehwan snatched up one of the glasses but Taekwoon forestalled him, placing a hand on his arm. 

“Can you drink with- whatever those are?”

“Yep,” Jaehwan chirped, and Taekwoon relented, lifting the covers off the dishes. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Jaehwan...”

Jaehwan whined; a low, breathless whine, the sound of which Taekwoon didn’t think he would _ever_ forget. 

Fingers twitching and palms pressed against the wall.

Spine arched.

Head dropped back so his hair tickled the side of Taekwoon’s jaw.

Taekwoon held him in place, one hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder, the other on his hip.

Marveling at how easy it was to maneuver him into position. 

Pulling Jaehwan back a bit to meet his thrusts.

Not that he needed to, Jaehwan rocked back against him even without the extra effort.

“Fuck,” Jaehwan panted, whining again as Taekwoon lowered his face to nip at the column of his neck.

Taekwoon hummed against his skin, taking a darkly luxuriant pleasure in marking Jaehwan up. 

He pressed the tips of his fingers harder into Jaehwan’s hip.

Hoping they would bruise a little. 

Watching the way the tendons on Jaehwan’s neck stood taught as he thrust into him faster. 

Watching how Jaehwan’s hands trembled, body weary with the effort of staying upright. 

Watching Jaehwan’s eyes close in languorous ecstasy.

Jaehwan tightened around him and Taekwoon tried to catch his breath, lungs contracting with each exhalation.

It sent a wipcrack of pleasure burning through him, climax sneaking up on Taekwoon faster than he had expected. 

He thrust into Jaehwan two, three more times, silently thanking whatever god had urged Jaehwan to bring more condoms in his backpack. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jaehwan mumbled, slumping in Taekwoon’s arms, “Seriously, where do you find so much energy?”

He sounded pouty but he was smiling when Taekwoon checked, smiling with his eyes still closed. 

_“I_ don’t waste my energy running around like a maniac all day,” Taekwoon replied, snapping his hips forward, coaxing a moan from that lovely, smiling mouth, “And I still have plenty left.”

“Rest,” Jaehwan whimpered, yelping as Taekwoon thrust into him again, “Please, Woonie, mercy!”

“If you insist,” Taekwoon relented, pulling out as gently as he could and guiding Jaehwan so he could collapse on the bed.

Moving into the bathroom, tying off the condom and throwing it away, cleaning himself up as much as he could be bothered, and then returning to Jaehwan. 

His drowsy, fucked-out angel. 

Taekwoon looked at him, taking in how his skin had flushed blotchy, how his sweat-matted fringe was sticking to his forehead, how his lips had swollen red, and couldn’t stop himself. 

He fell upon Jaehwan like a starved animal. 

Leaving a trail of hickeys across Jaehwan’s chest, lovebites on the softest part of his inner thighs.

Holding Jaehwan as close as was physically possible, wishing he could keep the man there forever.

Feeling Jaehwan’s hands on his skin, Jaehwan’s breath in his lungs, unable to think of a time when he had ever been happier. 

“Woonie,” Jaehwan squeaked, squirming under Taekwoon's attentions, wriggling until they were almost wrestling. 

Play fighting like puppies rolling around in a backyard. 

After barely a few seconds, Taekwoon had Jaehwan pinned on his back, hands trapped against the mattress above his head.

Holding him immobile.

Effectively putting the little game to an end, his face hovering only a breath from Jaehwan's. 

“Mine,” he said, voice quiet but firm, before he even thought through what the words meant, “You’re mine.”

Jaehwan submitted in an instant, melting under Taekwoon's hands like butter in a warm skillet. 

Beaming as Taekwoon captured that lovely mouth with his own. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Here, put in your number,” Taekwoon said the next morning, dropping his phone on the bed beside where Jaehwan was sitting. 

His bag had been packed, he’d dressed himself with as much care as he could muster, and the two of them had had a hasty breakfast together in the restaurant downstairs. 

Not really a breakfast, since neither of them had eaten anything. 

Sipping coffee and staring at the food on their plates.

Fingers tangling together and then untangling under the table. 

How was it possible to feel so connected to someone, so familiar, after knowing them for a grand total of two nights?

Taekwoon didn’t know, but he felt that connection just as surely as he felt the floor beneath his feet. 

Jaehwan had been very quiet ever since they’d gotten out of bed, and Taekwoon wondered why.

It reminded him of a moment the previous night, or technically the early that morning; he had half woken from a hazy dream he couldn’t remember and found that Jaehwan was still lying beside him. 

Not asleep.

Lying quiet, but awake, eyes bright with a pain that Taekwoon had no name for and staring at the ceiling.

Taekwoon was on the verge of asking about it when Jaehwan picked up the phone, expression smoothing over as he looked at the screen. 

“You have some, Uh- missed...” he murmured, hastily handing the phone back and wrapping his arms around his middle. 

Oh. 

Hakyeon had been texting again. 

Taekwoon read only long enough to see the words _ ‘I love you, I’m sorry’  _ before clearing the notifications away. 

Opening his phone to a new contact and passing it back. 

“He’s just spamming me because he’s lonely, ignore it,” Taekwoon said, forcing his voice to sound firm as he tapped Jaehwan affectionately under the chin. 

Jaehwan nodded, but he didn’t say anything. 

Quickly typing his number and then standing to collect his backpack. 

Taekwoon looked down at the digits waiting to be saved. 

Tentatively, he typed Jaehwan's full name in the appropriate spot, paused, and then deleted it again, settling on only LJH instead. 

Not entirely sure why he’d done so, but sure it had been the right choice. 

Sending Jaehwan a text so Jaehwan would have his number as well. 

“Ready?” Taekwoon asked, pocketing his phone and extending the handle of his small rollaboard suitcase before glancing around, “My train goes in half an hour.”

“Yeah,” Jaehwan replied, taking his outstretched hand and holding it tight. 

Like him, Jaehwan had gotten dressed for the first time in two days, but with a bit more ceremony. 

Dress pants with an oversized sweater tucked in, the collar of his button-up showing above the sweaters neckline, shiny patent leather shoes on his feet. 

Contrasted with Taekwoon's hoodie and tight black jeans when they stood next to each other, it made Taekwoon feel slightly shabby. 

But Jaehwan was going to work, to the theater, not going to sit on a train for a few hours. 

It was only right. 

And unlike him, Jaehwan was not checking out of the hotel that morning, stuck there for another week until his last show.

Jaehwan stood slightly behind him, still holding his hand as Taekwoon gave his credit card to the woman at the checkout desk. 

Staring down at his shiny shoes. 

He didn’t let go while they made the quick drive to the train station either, the back of his hand resting on Taekwoon's knee, using the other to steer his ridiculously flashy sports car.

Only once they were inside the station and Taekwoon's train ticket had been purchased, did Jaehwan finally let go. 

Taekwoon could sense the anxiety in him, almost visible where it bubbled just beneath the surface of his skin, and he didn’t like it.

Wanted to soothe it away somehow. 

“Hey,” he said, raising a hand to Jaehwan's jaw, the lower half of his cheek, massaging the base of Jaehwan's skull with the tips of his fingers, “I’ll see you soon, alright? As soon as you get home.”

Jaehwan leaned in to the touch, nodded, but said nothing. 

“And you can call me whenever you want,” Taekwoon added, “I’ll always answer. Unless I’m stuck in a meeting or something, but if that’s the case, I’ll always call you back.”

_ And unless Hakyeon is around,  _ Taekwoon thought, keeping that very much to himself. 

He’d have to figure out a way to give the news when he got home. 

A way to tell Hakyeon that he wanted their break to be permanent. 

To tell Hakyeon that he’d found a person that made him feel genuinely happy, rather than simply comfortable. 

It would be a tricky conversation, especially with the added aspect of Jaehwan and Hakyeon's friendship, but he’d find the right words. 

Finding the words was the easy part. 

The real difficulty would be making himself say them. 

Make himself stand strong instead of simply clamming up and nodding along to whatever Hakyeon wanted. 

But Taekwoon had a week at the very least, to try and come up with... something. 

A voice over the loudspeaker announced that Taekwoon's train was about to depart. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Taekwoon said, one more time, but he could see in Jaehwan’s eyes that Jaehwan didn’t believe him. 

Even so, he accepted Taekwoon's goodbye kiss.

Hands scrabbling at the front of Taekwoon's sweatshirt and latching on tight for the briefest of moments. 

Taekwoon's own hand had slipped back into Jaehwan's hair and he tugged; feeling the slightest bit needy, and only the slightest bit possessive, protective. 

Wanting to assuage Jaehwan's worries, whatever they were. 

And then it was over. 

“Go,” Jaehwan murmured, releasing him and nudging him in the direction of his waiting train. 

The last thing Taekwoon bothered to notice before stepping on board, before he pulled his hood up over his head and put on his sunglasses and stuck his headphones in his ears, was Jaehwan giving him a tiny wave goodbye. 

Taekwoon collapsed into a section of train car that was relatively unoccupied. 

Turing his music up high, crossing his arms, closing his eyes behind the lenses of his glasses. 

Settling in to stew in a sublime misery he had never before experienced, that directly correlated to the absence of Jaehwan. 

Now... how could he tell Hakyeon?

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: the difference between *hot young and having his quarter-life crisis* Taekwoon vs. *officially in his thirties and much more chilled out* Taekwoon is giving me whiplash lol, even though he's never really grown up.
> 
> additional a/n: not writing any more about this story is fucking difficult cuz its all I can physically thing about right now, so if you wouldn't hate me for continuing on, please let me know lol


	10. It’s a little hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *A brief and stupid interlude as I work on more keo lol*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘It’s a little hot’  
> Pairing: Kenvi  
> Rated: T (for language)  
> Word Count: 465
> 
> Warnings/Notes: *jokes about death*, broken air conditioning

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Jaehwan was lying on the floor of his kitchen, positive that all the fluid in his body had been sweated out of his pores. Lleaving him a husk of a man, or like when SpongeBob went out of water without his diving helmet and he shrank and dried out. 

His gym shorts were practically plastered to his skin and the oversized t-shirt he’d put on that morning felt like it was smothering him. 

It was the height of summer.

His air conditioning was broken. 

And because of this, in true millennial fashion, he wanted to die.

“What’s the matter with you?” Wonshik asked, nearly stepping on Jaehwan as he entered the kitchen.

“I wanna fucking die, I love dying and being dead, please deliver me into deaths loving embrace.”

“Yeah I know, but what specifically is the problem?”

Jaehwan managed to force his eyes open enough to stare up at Wonshik standing over him. The idiot was wearing _jeans!_ How the fuck was he wearing jeans and not spontaneously bursting into flames?!

“I’m being boiled alive by the sun.”

“We’re inside.”

“I’m being boiled alive by  _ the effects _ of the sun,” Jaehwan corrected, so lethargic that he couldn’t even raise a foot to kick Wonshik in the shin.

“You’re such a drama queen.”

“I am not! It is, quite literally,  _ sweltering!” _

Wonshik chuckled. “It’s a little hot, I’ll give you that.”

“A _ little  _ hot?! A _little?!”_

“Bet you I can make it hotter,” Wonshik said, an idiot grin crossing his face. 

Jaehwan’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t you fucking dare turn on the oven, Wonshik, or I swear to god-”

“No, no,” Wonshik interrupted, holding his hands up, “Hotter than the oven.” 

“Unless you’re gunna light me on fire, that’s not possible.”

“Wanna bet on it?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan replied, already exhausted from speaking so much. If only he had a well-placed divan to collapse on and several attractive people to fan him with palm leaves. “Loser has to go to the store and buy a portable AC.”

“Deal.”

Wonshik held a hand down for Jaehwan to shake, which Jaehwan managed to do, barely, before straightening up and pulling his T-shirt off over his head. Gloriously sculpted upper body now on full display. Grinning even wider at Jaehwan’s shouted protests.

“The physical presence of your abs don't raise the temperature!” Jaehwan exclaimed, struck by the injustice of his situation.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Wonshik replied, forcefully dragging Jaehwan’s fatigued body to a standing position. Could it possibly be hotter up here? Did it get warmer or colder at altitude? Jaehwan didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that he a) had just been tricked, and b) was most definitely going to get heatstroke. 

“Better get going,” Wonshik added cheerfully, dropping his car keys into Jaehwan’s hand, “Don’t want them to be sold out.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~


	11. I knew it, but I’ve fallen for you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Picks up where Chapter 9 left off)
> 
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it 
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I knew it, but I’ve fallen for you again’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: T (for themes)  
> Word Count: 5.3k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: implied affair, mentions of alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Taekwoon tried. 

He _really_ did. 

He planned out a whole speech, written it down on index cards and memorized it so he wouldn’t stutter or sound unsure.

That he cared about Hakyeon. 

That he would love to stay friends with him, but that he didn’t think they were right for one another. 

That he had met someone else.

But when he went to Hakyeon's building to actually _ give  _ his speech, Taekwoon had panicked and left again without making it into the lobby. 

And then he'd tried speaking to Hakyeon about ending things over the phone, because Taekwoon thought it would be easier to get the words out if he didn’t have to look at Hakyeon's face, but that didn’t work either.

Hakyeon, tenacious and stubborn Hakyeon, wouldn’t hear a word of it. 

Hakyeon insisted that he would prove to Taekwoon how perfect they were for each other.

Hakyeon had shown up at his front door with flowers and sweet words and wouldn’t go until Taekwoon agreed to give him another chance.

And Taekwoon gave in.

Because Taekwoon hated confrontation and was a horrible fucking coward and was unable to stand up for himself or give voice to his own feelings. 

After succumbing to Hakyeon's indomitable surety in their relationship, Taekwoon had forced himself to cut off all contact with Jaehwan. 

Which was a  _ real fucking shame. _

Taekwoon had been talking to Jaehwan on the phone every night for the two weeks that followed their weekend together. 

Sometimes they talked about their days, sometimes they talked about their dreams, sometimes they talked about nothing at all. 

A few times, they’d turned on the tv to the same channel and commented here and there, making each other laugh; trying to emulate the feeling of cuddling up and watching stuff in the same room. 

And then other times, they’d whisper sweet, dirty words into the phone, touching themselves as they listened to each other’s shallow breathing. 

Jaehwan would send an absurd amount of silly selfies, taken at all hours of the day and night. 

Taekwoon would send pictures of whatever fancy meal he had cooked for himself. 

Jaehwan would compliment him and Taekwoon would compliment him back.

It was good, but it wasn’t quite enough. 

After only three days apart, Taekwoon had found himself in a cab to the train station.

Filled with such a desperate need to see Jaehwan again that nothing else seemed to matter. 

He'd nearly gone, too; had been about to purchase a ticket when his phone pinged, a calendar alert reminding him that he had a meeting very early the next morning with a client who he couldn’t afford to cancel on. 

That longing hadn’t ever really faded.

It had _ dulled, _ certainly, after Taekwoon had agreed to keep his and Hakyeon’s relationship going. 

Because Taekwoon had forced it down.

Buried it deep in the darkest part of his mind and refused to acknowledge it. 

Every now and then, though, the longing would zap him like a painful electric shock. 

Taekwoon had cut off contact with Jaehwan because it was the right thing to do. 

He was going to give his and Hakyeon’s relationship a real shot, and he couldn’t be fully present with Hakyeon if he continued to indulge with the temptation of freedom and peace that was Jaehwan. 

Taekwoon  _ knew _ that it was the right thing to do, now that he and Hakyeon were back together, and he had stopped answering Jaehwan’s calls and responding to his texts, but he could never actually bring himself to block Jaehwan’s number. 

So, instead of a clean break that would be easiest for both of them, Taekwoon decided it would be better to torment himself.

Reading every text.

Listening to every voicemail. 

Jaehwan must have caught on rather quickly, as the messages Taekwoon received slowed to a trickle before finally stopping all together. 

Late at night, when he was alone in his cold bed and the longing got too bad, Taekwoon would scroll through their chat thread and reread every single message. 

He’d found Jaehwan’s Instagram account too, after searching through Hakyeon's brand page to find a photo Jaehwan had been tagged in.

It was full of his professional modeling pictures and behind the scenes of his plays and photo shoots and lots of cutely filtered selfies, none of which Taekwoon found helpful. 

And he started ending up on Jaehwan’s feed almost every time he opened the app, despite not actually following him. 

But it was _ fine. _

All he was doing was taking a casual interest in his boyfriend’s loved ones.

Taekwoon was _ fine. _

Most of the time, he could convince himself that his feelings for Jaehwan had gone away.

Convince himself that he  _ hadn’t _ steadily been falling for Jaehwan since the moment they’d met.

Convince himself that he’d stopped the fall, dragging himself back up to level ground with his bare hands.

He was doing the right thing, being a good and respectful boyfriend. 

Personal torture aside, he was proud of himself. 

And it’s not like he was lonely; he had Hakyeon. 

Hakyeon who, when he wasn’t being bossy, was very entertaining company. 

Taekwoon liked Hakyeon. 

Could be content with Hakyeon. 

Everything was absolutely _ fine.  _

Keeping himself busy with work and dates and copious amounts of alcohol, Taekwoon managed to go without seeing Jaehwan in person for nearly two and a half months. 

Until one random Friday night, when Hakyeon brought Taekwoon with him to a house party. 

It wasn’t a stereotypical house party, not a frat house full of sweaty people packed too close together. 

Not a red solo cup or joint in sight. 

An  _ elegant  _ house party. 

Formal attire, piano music playing in the background, crystal champagne flutes and beautifully plated horderves;  _ that  _ kind of party. 

Hosted at a mansion in the hills by one of Hakyeon's work friends. 

Taekwoon had tried to get out of attending, as events like that were usually to be avoided at all costs, but Hakyeon had begged him to go.

Something about it being _ a good opportunity to network,  _ which only made Taekwoon want to go less. 

But he’d eventually agreed to be his boyfriend’s plus-one. 

Which was how Taekwoon found himself, dressed in his favorite red jacket and a pair of uncomfortable shoes, surrounded by unfamiliar people, and staring at Jaehwan across a giant living room. 

Jaehwan hadn’t seen Taekwoon yet. 

He was talking to two men in dark suits; appearing very like the model he was in a dark suit of his own. 

Jacket tossed casually over one shoulder, it’s collar hooked around his index finger. 

Hair styled up off his face and lips tinted the color of a very earthy wine.

The look of it would have come off as intimidating if Jaehwan wasn't smiling so sweetly.

Those big brown eyes sparkling even from thirty feet away. 

Taekwoon didn’t know what to do.

Didn’t know how to feel. 

His throat tightened, watching Jaehwan’s hand rest on the arm of one of the men as he laughed, just how he’d touched Taekwoon that first evening in the bar.

Taekwoon couldn’t decide whether he wanted to run across the room to scoop Jaehwan up, or turn tail and run in the opposite direction to save himself from a horribly awkward reunion. 

He himself was conversing with no one. 

Leaning against a wall, doing his best to give off an aura of artful carelessness as he sipped on some very fine champagne. 

Despite the fact that he had insisted Taekwoon come with him, Hakyeon had run off almost immediately.

Swept away in a tidal wave of warm greetings and slightly star struck gazes.

Not that Taekwoon minded. 

He was simply glad not to have to try making small talk. 

As though summoned by Taekwoon’s thoughts, Hakyeon materialized in his peripheral vision. 

Walking so fast it was nearly a jog, smile bright as he crossed the room, making a beeline for Jaehwan. 

Taekwoon watched them collide, merging into a bundle of happy exclamations. 

Hakyeon catching Jaehwan up in a hug that was eagerly returned. 

Jaehwan was beaming now, and it lit up the entirety of his lovely face in sunshine radiance. 

But, to Taekwoon’s horror, Hakyeon's eyes found him almost immediately and he grabbed Jaehwan’s hands, bodily dragging him over to the wall where Taekwoon was still standing. 

Blankness settled over Taekwoon’s features with practiced ease.

Giving no sign of recognition, let alone allowing his sense of elation to show, even though it had sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“Woonie is the person you need to talk to, he knows  _ all  _ the attractive single men in town,” Hakyeon was saying, just as they came to a stop before him. 

And then, addressed to Taekwoon directly this time, “Woonie, I'd like to introduce you to Lee Jaehwan! It’s so strange that the two of you haven’t met yet! He’s been my friend for ages, I’ve told you about him.”

“We’ve actually- Uh,” Jaehwan said, words trailing off when he raised his eyes to Taekwoon’s face, lowering them back to his shoes at once, “Uh, it’s nice to meet you.”

That stung  _ much  _ more than it should have; Jaehwan pretending not to know him.

Taekwoon inclined his head, not trusting his voice to come out steady if he tried to reply. 

Arms tightly folded across his chest. 

“We need your help, Woonie. My Jaehwanie has terrible taste in men, and he just got ghosted  _ again _ by some asshole a few months ago and has given up all hope, so I need the names and numbers of all your single friends,” Hakyeon said, picking up the thread of a conversation that must have begun way before now. 

“Ghosted?” Taekwoon asked, proud that the word didn’t shake. 

“You know,” Hakyeon replied, airily waving a hand, “Ghosted, disappearing instead of saying goodbye.”

Taekwoon silently prayed that Hakyeon wasn’t referring to him. 

Hakyeon's affectionate smile refocused on Jaehwan, pinching Jaehwan’s cheek.

“And just when you were starting to seem happy again,” he continued, but softer, “How do you always manage to scare them off?”

Hakyeon did that when he was in a group of strangers; spoke so openly and familiarly to someone that it made everyone listening feel like they wanted to know the person too.

Compulsive inclusivity was his super power. 

“Don’t know,” Jaehwan muttered, eyes still glued on the floor, “Something about having too much baggage, I guess. Or being too needy. I’m a walking talking bottle of love-repellant.”

He looked so startlingly upset, cheeks and the bridge of his nose flushed a furious pink but the rest of his face pale and drained of color, that Taekwoon had to fight down the instinct to reach out for him.

“Hush, I was kidding,” Hakyeon replied, slapping lightly at Jaehwan’s shoulder, “I know the perfect guy for you. Woonie-“

Taekwoon flinched, trying to pass it off as just shifting his weight and doing a bad job. 

“-Who’s that friend of yours from university? The music one?”

“Wonshik?”

“That’s the one!” Hakyeon snapped his fingers, “Send me his number later so I can give it to Jaehwanie.”

Before he could make himself shut up, Taekwoon replied, “I don’t think he’s Wonshik’s type.”

“Of course, he is! Look at him! He’s everyone’s type!”

“I’m gunna- something to drink,” Jaehwan said, interrupting before Hakyeon could continue, “It was nice to meet you.”

He nodded a little, never once meeting Taekwoon’s eye, and then scurried away from them in the direction of the kitchen.

“Don’t scare him, Woonie, he’s harmless,” Hakyeon said in a whisper, giving Taekwoon a stern look.

Taekwoon blinked. 

“I _ literally  _ did nothing.”

“Your  _ face  _ did something.”

Oh. 

Taekwoon often forgot that both his resting face and anxious face could come off as angry or intimidating. 

The disconnect between emotion and expression was lost on him, since he didn’t generally look at himself in a mirror during conversations. 

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Hakyeon replied, “Poor kid has the worst luck. And a whole heap of abandonment issues, which doesn’t really help.”

Taekwoon flinched again but Hakyeon didn’t see; his attention already elsewhere, scanning the crowd for more friendly faces, “Please try and enjoy yourself, at least a little bit.”

_ Not fucking likely,  _ Taekwoon thought, watching as Hakyeon was pulled into conversation with a woman standing nearby. 

Taekwoon gulped down his remaining champagne and took a fresh glass from the tray of a passing waiter. 

He felt shaken. 

That short interaction leaving him distinctly off balance. 

Up until that point, Taekwoon had assumed that Jaehwan understood he and Hakyeon had gotten back together. 

That _ that _ was why Taekwoon had stopped answering. 

But maybe he hadn’t. 

From the sounds of it, Jaehwan thought Taekwoon had cut off contact because Jaehwan had done something wrong; that he had scared Taekwoon off. 

That idea had the effect of making Taekwoon feel even _ more  _ miserable than he had before, which should have been physically impossible. 

Leaving Hakyeon to hold court, Taekwoon slipped away around a corner in search of the kitchen. 

He found it, but Jaehwan wasn’t there.

Now that he had seen him, Taekwoon wanted to talk to Jaehwan very, _ very  _ badly. 

But there were still people everywhere, and if he couldn’t have Jaehwan to talk to, what Taekwoon wanted right then was quiet. 

Tentatively, standing beside an 8-burner gas range instead of a wall, Taekwoon took his phone out of his pocket. 

Then put it back. 

Then took it out again and chugged some champagne before setting the delicate flute on the kitchen counter. 

He was being thoroughly ignored by everyone in the room, probably a result of his scary default face, but that was fine by Taekwoon.

He didn’t want anyone to watch him as he did this; as he gave in to his own temptation and opened Jaehwan’s message thread.

But, Taekwoon rationalized to himself as he typed out a quick message, he didn’t want to hurt Jaehwan’s feelings; Jaehwan deserved to know the reason why they’d stopped corresponding. 

Explaining to him face to face would be the polite thing to do.

_ ‘Where are you?’ _

As soon as he hit send, Taekwoon’s stomach tightened uncomfortably. 

He didn’t have read receipts on but Jaehwan did, and he just stood there waiting for confirmation that Jaehwan had seen the message. 

Half wishing he could unsend it, half wishing Jaehwan would check his phone faster. 

Maybe he should have wandered around until he found Jaehwan instead.

Instead of texting which, Taekwoon realized now, would inform Jaehwan that Taekwoon still had easy access to his number.

Which may send some mixed signals.

Or maybe, he should have written something friendlier, like  _ ‘hey how are you i've missed you and want to talk’,  _ rather than coldly requesting Jaehwan’s location.

Like an angry parent who just discovered that their kid had snuck out of the house. 

The little indicator under his message flipped to _ ‘seen’  _ and Taekwoon nearly dropped his phone.

Too late to try changing his mind now. 

Then the little bubble to show Jaehwan was typing appeared.

And then disappeared.

What if he just didn’t answer?

If he didn’t answer, Taekwoon would feel about eighty times worse when they inevitably ran into each other again. 

Maybe he should add something else, to put Jaehwan’s mind at ease. 

_ ‘We need to talk’ _

Well fuck, that sentence had never,  _ in all of human history, _ ever put anyone’s mind at ease. 

What was wrong with him?!

Why couldn’t he text like a normal person!?

Jaehwan’s typing bubble appeared again and Taekwoon downed the rest of his champagne in two large gulps, the carbonation painfully tickling the back of his throat. 

_ ‘I don’t think we do. I got the message loud and clear.’ _

Suppressing a huff of frustration, Taekwoon replied:

_ ‘I want to explain.’ _

And then, from Jaehwan:

_ ‘I’d prefer if you didn’t.’ _

Maybe Taekwoon  _ was  _ going to have to wander around and seek Jaehwan out after all. 

_ ‘Just tell me where you are please.’ _

A full three minutes passed, during which Taekwoon had to tamp down the urge to bite his nails, before Jaehwan responded. 

_ ‘Rose garden.’ _

Taekwoon sighed, not pausing to let himself  _ think  _ anymore lest he end up in a genuine panic. 

Abandoning his glass in the counter.

Walking out of the kitchen and winding his way over to the open patio doors that would take him to the backyard and, by extension, the rose garden.

Wishing that he didn’t have such brightly colored hair, that he hadn’t chosen to wear such a vibrant shade of red, both of which were sure to catch the eyes of people around him. 

The warm summer night outside was pleasant but muggy. 

A cool breeze caressing Taekwoon’s skin as his steps carried him down the stairs and along a winding gravel path.

Air thickly sweetened with floral perfume, a distant rumble of thunder promising rain soon; one of those summer storms that did its best to drown the parched earth, starting and stopping at the drop of a hat. 

The soft moonlight that peeked through the clouds soothed him somewhat and his racing heartbeat slowed. 

There weren’t nearly as many people out as they had been inside, and that helped too. 

Slightly amazed at the sight that greeted him, Taekwoon blinked up at the tall manicured hedges towering over him on either side, their bulk only parted by the path upon which he walked. 

Cutting right through the center for maybe twenty yards before the path ended at the entrance of what was unmistakably a rose garden.

A square garden containing blooms of every conceivable color and variety, set in orderly rows like lines of toy soldiers, bordered on three sides by hedgerows.

It was a genuine hedge maze, Taekwoon realized belatedly, turning on the spot so he could see the arched gaps in the center of each hedge that must lead to other paths, the rose garden at its center.

He’d only ever seen such a thing in movies and the sight of it now was a bit disorienting. 

The sound of shifting gravel drew Taekwoon’s attention and he spun around.

Having momentarily forgotten why he’d come out there in the first place. 

Jaehwan was seated on a stone bench beside the leftmost hedge wall, jacket draped over his shoulders but arms not in the sleeves. 

He must have heard Taekwoon’s footsteps but hadn’t looked up, staring down at his phone even though it appeared to be dark. 

“Jaehwan,” Taekwoon called softly, making his way around the rows of roses and coming to a stop before the bench. 

This place, Taekwoon thought, would be a  _ perfect  _ location if one wished to make a dramatic exit and then come somewhere to cry.

Its extravagance was almost theatrical.

But Jaehwan _ wasn’t  _ crying. 

He was simply sitting, expression blank and eyes downcast.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Jaehwan said, still not looking up, “I know the drill.”

The sound of his voice sent a tingle running through Taekwoon’s nerves.

“The drill?” Taekwoon asked.

Confused. 

Jaehwan nodded.

“Yeah. Stop myself from getting my hopes up. Forget we met. Pretend nothing happened. Act like I don’t know you so I don’t embarrass you in public. Interact as little as possible. _ The drill.” _

“What are you talking about?”

Jaehwan’s mouth contorted in a frown and he pocketed his phone, lacing his fingers together and holding them in his lap. 

He shrugged.

“That’s how it normally goes, once people figure out how annoying I am.”

“You’re not annoying,” Taekwoon replied, trying to suppress the fondness for Jaehwan that was beginning to bubble in the pit of his stomach.

Hating himself a little (or a lot) for feeling the way he did. 

“Not annoying,” he repeated, tilting Jaehwan’s face up before he could stop himself, “You’re very sweet.”

“Please stop,” Jaehwan whispered, gaze still lowered despite his raised face, and Taekwoon let his hand drop.

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon murmured, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets, “I just wanted to tell you that you didn’t scare me away. You did nothing wrong. Carrying on like we were wouldn’t have been fair to Yeon.”

There was a pause, Jaehwan nibbling his lip, lost in thought, and then;

“Why?”

“Because of how much I feel for you. It would have been hard to explain away our conversations as merely friendly.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Taekwoon frowned, breath catching as Jaehwan _ finally  _ looked at him. 

Those big brown eyes captivating him entirely.

“Why did you get back together with him?” he asked, voice simultaneously earnest and wounded, before turning aware to stare up at the hedge, “I thought- well. Why  _ wouldn’t _ you get back with him? He’s  _ Hakyeon. _ It's my fault for believing otherwise.”

Taekwoon swallowed hard, at a loss for words. 

Jaehwan had said it himself; Hakyeon was Hakyeon. 

He didn’t know how to explain the why of it better than that. 

_ Stay strong Taekwoon, come on. _

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon repeated, a broken record ever to his own ears, “I should have told you what was going on sooner.”

“Were you two even on a break? Or was I just a way to get your ego stroked while you were away from home?”

Again, the question was so painfully genuine that Taekwoon felt his resolve beginning to crumble. 

He could sense himself creeping closer to the precipice with each moment he spent alone in Jaehwan’s company.

The fall he had been studiously denying becoming harder and harder to ignore. 

_ You can do this, you’ve been doing so well so far, don’t lose it now. _

“We really were on a break,” Taekwoon managed, clearing his throat to try and rid himself of the lump that had formed there, “I was planning to end things as soon as I got home but he’s, you know, he’s Hakyeon. He wouldn’t hear it.”

Jaehwan nodded slowly.

Getting to his feet with a quiet sigh.

Inadvertently bringing his face almost level with Taekwoon’s. 

Bright white teeth shining like pearls in the moonlight, Looking up at Taekwoon from beneath his lashes. 

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck _ _…_

“I understand,” he said, fingers straying to give Taekwoon’s sleeve a convulsive little tug; voice somehow both bitter and honey-sweet, “It’s fine. I’ll see you around, I suppose.”

He turned to leave and just like that, Taekwoon's resolve _ snapped. _

He felt a burning desire to kiss those red lips again, so all encompassing that it was like his whole body had caught on fire. 

_ Supreme lack of impulse control,  _ Taekwoon chastised himself, even as he reached out for Jaehwan.

Cradling that lovely face in both hands.

Sealing his mouth to Jaehwan’s a bit more forcefully than he’d meant too. 

Jaehwan made a noise low in his throat, hands resting on Taekwoon’s chest for a moment before he broke away.

Pushing Taekwoon off him and taking a half step back. 

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed, eyes wider than before, another burst of rumbling thunder punctuating his words, “You _ just _ told me that you and Hakyeon are together now!”

“I know, I know,” Taekwoon murmured, following as Jaehwan continued to back away.

Back and back and back until he passed through one of the archways cut from the hedgerow and entered the maze. 

Heart so suddenly _ full  _ it was a wonder that he hadn’t noticed how empty it was before. 

Just that brief taste has been enough to wake Taekwoon from the haze of his everyday life, wake him up and raise him up above the clouds to breathe fresh air. 

“I know I did, but- I need you.”

Jaehwan stopped, now halfway down one of the maze’s internal corridors. 

Frozen.

Looking at Taekwoon with those bright, _ bright  _ eyes.

“I know I’m horrible,” Taekwoon continued, speaking with deliberate and unfiltered clarity, the words escaping him in a flood.

“You probably think I’m sick and twisted for this, and I would agree with you, but I can’t help it. I’ve denied the truth of my feelings for months now, tried to get rid of them, but only _ one  _ glimpse of you broke down every wall I’ve built.”

“Stop it, _ please,” _ Jaehwan gasped, “Stop being so mean!”

“Mean?”

“Yes!”

“How am I being mean to you? I’m trying to explain how much I care for-“

_ “Stop it!”  _

Jaehwan slapped his hands over his ears, looking only seconds away from closing his eyes and going _ ‘la la la’  _ the way a kid does when they pretend to be unable to hear. 

“Don’t talk like that anymore! I believed you before and I can’t afford to believe you again, seriously! It’s _ not  _ funny!” 

Sick with more varieties of guilt than he could count, and yet still happier than he had been in months, Taekwoon slowly drew Jaehwan’s hands down. 

Holding his wrists in a loose grip.

Clutching them against his own chest. 

“I am not trying to be funny, sweetheart, I am trying to be honest,” he said, speaking calmly but firmly.

Lightning split the clouds and Jaehwan jumped, turning his face skyward, fingers trembling as they curled around the open neckline of Taekwoon’s shirt. 

Then thunder rumbled and he jumped again. 

Entirely distracted from their conversation. 

“Sweetheart, are you frightened of storms?”

“Not storms,” he mumbled, teeth chattering slightly despite the heat, “Just l-lightning.”

Taekwoon shifted his grip from Jaehwan’s wrists to his hands, urging him back down the path and out of the maze. 

“Come on, I know a place we can go.”

“Inside?”

“Not quite.”

The rain began to fall just as they left the rose garden and both broke into a jog, water pouring down in sheets and soaking through their clothes in seconds. 

Jaehwan clutching Taekwoon’s hand so tightly that it was starting to hurt. 

His beanpole legs lending him a bit more speed, Taekwoon led the way down the gravel path and up to the door of a greenhouse he had noticed on his way out. 

He couldn’t bring himself to go inside for real yet. 

Couldn't face Hakyeon yet, not with the waves of affection and longing that continued to crash around him. 

Hakyeon was inside, and therefore, inside he would not go. 

But some kind of refuge was required to get Jaehwan’s mind back on track, so, the greenhouse. 

Thankfully, the handle turned and Taekwoon ushered Jaehwan over the threshold, shutting the door quickly behind them so they wouldn’t draw more attention than necessary. 

“Listen to me, Jaehwan, listen,” Taekwoon said, shrugging off his jacket and dabbing at Jaehwan’s face with a dry bit of his sleeve, “I know it’s wrong, and I know it’s bad, and I know it isn’t fair to anyone, but I  _ still  _ want you.”

He nearly laughed as Jaehwan blinked back at him, looking so much like a puppy that had fallen into a lake. 

“I wasn’t lying before and I’m not lying now. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, but- but what about Yeonie?”

“Don’t think about him right now,” Taekwoon said quickly, trying to forestall both his own inevitable surge of self hatred as well as Jaehwan’s anxiety.

“I can’t do that to him; if he finds out, he’ll be heartbroken.”

“No he won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Stop, Jaehwan, don’t let your mind go down that road. Think about me, think about us. I want you and I’m willing to take whatever small bit of you that you’ll allow me to have, regardless of anything and everything else that may happen.”

He gave Jaehwan a little shake, attempting to rid the dazed and frightened expression from his face, adding, “I don’t care about anything but you.”

Not being the kind of person one would usually call  _ verbose, _ the multitude of words Taekwoon had spoken over the past ten minutes had left him feeling slightly dizzy. 

And that wasn’t even factoring in the prospect of all the lies he might have to tell in the immediate future. 

Or how clearly fucked in the head he was for wanting Jaehwan like this to begin with. 

_ If only I was stronger, _ Taekwoon lamented, flashing back to his several failed breakup attempts,  _ If only I could put my foot down and not act like such a coward.  _

_ But,  _ he thought pushing a wet strand of hair off Jaehwan’s forehead, _ even if I can’t be strong where Hakyeon is concerned, and even if I can’t be strong where I’m concerned, maybe I can at least be strong for Jaehwan.  _

Because Jaehwan  _ needed  _ someone strong to lean against right now, Taekwoon could see that as clear as day.

Knew it from their more sensitive conversations as well as Jaehwan and Hakyeon's casual remarks earlier in the night.

_ ‘Too needy’ _

_ ‘Too much baggage’ _

_ ‘A whole heap of abandonment issues’ _

He needed somewhere he could rest his weary head and feel safe, somewhere he could be protected without living in constant fear of having the rug pulled out from under him again. 

Taekwoon could be that place for Jaehwan. 

He could be Jaehwan’s refuge the way Jaehwan had begun to feel like his. 

They would both have someone to run too when life got too hard. 

It would be tricky, and it might not work, but they could _ try.  _

That was a place to start, wasn’t it?

Not knowing how exactly to articulate that jumble of thoughts, Taekwoon simply said, “Please?”

“If I say yes,” Jaehwan replied, speaking very slowly, “Will you promise not to vanish again?”

“I _ promise _ I won’t vanish again. It was a shitty way to handle the situation and I’m sorry.”

Jaehwan coughed a little, still clearly filled with doubt, but he shook his head back and forth very quickly (only strengthening his resemblance to a wet dog) and whispered a soft, “Yes.”

Relief and elation flooded Taekwoon so strongly that he nearly stumbled as he moved the six inches required to envelope his angel in a hug. 

The younger settled against him, chin on his shoulder, fingers curled through two of his belt loops. 

Warm body softening, molding to Taekwoon’s, tension leaving his muscles as Taekwoon held him. 

Another bolt of lightning crossed the sky but Jaehwan barely flinched this time. 

Content and close to purring as Taekwoon murmured soothing words in his ear.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Two hours later, just as the rain finally stopped, Taekwoon deposited Jaehwan into the back of a waiting cab and then walked back around the mansion, entering through the patio door the way he’d left. 

He had dried somewhat during the interval but was freshly soaked through by the last of the storm.

Shoes sounding unbearably squelchy and clothes dripping on the fine marble floors. 

People stared and conversations stopped as he passed, but Taekwoon hardly noticed. 

As far as he was concerned, he had simply been bathing in the light of his own personal sun. 

“Woonie?!”

Hakyeon came careening out of the crowd and smacked right into him, fussing over his disheveled appearance.

And then laughing once he was satisfied that Taekwoon wasn’t injured.

“You look like a drowned cat!” he exclaimed, dragging Taekwoon into a bathroom and passing him a towel, “Where on earth have you been?!”

“It was getting too stuffy in here so I went for a walk,” Taekwoon murmured, “Got caught in the rain.”

“Did you happen to see Jaehwan while you were out in the wild? Nobody can find him either.”

“Nope,” Taekwoon replied. 

Towel-drying his hair.

The beginnings of real shame only _ just  _ starting to sink in.

But Hakyeon didn’t seem too bothered by his friend's absence, dropping the subject and whining about the state of Taekwoon’s clothes instead. 

Something about water being bad for silk. 

Was it silk?

Something in that vein, anyway.

“It’s already getting late. Let’s get you home and into something dry, unless you want to stay over at mine?”

“Home, please. I’m tired.”

“Alright, love, home it is,” Hakyeon replied, gracing Taekwoon with a patronizing smile and taking his am. 

Saying goodbye to his innumerable friends as he led Taekwoon to the front door and out to the waiting line of cabs. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~


	12. I’ll run to you, trust me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Picks up where Chapter 11 left off)
> 
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I’ll run to you, trust me’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 2.4k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: smut, implied affair, mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Christ, sweetheart,” Taekwoon hissed under his breath, fingers tightening convulsively in Jaehwan’s hair as Jaehwan tongued his slit. 

They were in Jaehwan’s bedroom. 

In Jaehwan’s downtown apartment. 

Taekwoon half propped up on the pillows, Jaehwan lying on his stomach where he’d flounced between Taekwoon's legs. 

It had been a year. 

A year since their reconciliation. 

A year since Taekwoon had decided to take a sharp turn off the road of good behavior.

A year since Jaehwan had agreed to leave that road with him. 

Nervous in the beginning, unsure how deceit of this kind was successfully carried out, their first few rendezvous had taken place in hotels. 

Alternating who would book the room.

Never arriving nor leaving at the same time.

Making sure the dates weren’t regular, so there was no discernible pattern. 

Not just the dates, but the times too; so they could simply refer to them as _‘meetings’._

A dinner meeting.

A lunch meeting.

An afternoon meeting.

_ When _ didn’t particularly matter, only so long as it took place within the bounds of reasonable believability. 

But framing their dates as _‘meetings’_ turned out to invoke unfavorable constraints on duration. 

An hour here.

Two hours there.

Neither Jaehwan nor Taekwoon liked that, Jaehwan especially. 

Said that it made him feel like a hooker, which was fine, but he didn’t enjoy feeling that way when the reality was that those few hours were the only time he could spend with the man he cared for. 

Taekwoon agreed; the hotel rooms, the haste, it made their time together feel unnecessarily sleazy. 

So, after only two months, they graduated to the _‘business trip’_ plan. 

It had taken careful thought and consideration, and a bit of trial and error, but the result was much more favorable. 

Taekwoon had to go on quite a few business trips as it was, so substituting some with fakes, spending days at a time with Jaehwan instead, was almost _worryingly_ easy. 

This plan meant that, while their time together was longer, it was also less frequent, but they could always _‘schedule a meeting’_ if one or the other grew too desperate. 

Taekwoon would have liked it even better if Jaehwan simply accompanied him on all his real business trips, and he did sometimes, but only very rarely; The nature of Jaehwan's employment, his need to be present at the theater almost every day if he was doing a show, rendered that wish untenable. 

It grew more difficult once Taekwoon and Hakyeon moved in together, effectively limiting both Taekwoon's freedom of speech and freedom of movement, but not _that_ much more. 

The two of them had also created a set of ground rules:

  1. Only meet at Jaehwan's apartment or a hotel (Jaehwan's apartment preferable)
  2. No phone calls after 7 pm unless it’s an emergency, texting okay
  3. No marks (Taekwoon specific)
  4. Keep conspicuous spending to a minimum 
  5. Feign mutual dislike when in public/attending social events/in the presence of friends
  6. Always take precautions, even if they feel unnecessary (better safe than sorry)
  7. STI tests every three months



Both were good about following the rules, generally speaking, but there were always a few exceptions.

Taekwoon was bad at rule number four.

He took too much enjoyment from buying Jaehwan presents, as well as witnessing Jaehwan's reactions upon receiving said presents. 

Sweets, clothes, jewelry, the size and price of the gift didn’t matter.

Taekwoon just liked seeing Jaehwan smile, hearing him giggle with excitement. 

The jewelry  _ was  _ starting to become a problem, but he was working on developing some semblance of self control. 

Jaehwan had very quickly found a way around rule number three.

Every mark that Hakyeon left on Taekwoon's body, Jaehwan would cover up; make them his own.

Fingerprints bruised on Taekwoon's hips?

Jaehwan would press his own fingertips over them until they redarkened in the shape of his own fingers, studiously ignoring Taekwoon's complaints at the mild pain. 

A hickey on Taekwoon's neck?

Jaehwan would sit on Taekwoon and attach his mouth to the exact spot, sucking gently, occasionally for minutes at a time; pausing every few seconds to inspect his work until he was satisfied that he had laid a fresh, if minutely larger hickey directly over it. 

Taekwoon complained about that as well, but simply because he liked complaining, and not because it hurt. 

The need to cover up and conceal marks had become something close to a compulsion for Jaehwan; he wasn’t able to focus, wasn’t content to do anything else physical until all traces of Hakyeon had been wiped away.

Taekwoon understood the depth of that need and so he always obliged, even taking time to make a mental note of any new mark so he could direct Jaehwan more easily to his target. 

Rule number five turned out to be the simplest of them all. 

Taekwoon's resting-bitch-face and taciturn demeanor, paired with Jaehwan's propensity for loud and obnoxious public theatrics, made it _very_ difficult for any outsider to imagine how they could _possibly_ get along. 

The rest of the rules were most definitely necessary, but incredibly easy to follow. 

Their plans weren’t the only things that had changed over the past year. 

They both had begun to indulge more frequently; Taekwoon with alcohol, Jaehwan with pills, but not to any real detriment.

Taekwoon's pink hair was no longer; the strands faded to a white blonde and then maintained that way. 

And Taekwoon had become a better liar, a skill developed out of necessity rather than enjoyment. 

He had also started to rely more and more on Jaehwan. 

Needed to see him as much as was physically possible, found a narcotic sort of relief in his presence; the feeling of his hands, the rhythm of his gentle breathing, the sound of his voice. 

Their prolonged periods of separation were _agony_ to him. 

Taekwoon loved him. 

Had told Jaehwan so very quickly after their reconciliation, and Jaehwan had responded in kind. 

But Jaehwan was different too. 

Not in a bad way, not at all. 

He had matured, being on the receiving end of Taekwoon's unwavering affection. 

Jaehwan was more confident, he didn’t stutter so much in public, wasn’t so self deprecating either. 

But the constant need for secrecy had made him slightly cynical; stolen some of his sensitivity and his delicacy, facilitated the construction of several hard layers of mental defense meant both to protect him from himself and conceal his weak spots from others.

Taekwoon noticed these changes and yet he did not care.

At the heart of it, Jaehwan was still  _ his  _ Jaehwan, and that was all that mattered to him. 

“Guess what, baby?” Jaehwan asked, voice distant yet conversational, despite the fact that Taekwoon's cock was partially in his mouth. 

“What?”

“Guess!”

“I really don’t know, sweetheart, tell me,” Taekwoon replied, watching Jaehwan give the underside of his length little kittenish licks, his own eyes heavy lidded, struggling to breathe evenly. 

Jaehwan had been like  _ this _ from the very beginning, that much about him remained the same.

He would randomly fixate on a specific part of Taekwoon's body and stop paying attention to everything else that may be happening around him. 

Back in the hotel, the very first hotel, the day after they met, it had been Taekwoon's hand. 

When Jaehwan had laid beside him and stared at it, playing with Taekwoon's fingers, tugging on them, pressing his lips to them, tracing their width and breadth, touching every single inch of skin like he was trying to memorize it. 

Like his need to cover up marks, Jaehwan seemed unable to manage anything else until his momentary fixation was satisfied. 

Sometimes it was Taekwoon's hands, sometimes his collarbone, his pectorals, his thigh, the nape of his neck, the V of his hips, his abdomen, the side of his knee; the possibilities were practically endless. 

And sometimes, like right then, it was his cock, and he would have to lie there, trying his utmost not to come for as long as humanly possible, while Jaehwan did his little routine. 

Not that Taekwoon was complaining, he absolutely was not. 

The attention, reverence, body worship, whatever the correct term, it made him feel...  _ special _ wasn’t quite the right word, but it was close. 

And any excuse to have Jaehwan's mouth on his body was never to be passed up. 

However, enduring teasing was something Taekwoon had never excelled at; and even though he knew full well that Jaehwan wasn’t purposefully trying to tease, the effect was the same. 

“I have a date,” Jaehwan said in the same distant voice, dragging his fingertips up Taekwoon's shaft, one after the other. 

“A date?”

Jaehwan hummed in confirmation. 

Wriggling a little so he could drape one arm over the top of Taekwoon's denim covered leg. 

Resting his cheek against the top of Taekwoon's thigh, slight growth of stubble tickling the exposed bit of Taekwoon's sensitive skin.

Only wearing boxers, unlike Taekwoon, whose sweater and jeans had been pushed up and pulled down only enough to grant Jaehwan access to the area he wanted. 

It was apparent that the slightly odd faction of his brain had been satisfied; Jaehwan was just playing now. 

Stroking Taekwoon lazily with one hand, tugging at his cock as though it were a toy.

“A date,” he nodded, flicking his wrist, “One of Yeonie's friends.”

“I didn’t know you were dating,” Taekwoon replied, using the hand he still had knotted in Jaehwan’s hair to guide the younger's head back into position. 

Needing to bring this torturous playtime to its climax as quickly as possible before he went insane.

Jaehwan’s mouth fell open, smiling and letting the head of Taekwoon's cock bob on his tongue for a moment.

“Not actively,” he said, licking his lips, “But it never hurts to try on occasion.”

Then, those lovely lips finally wrapped around Taekwoon's length, sinking lower and lower until that pointy nose was pressed to Taekwoon's groin. 

Laving at the base.

The muscles of his throat working deliciously against the intrusion. 

Taekwoon attempted to breathe through his nose, finding some relief in the wet drag against the inside of Jaehwan's mouth. 

Physical relief, anyway. 

Pleasure-dazed mind doing it’s best to prickle in annoyance at the idea of Jaehwan  _ dating.  _

“Have you had other dates before now?” he asked, exhaling sharply as Jaehwan hummed around him, the sound causing bright waves of vibration shooting through him. 

He shivered. 

Jaehwan pulled off, clearing his throat a bit, but Taekwoon's hand didn’t allow him to go very far.

Lips still brushing skin as Jaehwan spoke. 

“A few.”

Taekwoon shivered again, staring at a shiny trail of saliva rolling over Jaehwan's chin from the corner of his mouth. 

Urging him down again. 

Fingers spreading across the back of his head.

Barely breathing as he pushed Jaehwan further and further down, and then held him there. 

Jaehwan gurgled a little, and then gagged when Taekwoon bucked his hips up. 

Bucked them again. 

And again. 

Only relenting when the nails of Jaehwan's scrambling fingers scratched painfully at his thigh. 

Less gentle behavior than normal, no doubt prompted both by his own possessive inclinations at the unwelcome news that Jaehwan was seeking another relationship. 

“You want a boyfriend, then?” Taekwoon asked quietly, his desire to hear Jaehwan's answer bordering on masochistic. 

Jaehwan blinked up at him. 

Shiny brown eyes glazed with thin tears, cheeks flushed, lips swollen.

“I don’t know,” he replied, voice raw from the rough treatment, “You have one. Why shouldn’t I?”

Sound logic, but Taekwoon wasn’t exactly in the mood for _sound logic_ just then. 

“Get one, then. You should have one too,” Taekwoon whispered, assuming that was what Jaehwan wanted to hear, tapping the back of Jaehwan's head so he resumed the task at hand. 

And Jaehwan did, hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head up and down in time with the rhythm of his constantly moving hand. 

But he was making quiet grumbly noises.

brow furrowed not in concentration, but rather in displeasure. 

Giving his hair a slight yank, Taekwoon pulled Jaehwan off a second time. 

“What's the matter?”

Jaehwan ignored him, licking his lips like a hungry cat as the speed of his stroking hand increased. 

Taekwoon tried and failed to ignore the sensation, thrusting up into Jaehwan's fist automatically as he repeated, “What’s the matter sweetheart?”

“You want me to get a boyfriend,” Jaehwan mumbled, fighting the fingers still holding his head up. 

Tugging until the tension on his scalp must have grown painful, relenting, and then starting again. 

_ Ah,  _ Taekwoon thought, realization settling over him like the softest of blankets, Jaehwan really  _ had  _ been playing. 

An old game, one he played so infrequently now that Taekwoon, slightly lost in pleasure, had forgotten about. 

Testing, nudging, reassuring himself that he was Taekwoon's and Taekwoon was his. 

And Taekwoon had given an unsatisfactory answer.

Knowing now what Jaehwan wanted from him, Taekwoon let his possessive streak have its head. 

Indulging his natural competitive spirit, taking a twisted sort of joy from it. 

Wanting to  _ win _ this game.

Feeling again that wonderful sense of control. 

Taekwoon sat up and yanked Jaehwan's hair so hard that the younger man yelped. 

Pulling Jaehwan to kneel and then bodily shoving him onto his back.

Lanky limbs sprawling every which way as Taekwoon sat high up on his chest, pinning Jaehwan with the majority of his weight, trapping Jaehwan's arms beneath his knees.

“You want to date?” he asked, getting a fresh grip on Jaehwan's hair and holding his head up straight so Jaehwan had no choice but to look at him. 

Noting the shallow quality of Jaehwan's breath, the way his lips remained parted a fraction, the blown-out pupils darkening his eyes. 

Only needing one hand to keep Jaehwan where he wanted him, Taekwoon began to quickly jerk himself off with the other, heat still building in the pit of his stomach.

“Go ahead, date all you want,” he continued, holding eye contact, “But you’re mine, sweetheart. Trust me when I say you’ll always come running back to me. And I’ll always be here when you do.”

Jaehwan whined, his pouty demeanor evaporating, wriggling underneath Taekwoon and eagerly opening his mouth. 

Grinning, knowing he’d passed the little test, Taekwoon shifted so Jaehwan's arms were freed. 

Feeling Jaehwan's hand take the place of his own.

Listening to the soft, needy noises leak from Jaehwan until the heat building in him finally broke, come streaking over Jaehwan's neck and chin and left cheek. 

Jaehwan kept stroking him until the pleasure coursing through Taekwoon subsided; the younger's pink tongue darting out to lap up all the milky white drip he could reach. 

  
~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if yall can tell, but this whole story is written with the concept of *canon naturally competitive Taeky who loves to win, cant be a dominant personality around most people because they don't let him, but he can with Jyani and so Jyani is his outlet for that* in mind lol, and this is a concept I wholeheartedly subscribe too.
> 
> Also, like me, Jaehwan deals with adhd, obsessive tendencies, and (hyper)fixations (although a slightly milder and more manageable kind) in this story.
> 
> I'm not promo tweeting this story cuz its basically all I've been tweeting, but just know there are two more after this.


	13. Are you really mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Picks up where Chapter 12 left off)
> 
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Are you really mine?’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 2.1k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: implied affair, mentions of drug use and alcohol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Taekwoon was in trouble. 

He had been getting careless. 

And Taekwoon was _not_ one to be careless.

There had been too much time spent comfortably in secrecy. 

It had been too easy for too long. 

Things being too easy for too long lead to laziness, and  _ laziness _ was not something that paired well with activities of a clandestine nature. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Three months married, Taekwoon made his first mistake. 

He had purchased a necklace for Jaehwan, a present for their two year quasi-anniversary; a thin sterling silver chain, the small pendant shaped like an upside down triangle and studded with tiny diamonds. 

It was a relatively distinctive piece, but Taekwoon hadn’t thought about that when he hid it in his sock drawer. 

Left it in a place that would be easy for Hakyeon to accidentally happen upon it. 

Which Hakyeon must have done, because after Taekwoon had given it to Jaehwan a few days later, Hakyeon asked what happened to it; dropping a hint that he’d seen it and thought it was meant as a gift for him. 

Taekwoon had lied, a quick, hasty lie about finding a dent in the setting and one of the tiny diamonds having fallen out, so he had taken it back to the jeweler. 

And then he had gone out the next morning and bought Hakyeon a _different_ necklace, this one with an azalea bloom picked out in rubies hanging on its length of gold chain. 

Hakyeon was very pleased with his gift, which in turn pleased Taekwoon, always simmering with quiet happiness when he did something good for a change. 

But then, not even a week later, Jaehwan had come over for one of Hakyeon's dinner parties with the anniversary necklace on clear display over the neckline of his ridiculously deep-cut blouse. 

Which Hakyeon had _not_ missed. 

Jaehwan had made up a story on the spot, something about finding it downtown when he was out shopping with a childhood friend who had been visiting for the weekend.

Employing his vast acting talent, Jaehwan had grown into a much better liar than Taekwoon, and so his story was much more believable; the situation only helped by the playfully envious compliments he gave as he poked at Hakyeon's azalea. 

So things ended up being okay, danger had been averted, but it had been too close a call for Taekwoon's comfort. 

He’d learned his lesson, or  _ a lesson,  _ in any case; don’t leave gifts for ones paramour lying around the house.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Four months married, Taekwoon had made his second mistake. 

He had left his phone in the charger they kept on the counter while he made dinner, and he had left it on silent, so he didn’t notice the multitude of texts Jaehwan had sent him. 

Blissfully unaware as Hakyeon buzzed around him, uncorking a bottle of wine and talking through ideas for an upcoming photo shoot. 

Unaware as Hakyeon unplugged Taekwoon's phone and plugged in his own. 

_ ‘Who is LJH?’ _ Hakyeon had asked, holding Taekwoon's locked phone and squinting at the notifications. 

It had taken everything Taekwoon had not to flinch at the question.

Not to whirl around and snatch his phone away. 

_ ‘Lee Junghwa, just a client,’  _ he had replied, with an air of casualness that was painfully forced. 

_ ‘He sent you eighteen texts in the last ten minutes’ _

_ ‘An anxious client with a penchant for micromanaging,’ _ Taekwoon had amended, turning slowly and taking his phone from Hakyeon's hand, feigning annoyance.

_ ‘Watch this so it doesn’t burn, please? I should check on what's going on,’  _ he added, gesturing toward the saucepan he had been stirring.

As it was still locked, the screen only displayed that he had received messages, not what the contents of the messages were, which was a mercy Taekwoon didn’t deserve but was thankful for all the same. 

Hakyeon had nodded, moving over to stir as Taekwoon had stepped out into the hallway. 

Again, the danger had been averted but it was much too close a call. 

Especially when Taekwoon had unlocked the phone and saw that Jaehwan had been spamming him with kissy-face emojis and glittery-filtered mirror selfies. 

But, like the first time, he’d learned a lesson; change Jaehwan's contact info regularly and switch to an encrypted messaging app with two-factor authentication. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Six months married, and Taekwoon was currently in the process of making his third mistake. 

Hakyeon had been getting ready for a night out with his production manager and a few of his regular models, Taekwoon having successfully begged off accompanying him and curled on the sofa with a new book and the remainders of a gin and tonic, when there had been a knock on the door. 

And when Taekwoon had grumbled and gone to see who was there, he found Jaehwan waiting on the threshold clutching a giant stack of papers. 

_ Breaking rule number one. _

“What are you doing here, Hwannie? I haven’t seen you in weeks!” Hakyeon had asked, breezing up behind Taekwoon with a smile on his face. 

Subtly resting a hand on Taekwoon's back as he took in the papers and Jaehwan's slightly rumpled appearance. 

“I need to borrow your husbands math brain,” Jaehwan had pouted, “None of my taxes make any sense.”

“Don’t you have an accountant to help with that?”

“I think he’s embezzling,” Jaehwan replied, Hakyeon letting out a bark of laughter and patting Taekwoon's shoulder.

“This is what you get for making me go to a party alone,” he’d said, still chuckling as he took his keys from the key-tree by the door.

Then, addressing Jaehwan on his way out, “Don’t wear him out too much, Woonie had a headache this morning so he shouldn’t do too much thinking. And try your best not to let him kill you.”

“I don’t _really_ have to do your taxes, do I?” Taekwoon asked, looking up at Jaehwan once he’d taken a seat in his home office and shut the door so it was only open a crack.

Jaehwan grinned and dropped the papers on his desk with a loud  _ thunk.  _

“Unfortunately, you do. Not  _ do them  _ do them, but just look over them and make sure everything seems to be in order.”

Taekwoon groaned a very dramatic and whiney groan, even as he slipped his hand beneath Jaehwan's jacket and wrapped an arm around his waist. 

Leaning his weary head against Jaehwan's stomach. 

Feeling Jaehwan's arm settle around his shoulders, fingertips brushing the side of his neck.

“You shouldn’t be here. You really, really shouldn’t.”

“It’s just  _ taxes,  _ Woonie!”

“Are you high?”

“No!”

“Are you lying?”

Jaehwan shifted slightly, turning in Taekwoon's grip to comb his fingers through Taekwoon's hair. 

Bending so he could press a series of kisses to Taekwoon's forehead. 

Obviously trying to distract so Taekwoon would drop the subject. 

“Are you?”

Jaehwan huffed and snapped his fingers, whirling away to collapse on the loveseat in the corner. 

“Get to it, baby, I don’t have all night.”

Ignoring the question like Taekwoon hadn’t asked it.

Resigning himself to his task and beginning to sort through the papers, Taekwoon muttered, “If you’re going to lounge around, might as well make yourself something for dinner while you wait. This could take a while.”

Jaehwan hopped back up in an instant, already zooming out of the room before Taekwoon had finished his sentence.

Always excited at the prospect of snacks. 

Taekwoon couldn't suppress a smile. 

“There are leftovers in the fridge.”

“Sounds good! Do you want anything?”

“No, I ate earlier,” Taekwoon called back, Jaehwan already at least halfway to the kitchen. 

A startlingly short time later, thirty seconds at most, Taekwoon heard the distant sound of Hakyeon's voice.

It was unexpected and Taekwoon froze in his chair, hand stilled in the act of flipping a page, listening hard.

Approaching footsteps.

Too brisk and purposeful to be Jaehwan; Jaehwan didn’t walk so much as he tumbled chaotically from place to place. 

“Sent him away already, have you?” Hakyeon asked, smiling as he stuck his head through the office door. 

“He’s annoying.”

“Yes, well,” Hakyeon tittered, ducking out again, “I forgot my phone and now I’m running late.”

The footsteps reseeded toward their bedroom, and then returned back the way they’d come, Hakyeon breezing past the door and pausing only long enough to call, “Oh, and he’s gotten into the liquor cabinet, keep an eye on him so he doesn’t drink us dry!”

Taekwoon folded his arms, dropped his head on the desk, and sighed.

Too close.

Much too fucking close.

If Hakyeon had come back even five minutes earlier, he would have seen- only innocent touches, they had only been holding each other but it would have been enough. 

Combined with everything else, his previous mistakes, getting caught would do doubt confirm whatever suspicions Hakyeon may have. 

_ Too close.  _

He could hear Jaehwan and Hakyeon exchange a few words and then the distant sound of the front door shutting. 

No longer able to focus on the papers in front of him, Taekwoon rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. 

He’d been getting too comfortable in duplicity, that was now more than apparent. 

More precautions were required. 

More checks and balances.

More care for the ground rules he and Jaehwan had created. 

It wouldn’t be easy, and it would most likely upset Jaehwan, but he would see the sense in it eventually. 

As if summoned by the thought of his name, Jaehwan flounced back into the office with a plate full of cold spaghetti in one hand and a glass of something pink that fizzed audibly in the other. 

The grapefruit soda that Hakyeon had bought last week, Taekwoon guessed, no doubt spiked with something. 

“So, how does everything look?” Jaehwan asked, plopping down in one of the chairs placed on the opposite side of Taekwoon's desk. 

More for aesthetics than anything else, as Taekwoon almost never dealt with clients at home. 

He sat silent, watching Jaehwan twirl a fork through the pasta and then raise it up to Taekwoon's mouth. 

Such a sweet angel, this man.

And yet Taekwoon couldn't bring himself to eat the proffered mouthful. 

_ Not careful enough. _

That thought hung like a sine wave in Taekwoon's mind. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he repeated, attempting to make his voice sound as stern as possible, “You shouldn’t have come.”

“But I needed help-“

“Jaehwanie,” Taekwoon interrupted, “This was too much of a risk. We have rules for a reason.”

_“Rules,”_ Jaehwan huffed, taking the ignored forkful back and placing it in his own mouth instead.

Chewing in a manner that fairly  _ screamed  _ petulance. 

Taekwoon watched him swallow, watched him raise the glass to his lips and then swallow again. 

When he didn’t say anything else and continued to eat, Taekwoon steepled his fingers beneath his chin. 

“We have to be more careful, sweetheart, we _have_ too, or else we’ll be found out.”

“No we won’t.”

“Yes, we will, and you know as well as I do what will happen if Yeon finds out. How bad that would be for  _ all _ of us,” Taekwoon insisted, resisting the urge to reach out and take Jaehwan's hand, “I know it’s not ideal, but we-“

Taekwoon paused, making several hasty mental calculations. 

Measuring risks against benefits. 

“We can’t have anymore meetings. They’re too- there are too many variables, too much can go wrong.”

Jaehwan’s face fell, expression crestfallen, but Taekwoon tried to ignore it and soldiered on. 

“Business trips are okay, but I need to set more precautions. I’ll start taking a cab to the airport before I come over, for one thing. I have to think about what else can be done, to cover my tracks better. And we...”

Taekwoon trailed off, realizing belatedly that he was talking to himself. 

Jaehwan wasn’t listening.

Or, he  _ was _ listening, but his eyes had taken on a grazed quality that Taekwoon easily recognized. 

Hiding. 

Retreating back behind his walls.

Locking his emotions away so he wouldn’t have to feel them. 

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, but you know it’s- know it’s for the best,” Taekwoon murmured, stopping himself before saying _‘it’s the right thing to do’._

The right thing to do would be doing nothing at all. 

But Taekwoon couldn’t bring himself to stop now; he was way too far gone, way too attached, way too deep in love. 

All he could do was make the best of a really fucked up situation. 

“Your right,” Jaehwan whispered, sitting back in his chair. 

Hands clasped in his lap and staring vacantly at the wall behind Taekwoon's desk. 

Dinner entirely forgotten. 

_ Best of a fucked up situation,  _ Taekwoon reminded himself, bending back over the stack of papers.

No more being careless. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnnnnd we are officially caught up to where i started writing in the first place. one chapter left.


	14. It’s a road headed towards you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Picks up where Chapter 8 left off)
> 
> The Keo Story:  
> To read this story in chronological order, chapters go 9, 11, 12, 13, 5, 6, 7, 8, 14  
> Can also easily be read in the order in which I wrote and published it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘It’s a road headed towards you’  
> Pairing: Keo, Neo  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 4.6k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: implied affair, breakups, makeups, confessions

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

As Taekwoon had expected, Jaehwan's new international romance didn’t last. 

Didn’t even make it half a year. 

Jaehwan had acquired several boyfriends since the restrictions on their time together had strengthened, mostly just to occupy himself when Taekwoon couldn’t see him. 

But the boyfriends never lasted very long, no matter how vehemently they proclaimed their love and devotion in the beginning. 

Taekwoon didn’t find out about the departure of this one, the American, until several days after the fact, and only then because Hakyeon had complained to him about it. 

Something about him being concerned for his best friend, being worried about how another breakup was affecting Jaehwan’s mental health.

About Jaehwan needing to grow up and settle down, that all the flings and casual relationships were not good for him, that he needed to find someone and something stable so that he could  _ get happy _ again.

Taekwoon had dutifully nodded along, making sympathetic noises at all the correct times, but the wheels inside his head were spinning madly. 

Jaehwan had _still_ been refusing to take his calls, and he had ignored Taekwoon when Taekwoon went to his apartment to try and talk to him, refusing to let Taekwoon in.

But that was back when Jaehwan believed his relationship would stick this time around. 

And normally, when the ending inevitably came, Jaehwan would call him and beg Taekwoon to come over earlier than whatever visit they had scheduled. 

Not this time. 

It had been three days since Hakyeon gave him the news, and Jaehwan _ still  _ hadn’t reached out to him. 

No calls.

No texts.

Not even a fucking handwritten letter. 

And the lack of communication was starting to drive Taekwoon the slightest bit mad.

Or, was that just an excuse?

Calling himself  _ crazy  _ to try and justify the new plan he had going on in the background. 

Because just over a month ago, Taekwoon had gotten himself a lawyer. 

The frenzied feeling he had felt, back all those months ago when he had packed his shit and shown up on Jaehwan’s doorstep, had never left him. 

The _hope_ had gone, left him cold and empty the very same night, but the _frenzy_ had remained. 

He’d kept his eyes open for a change, paying attention when their friends were around, noting all the signs he had missed for what could have been years.

The surreptitious touches Hakyeon and Wonshik shared.

The cleverly disguised compliments passed between them.

The excuses that always conveniently allowed them to leave the room at the same time. 

Hakyeon's determination to set Wonshik up with Jaehwan had puzzled Taekwoon at first, until he figured out that it was most likely a similar tactic that he himself used.

Shift suspicion so far off Wonshik that Taekwoon would never assume they were involved. 

This theory would require Hakyeon to believe Taekwoon was capable of  _ actually  _ noticing  _ anything,  _ but stranger things had happened. 

One thing about being a quiet person; when you don’t talk very much, people around you tend to assume that you are observing, that you’re a good listener. 

Most people would never guess that your head is mostly empty and the few thoughts you  _ are  _ having are about a million miles away. 

Taekwoon had used that assumption to his advantage before, during classes and then later during meetings; he had better things to think about than differential geometry or supply chain management. 

But letting his mind wander also meant that he missed more than was preferable. 

Especially when he was trying to look out for signs of his husband's affair. 

So, Taekwoon had forced himself to be present as much as he possibly could; watching, noticing. 

Because he needed a) grounds for a divorce, and b) some sort of leverage for the fight that would inevitably take place. 

_ Divorce. _

The word still tasted foreign to Taekwoon. 

Thinking it helped subdue the frenzy, but it also filled him with worry. 

Worry at the prospect of losing the life he knew and the comfortable future it promised. 

Worry at the idea of it being a futile gesture, because he had no guarantee that, after everything, Jaehwan would still want him. 

Worry at the very _concept_ of being alone. 

But it was the right thing to do. 

He knew that with a surety that may seem laughable to others, but v ery occasionally, Taekwoon could pull himself up from the gutter, could take a step back from his bad behavior, and he _ could  _ recognize when he was doing the right thing. 

Even if Jaehwan didn’t want him anymore, and even if he _did_ end up as nothing more than a lonely divorcee, it would still be better for Hakyeon. 

Hakyeon could find happiness with someone who loved him the way he deserved to be loved. 

Hakyeon wouldn’t be forced to sneak around anymore, seeking out the things Taekwoon should have been giving him. 

Hakyeon could be free. 

And at the heart of it, Taekwoon had never wished to cause Hakyeon any pain, any heart ache. 

If he had, he wouldn’t have been so careful to spare Hakyeon from learning things that would only bring him heartache. 

Taekwoon was simply a drowning man in the middle of the ocean and Jaehwan was the life raft that he clung to. 

He had never intended for Hakyeon to be there in the water too, drowning right alongside him. 

_ Divorce. _

Taekwoon had been forced to tell his lawyer everything. 

The whole sordid ordeal with Jaehwan, the span of it, the depth of it. 

He’d been anxious to talk about it at first, since  _ speaking candidly about Jaehwan  _ was something that he had never, ever done with anyone. 

But the more he’d talked, the more he began to feel a strange kind of liberation. 

And attorney client privilege helped reassure him that everything was confidential. 

It wasn’t like he was planning to kill someone, he was just a despicable, lecherous human being. 

So, he’d spilled it all, and his lawyer had drafted up the necessary documents for the initial filing procedure; first for a legal separation and then a divorce. 

She was a quick, efficient person, and while she agreed to represent Taekwoon, she also gave a personal recommendation that he begin speaking to a therapist on a regular basis. 

Taekwoon couldn't really argue that recommendation, and he’d decided that he  _ would  _ find a therapist, but only after the divorce was finalized. 

One life-changing event at time; divorce was his entrée and therapy was on to the dessert menu.

He had never asked Hakyeon for a prenup, which in hind sight, was _extremely_ fucking stupid of him. 

It had just seemed odd; the knowingly unfaithful spouse asking their partner for what amounted to a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

And really, Taekwoon had never thought he would get to a point where divorce was preferable to living a double life. 

He had never truly believed that anything would change. 

Hadn’t wanted change. 

But now, there he was, teetering on the very precipice of change, and Taekwoon was forced to face the reality that Hakyeon would have the power to take him for a 50/50 split at the very  _ least.  _

And an even distribution wasn’t how things had started between them where money was concerned, not even close.

But Taekwoon didn't care. 

He didn’t care if Hakyeon took all his money, it wouldn’t even skim the surface of full reparations. 

Hakyeon deserved so much _more_ than money. 

Taekwoon had the papers in his possession now, the petition to initiate a legal separation that had been validated by a court clerk. 

The first step was done.

All he had to do now was  _ serve _ them. 

Give them to Hakyeon, and then pray that whatever litigation transpired would be as painless as possible. 

Doing that, taking the initiative, being strong,  _ that _ was filling Taekwoon with more baseline dread than he had ever felt his entire life. 

_ The raven calls. _

_ The bell tolls.  _

_ The curtain rises.  _

Tonight was the night. 

It was _time._

Taekwoon had set the table, the small one in the breakfast room not the giant stupid dining square. 

He hadn’t cooked anything, wanting to get straight to the point, but he had still set the table. 

Needing something to do with his hands. 

“Woonie?”

Taekwoon jumped, nearly knocking over a glass with the fork he was holding as Hakyeon's head poked around the doorframe.

“What's happening, are we getting takeaway?”

“Maybe,” Taekwoon sighed, trying to still the tremble that was growing in his hands. 

It didn’t work very well. 

“Sit, please. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Hakyeon replied, stepping into the room and dropping into one of the wooden chairs. 

He was already in his pajamas. 

Appearing much too soft in plaid flannel pants and an old university hoodie, feet hidden inside a pair of thick socks and the glasses he almost never wore perched on the bridge of his nose. 

_It would have been easier if he was wearing a suit,_ Taekwoon lamented, perching on the edge of his own chair. 

Easier, if he looked like his normal, intimidatingly handsome self, not like the soft person he was in private.

If he didn’t look so easy to damage.

Hakyeon reached across the table and took Taekwoon’s hand, an expression of concern growing on his face as Taekwoon shook harder. 

“Woonie, what’s the matter? Are you alright?”

Pulse pounding behind his eyes, ears filling with static, Taekwoon reached inside his back pocket and pulled out the papers he’d concealed there.

Unfolding them carefully.

_ The  _ papers.

So terrified that his vision was starting to go fuzzy around the edges, Taekwoon set them down and slid them across the little table so Hakyeon could see.

He couldn’t breathe. 

Watching Hakyeon take the papers and raise them a bit so he could read.

Watching Hakyeon’s eyes widen, and then his brow furrow in a bewildered sort of confusion. 

Watching Hakyeon’s mouth open, like he was going to speak, and then close again. 

And then open again.

_ No turning back now.  _

“Is this a joke?”

Taekwoon’s heart was beating faster than he thought possible. 

Maybe he was going to have a panic attack. 

That would be helpful. 

Then, he could put off having to explain himself and curl up in a sobbing ball on the floor instead. 

But no, Taekwoon’s body kept on functioning. 

Refusing to grant him even the smallest bit of mercy.

“No,” he whispered, drawing his hand from Hakyeon’s and tucking both inside the front pockets of his jeans. 

Shoulders slumping.

Blank stare aimed at the claret colored placemat. 

A lump of razor blades rapidly forming in his throat. 

“Why,” Hakyeon asked, clearly so nonplussed that the question came out genuine and lacking any emotion.

Taekwoon couldn’t speak. 

But Hakyeon could _ always  _ speak. 

“If it's not a joke, then I don’t understand. I thought we were happy, thought you were happy. _ I’m  _ happy, why would you want _ this  _ of all things? We’re so good together, I don’t-”

“I’m in love with someone else,” Taekwoon interrupted, the words leaving him in a strangled gasp. 

Hakyeon fell silent, but Taekwoon couldn't look up. 

Couldn’t look at him. 

_ Be strong, be strong, be strong... _

“You’re what?”

“I’m-” Taekwoon swallowed, feeling his lungs begin to shred, “I’m in love with someone else.”

“Who?”

Hakyeon’s voice was cold now, cold with that anger Taekwoon had never felt directed at him.

That anger he had _ never  _ wished to feel.

He was right to have wished it, because the sound of that voice made Taekwoon suddenly and violently nauseous. 

“Jaehwan.”

“Jaehwan?” Hakyeon repeated, letting out a breath of humorless laughter, “You’re in love with  _ Jaehwan?  _ You _ hate _ Jaehwan.”

Taekwoon managed to shake his head. 

“No? You don't? You don't _ what?  _ Love him or hate him?”

“I don’t hate him. I’ve been in love with him for over five years.”

_ He’s hurt,  _ Taekwoon thought, that single fact stabbing through his haze of panic. 

Taekwoon could hear it in the biting tone of Hakyeon’s voice. 

Hurt. 

Pain.

Exactly what Taekwoon had been trying to avoid for the majority of their relationship.

Taekwoon waited, shaking so hard it felt like he’d fall to pieces, as Hakyeon did some mental math. 

Because _ five years _ was longer than-

“Since before we got married?!”

Taekwoon nodded. 

_ Talk, get the words out, once you start it will only get easier... _

But he couldn’t yet, couldn’t explain, because Hakyeon’s voice was rising to a shout. 

“Why the fuck did you agree to marry me if you were in love with my best friend?!”

“I liked being with you. It was comfortable and safe to be with you.”

_ “Liked?  _ As in past tense, and you don’t like being with me anymore?!”

“I still do, but it's different now-”

“How long has this been going on, how long _ exactly?”  _ Hakyeon snapped, cutting off the beginning of Taekwoon’s explanation.

“Since the first time we took a break. I met him in the bar of my hotel-”

“You _ met  _ him?!”

Taekwoon nodded again.

Still staring fixedly at the placemat. 

Wishing he could cry and throw up at the same time. 

“So, what? Was this just pining for him from a far all this time? Or have you _ actually  _ been fucking my best friend behind my back for nearly as long as I’ve known you?!”

Taekwoon flinched.

“I love him, and he loves me too,” was all he could manage at that moment. 

Not bothering to add  _ ‘or he used to love me’. _

That wasn’t going to help anything at this point.

“So you _ have  _ been fucking my best friend. I want that to be perfectly clear.”

Taekwoon bit the inside of his cheek, but forced another nod.

“I can't believe you! And I can't believe him! I'm gunna fucking kill him, how could he- how could  _ both  _ of you...”

The sounds of Hakyeon’s shouting faded away, utterly drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in Taekwoon's ears. 

Hakyeon was no longer sitting. 

Pacing back and forth across the breakfast room. 

Building up a head of steam.

Making himself more upset with each word he shouted.

The full scope of Taekwoon’s betrayal finally beginning to sink in.

Taekwoon didn’t know how long he sat there, letting Hakyeon yell; he felt like his body had frozen to a block of solid ice. 

But slowly,  _ very _ slowly, he shuffled his ace to the top of the deck. 

_ Just say it, hurry up, the sooner you say it the sooner this can all be over... _

“I know about Wonshik.”

It had only been a whisper, but that turned out to be enough to stop Hakyeon’s furious tirade. 

“What?” he snapped, distracted, breath coming shallow and fast.

Taekwoon cleared his throat.

“I know about Wonshik,” he repeated, louder, proud when the words sounded steady.

Hakyeon stopped pacing, which was good, because the sound of his socked feet rasping on the carpet was starting to overwhelm Taekwoon.

“What about Wonshik?”

_ Careful now, slowly, coming off as accusatory or combative isn’t the goal... _

Finally, Taekwoon forced himself to look up.

To raise his gaze from the placemat and look at his husband. 

He fought not to flinch again.

The spark of fury was still there, gleaming in Hakyeon’s lovely brown eyes, but his expression was blank. 

A smooth, purposeful blankness that Taekwoon recognized.

He used that expression often enough. 

“I know about the two of you, Yeon. I’m not mad about it, it would be hypocritical to be mad, I’m happy that you’re getting the kind of attention you deserve.”

Taekwoon exhaled a shaky breath, needing the few seconds to gather strength before continuing. 

“I’m not mad at Wonshik either. I’m glad the two of you found each other, glad I introduced you to him. But I need you to understand that this-” he motioned at the papers Hakyeon had abandoned on the table, “-is something that _had_ to do. For my own sanity if nothing else. I can't sneak around anymore, I don’t want _ you  _ to have to sneak around anymore, it’s not good for either of us. Not good for Jaehwan or Wonshik either.”

“So, that’s it,” Hakyeon replied, the hurt and pain surging right back up, “This is about Jaehwan, isn’t it? Is he making you leave me for him?!”

“No,” Taekwoon said, finding it easier to speak now.

Just like how it had been when he explained to his lawyer; starting was the hardest part.

“Jaehwan never once told me to leave you. I asked him about it once, and he said that he wanted you to stay happy. He never wanted to hurt you, neither did I.”

“Well that’s just fucking _ charming, _ isn’t it!”

“Yeon,” he sighed, a mixture of fatigue and relief steadily draining his energy, “We’ve both made mistakes, and I’m trying to hold myself accountable for mine. I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I cant properly express it; I’m trying to do the right thing.”

Taekwoon stood, locking his knees to try and quiet their trembling. 

He’d done what he needed to do.

Now, Hakyeon needed time to let everything sink in, to think, to settle. 

Time to process.

Taekwoon knew that about him; knew that Hakyeon needed to take a step back from his problems and level out before trying to solve them.

They  _ were _ married, Taekwoon  _ did  _ know Hakyeon; he could give himself at least  _ a little _ credit. 

“Where the hell do you think you're going?! We’re not finished!” Hakyeon exclaimed, bolting across the room and grabbing Taekwoon’s arm as Taekwoon turned to leave.

Inhaling through his nose, Taekwoon covered Hakyeon’s hand with his own.

Trying to subdue.

Trying to calm.

“I’m going to give you some time, okay? Time where you can think without having to see me around the house constantly. It’s the best thing for right now.”

“Are you going to _ him?” _

Taekwoon blinked. 

Mouth tight. 

“He hasn’t spoken to me in months,” he replied.

It wasn’t a lie, Jaehwan _ hadn’t _ spoken to Taekwoon in months. 

But Taekwoon _ was  _ going to him. 

Taekwoon had a plan for that. 

Saying as much right then wouldn’t help Hakyeon cool off, though, so Taekwoon didn’t elaborate. 

“Fine,” Hakyeon spat, releasing Taekwoon’s arm and striding out of the breakfast room, leaving the divorce papers on the table, “Get out! Don’t come back!”

Nodding to himself, as that was the reaction he had expected, Taekwoon slipped out of the room after his husband. 

Not down the hall to the bedroom, which was where Hakyeon was headed, but toward the foyer.

Retrieving his black little rollaboard suitcase from the hall closet where he’d concealed it several hours earlier. 

Already packed.

Hakyeon would call him in a few days, maybe a week, once he had thought everything through.

For now, Taekwoon was content to let him process things in his own way.

He took his overcoat from the closet as well, sliding his arms into the sleeves.

He took one of the several scarves from a peg on the inside of the closet door and slung it around his neck. 

He took his keys from the key-tree and tugged his wedding ring off his finger.

Hanging it on the branch where his keys usually lived. 

Taekwoon opened the door and slipped out into the hall, hearing the soft click of the automatic lock sliding into place behind him.

Leaving one catastrophe and heading toward the possibility of another. 

The timing of his and Hakyeon’s conversation had been deliberate. 

Jaehwan had a performance that evening, Taekwoon had checked the company’s website, and from past experience, Taekwoon knew about what time Jaehwan’s evening shows would finish. 

At first, Taekwoon had thought he would go to a hotel after confessing to Hakyeon. 

Give himself time to heal and recharge after the confrontation before seeking Jaehwan out. 

But, as D-day grew closer and closer, Taekwoon realized that prolonging a possible reunion would only strengthen his own fear of rejection.

It all needed to be done at once before he lost the meager store of bravery he’d saved up.

So, once Taekwoon had ridden the elevator down to the underground carpark and slid into the driver's seat, he aimed in the direction of the theater. 

On the road towards Jaehwan.

It wasn’t a long drive, but it was a quiet one. 

Taekwoon’s fingers tapping anxiously on the steering wheel.

Gnawing on his bottom lip. 

Not turning on the radio; not wanting additional stimuli to wear on his nerves.

He parked outside the theater’s side entrance, a little distance away but strategically between the door and Jaehwan’s car, having driven past the familiar white convertible half a block down.

He got out, leaning up against the hood with his legs crossed and hands tucked into his pants pockets.

Waiting. 

Waiting, as the crowd of spectators began to stream out of the front doors, signaling that the show had come to an end. 

Waiting, as a group of fans assembled in front of him, waiting for Jaehwan to come out so they could ask for his autograph. 

Waiting, as the cast and crew slowly began to trickle out of the side door, accepting congratulations before making for home. 

_ Waiting waiting waiting _ _…_

Taekwoon was taking slow, meditative breaths as he waited, schooling himself to calm. 

If Jaehwan yelled at him and sent him packing, that would be okay.

And if Jaehwan accepted him back with open arms, that would be better.

Regardless of what happened, Jaehwan deserved to know what Taekwoon had done, if for no other reason than keeping him in the loop so he wouldn’t be blindsided when Hakyeon inevitably sought him out. 

Taekwoon waited maybe twenty-five minutes before Jaehwan finally emerged from the side entrance. 

Still with his stage makeup on, hair styled all puffy where it lay across his forehead the way he liked best, looking several steps above precious in a light pink denim jacket. 

Jaehwan beamed at the people that had hung around to see him. 

A black pen ready and waiting in his pocket like always, eager to sign whatever his fans wanted. 

Taekwoon stood quietly, letting him have his moment. 

Not wanting to rush Jaehwan or make him feel like he was being cornered. 

Alight inside at simply being able to _see_ him again, after so many months apart. 

Jaehwan’s cheerful goodbye was met with a chorus of high pitched giggles, the group dissipating as Jaehwan hiked his bag up higher on his shoulder and made his way away from the door. 

Toward his car.

Toward Taekwoon.

His assistant wasn’t there, but Taekwoon had only briefly pondered what the presence of an assistant would mean before making his plan. 

It wouldn’t have mattered. 

Nothing but Jaehwan mattered. 

Jaehwan had been looking at his shoes as he walked, the happy smile still lingering on his face, but when he was only ten feet away from Taekwoon, he looked up.

Probably feeling Taekwoon's eyes on his face.

Probably expecting another fan. 

The smile dropped like a stone sinking to the bottom of a pond. 

Jaehwan stopped dead in his tracks. 

Staring at Taekwoon like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Taekwoon said, not daring to move a muscle. 

Jaehwan blinked. 

“What do you want?”

“I wanted you to hear the news from me first,” Taekwoon replied. 

Slowly, very slowly, not wanting to spook Jaehwan, Taekwoon pulled his left hand from his pocket. 

Holding it out so Jaehwan could see the absence of a ring there. 

But Jaehwan didn’t look. 

Eyes unwaveringly glued to Taekwoon's face. 

“What _news?”_

Tone slightly shrill, an octave higher than usual. 

Taekwoon stayed where he was, leaning up against the hood of his car. 

“I made up my mind. Officially. I'm sorry it took so long.”

Jaehwan blinked several times before his gaze darted to Taekwoon's hand for an instant.

“Off-officially?”

Taekwoon nodded. 

“I filed for divorce. And I told Yeon the truth.”

Jaehwan’s mouth fell open, his eyes widening, hands pressing convulsively to his own stomach. 

“You- you did?”

Taekwoon nodded again, finally shifting his weight off the hood of his car. 

Standing still for a few seconds before turning away from Jaehwan and starting to pace back around to the driver's side of the car. 

“Call me if you want, and we can talk,” he said, giving Jaehwan a small wave as he pulled open the car door. 

Noticing that those warm brown eyes had widened even more, if such a thing was possible. 

Noticing the way those lovely fingers curled around the open halves of his jacket. 

Noticing how that luscious mouth snapped shut, like Jaehwan was trying to swallow his words. 

A minute smile spread across Taekwoon’s face, suddenly filled with a sense of deja vu.

That time, so many years ago, when he’d told Jaehwan to come to his hotel room if he wanted, and then walked away.

The moment Taekwoon had been both saved and damned. 

And, just like that time, Jaehwan bolted down the remaining bit of sidewalk and around the car _just_ before Taekwoon shut the door. 

“Are you serious?” Jaehwan asked, voice barely above a whisper.

The car door still wide open.

Bending at the waist and leaning very far into Taekwoon’s personal space. 

One hand on the steering wheel, the other on the back of Taekwoon’s seat.

Looking from one of Taekwoon’s eyes to the other, searching for truth.

“As a heart attack,” Taekwoon replied, turning a little in his seat so he could more comfortably meet Jaehwan’s gaze. 

Jaehwan gaped for a moment more and then practically fell into the car.

He yelped, knocking his elbow on the steering wheel and smacking his head on the visor, legs still dangling out of the car as he collapsed sideways on Taekwoon’s lap.

Trying to be helpful, not wanting Jaehwan to hurt himself, Taekwoon reached down and slid his seat back as far as it could go, but the sudden jolt made Jaehwan yelp again.

“You’re _really_ serious? You’re going to divorce him?”

“I am, and I am.”

“No more sneaking?”

“None.”

“No more lying?”

“None.”

“No more business trips?”

“Not unless we go on one together.”

Taekwoon’s heart lurched, noticing that Jaehwan’s mouth had begun to tremble. 

“Is this a trick to try and win me back?” Jaehwan asked, his arms wrapping around both Taekwoon’s neck and the headrest.

“No tricks. Cross my heart,” Taekwoon replied, smile growing as Jaehwan bumped his forehead with that adorably pointy nose. 

And then Jaehwan was hugging him, squishing Taekwoon against the seat and hugging with all his strength. 

Taekwoon hugged him back.

Pressing a kiss chaste kiss to the side of his throat, as that was the part of Jaehwan that happened to be most easily accessible. 

Feeling Jaehwan's pulse racing beneath his lips.

A hand finding its way into Jaehwan's hair for a moment, combing the silky strands, breathing in the smell of warm skin.

Jaehwan relaxed his boa constrictor grip and leaned away, but not far, and Taekwoon only glimpsed his shiny eyes for an instant before trapping Jaehwan's chin between his fingers. 

Drawing his angel forwards and fitting his mouth to Jaehwan's. 

Feeling Jaehwan’s lips gliding over his, hearing Jaehwan’s ragged sigh.

Every inch of Jaehwan pressed against every inch of Taekwoon.

“I’ve missed you, are you okay?” Jaehwan whispered, his mouth close enough to brush against Taekwoon’s as he spoke. 

His fingers buried in Taekwoon’s hair.

Taekwoon nodded, sliding his hands down to grip Jaehwan's hips. 

“I’ll be fine. And I've missed you more.”

Taekwoon kissed him again.

Kissed him and kissed him and kissed him until he could _ feel _ nothing,  _ taste  _ nothing, _ breathe  _ nothing that wasn’t _ entirely  _ Jaehwan. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentines day, my loves
> 
> thanks for making it to the end of this rambling should-have-been-a-oneshot story lol  
> normal individual daily prompts resume tomorrow!


	15. I know that it’s too late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I know that it’s too late’  
> Pairing: Raken  
> Rated: G  
> Word Count: 1.4k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: ghosts

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Jaehwan woke to the smell of coffee wafting in from the kitchen. 

Which was odd, considering he lived alone. 

When he padded sleepily out of his bedroom, sure enough, the coffee maker was on. His favorite mug already on the counter beside the sugar bowl and a carton of milk. 

Also, the fridge magnets had been rearranged into the shape of a heart. And every single piece of chocolate he currently owned had been lined up next to the stove. _Weird._

“Ghost?” he called, hesitant, spinning in a slow circle to try and catch a glimpse of the supernatural entity that may be hanging around, “Did you do this?”

As usual, he got no answer. So Jaehwan set about doctoring his coffee instead. 

Jaehwan’s apartment was haunted. He’d known almost from the moment he’d moved in that some kind of spirit was living there with him. 

But he wasn’t frightened. 

The ghost was usually innocuous enough, only playing little pranks every now and then. Like taking all of his shoes out of the closet and lining them up on the balcony. Or flipping all his picture frames upside down. Or turning off his computer when he was in the middle of playing a game. Or making random hip hop Jaehwan didn’t recognize start playing on his speakers by itself. 

Once, he’d even come home from a weekend vacation to find his entire action figure collection laid out on the living room floor, like they had been frozen In the midst of having some sort of staged mock-battle. 

Just to be safe, Jaehwan had paid a visit to the very witchy bookstore a few blocks away. To see if there was anything he should be doing to protect himself. It never hurt to be careful. The helpful woman behind the counter had asked him all sorts of questions about the energy he felt, about what the suspected ghost was doing, and Jaehwan had assured her that the feeling he got from the ghost only ranged from positive to neutral. No bad vibes whatsoever. 

Jaehwan had left an hour later with a bag of goodies and a brain full of new ideas. Taking the woman’s suggestions seriously, he’d purchased a jet stone for each room of his apartment (for protection, just in case the ghost got mad at him). As well as several smudge sticks, a book about spiritual energy and cleansing, and a smoky quartz crystal necklace that he hadn’t taken off since the day he bought it (for safety, tranquility, and strength).

The ghost had either not minded or not noticed when Jaehwan smudged every corner of his home. Reciting one of the meditative phrases he’d read as he did so. But to be fair, Jaehwan could have been doing it totally wrong. 

And it didn’t seem even slightly affected by the crystals everywhere either. That only confirmed, to Jaehwan, that his ghost was a friendly one. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” he called, wandering over to the sofa and plopping down on it with beverage in hand. 

The open notebook on the coffee table caught Jaehwan's eye just as he was about to switch on the tv. He always left it there, a purple gel pen beside it, in case the ghost wanted to leave him a message. And they did sometimes, but not all that often. Usually random stuff, like _‘it’s going to rain three days from now’_ or _‘you’ve started snoring recently and I hate it’._

Purple words had been scrawled on the page that Jaehwan knew had been blank the previous night. _‘Do you know what day it is?’_

“Wednesday? I think?” Jaehwan said, flipping the notebook over to an empty page. 

He knew the drill by now. The ghost wouldn’t write if he was looking. So, he leaned back and covered his eyes, waiting until he heard the scratching of a pen on paper start and then stop. 

_ ‘Go look in a mirror. Bring notebook.’ _

Curious now, and half worried that the ghost had drawn on his face in his sleep or something, Jaehwan got up, taking the notebook and pen with him as he padded over the hall bathroom. Closest place with a mirror. 

He flipped the lights on and then tried to smother a convulsive shriek, dropping the book and slapping his hands over his mouth. 

There was his own reflection, tousled bed head and crystal necklace and pajama shirt all present and correct. But there was also _a guy_ standing a few feet behind him. A guy that  _ certainly _ had not been there when he walked in. 

Neither his energy nor his appearance were actually frightening, but it was so unexpected that Jaehwan took nearly a full thirty seconds to get himself to breathe again. 

Jaehwan turned around. Nobody was there. 

Jaehwan turned to face the mirror. The guy was still standing behind him. 

He checked three more times, trying to satisfy himself that it wasn’t a trick of the light or some weird hallucination, and then slowly bent to pick up the notebook. And then popped back up, seeing if he could surprise the guy into vanishing, but not dice. 

“Are you my ghost?” he asked, voice shaking slightly. Setting the notebook on the bathroom counter. Quickly covering his eyes so the guy could write a reply. And sure enough, the scratching of pen on paper came again. 

_ ‘Yes.’ _

Jaehwan flipped to a new page. “Why can I see you all of a sudden?”

_ ‘Because I wanted you to.’ _

“Why? And why did you take out all my chocolate?”

Scrawled below the previous message this time. _‘It’s Valentine’s Day.’_

“Yeah I know it’s Valentine’s Day. But unfortunately for me, I’m talking to a ghost alone in my apartment instead of going on a date,” Jaehwan replied forlornly, staring at the guy's reflection. 

He was surprisingly good looking for a ghost, tall with black hair and sleepy brown eyes. And very muscly. Jaehwan squinted at him. “What’s your name?”

_ ‘Wonshik.’ _

“Nice.”

Jaehwan watched the ghost's reflection pick up the pen and continue to write. And then he looked down and saw the pen moving on its own. Which was _extremely_ fucking weird and was probably why the ghost wouldn’t normally d so if he was looking. The ghost named Wonshik. 

_ ‘If I was alive I’d totally ask you out.’ _

Jaehwan snorted with laughter before he could stop himself. But the ghost named Wonshik just smiled and kept writing. 

_ ‘I know it’s a little too late for that now, but I want you to have a nice Valentine’s Day.’ _

Jaehwan smiled at that. His ghost was so sweet. 

In the mirror, Wonshik motioned for Jaehwan to stay and then darted out the door, leaving Jaehwan standing in the bathroom alone. 

He could hear the sound of things being moved around; lots of dragging and thunking and then tv noise. 

And then Wonshik was back, smiling as he stuck his head around the doorframe and eating for Jaehwan to follow him. 

Jaehwan _did_ follow him. The living room hadn’t been demolished like Jaehwan had worried at first. 

All of his blankets had been draped on the couch to create a sort of nest, the chocolates had been brought in and arranged on the coffee table, a bunch of little flowers had been plucked from the planter on Jaehwan's balcony and were now in a glass of water on the table as well, and the tv was on, displaying what appeared to be the opening credits to The Notebook. 

“So you’re _that_ kind of sappy ghost, huh?” Jaehwan asked, looking around the room, and holding his own notebook up, “It’s a cute pun though.”

With a little sigh, Jaehwan left and then came back again, now holding a compact mirror as well. 

“If we’re going to have a movie date, I may as well be able to see you,” he said, positioning the mirror on the table so he could see almost the whole couch before making himself comfortable. Setting the notebook on the cushion beside him. 

Wonshik appeared in the reflection, sitting down next to him even though the cushions didn’t compress at all. Smiling as Jaehwan reached for a piece of chocolate. 

“Settle in,” Jaehwan added, popping the chocolate into his mouth and patting the spot he guessed was Wonshik's knee, “This movie always makes me cry.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~


	16. Every night I want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the following:
> 
> \- [This](https://twitter.com/spookyboygemini/status/1359044281915240449) thread  
> \- [This](https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/the-nightmare/IwFwTbrht4QzgA?hl=en) painting ('The Nightmare' by Henry Fuseli)  
> \- The stories about [Queen Mab](https://www.britannica.com/topic/Mab)  
> _ Many other things, but those are the main three I guess, and NONE of which properly translated into what I was trying to write lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Every night I want you’  
> Pairing: Raken  
> Rated: T/M  
> Word Count: 9.8k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: Fae, magic, blood magic, telepathy  
> * My Fae aren't strictly mythology/folklore based, and leaned more towards depictions of Fae in fantasy *

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

The king of the Winter Court had grown bored again. 

It was bound to happen every now and then, such was the curse of immortality. But after living such a long, _long_ life, the king had discovered plenty of ways to assuage that boredom. 

He snapped his fingers, narrowing solid black eyes as his Favorite approached. 

At least his Favorite was pleasing to look at, the king thought, peering at the Fae now standing before him. 

Large, even for one of their kind. A changeling that had remembered his immortality and returned to the Faerie realm. The king wondered on occasion, whether his Favorite’s upbringing amongst the mortals had affected his growth somehow. It would certainly explain the length of him. And the _breadth,_ for that matter.

But apart from his size, the king's Favorite resembled all of the other Fae that reside at the Winter Court. Skin the color of snow. Eyes that were entirely black. Nails that were as sharp as obsidian, and were colored to match. And lovely, _lovely_ long fingers. Wings like those of a dragonfly, the color of a birch tree. His Favorite’s hair may be the feature the king liked best, navy so deep and rich that it bordered on indigo. 

He wasn’t as lovely as the king, nobody was, but still lovely nonetheless. 

“I require a new plaything, a new pet. Fetch one for me immediately,” he said, airily waving a hand in the direction of the door, signaling his Favorite to go.

But his Favorite did not go. His Favorite bowed low, smiling a cat’s smile when he straightened up. “What kind of pet, my king? Anything particular in mind? Any special requests?”

“A mortal, did I not speak plainly enough for your silly little mind to understand?” the king drawled. A lazy drawl. He was so bored that even _speech_ was beyond caring about. And the king _loved_ to hear himself speak.

“I understand, my king, and your mortal pet will be fetched. However, I was inquiring more along the line of _how_ your royal highness would prefer to play.”

The king hummed in thought. It was an intriguing question, to be sure. This was why the Fae standing before him had been graced with the title of _Favorite._ Mischievous. And so clever. 

Several tantalizing possibilities flashed through the king's mind and he tapped his lip, contemplating. And then he tapped it again, the sharp black nail on the end of his index finger dimpling the supple flesh.

Now... _there_ was an idea.

“Come,” he called, snapping his fingers again, but this time in the direction of one of the servants. 

They approached -the king did not know their name, barely recognized their unremarkable face, but he didn’t particularly care- holding out the dish they were carrying with their head held respectfully low. 

The king looked at the dish for a moment, filled with delightful little raspberries of every variety, before selecting the one he deemed to be the prettiest. Plucking it from the dish and dismissing the servant with a flick of his wrist.

Breathing in its wintergreen smell, the king pressed the tip of his fingernail against his lip once more. Feeling the flesh dimple. And then, as he pressed harder, feeling the skin split. 

When he relieved the pressure and raised his hand, there was a single drop of blood on his nail, sitting obediently still, not rolling away like the blood he felt beginning to drip down his chin. 

Slowly, carefully, the king pierced his chosen raspberry with the razored tip of his fingernail and permitted the drop of blood to slide down and melt into its flesh. Turning the ice white berry a deep scarlet. 

“Give this to my new pet once you have selected them, and be absolutely sure they have swallowed it _entirely_ ,” the king instructed, holding out the berry for his Favorite to take.

And his Favorite did; bowing a second time before ascending the steps of the dais upon which the king sat, removing a pure white handkerchief from his pocket, and then safely wrapping the berry up inside. 

“You are bleeding, my king.”

“Why do you so often feel the need to state the obvious?”

His Favorite smiled.

_Goddess,_ but the king did _so_ enjoy large men.

“Go on then,” the king added, not needing to give explicit instructions for a change. He leaned back on his throne, chin held high. “Do not let it stain my new cloak.”

With a low laugh that was downright wicked, his Favorite bent at the waist. A hand braced on each arm of the king's throne. 

The king raised his face a bit higher. Allowing his Favorite to lean in close enough that he could gently lap at the blood. 

First catching the drops that had begun to slide down the column of the king's throat. Then the thin trails that remained on the king's chin. And finally, letting his tongue flick languidly along the king's lower lip. Paying extra attention to the spot where the already-healed wound had been mere moments before. 

If only the Summer King could have witnessed this behavior. The look on his face would have been a priceless thing to behold. Here, at the Winter Court, such frivolities, such indulgences, were cherished. They weren’t so stuffy and pompous as their Summer cousins. 

The king hummed, pleased at the momentary distraction from his boredom. And doubly pleased in the knowledge that now, having consumed a bit of his blood, he would be able to communicate directly with his Favorite for the duration of his Favorite's little hunting expedition. 

“Now,” the king said, admiring the lovely crimson stain decorating his Favorite's mouth, “Go find me a mortal pet and feed them the berry. Complete the aforementioned task within three days, three _mortal_ days, and then remain with my new pet until I give you further instructions. Repeat it for me.”

One could never be too careful where words were concerned. Better to have them spoken in his Favorite's voice so there would be no weak spots for him to try and circumvent. 

“I will go and find you a mortal pet and feed them the berry within three mortal days. Once I have completed these tasks, I will remain with your new pet and await further instructions from your royal highness.”

“Good,” the king nodded, irritated at having to wait for his prize but understanding why such a wait was required. “Leave now. Begin your search at once.”

Retreating back down the steps and giving the king a final low bow, his Favorite turned and swept from the room. 

The king sighed softly, peering into the gargantuan glittering mirror that hung on the wall opposite his throne. 

Admiring himself. 

He was tall, but not as hulkingly large as his Favorite. Agile and lithe, with the supple yet willowy build that exemplified classic Fae beauty. 

His solid black eyes were framed by thick lashes, his nose was elegantly pointed, the tops of his ears pricked up like all those of his kind. 

His wings resembled those of a Morpho butterfly, glittering azure blue iridescence on the outer layer and crystal transparency on the inner, so the blue could be seen peeking through. 

His lips were plush and luscious, as white as Aragonite, glamoured so they appeared glossy and sparkled like light reflected on a snowdrift. 

His hair was wavy and thick, the sable strands ringing his head in a midnight halo. And his skin, unblemished and soft, was a blue so pale that it was reminiscent of skim milk. 

The king was the word _perfection_ made manifest.

_He_ certainly thought so, and he wasn’t the only one. His courtiers constantly fawned over him and complimented his startling beauty. 

But it had been much too long since the king had witnessed the effect his appearance had on a mortal. Mortals, those pathetic, mewling cattle, trapped in suits of rotting flesh for the duration of their pitifully short lives. What delightful entertainment that would bring, watching a mortal squirm and duck their head, averting their eyes, thinking him to be a god. 

The king lounged back against his throne, plucking at his jewel-encrusted cloak and gossamer robes with spindly fingers. Being careful not to tear the delicate fabrics with his dagger-sharp nails. Lapsing back into boredom.

His new plaything couldn't arrive soon enough.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Hey, Sanghyuk! Haven’t seen you around in a while!”

Sanghyuk smiled, a mischievous smile that scrunched up his eyes which the mortals always found charming. He raised a hand in greeting, not bothering to try and shout over the sound of the bellows working away beside the giant furnace. 

Sanghyuk _adored_ spending time in the mortal realm. It had a raw, unvarnished quality that was lacking in the realm of the Fae. 

Plants growing wild, untamed and unchecked, covering every patch of earth they could dig their roots into. 

Animals, big and small, roaming around freely. 

And the humans. The stupid, _marvelous_ humans, who were always building things, always making noise, their haphazard villages clumped together like penguins huddling for warmth, doing what little they could to avoid the chaos and danger that they themselves had created. 

Sanghyuk had grown up amongst the humans, living and eating and working alongside the human family that had been tricked into taking him in. Before he remembered the truth of who he was and returned to the Fae realm, of course. Sanghyuk wasn’t even his real name; it was the name his adopted parents gave him. He only used it because letting anyone, mortal or Fae, learn his _true_ name could be extremely detrimental. 

He spent quite a bit of time here in this particular village. The village where he had grown up. Not because the place itself held any real emotional ties, but because it was familiar. And it was smart to be familiar with a place where one wished to cause the maximum amount of mayhem possible. 

So, there he went. Spending long hours roughing it with mortals he had tricked into befriending him. Drinking and eating and laughing and causing trouble until he could convince one to accompany him for a walk in the woods. And then promptly abandon the mortal amongst the trees, supplying his multitude of courtier cousins with something fresh to hunt. 

Time was a funny thing when traveling between the realms. Funny, but relatively easy to predict. A month spent in the mortal realm was roughly equal to three days in the Fae realm, so Sanghyuk never felt a need to rush back home. He could lounge about in the village for ages and only have been gone for a week. 

By specifying _mortal days_ when giving his orders, the king had foiled his plan to do just that. Cut the prospect of a month long vacation down to a messily three days so that, for the king who was still in the Fae realm, Sanghyuk's task would be accomplished in about two and a half hours (if Sanghyuk was getting his calculations right). Because the king's patience was nonexistent. Sanghyuk was honestly a bit surprised he had been given as much time as he had been. 

But, while he was not patient by any stretch of the word, the king was very smart. Smarter than all of the other residents of the Winter Court. And so he knew that convincing mortals to do one's bidding without giving anything away could take a bit of time. 

The king may know many things, and he may have ruled the Winter Court for more than seven hundred years while Sanghyuk had only been alive for two hundred of those years, but he didn’t know everything. And Sanghyuk knew _him._

Sanghyuk knew his king _very_ well. It was a fact he took pride in, always able to lord the title of _Favorite_ over the heads of the other courtiers so he could have his way. He knew his king's likes and dislikes as though they were his own, could anticipate his king's wants and needs before his king even realized them himself, and above all else, he always knew just what to say to please his king. And, he knew _when_ to say it. 

That intimate knowledge of his monarch was what had brought Sanghyuk here, to this blacksmiths workshop. Because he had been cultivating a repour with the blacksmith's apprentice over the past few mortal years in anticipation of just such a request. The blacksmith's apprentice would suit his king's taste _exactly_. 

“Hey, Wonshik,” Sanghyuk called back, once the job of keeping the bellows going had been passed off to a younger apprentice and the mortal in question had come to meet Sanghyuk at the door. 

It was excruciatingly hot inside the blacksmiths workshop, the kind of heat that a child of winter like Sanghyuk found nearly unbearable. So, after exchanging a forceful hug that nearly coated Sanghyuk in soot, the Fae pulled the mortal outside. 

Sanghyuk had glamoured himself the way he always did when spending time in the mortal realm. Lightened his navy blue hair to an ashy gold. Breathed a hint of pink into his death-pale skin. Pointed obsidian fingernails now resembling blunt mortal nails with a bit of dirt under them for good measure. 

And he had masked his solid black eyes with deep brown irises and bright white sclera so they resembled the eyes of a mortal. Finally tucking his wings under the rough-spun linen shirt he'd stolen from a clothesline on his way over. Turning up in court finery would do him no favors.

All in all, Sanghyuk looked like nothing more than a mortal boy in their early twenties. And a scruffy farm boy at that. 

“I haven’t seen you around here in months!” Wonshik exclaimed happily, clapping Sanghyuk on the shoulder as they went to sit on a bench outside the shop's front. “Traveling again?”

“You know how hard it is to pin me down,” Sanghyuk replied, flashing a grin.

“How long are you staying for? We have to catch up.”

Sanghyuk feigned a yawn, stretching his arms up before crossing them behind his head. “Only a few days, I think. Places to go, people to see, wine to be drunk...”

Wonshik laughed at that, a deep rumbling laugh that always made mortal girls get all soft and gooey when they heard it. 

Sanghyuk looked the mortal over out of the corner of his eye, appraising. Measuring. 

Wonshik was a very beautiful mortal.

They were of a height, although Sanghyuk thought he may be an inch or so taller. Unlike himself, Wonshik's hair and eyes were both a warm chocolate brown, and his warm skin almost glowed bronze in the sunlight. By nature of his trade, Wonshik also possessed a prodigious set of nicely sculpted muscles, all of which were currently on display, since the man hadn’t put a shirt on before coming out of the workshop. 

Not that Sanghyuk could blame Wonshik for that. If _he_ had to stand around in a sweat box lifting heavy things all day, he would probably strip down to nothing but breeches and boots as well. 

Looks aside, Wonshik was a sweet if slightly stupid mortal, good natured and always quick to laughter. He constantly lost his head if a cute creature happened to catch his attention, and he had a propensity for doting on people that Sanghyuk _knew_ his king would enjoy.

_‘How is the search coming along? Are you close to finding my new pet?’_

Sanghyuk exhaled sharply, trying to school his thoughts into order before sending a reply. 

One of the side effects of imbibing his king's blood. The telepathy. Sanghyuk had really only indulged because the rush of energy it promised was too enticing to pass up. But, along with the extra pep in his step, Sanghyuk had granted his king the ability to speak directly into his mind. It would wear off in a week or so, but he should have known better. 

_‘It is coming along well, my king,’_ he thought, eyes closing for a moment so he could focus, _‘I have located a mortal who I believe your highness will find suitable. All that is left now is to feed him the berry.’_

_‘Good. Inform me the instant it is done.’_

_‘Yes, your highness. Of course.’_

The ancient brat hadn’t even given him an hour's peace.

“When are you off for the day?” Sanghyuk asked aloud, cracking one eye open, “I’m starving.”

Best to get things finished as quickly as possible so his king would stop pestering. 

“An hour. We can have supper together. Where are you staying?”

“I don’t know,” Sanghyuk hummed, standing when Wonshik got to his feet, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well, meet me at the inn over by the apothecary, yeah? I’m sure they’ll have a room for you and we can eat there.”

Sanghyuk nodded, giving the mortal a friendly salute before turning to stroll away down the road. 

An hour passed, during which Sanghyuk amused himself by letting animals out of their pens when the humans had their backs turned. 

Time hilariously spent, as far as he was concerned. 

When Sanghyuk arrived at the aforementioned inn, Wonshik was already waiting. He’d managed to find a shirt somewhere -a billowy affair of olive green cotton- and had washed the soot from his face, appearing much more presentable. 

They entered, taking up residence at a secluded table in the corner of the common room. Food was brought to them by a rather pretty mortal girl who did not stop mooning over Wonshik, constantly making excuses to walk by or check to see if they needed anything. Not that Wonshik noticed. He was much too busy filling Sanghyuk in on all the things Sanghyuk had missed during his _travels._

Now, the small matter of giving Wonshik the berry and making sure he ate the whole thing.

It didn’t need to be a berry. 

The king could have simply given Sanghyuk the drop of blood in a vial. Or better yet, he could have frozen the drop of blood so Sanghyuk would have been able to deposit it in Wonshik's glass and let it dissolve. 

But no. The king, with his penchant for theatrics, had decided to imbue a berry with his blood instead. Just one berry. The idea that it would come off extremely odd if Sanghyuk were to pull a single berry from his pocket and instruct a mortal to eat it had never even crossed his mind. 

He understood why the king would wish to feed his new pet Fae food, but why did it have to be a _berry?_ Not a little cake, not a spoonful of honey or a bottle of sweet wine, which would all have been so much easier to convince a human to eat, a single berry. 

These were questions without answers, and Sanghyuk decided not to waste his time thinking about the _why_ any longer. 

It was getting late and the remains of their meal had been taken away some time ago, each only nursing a glass of ale now. 

“I’m in the mood for some dessert, want anything?” Sanghyuk asked, getting to his feet when their conversation reached a momentary lull. 

Wonshik grinned a slightly sleepy grin, tilting his chair back on two legs. “Sure, thanks,” he replied, Sanghyuk returning his grin before making his way over to the kitchen. 

Sanghyuk made sure to surreptitiously trip the girl who had been making eyes at Wonshik, and then requested two bowls of fresh fruit. Insisting that he could carry them back to the table himself. Slipping the handkerchief from his trouser pocket and extracting its precious contents. 

Bowls of fruit acquired, Sanghyuk swiftly deposited the berry at the center of one of them and carried them back to the table, making sure to place _that_ bowl in front of Wonshik. He’d had plenty of his king's blood for one day. 

“Look at this! It’s perfect!” Wonshik exclaimed, immediately picking the berry up with his fingers and peering at it closely. 

Sanghyuk should have expected as much. Despite its journey through the gateway between realms, and despite having been carried around in Sanghyuk’s pocket for the better part of the evening, the little raspberry was so aesthetically flawless that it put all the other fruit surrounding it to shame. 

Fae food... it did things like that. 

Wonshik, the polite soul he was, offered it to Sanghyuk, but Sanghyuk demurred. His mouth full of sweet melon and waving his hand for Wonshik to ‘ _go on’._

And Wonshik did, popping the berry into his mouth, looking around the room as he chewed. 

As soon as he swallowed, Wonshik's expression changed. 

He frowned down at the bowl before him, just looking at it for a moment before tentatively taking a strawberry -an entirely mortal strawberry- and raising it to his mouth. Just before it passed between his parted lips, Wonshik lowered it again, dropping it onto his napkin rather than back in the bowl. 

Then, he reached for his mug of ale, which he had definitely been enjoying up until that point. But after only one small sip, Wonshik nearly spit the drink right back out. 

“I feel sick,” he mumbled, glaring suspiciously at the bowl and mug before pointedly turning his head away. 

Sanghyuk watched all this very closely, pleased at the results. 

A mortal consuming Fae food didn't have the same effect when it was eaten in the mortal realm. If they had been in the _Fae_ realm right then, Wonshik would have been trapped there for the rest of his life with no possibility of ever leaving.

But seeing as they were in the _mortal_ realm, the single effect it had was to remove from Wonshik the desire to eat anything other than Fae food. Which would eventually kill him, most likely within the week since there was no other Fae food around. Unless, of course, he was taken to the Fae realm and so regained the will to eat. 

_‘It is done, my king, I shall await further instructions,’_ Sanghyuk thought, sending the words outward so his king would be able to hear. 

The response was immediate. First, a feeling, a bubble of excitement that popped inside Sanghyuk’s head like a balloon full of happy confetti. And then, _‘Excellent, you have done so well, my Favorite, my most cherished. Bring them somewhere quiet, somewhere they are able to lie down and sleep. Remain within five feet of them until I tell you otherwise.’_

Sanghyuk smiled at the words of endearment but quickly hid the smile away. Because appearing happy in response to a _friend_ informing him that they felt unwell really wasn’t something a human would generally do. 

“You _did_ have quite a bit of ale,” Sanghyuk supplied helpfully, moving around to help Wonshik to his feet. Gripping the mortal's elbow to try and steady him. It wasn’t a lie, Wonshik had drunk quite a bit of ale. But not nearly enough to knock out a person his size.

Wonshik smacked his lips, swallowed once. Then twice. Sanghyuk was half worried he was going to throw up but Wonshik nodded instead. 

“Maybe that’s it,” he murmured, sparing the uneaten dessert a final glare before looking at Sanghyuk. “I think I should call it a night.” 

“And I agree,” replied Sanghyuk, leading the mortal away from the table, hastily paying the innkeeper for their meal with a bit of coin he he had snatched from the pocket of an unsuspecting human, and then guiding Wonshik out into the darkened street. “I’ll walk you home so you don’t collapse in the road or pass out in an alley.”

Docile in the midst of his confusion, Wonshik nodded without another word. Allowing Sanghyuk to lead them on in the direction of his home. 

It wasn’t far, Sanghyuk had been there once before and remembered the way, not bothering to ask for directions. 

It could have been the blood that had weakened him so. A mortal consuming the blood of a Fae had the effect of forming a bond between mortal and Fae. Like a long unbreakable string, one end tied around the Fae’s wrist, the other end knotted tight around the mortal's neck. It gave them a way to communicate from afar. A way for the Fae to possess the mortal at will. 

Sanghyuk wasn’t sure exactly what his king was planning, but getting Wonshik home and away from prying eyes was probably for the best.

Wonshik's home was a simple building. A cabin he’d built himself just on the edge of the village that looked out onto vast fields of green as well as a meandering river. The sight of that river made Sanghyuk start to feel itchy and he looked away, keeping his head resolutely forward as he helped the mortal over the threshold. Running water was no good. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Sanghyuk murmured, guiding the still-frowning mortal through the small sitting room and into the back where his bedroom was. He sat Wonshik down, bent to tug off his boots, and then nudged him so he was laying on his back. Deciding that his breeches and shirt would be fine for sleeping. 

And Wonshik fell asleep almost immediately. Softly snoring and semi-propped up on his pillows, with one hand on his chest, the other arm folded behind his head. 

Sanghyuk settled in to wait. Having agreed to his king's orders, he couldn’t go more than five feet from the sleeping mortal. Not even to drag a chair into the room. 

So, he sat down cross legged on the floor. Dropping his glamour to give that part of his mind a rest. Stretching his wings. Wondering how he could possibly entertain himself. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Wonshik saw darkness behind his eyelids. 

Most likely because his eyes were closed. 

Because he was asleep.

He was asleep, and yet also somehow awake. 

There was a heavy weight on his stomach and chest, like a person was lying on top of him, making it slightly difficult to breathe. 

It could have been Sanghyuk, although Sanghyuk had never really struck him as a cuddler. And if it _was_ Sanghyuk, Wonshik imagined the pressure on his chest would have been considerably heavier, seeing as Sanghyuk was a substantially sized person. 

It didn’t feel like Sanghyuk. 

It felt... Wonshik didn’t know exactly. Maybe a lost dog had wandered in seeking shelter and huddled up with him for warmth. That made a bit more sense, as the thing lying on him was extremely chilly. It was very late in the autumn and the nights were getting seriously cold. If _he_ were a lost dog, he would probably go into the nearest warm house too.

A lost dog, Wonshik's sleepy brain decided. It was a lost dog. 

“Hey, puppy,” he murmured, eyes still closed, reaching a heavy hand up to pet the dog's head. Or, to let the spot where he assumed the dog's head was. Resting on the left side of his chest.

“Puppy?”

The voice that replied was strange. Slipping into his ears like liquid satin. Mellifluous and gentle, but with a sharp edge on the end of the word. Definitely not the voice of a dog. 

When his hand met the head he’d been aiming for, it wasn’t dog fur he felt. It was hair. Soft, _soft_ hair. And an ear.

It was difficult for Wonshik to open his eyes, his eyelids felt like they were made of lead, but he thought he should try. And when he did finally manage to crack an eye open, he was so surprised that the only reason he didn’t scream was because he couldn’t draw an adequate amount of breath to do so. 

Wonshik wasn’t a _complete_ idiot. He’d grown up in the country, he had heard the stories for as long as he could remember. Stories of the Fae, of both the light Fae and the dark Fae, of the things they did to humans, of the ways they chose to either torment or aid the humans who came into contact with them. He knew the warnings and knew the places to stay away from, and he had been told many times what to do if he ever encountered a Fae (or what he suspected was Fae) in the wild. 

Or maybe, Wonshik _was,_ in fact, a complete idiot. Because as soon as the shock of seeing a light blue, pointy eared, dark haired approximation of a man looking back at him had worn off, Wonshik knew his heart was no longer his own. 

The man- Fae- the _person_ was, without a shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful thing Wonshik had ever seen in his entire life. Unbelievably beautiful. Hauntingly beautiful. 

“You’re not- a puppy,” Wonshik said intelligently, his hand still resting atop the person's head. A head of wavy hair, as black as ravens feathers, thick and springy and soft against his palm. The urge to weave his fingers through it was almost impossible to ignore.

“No,” the person hummed, their snow colored lips parting as they spoke, “I am not a puppy. Are _you_ a puppy?”

Wonshik swallowed, mesmerized by the obsidian pools that made up the person’s eyes. Shining and eons deep. “No, I'm a human. You're _not_ a human.”

“No,” the person repeated, raising their lovely head, both hands now flat on Wonshik’s chest instead of only one. They had been lying half way across him, Wonshik realized, their long thorny body draped all the way from his shoulders to his hips. Legs stretched out over the unoccupied half of the mattress.

“Are you a fairy?” Wonshik asked, holding his breath.

“Am I a fairy?” the person replied, tilting their head sideways in a way that Wonshik would find frightening if he wasn’t so sick with infatuation, “You think I am _just_ a fairy? You think me so _common?”_

“No, no, I don’t think you’re common! But I’ve never met a fairy before, I- no, I don’t think you’re common.” 

Wonshik forced himself to stop trying to explain, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good. All the stories he had heard about Fae flooding back at once. How they couldn’t lie, and so liked to twist words. How easily insulted some of them could be. How he shouldn’t ever be rude to one. Fewer words spoken the better.

“That is a good thing, my sweet. Because I am _not_ common. I am Jaehwan, the King of the Winter Court. There is no one _less_ common than me.”

The king of the-

The _king?!_

A Fae king was speaking to him? To Wonshik? A mortal?!

That wouldn’t be the Fae’s real name, Wonshik thought, as names were sacred for some reason he couldn’t currently remember. But it was good to have something to call the man other than _person._

“It’s nice to meet you, Jaehwan. Your majesty. But- may I ask how you came to be here?”

“Have you not guessed yet, sweet?” Jaehwan asked, reaching to stroke Wonshik’s cheek with needle-sharp fingers, “We are in a dream.”

Wonshik blinked. It took him what felt like an hour to tear his eyes away from Jaehwan’s face. Peering owlishly around at what was normally his bedroom. But it was all hazy. The wooden walls and floor, the large picture window, the dresser in the corner, all of it had melted into earthy colored smoke. Jaehwan and his bed were the only solid things to be seen. 

“Why are you in my dream, Jaehwan?”

“I am not in your dream,” Jaehwan replied, laughing a laugh like tinkling crystal, “We are in a dream together.”

“Why?”

“Because, my sweet,” Jaehwan said, leaning down so far that the tip of his pointy nose nearly brushed Wonshik’s, “I wished to speak to you.”

Wonshik stopped himself from asking _why_ for a third time. “What did you wish to speak to me about?”

_“Sweet_ mortal,” Jaehwan hummed, somehow having shifted so he was now fully straddling Wonshik's stomach without Wonshik noticing, _“Pretty_ mortal. I wish to save your life.”

And just like that, Wonshik woke. 

He jolted back to consciousness so abruptly that it nearly choked him. Head aching. Throat dry. 

It took him almost a full minute to get his bearings. To realize that he was still on his bed, his quilt pushed off, brow damp with sweat. And Sanghyuk, lying on the floor for some reason. 

“What are you doing down there,” he asked, voice croaky and hoarse. 

“No chairs in here.”

“But-“ Wonshik tried swallowing and failed. The inside of his mouth was like sandpaper. “Why did you stay? If you had told me you needed somewhere to stay, I would have gladly offered you my sofa. You know that.”

“You were acting strange. I couldn’t leave you alone, what if something happened?” 

Touched by the sentiment but still entirely befuddled by his strange dream, Wonshik watched Sanghyuk stretch. 

“And you were talking in your sleep,” Sanghyuk added, as he got to his feet, “Good dream?”

“Yes. Well, no. Maybe. I don’t know,” Wonshik replied, sinking back into his pillows and rubbing his eyes. He chose not to elaborate. Not to tell his friend that a fairy had come to him and spoken to him in the night. If he did, Sanghyuk would either laugh at him or think he was possessed. Better to keep thoughts of Jaehwan to himself. 

Perhaps, if he could just fall back asleep, Jaehwan would be there again. And maybe Jaehwan would explain what exactly he wanted to save Wonshik's life from. 

And Jaehwan was so beautiful. So enchanting to look at. Had such a lovely voice. His body was like a cool breeze caressing Wonshik's sleep-heated skin. 

Under normal circumstances, such a dream would have been written off as something concocted by his drunken imagination. But it- all of it, Jaehwan had felt too solid. The details of him were too pronounced. It seemed too real. 

Wonshik was so, so tired. Returning to sleep would be easy. But no, he had to go to the workshop today. Sleep would have to wait. 

“Can I come with you to work?” Sanghyuk asked, like he had read Wonshik's mind. Still standing beside the bed and blinking like a concerned owl. “I can help out, you know I’m strong enough. Otherwise I’ll just be bored all day by myself.”

“Sure, yeah,” Wonshik replied, employing all his mental capacity to lever himself out of bed. Sanghyuk _was_ immensely strong, and anything that would lighten Wonshik's workload could only be called a blessing. 

And so, off they went. Once Wonshik had splashed water on his face to try and wake himself up and changed into a clean shirt. No point properly washing up if he was going to get all sweaty again at the shop. He could wash when he got home. 

It didn’t even occur to Wonshik that he should have had breakfast. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Is my life really in danger?” Wonshik asked, daring to reach up and brush the tips of his fingers against Jaehwan’s cheek. 

He was sleeping again. 

Or, he was dreaming again. 

Work had nearly killed Wonshik. Literally. He had been so exhausted that he’d almost grabbed a hunk of white-hot metal with his bare hands, dropped his hammer on his foot twice, and nearly impaled himself on a sword he’d been polishing. 

Sanghyuk had been surprisingly helpful, though. Always nearby enough that he could rescue Wonshik before calamity struck. And he moved so quickly that he finished almost twice as many tasks as Wonshik normally completed on a good day. 

The two of them had stumbled back to Wonshik's house, washed up, changed clothes, and then Wonshik had collapsed into bed. Already asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

Just like the night before, Wonshik had floated back into awareness, a heavy weight resting on his chest. 

And Jaehwan had been there when Wonshik opened his eyes. Legs folded on either side of Wonshik's hips, torso flattened against Wonshik's, lovely face hidden against the crook of Wonshik's neck. 

“It is, sweet mortal,” Jaehwan replied, tracing Wonshik's bottom lip with one of those odd pointy nails. 

The Fae’s skin wasn’t entirely the same shade, Wonshik noticed, letting his eyes wander over every visible inch. It appeared a pale milky blue at first glance. but the contours of him; the hollows beneath his cheekbones, at his temples, under his jaw, the dips behind his collarbones, the base of his throat, all of these spots were a darker shade of cornflower. 

And the highs of him; the bridge of his nose, his collar bones themselves, the center of his forehead, the bow of his upper lip, his brow bone, those places were a nearly translucent white. 

The changing colors gave Jaehwan an illusion of constant movement. Like patterns of dappled light and shadow that had been filtered through a treetop canopy. 

“And you want to rescue me?” Wonshik asked, sighing as Jaehwan's slight weight shifted. Even now, he couldn’t help but wonder how this was possible. How he and Jaehwan were in a dream when the Fae was so obviously _there._

“It is not your time to perish, pretty mortal. There is a time when all things must die, but your time has not yet come. You will find refuge with me, sweet mortal, come to me and you will escape your untimely death.”

“You are very kind,” Wonshik said, reminding himself to be polite, “But I don’t think I can. I have a life here, work to do and people to care for. I can’t just abandon all that.”

“Not for much longer,” Jaehwan replied in a sing-song voice. 

He leaned down, arms folded on Wonshik's chest. Staring at Wonshik through those black eyes. Smiling a smile of broken glass, exposing his sharp white teeth. 

Wonshik stared at those teeth, suddenly reminded of a rumor he’d heard in his childhood, most likely an elder trying to scare him into good behavior. A rumor that some Fae enjoyed eating humans. That they would hunt a human, capture them, shred their flesh and pry their bones apart. Feasting on the human, body and soul. 

Terrified, mesmerized, Wonshik let his hands rest on Jaehwan's lower back. Feeling the way his spine arched. He was so cold. 

But Jaehwan wouldn’t eat him, even if that ridiculous story _did_ turn out to be true. Jaehwan wanted to save him, not kill him. 

“Faerieland is where you want me to go, right?”

“Yes, my lovely mortal. Faerieland.”

“What’s it like there?”

“Would you like to see?”

Wonshik nodded, unsure of how he would be able to see what Faerieland looked like when no human he’d ever met had escaped to tell the tale. Actually, no human he’d ever met had ever seen a Fae at all. Only his ancestors had seen them, the stories passed down through generations. 

Even so, Wonshik always dutifully left a little bowl of milk and honey on his kitchen window sill. Just as his mother and grandmother had done. Leaving offerings to placate the Fae so they wouldn’t bring mischief. Even if a true Fae hadn’t been seen in a hundred years. Odd, that one would bestir themselves to rescue a human _now,_ after all this time. 

Jaehwan nipped playfully at Wonshik's cheek, drawing a gasp from the mortal, before the room around them _melted._

The wood colored smoke that signified his home's interior dissipated. It just thinned out and disappeared. Like his bedroom had never been there at all. 

In its place was a hall of glittering glass. Larger than the largest hall Wonshik had entered. The ceilings were so high that he couldn’t see the top. Everything Wonshik's eyes settled upon was some variation of icy blue. One wall covered with mirrors, the other with peaked windows from end to end. 

It was twilight outside those windows. And there was a dias in the center of the hall with a crystal throne atop it. Dripping with jewels and precious stones. There were gossamer drapes across the exposed bit of the wall, and the floor looked as though it had been cut from a glacier. 

The change of scenery made Wonshik feel slightly dizzy. He was lying on the floor now, not on his bed, and Jaehwan was still on top of him. Smiling down at him. Those black eyes unreadable. 

“How-“ Wonshik swallowed, turning his head to look around the room some more. He’d forgotten they were in a dream again. It was such a difficult thing to remember with the feeling of Jaehwan firm against him. 

“This is my home, pretty mortal. My throne room. Wouldn’t you like to live here with me?” Jaehwan purred, dark hair floating down around his temples as he caressed Wonshik's face. “Wouldn’t you like to be safe here?”

“It’s a little cold,” Wonshik replied, the chill of the place seeping in through his clothes. Raising goosebumps on his skin. 

“That’s all you have to say? That it’s _cold?!”_ Jaehwan squeaked, indignant, straightening up and crossing his arms. 

Wonshik hurried to correct himself, hoping he hadn’t accidentally offended the Fae. “It’s cold,” he said, reaching up to loosely grip Jaehwan’s elbow, running his hand soothingly up the back of Jaehwan’s bare upper arm, feeling Jaehwan's frigid skin, “But it’s beautiful. It is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Just like you.”

Jaehwan smiled then, brow smoothing, throwing his head back as he laughed. Displaying the length of his flawless blue throat. “So silly. You’re so silly, my sweet,” he replied, giggling. Wonshik reached out again, wanting so badly to touch that lovely neck, but Jaehwan stopped him. Catching Wonshik’s wrist and holding his hand only an inch away from it’s target. _“Ah ah,_ not yet,” the Fae added, giving Wonshik an indulgent smile. 

“What?”

Dazed, slightly confused, Wonshik didn’t understand what Jaehwan meant. 

“None of _that,”_ Jaehwan replied, squeezing Wonshik’s wrist tighter, rolling his hips just a little and drawing another gasp from Wonshik, “Until we can see each other in the flesh.”

And then, Wonshik woke up. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Another day came and went.

Another miserable day full of weary exhaustion.

Wonshik had fainted at the workshop. The heat had drained his tired body so fast that he hadn’t realized he was falling until after he’d regained consciousness. 

The junior apprentices had all tried to help him. Tried to help him drink water, fanned his face. But Wonshik couldn’t drink. The water tasted like poison in his mouth and he spit it out before even a drop managed to slip down his throat. The dried meat they’d tried to feed him was equally useless. It was rancid and spoiled, a step above disgusting, and Wonshik nearly threw up when it touched his tongue. 

Sanghyuk had half dragged him home. Again. Wonshik’s arm around his shoulder, his own arm tight around Wonshik’s waist. They’d paused only long enough for Sanghyuk to take a spoon and a jar of honey from the pantry, and then Wonshik had been deposited on his bed. His friend fluffing his pillows for him and settling back down on the floor just as Wonshik drifted off. 

It would have struck him as odd, the fact that Sanghyuk didn’t appear the least bit concerned, if Wonshik had bothered to notice. 

But he _didn’t_ bother. He was too excited to see his Fae, even if that meant sleeping the rest of his life away. 

And Jaehwan didn’t disappoint him. He was waiting, lying with his back to Wonshik’s chest this time, halfway nestled in the crook of Wonshik’s arm with Wonshik’s fingers splayed flat across his taut stomach. Like they were lovers who had dozed off after a midnight tryst. 

“Have you made your decision, my sweet? Your life is draining away quickly, I can feel it,” Jaehwan murmured, tracing the veins visible beneath the skin of Wonshik’s forearm. 

Wonshik barely registered the question. His face was buried in Jaehwan’s hair. That hair, hair that was like a luxurious fur, so thick and glossy and soft looking that it begged to be touched. And Jaehwan smelled like sweet peppermint. Peppermint and frosty winter mornings.

Jaehwan made a little nose, and then another, increasing in squeakiness until Wonshik managed to answer, “Even if I did want to come to you, I don't know how. I don’t know how to get into Faerieland.”

“That is easily remedied, my sweet. I have sent a guide to carry you through the gates between the realms. All you need do is follow.”

“A guide?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan replied, rolling languidly in Wonshik’s arms so he could rest his head on Wonshik’s shoulder, “A guide. My Favorite is ready and waiting to escort you. You are precious, my sweet, lovely mortal. Precious and breakable. We mustn't let anything unfortunate befall you. Come home to me. Come and let me show you what it is like to really live.”

“Your favorite?”

“My Favorite, yes. My most cherished, most loyal courtier. He has been with you since our first night together, sweet. I sent him to watch over you in the daylight when I could not watch myself.”

“Ah,” Wonshik said, even though he didn’t understand completely, “Who are they? Do I know them?”

“Will you come?”

“If there's a way for me to get to you safely, then yes.”

Wonshik wasn’t ready to die. Not even close to ready. And if Jaehwan, beautiful, intriguing, lovely Jaehwan, would save him then Wonshik was going to accept the Fae’s help. That's all there was to it. It wasn’t even a difficult decision to make. 

“Do you promise you will come to me? As soon as you wake?”

“Yes. I promise.”

Jaehwan pressed two fingers to his lips, the gesture doing nothing to conceal his delighted smile. “Good,” he hummed, plucking at the fabric of Wonshik’s shirt, “You do know my Favorite, I believe. He goes by Sanghyuk in the mortal world. Trust him, my sweet, he will show you the way.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Sanghyuk held Wonshik's arm as tight as he dared, leading the mortal into the dense forest that bordered the village. 

There had been some shouting. Some loud, nearly hysterical shouting when the mortal had woken up. 

That Sanghyuk had lied to him. That Sanghyuk had been spying on him. That he’d been Sanghyuk’s friend all this time and Sanghyuk hadn’t trusted him with the truth of his identity. The usual human nonsense. 

But the shouting didn't last long. Wonshik had been weakened by his lack of sustenance, especially the lack of water, as he hadn’t drank any in days. The hard labor he did in the workshop everyday didn’t help his situation either. 

And once the shouting had stopped, Sanghyuk had coaxed the mortal back to calm before helping him out of the house. Into the forest though which they now walked. Caught between the darkness of night and dawns light. 

_‘Are you on your way home?’_

Sanghyuk hummed aloud before remembering that his king could not hear. 

_‘Yes, my king. I bring your new pet.’_

A bubble of joy burst in his mind. _‘Good, my darling, my Favorite. You have done so well for me.’_

_‘The pleasure is mine, my king.’_ Sanghyuk paused, debating, but his king would find out soon enough. Better to tell. _‘Your pet is rather upset with me, my king. He is quite grumpy, as well as weak.’_

Irritation jolted through Sanghyuk like an electric shock and he flinched, annoyance taking up residence where the joy had been seconds ago. 

_‘Did you upset him?!’_

The thoughts were shrill, just how his king's voice got when he was angry, and Sanghyuk sent him a gently rolling wave of calm. Soothing the anger away. _‘The revelation of my true nature upset him, my king. He is hungry and tired. He will be better once he is in your delightful company, my beautiful king. Do not fret.’_

A quiet murmur of pleasure puddling in his mind (due to the compliments most likely) was all the answer Sanghyuk got before an irritation of his own appeared. Sauntering out from behind a tree like he owned the damn place. 

“Back off,” Sanghyuk said, flashing his mischievous grin and bearing his teeth, before the Fae had a chance to speak. 

“Are you abandoning this one in my woods as well, Sanghyuk? Was the last boy child not enough? Your antics are beginning to annoy me.”

“I was unaware that you find my king's needs _annoying,_ Hongbin. Please do feel free to accompany me to the Winter Court so you can inform him yourself,” Sanghyuk replied, still grinning. 

Hongbin was lovely. He was intelligent and crafty and beautiful, almost as beautiful as the king. But he was a solitary Fae. He had never officially sworn allegiance to the Winter Court despite his frequent visits. 

But Hongbin also got in Sanghyuk’s way more often than not. Leading the mortals Sanghyuk had purposefully deserted in the forest back out again. Undoing all of his work. It would have affected his job performance if the king didn’t favor him so much. And since he wasn’t technically an ally, Sanghyuk did not feel the need to be nice to him. 

“So, he is for the king? Not the latest prey for one of those ridiculous hunting parties?” Hongbin asked, flicking his laurel green hair off his forehead as he looked at Wonshik. 

The mortal was shaking slightly, a mixture of cold and exhaustion, and he gave no sign that he had even noticed Hongbin's presence. Which, all things considered, was probably for the best. 

“He is for the king,” Sanghyuk confirmed, tightening his grip so the mortal didn’t collapse before they reached the gate, “Now, back off.”

Hongbin smiled, a devious little smile, before stepping back behind the tree he had appeared in front of. And when Sanghyuk peered around it, the infuriating little Fae was gone. 

_Good riddance,_ Sanghyuk thought, mind busy planning how he could spin Hongbin’s words when he told his king. Perhaps his king would even ban Hongbin from court. That would be a treat. 

The thoughts kept him busy all the rest of the way to the knoll he’d been aiming for, and the ring atop it. 

Not the ring a few miles to the west, no steadily growing mushrooms outlined the gate to the Winter Kingdom. 

The circle of dead grass into which Sanghyuk and Wonshik stepped was not as firm as one might think. Spongy and soft like the ground was beginning to rot. 

“Close your eyes,” he murmured, making sure the mortals' eyes were indeed shut. This wouldn’t be pleasant for him, and seeing what was about to happen would only make it worse. 

Then Sanghyuk closed his own eyes, thought of home, and he and Wonshik fell right down through the earth. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

When Wonshik woke up, it wasn’t to the comforting weight of a Fae dozing on his chest. 

The smell of food was what roused him from slumber. A sleep so deep that it took him several minutes to fully surface from it. 

He was in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar bed, but- the food...

There was a tray waiting on the table beside the bed; a dish of white berries, a slice of unusual looking cake, a bowl of steaming broth that seemed to be the source of the tantalizing smell. And there were two goblets as well, one that held what he assumed was a golden colored wine, and another full to the brim with water. 

Wonshik knew- he knew he wouldn’t eat anything in the Fae realm, knew it would do nothing but bad things, but he couldn’t help himself. He was utterly famished, and _food_ hadn’t been appetizing in days, and he was so thirsty...

He gulped down the water first, watching the goblet magically refill itself before his very eyes, and then he gulped that down as well. Then came the broth, which took long enough to consume that by the time it was finished, Wonshik's frantic hunger had steadily started to lessen. 

The bowl of broth refilled itself as well, and he ate the second helping slowly, taking small measured sips. The berries were next, sweet and tangy like albino raspberries, and then the cake. It was spongy and tasted distinctly like honey, and he accompanied each bite with a mouthful of wine that sent pleasant shivers rolling along his spine. 

Once he had finally eaten his fill, Wonshik looked around at the room again. 

He’d never been there before, but it had the same feeling as the hall from his dream. The walls were like sheets of white marble and the floor seemed to glow from below, a milky translucent lagoon blue. And when he looked down at himself, Wonshik realized he had been dressed in a loose white tunic and matching trousers. The material was slippery against his skin and was woven through with strands of silver thread. 

He must be in Faerieland. 

And if he was in Faerieland, Jaehwan must be nearby. 

Wonshik swung his legs out of bed, feeling wonderfully energized by the infusion of calories, and found a pair of soft blue slippers waiting for him.

He slipped his feet into them and got up. Stretching until he felt his back crack. Flexing his fingers and rolling his shoulders. 

There was a door to his left that he hadn’t noticed yet, cracked open just the slightest bit. Wonshik walked to it and grasped the shiny silver knob, pulling it open and stepping into the corridor. 

Wonshik was remarkably unafraid. 

On a whim, he chose to go left. Wandering along, past door after door after door until a hint of ghostly music reached his ears. He kept wandering, but following the sound now, music growing louder the farther he walked. 

When he reached the double doors at the end of the seemingly infinite corridor, Wonshik entered a hall he most definitely recognized. 

It was the hall from his dream. Jaehwan’s throne room. Although, unlike in his dream, the enormous room was _full_ of creatures. Fae. Beautiful Fae that resembled Jaehwan, monstrous Fae that Wonshik could barely stand to look at, and everything in between. 

He stood on the threshold, gaping, until one of the human(ish) Fae approached him. They looked like a person who had been dipped in bleach and then left in the pot to stew. White skin, white hair, white nails, white clothes. The only part that wasn’t white were their eyes. Pools of black, like Jaehwan’s. 

“Come along,” the Fae squeaked, waving a wispy hand, indicating that Wonshik should follow before retreating back into the crowd.

Wonshik did follow. He didn’t know what else to do. Ears full of the unearthly music and so numb to the strangeness that he may as well have been in a dream for true. 

He kept his gaze fixed on the little snowflake looking Fae to stop his eyes from wandering, not wanting to lose sight of them, until he reached the other side of the room. The dais and the crystal throne.

Only now, Jaehwan was seated on the throne. Long and lean in robes of steel colored gossamer, jewels dripping from his wrists and around his throat, a crown of thorns sitting atop his sable head. 

His face looked taught and firm, light blue skin smooth, flesh supple, just as it had in Wonshik's dreams. Youthful and beautiful, but in a gaunt way. The gauntness only served to make him _more_ interesting to look at. And his wings... Wonshik had ever seen his wings. Beautiful, iridescent wings like a big blue butterfly. 

Jaehwan caught sight of him, a blinding smile spreading across his face as he extended a hand in Wonshik's direction.

Wonshik's heart was in his throat, but he slowly began to climb the steps of the dais. Noticing when he was halfway up that there was another Fae standing beside Jaehwan’s throne. A strangely familiar and very large Fae with navy blue hair and ice white skin. 

“Sanghyuk?” Wonshik asked warily, steps halting at the sight of his friend. 

Sanghyuk nodded, grinning a grin that was unmistakably his, even with the changes to his appearance. 

“Come, my sweet, come and sit here by me,” Jaehwan called, the musical sound of his tinkling voice urging Wonshik's legs to move without the mortal having to think about it. 

Wonshik sat on the dais’s top step, leaning his back against the side of Jaehwan's throne, staring up at the Fae king in absolute wonder. 

Jaehwan petted him, long fingers lazily curling through his hair, as Sanghyuk resumed the whispering in Jaehwan’s ear that Wonshiks' appearance had interrupted. 

Resting his head on Jaehwan's knee, accepting the affection, Wonshik stared down at the swirling crowd of Fae. A melding blur of colors and shapes. 

He wanted to take it all in, wanted to truly process the scene, but his brain was unable. It couldn’t be processed. Couldn't be quantified or distilled into rational thought. The most he could do was _absorb_ it. 

The same little snowflake Fae appeared again and handed Wonshik a goblet, which the mortal accepted. Raising it to his lips and sipping slowly at the golden nectar. Listening. Tasting. Absorbing. 

“Would you like to dance, my sweet?” Jaehwan’s voice asked, drawing Wonshik out of the haze of stimuli he’d begun to get lost in. 

The mortal tilted his head up, taking in Jaehwan’s sharp white smile. Barely registering Sanghyuk’s smirk as his friend took a step back. Not leaving, simply giving them an imitation of privacy. 

“Am I safe?” was the first question that popped out of Wonshik's mouth, and he was glad. It was a good question, a logical and responsible one. 

Jaehwan made a cooing noise, stroking his cheek, brushing Wonshik’s eyebrow with the pad of his thumb.

“Your life force has been restored, my sweet, your imminent death has been avoided. There is no need for you to fret.”

Good. That was good. Not dying was good. 

“Then, sure, I’d like to dance,” he replied, watching Jaehwan stand and glide down the steps. Wings fluttering as he moved.

Jaehwan took Wonshik’s hand and drew him down into the center of the crowd, already starting to sway before they even came to a stop.

“I’m glad you dance, my sweet mortal,” Jaehwan hummed, winding his arms around Wonshik’s neck, “We can dance for the rest of your life.”

  
~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I *did* realize (about halfway through writing it) that this is very similar to my demon fic lol  
> but fae mythos shares quite a few interesting parallels with angles/demons so i guess thats alright lol


	17. Come here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Come here’  
> Pairing: Hyuken  
> Rated: G  
> Word Count: 731
> 
> Warnings/Notes: Spilled coffee

~♡♡♡♡♡~

The man's dark brown eyes were the first thing Sanghyuk noticed. 

Nice, kind eyes. The type of eyes that could warm up his insides just by meeting them across a room. 

Or, those were the _ second _ thing Sanghyuk noticed, right after he noticed that the contents of his coffee cup had been sloshed down the front of his shirt. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” the man exclaimed, flapping his hands around before darting over to the little bar station with the milk and sugar to grab about six thousand napkins. He may as well have just grabbed the whole napkin dispenser. 

And Sanghyuk just stood there, scalding hot caramel latte steadily soaking through his second favorite white t-shirt, apparently startled into both silence and immobility. At least he was still in the coffee shop, replacing his now deceased drink wouldn’t involve any extra walking. 

The man flapped back over, his giant sneakers squeaking on the laminate floor as he skidded to a stop in front of Sanghyuk and pressed his handful of napkins against Sanghyuk’s stomach. Probably trying to blot up the excess coffee but only making the stain worse somehow. 

“I’m really _ , really  _ sorry,” the man continued, folding the napkins up so a dry bit was visible and dabbing at Sanghyuk’s chest, “I wasn’t looking where I was going and I didn’t even- not sure how I didn’t see you since you're so tall but, I don’t know, I’m sorry, I’ll buy you a new drink! And give you money for dry-cleaning!”

“It’s fine,” Sanghyuk said, when he finally managed to get a word in between the man’s frantic apologies, “Are you late or something? You seemed to be in a hurry, so feel free to get going.”

Lateness would certainly explain why this guy had just barreled into him with the force of a two ton truck going ninety on the highway. 

The man pouted, oblivious to the coffee shop’s other patrons, who were all listening to him talk. And staring at him. At _ them, _ Sanghyuk supposed. “No, no, not late, but there was a corgi outside and I wanted to go say hi to it but now it's gone.”

“Jaehwan!” someone sitting at a corner table called, both looking and sounding extremely exasperated, “Just buy the guy a new drink and stop harassing him!”

The man, who was apparently named Jaehwan, blushed. Cheeks and the tips of his ears turning bright red as he stepped back. Hands full of soggy brown napkins. 

“Hey, it’s fine, really,” Sanghyuk said, taking the napkins from Jaehwan’s hands and depositing them in a nearby trash can. He liked this man. This cute little frowny man, who ran full speed toward other people's dogs and talked a lot. And had such nice brown eyes. “You don’t need to get me a new coffee. I’ve been trying to cut down on caffeine anyway.”

“That’s too nice, can I pay to get your shirt cleaned at least?”

“I have a better idea,” Sanghyuk replied, surreptitiously wiping his damp palms on his jeans, “Can I have your number instead? We can get dinner sometime and you can pay, if that makes you feel better.”

A bit forward, but it couldn’t hurt. There was a limit to the embarrassment he would feel being turned down, since Jaehwan was a total stranger and Sanghyuk would probably never see him again.

Jaehwan’s blush deepened and he gaped at Sanghyuk, but he wasn’t visibly insulted, so that was a good sign. 

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. you’re cute.”

"I don't even know your name."

"My name's Sanghyuk. And yours is Jaehwan, if I heard correctly?"

Sanghyuk raised a brow, waiting, but Jaehwan just blinked. 

“Unless that’s your boyfriend, in which case I apologize,” Sanghyuk added, nodding in the direction of the corner table where the guy who had shouted was still sitting. 

“No, he’s not- just friends,” Jaehwan replied. He stared at Sanghyuk for a few more seconds before digging around in his pockets.

“That’s good.”

“Come here,” Jaehwan mumbled, producing a pen and grabbed Sanghyuk’s hand, scrolling what was unmistakably a phone number on the inside of Sanghyuk’s wrist. “Call me,” he said, meeting Sanghyuk’s eyes for the briefest of seconds before scurrying off toward the corner table and his rather startled looking friend.

Sanghyuk left the coffee shop, sans coffee, shirt ruined, but very happy. He already had his phone out, typing in the number on his arm and sending Jaehwan a smiley face. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would yall kill me for prompt splitting again? i have an idea for a story i actually like but its longish and idk if i can get the whole thing finished in one day (to fit inside the next prompt alone)  
> please help lol


	18. I want to give you my all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince/Bodyguard
> 
> (Part 1/3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I want to give you my all’  
> Pairing: Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 3.7k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: descriptions of hand-to-hand combat

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

The fanatics were getting out of hand. 

That’s what the people called them. 

_Fanatics._

Prince Wonshik didn’t think that was a strong enough word to describe them. 

Religion, like most things, was best taken in moderation. And the fanatics did not know the definition of _moderation._

They ransacked whole villages. Burned down homes and churches and schools. Killed innocent people for no other reason then that they didn’t share the same beliefs. 

_Anarchists._ That’s what Wonshik called them in his head. These lunatics who caused chaos and terror and stole children to sacrifice in honor of their dark god. 

They were spreading across his kingdom like wildfire. 

Ruining everything. 

But there wasn’t anything that Wonshik could do about them. Not more than what he had already done. 

Set units of soldiers in every city and town and village to protect the good people who just wanted to live. Given wages and food from the royal stores to those whose work was either too dangerous or no longer existed. Placed a bounty on the heads of any fanatic leader that could be caught, and rewards for information on the same. 

And Wonshik was only the prince. He wasn’t the king. He only had so much power. 

Fortunately, he and his father were of a similar mind. The king was even more determined to stop the fanatics than Wonshik, which was a difficult thing, since Wonshik didn’t think he would be happy until each and every one of them was hanged in the square of the capital. 

Unfortunately, though, his father had insisted that Wonshik was sent off. Secreted away in the middle of the night and locked inside the summer palace. Because of the fanatics most recent goal. A goal that had only been discovered by one of the royal spies gathering information. 

They wanted a child of royal blood. 

Not that Wonshik was a child, he wasn’t even close. Nearing his thirtieth year. But he was the _only_ prince. The only heir, the only living descendant of the current ruling monarchs. And so he was their only choice. 

Getting their hands on Wonshik wouldn’t stop them. If sacrificing him would have put an end to the terrorizing of his people, Wonshik would have walked gladly out into the streets of the capital and let himself be taken. One death in exchange for the lives of thousands was a bargain he would have taken with barely a thought. 

But Wonshik's life wasn’t enough. He was just an extra bonus, a special gift for their dark god. They would not stop until every single non-believer in the kingdom had been slaughtered. 

So he’d been stuck in the summer palace for the past six months, the threat of assassination hanging over his head, bored to tears and about ready to scratch his eyes out before his best friend showed up. 

“The lunatics are getting braver,” Sanghyuk said, sipping one of the cups of tea that had just been brought to Wonshiks' study. It looked smaller and more delicate than it already was, held in his large hand. 

Sanghyuk was the son of one of the king's closest advisors. Or, the son of a man that had _once_ been one of the king's closest advisors. 

His father, a lord, had been the king's spymaster before he’d succumbed to an illness that left him unable to speak, unable to stand or walk or think. 

But from a young age, Sanghyuk took to his fathers trade like a fish to water. And two years ago, when his father was no longer fit, Sanghyuk had become personal spymaster to the king. Both the youngest spymaster and the youngest member of the royal council in the kingdom's history. And, naturally, he got all the most important and interesting news before anyone else. 

“What have they done now?” Wonshik asked, not bothering to feign a relaxed demeanor, his own teacup untouched. 

Sanghyuk hummed, glancing around the room. He’d seated himself with his back to a wall, as was customary, and his habit of checking corners had grown more overt. That was a bad sign if Wonshik had ever seen one. His friend's paranoia did not increase without reason. 

“The threats against your life grow stronger by the day,” Sanghyuk replied, speaking carefully. “They sent a few lackeys, expendables, to the king's throne room asking for you as a tithe. And once those few were arrested and summarily executed, they sent more. Not through official channels after that. To kill you while you slept.”

“But I’m not there,” Wonshik said, equal parts agitated and intrigued, “How did you find out?”

Sanghyuk shifted in his seat. Staring unfocused into the lit hearth as he set his cup back into its saucer. “The guards found them in your bedchamber. Two of them. It seems as though they were in the midst of a temper tantrum. They had lit your curtains on fire.”

“Gods,” Wonshik sighed, “I hope no one else was hurt?”

“That’s the reason I’m here,” Sanghyuk replied, as though he hadn’t heard Wonshik speak. 

“Why? Because someone got hurt?”

“No, no, the threats. You need a bodyguard.”

“I absolutely do not,” Wonshik exclaimed, but again, his friend was barely listening. Up out of his chair now, pacing, long strides carrying him back and forth around the room. 

“You do.”

“I _don’t!_ I can fight as well as the next man! Better, even! What could a bodyguard do that the palace guards can’t?!”

A bodyguard was something to be avoided, Wonshik knew. An invasion of his privacy and personal space. An extra shadow. He would never get a moment alone again if he was saddled with such an inconvenience. 

“If the fanatics want to try and take me, let them come!" he continued, "I’ll kill them myself and sleep all the better for it!”

“It is my _job,_ as a trusted servant of the crown, to make sure you are safe! _Not_ lending you extra protection at this point would be as good as condemning you myself, which I will not do. This is not up for debate,” Sanghyuk snapped, whirling to give Wonshik his sternest look. The look of someone older and wiser than his twenty-seven years. 

He had always been like that, even when they were little. Not bossy, exactly, but absolutely sure that he knew better than everyone else. Usually, he did, but that was beside the point. 

“It _is_ up for debate, otherwise you wouldn’t have come. A bodyguard would have just appeared,” Wonshik snapped back. Trying to figure out the best way to change his friend's mind. 

Sanghyuk made an aggravated noise low in his throat. Hands clasped behind his back. Shoulders straight. “The fact of you having a bodyguard isn’t what is up for debate.” 

“Then what is?”

“What is up for debate is the bodyguard themselves. His majesty wished to send you one of the best palace soldiers but I- disagreed. It took a bit of convincing, but he conceded to let you make the final decision.”

“And you already have someone in mind,” Wonshik prompted, once his friend's pensive silence stretched on for a beat too long. 

“Yes.”

“Who?”

Sanghyuk started into motion, striding over to grab his coat before Wonshik had time to stand. “Someone. I’ve already sent for him and I’ll bring him by tomorrow. Lots to do.”

_“Someone?_ That’s it?”

His friend didn’t answer. Simply waved a hand over his shoulder and disappeared through the door. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

As he’d said, Sanghyuk appeared in the summer palace first thing the next morning. 

Wonshik wasn’t even sure how he’d gotten there. None of the soldiers on duty had seen him come in, no servant had announced him. He’d simply been waiting in Wonshik's' study when the prince had entered -Wonshik still in his dressing gown due to the earliness of the hour- with a stranger at his side. 

“You, moving about like a ghost this way,” Wonshik muttered, collapsing into his desk chair, allowing the soft dark leather upholstery to envelope his sleep-weary body, “It’s _extremely_ unsettling.”

Sanghyuk smiled, bringing a hit of youth back to his face the way nothing else could. “No person alive knows the secret ways in and out of your highness’s homes better than I do. It comes with the territory.”

Wonshik snorted. 

“May I present your hopeful new bodyguard,” his friend continued, indicating the stranger with an elegant flourish. 

The prince eyed the stranger, attempting to take his measure. 

He was tall, taller than most but still maybe half a head shorter than Sanghyuk. Fluffy blonde hair combed up off a high forehead. A long nose. Pointy chin. Full lips. Soft round cheeks. Brown eyes that were narrowed, but Wonshik suspected would widen if he were relaxed. 

His body was hard to see, as it was swathed beneath a cloak of black velvet. Only the toes of shiny leather boots peeking out from beneath. If Wonshik had to guess, though, he’d guess the man was slightly built with somewhat broad shoulders. 

The man didn’t look like a fighter. Or a guard. Scowl aside, he didn’t look very dangerous at all. Too soft. Too pretty. 

“Him?”

“Him,” Sanghyuk nodded. 

Wonshik laced his fingers behind his head, smiling a little. Guessing this was some sort of elaborate joke now. 

“Is this a ploy, Hyukah? To plant one of your sweetboys in every notable building for easy access?” the prince asked, using the polite term so as not to offend the man. Calling a stranger a _prostitute_ to their face was a bit too much, even for a prince. It wouldn’t have been the worst idea, even if it _was_ true. Sanghyuk found all the best secrets in brothels. 

The man let out a bark of humorless laughter, turning to look out the windows rather than at Wonshik. Sanghyuk snickered as well, but unlike the stranger, his mirth was more than plain. Wonshik had clearly missed something. 

“No, but I understand your confusion. This is Lee Jaehwan, and despite my natural charm and good looks, he has never once accepted an invitation into my bed,” Sanghyuk replied, once his snickering had subsided. 

“That’s because my lord is a whiny little brat,” the man, Jaehwan, snapped, lowering his hood from over his head and tugging the folds of his cloak more tightly around himself. 

“At least he seems to be a good judge of character,” Wonshik muttered.

Sanghyuk took Jaehwan's rudeness in stride, like it was a regular occurrence between them, and continued on as though he hadn't heard Wonshik, “However, your assumption is exactly why he is perfectly suited for the job.”

“How so?” 

“Well,” Sanghyuk paused, watching Jaehwan huff and remove his cloak, folding it neatly and laying it over the arm of Wonshik's sofa, “After much, _much_ convincing, Jaehwan has agreed to pose as your highness’s new concubine.”

_“New_ implies that I’ve had concubines in the past,” Wonshik spluttered, caught off guard by the conversation's unexpected direction, “Which we both know I absolutely have _not.”_

“And all the better for it, so no one will question why you’ve selected a man for your first. It would be a much harder trick to pull off if you had a trail of heartbroken young ladies left behind in your wake. A concubine is the perfect role. Jaehwan's presence at your side won’t be questioned, and he will be granted free access to the palace and royal quarters. Exactly the kind of freedoms given to a bodyguard, without publicly demonstrating that you’ve taken precautions against the fanatic's threats.”

“If I _were_ to hypothetically allow a bodyguard to follow me around-“

“Which you _will,”_ Sanghyuk interrupted, but Wonshik soldiered on.

“If I _were,_ would a show of strength not be the better choice? Show the fanatics we aren’t to be lightly threatened?”

“Doing so would make you look weak.”

It was Jaehwan who had spoken this time, and Wonshik slit his eyes in the man’s direction. Without the voluminous cloak, the prince found his previous estimation to be correct. In tight-fitting leather breeches, knee boots, and a dark blue linen shirt, Wonshik could see that he was in fact rather slight. Narrow waist and broad shoulders. Long legs. 

“He's right,” Sanghyuk agreed, patting Jaehwan on the shoulder, “It would show that you’re taking the fanatics seriously. That you’re frightened of them. And that kind of message would only bolster their confidence. Better to look haughtily indifferent. Like they are beneath you.”

“And exactly what qualifies him to be the bodyguard of a prince?” Wonshik asked, nodding in Jaehwan’s direction. 

Sanghyuk gave the prince that same stern look. Like he thought Wonshik was being unnecessarily argumentative. 

But Wonshik didn’t find the questioning unnecessary at all. If he was going to allow this soft, pretty boy to follow him around and pretend to be his lover, the prince wanted to be absolutely sure that it was for a good reason. Make sure that Sanghyuk had been thinking with his head and not just his dick when he selected Jaehwan for the job. 

“I am qualified to guard your life, your highness,” Jaehwan said, tone even and measured, “Would you like a demonstration of my skills?”

Surprised by the offer, but not displeased by it, Wonshik nodded. “Show me.”

Jaehwan inclined his head in a parody of a bow and turned to face Sanghyuk. “Ready?”

“Just...” Sanghyuk shrugged off his coat, hanging it on the back of a chair so he was only in his formal uniform of black trousers and deep red doublet, silver epaulettes on his shoulders and medals on his chest. And then he removed the doublet as well. White linen undershirt billowing out from the waistband of his trousers. 

Wonshik watched all of this, bemused. He and Sanghyuk had trained together since they were children. The prince knew his friend could kill a man with both hands tied behind his back if necessary. Heavy clothing would not normally be a hindrance, even if they limited his range of movement. 

Jaehwan watched too. Standing in the center of Wonshik's office with his arms crossed. Hip jutting out a little to the left. He didn’t even appear to be armed. 

“Okay, now don’t actually kill me. And no hits to the face. And no cutting,” Sanghyuk said, shaking out his arms and bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

Wonshik arched a brow. Did his friend sound the slightest bit nervous? 

“Fine,” Jaehwan murmured, “But I’ll choke you out if I think you’re holding back.”

“Fair.” 

“Are you going to defend my life by _talking_ people to death?” Wonshik asked, just Sanghyuk waved him to silence. 

Jaehwan smiled, the first smile the prince had ever seen on his face. A lovely, wicked smile. “No, your highness. Lord Han is stalling.”

“Fine, fine,” Sanghyuk sighed, meeting Jaehwan's gaze. 

Holding it for a count of three. 

And then Sanghyuk rushed him. Across the room in barely three steps, the burst of motion slightly jarring after the stillness. 

But when he reached the spot where Jaehwan had been standing, Jaehwan was no longer there. He’d moved so fast that Wonshik had missed it. Vaulting up onto the back of the sofa and launching himself over it in midair. 

Sanghyuk, instead of walking around the piece of furniture like Wonshik would have, simply leaned over the sofa and grabbed at Jaehwan's arms. Hauling him bodily _back_ over the sofa and tossing the smaller man at the opposite wall like Jaehwan weighed nothing.

“Gods!” Wonshik exclaimed, unable to stop himself. He watched with bated breath, waiting for what would surely be the sickening crack of breaking bones, but none came. 

It seemed that Jaehwan had been ready, because he stopped the imminent collision with one foot extended, boot flat against the wall and knees bent. He rebounded easily, pushing himself backward just as Sanghyuk darted for him a second time. 

But Sanghyuk didn’t get close enough for another grab. He didn’t even get close enough to _try_ for another grab. 

Jaehwan still had his leg up, the one he had used to rebound, and he kept it up. Spinning in place and kicking first at the side of Sanghyuk’s torso, then the side of his knee, then torso again. Tucking his knee each time before extending it. The moves were so graceful they were nearly balletic. 

It must be some kind of crazy acrobatic martial arts style that Wonshik couldn’t begin to fathom. Each kick was fast, only a heartbeat between them, and Sanghyuk grunted at the impacts. Jaehwan obviously _wasn’t_ holding back. 

Sanghyuk finally managed to stop the barrage of blows, one hand closing around Jaehwan's ankle and hauling him forward until he could get a fistful of Jaehwan's shirt. But Jaehwan didn’t seem overly bothered by this development. 

He circled one arm up and out, dislodging Sanghyuk’s hand from his chest, grabbing Sanghyuk's wrist and yanking him down far enough that they were at eye level. And then he jumped again. Straight up. One leg on each of Sanghyuk’s shoulders, locking his knees behind Sanghyuk’s head, and then letting himself drop back. Twisting as he fell so Sanghyuk went down with him, easily flipping Sanghyuk over so the larger man was sprawled flat on his back. 

Jaehwan had already leapt on him again, pinning his arms to the floor with his knees and sitting on him, holding a handful of Sanghyuk’s hair in one hand and a small blade (where he’d gotten it, Wonshik had no idea) in the other, and was _just_ pressing it to the base of Sanghyuk’s throat when Sanghyuk gasped, “Yield!”

The entire thing had taken thirty seconds at most. 

“Gods above,” Wonshik murmured, stunned into stillness, as Jaehwan relented. Scooting off Sanghyuk and sliding his knife back down the side of his boot. “You fight like a rabid squirrel!”

Still lying on his back, Sanghyuk snickered, squeakily protesting when Jaehwan casually stepped on his hand. 

That was the thing about Jaehwan, Wonshik could see now. It was all so _casual._ Each move was graceful and purposeful, and yet the man hadn’t even broken a sweat. Barely a hair out of place. A casual brutality that Wonshik wasn’t sure he could trust. 

“Is your highness satisfied with my qualifications?”

“What is your _actual_ occupation, Jaehwan? And how did you earn enough of my paranoid friends' trust that he allowed you to attack him?” Wonshik asked, answering the man’s question with questions of his own. 

Sanghyuk made a noise, as though he were about to interject, but Jaehwan spoke up before he could. “I am my lord's chief assassin.”

Wonshik blinked. Watching his friend finally get up off the floor. The words refused to penetrate his skull for almost a full minute. 

And then they did. And the prince could decide whether he should feel outraged or betrayed. 

“What on earth were you thinking!?” Wonshik exclaimed, glaring daggers at Sanghyuk as he rose from his chair, leaning over and bracing his hands on his desk. “You honestly believe that a paid murderer can be trusted?! And bringing an _assassin_ here?! When you know better than anyone that my life is in danger! Are _you_ trying to have me killed as well?!”

To the prince's bewilderment, Jaehwan shushed him. Not in a rude way, but gently. Fluttering his fingers as though to brush Wonshik’s concerns away. “I am no threat. I am loyal to the king and to you, your highness. I hold no love for the fanatics and I have no wish to take your life. Playing nursemaid to your highness isn't the most appealing task, I admit, but my lord pays well for it. I am willing to give you all of my skill, you will be safe with me.”

Wonshik spluttered, wanting to protest at the title of _nursemaid_ for one thing at least, but when Wonshik didn't answer immediately, Jaehwan turned away from him. Anger bright in his eyes and arms folded as he glared at Sanghyuk. 

“You _promised_ he would accept my services, my lord, otherwise I would not have bothered coming all the way out here which my lord knows _very_ well.”

Was that a hint of petulance in his tone? Jaehwan looked about two seconds from stomping his foot. Like he thought he had better things to do than showing off for the prince's entertainment. And perhaps he _did_ have better things to do, if he was in fact Sanghyuk’s assassin of choice. A fact which Wonshik doubted very little at this point. 

Sanghyuk raised his hands, throwing Wonshik a quick pleading glance. “Just accept his help, highness, please, or he’ll probably kill me for real.”

“You _just_ said you were no threat,” Wonshik replied carefully, watching Jaehwan still. 

And Jaehwan did not disappoint. “I am no threat to _you,_ your highness,” he murmured, glare fixed unwaveringly on Sanghyuk, “But my lord has been treading on thin ice for months.”

Wonshik couldn't help but smile. 

“He is familiar with death, your highness, and loyal to the crown. What more could you want? Who better to match an assassin's blade than one of their own kind?” Sanghyuk asked, not lowering his hands even a centimeter. 

That was a fair point, Wonshik supposed. And if his friend had bothered to drag his top killer all the way out of the capital and twenty miles south to the summer palace, he had most likely done so because Jaehwan was the best option Wonshik had. 

“Fine,” the prince sighed, running a hand through his hair, “He may be my new guard. Or cortisan or concubine or whatever title he wants. But if I order him away, he _must_ leave. Not up for negotiation.”

“Thank the gods,” Sanghyuk sighed, finally lowering his hands and skirting around Jaehwan to get his coat and doublet. 

Jaehwan spun slowly on his heels, looking the prince over appraisingly for a moment, before dipping into an elegant bow. “My blade is yours, highness.”

“Good, good,” Wonshik replied, feeling a bit flustered for no reason he could name. Sensing Jaehwan's chocolate brown gaze still fixed on his face. Shuffling papers around for something to do. 

“Now,” a fully dressed Sanghyuk said, wincing and holding his ribs as he took a seat in one of the two chairs opposite Wonshik's desk, “Ring for breakfast, and we can go over Jaehwan's cover story as we eat.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will be posted in order, chapters 18, 19, 20


	19. I follow my instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince/Bodyguard
> 
> (Part 2/3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘I follow my instincts’  
> Pairing: Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 2.6k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: someone gets killed but they aren't a vixx lol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

A week after his rather unusual job interview, Jaehwan was settling into his position well. 

Sanghyuk had crafted him an excellent backstory. An estranged bastard son of an elderly lord who governed the very furthest southern region of the kingdom, and so was almost never involved in court politics. That he had caught Wonshik's eye during Wonshik's tour of the country some years ago, and they had been corresponding ever since. And that Jaehwan had finally traveled north so he and Wonshik could be together. 

The nature of Jaehwan's occupation meant that he was almost entirely anonymous. Only Sanghyuk and a handful of his lieutenants had ever seen Jaehwan's face, and they knew to keep their mouths shut. 

So, he was free to trail Wonshik around the summer palace without arousing suspicion. Reading while Wonshik worked. Sometimes sketching in a little notebook that had been tucked in his trunk. 

Wonshik didn’t know where the trunk had come from, but if he had to guess, he’d guess that Sanghyuk had sent it over. It arrived the day after Jaehwan’s interview. Stuffed full to bursting with fine silks and satins and delicate little slippers and perfumes and heaps upon heaps of jewelry. 

Not the kind of accoutrement one would expect to find on a bastard, much too expensive. But _certainly_ the kind of luxuries that would have been gifted to a royal paramour. 

Jaehwan slept in Wonshik's chambers, but not in Wonshik's bed. He curled up on a wide divan that was set off in one corner. Nestled under a thick quilt with his blonde head resting on three or four pillows. 

He slept in Wonshik's chambers and dressed in Wonshik's chambers and bathed in Wonshik's chambers. 

Wonshik respectfully averted his eyes when anything indecent was happening, but he couldn’t help looking that morning. Once his bodyguard was already dressed. Narrow body hidden away under cream colored trousers and a cream colored tunic. A long, loose coat of mulberry velvet that flared out at his waist, heavily embroidered with golden thread. Matching little slippers. 

“Do you like wearing that kind of thing?” Wonshik asked, sitting on the foot of his bed and watching Jaehwan's reflection in the large standing-mirror, “Your own clothes seemed a bit more modest.”

Jaehwan smiled at himself, and then smiled at Wonshik. “I like wearing costumes,” he replied, bending to rummage around inside his trunk and removing a small pot of rouge. He unscrewed the lid and dabbed a bit on his lips, darkening them so they looked as though they had been stained with wine. “One of the perks of my job. 

“Do you wear costumes often? For your job, I mean?”

“Of course!” Jaehwan chirped, a happy little sound that made Wonshik smile, “I play many roles.”

“What kind of roles?” the prince asked, wanting to indulge his new friend. Wanting to know Jaehwan better. They were stuck together for the foreseeable future, so being familiar with each other was only natural. 

Jaehwan hummed thoughtfully, a hand propped on his hip as he looked around the room. 

He reached back into his trunk and pulled out a plain cotton shirt, crumpled it up so it wrinkled, and then tore the fabric in several places. Ripping one seam with his teeth. When he slid off the mulberry coat and tugged off the cream tunic, Wonshik looked away. 

When he looked back, Jaehwan was sitting on the floor of the bedchamber, barefoot with his knees tucked up inside the ruined shirt. Hair in disarray. Arms around himself. Shivering despite the fire crackling in the hearth. 

“Who do you think I am, highness?” he mumbled in a hoarse voice, the words raspy and broken up by dry coughs. Extending a hand with his palm up even as he flinched away from meeting Wonshik's eyes. 

Wonshik hummed in thought. Both surprised and amused by the little display. “A beggar?”

“Exactly!” Jaehwan replied, hopping to his feet and rummaging in the trunk a second time. 

He removed a crimson cloak from very near the bottom, slung it over his shoulders, and pulled the hood down so it hid his eyes. Then he paced over to the windows and took the golden chord used to tie back the drapes, knotting it around his waist in place of a belt.

Jaehwan pressed his palms together, bowing his head. “Now who am I, highness?”

“A priest?”

“Exactly!” Jaehwan repeated, striding purposefully past Wonshik and vanishing into Wonshik's dressing room. 

Wonshik crossed his arms, unable to stop himself from grinning as he waited to see what costume Jaehwan would put on next. His bodyguard was much less snappish without Sanghyuk around to pester him. Delightfully silly and delightfully sweet. Unless Wonshik beat him at cards, then he would curse and pout, but even then, it was cute. 

The sweetness didn’t make Wonshik forget how incredibly dangerous his new friend was, but it _did_ help put him at ease somewhat. 

Jaehwan swept out of the dressing room, trousers tucked into a pair of Wonshik's boots, one of Wonshik's formal jackets on, buttoned up so the high collar ended just below his cheekbones. A thin gold chain wound twice atop his fair hair in place of a crown. 

“And now?” he hummed, expression haughty and imperious. Standing directly before Wonshik with his arms crossed and chin held high. 

“A king?”

“Exactly,” Jaehwan said for the third time. 

He unbuttoned the borrowed jacket and pulled off the borrowed boots, leaving them as well as well as the chain on Wonshik's bed and returning to his trunk. The prince watched him quickly dress in his clean tunic and long coat and pretty slippers. Watched him fix his hair. 

“And now I play the part of a lovesick concubine,” Jaehwan said, matter-of-fact. 

“I thought you were playing the part of a nursemaid,” Wonshik teased, still leaned against the foot of his bed with his arms crossed.  Grinning as Jaehwan returned to his side. Wrapped arms around his neck. Caressed his cheeks as tenderly as if they were lovers for true. 

“Nursemaid is the job, highness. Concubine is the roll I play to carry the job out.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

They had breakfasted with the few nobles who trickled in and out of the summer palace. Jaehwan feeding Wonshik with his own fork and giggling the most charming little giggles each time Wonshik allowed himself to be fed. 

And then they went for a long walk in the gardens. Jaehwan hanging off Wonshik's arm and a gaggle of soldiers trailing behind them. 

By the time they ended up in the palace's small library, Wonshik reading and Jaehwan sketching, the prince had had plenty of time to think about his bodyguards most recent display of skill. 

The  _ ease  _ with which Jaehwan switched between roles. Not simply costumes, but mannerisms. The way his entire demeanor changed, his posture changed, his speech pattern changed. Entirely effortless. Entirely natural. 

And that had gotten him thinking. Wonshik did not know who Jaehwan actually was. 

He knew Jaehwan worked as an assassin. That much Wonshik was sure of. But which persona was the real one? The snappy, sarcastic fighter? The soft boy who liked to sketch more than he liked to read? The beggar? The priest? The king? Or something else entirely? 

“Jaehwan,” he said, tentative. Not wanting to cross professional boundaries. Not wanting to pry. Not wanting to invade Jaehwan's personal life since Jaehwan had not pried into his. 

His bodyguard looked up. Face expectant. 

Unsure of the best way to phrase his true question, Wonshik asked, “How did you first meet Sanghyuk?”

Jaehwan blinked a few times, like he was confused, and then his expression smoothed over. 

“I assumed he would have told you. That was a foolish thing to assume. My lord never tells anyone anything without cause.” Jaehwan frowned, looking back down at his notebook. “He would have told you if you’d refused my services, I think.”

Wonshik stilled. Half wishing he could take the question back. 

“Told me what?”

Jaehwan shrugged, setting his notebook and stick of charcoal down on the small table next to his chair. And then he raised his eyes to Wonshik. Hands clasped in his lap. 

“I was raised by my lord's father.”

“No you weren’t,” Wonshik replied automatically, a fresh smile crossing his face. Thinking this some new persona. 

But Jaehwan nodded. “I was.”

“Sanghyuk and I were raised together at court,” Wonshik said, confused now, “I would have seen you.”

“My lord's uncle, his father's elder brother, had a wife. And she gave birth to a child that was not her husbands. And her husband tolerated the child, barely, keeping them locked away and out of sight until they turned fifteen, and then sent them away for fostering.”

Jaehwan paused, as if choosing how to frame his story. 

“My lord's father accepted them. He took them in and taught them everything they knew. Hired private tutors and battle instructors and apprenticed them to the previous chief assassin so they could aid the kingdom in future. Just like his own son did.”

Another pause. 

“You would not have seen them at court. They lived in my lord fathers private house. Meant to be kept secret until their training was complete.”

“Oh,” Wonshik replied, a quiet sound. Thinking of the backstory Sanghyuk had outlined. A bastard son of a lord, estranged from his family. So much truth in it that acting the role could barely even be called _acting._

Jaehwan picked up his notebook and resumed sketching. “That is not a role enjoy,” he added, almost as an afterthought, “The person who lived before my lord's father took them in is dead. I much prefer living the lives of made-up people.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

That night, Wonshik had fallen into a fitful sleep. Head full of confusing dreams about the fanatics and an imposter king. 

The room was almost stiflingly hot, and he’d kicked off his blankets. Opened a window to let out some of the heat from the still crackling hearth. Checked on his sleeping bodyguard and lay awake for hours at a time. 

But he must have dozed off again at some point, and the dreams may have been some kind of warning, because when Wonshik woke again near three in the morning, it was to the sound of choking.

The prince opened his eyes, half shocked and half terrified, just as a body crumpled to the floor. It was so unexpected that Wonshik couldn’t move. Couldn't speak. The sight of the soon-to-be corpse had left him breathless with panic. 

A fountain of blood gurgling from the person's throat. And fear burning bright in their eyes.

And the sight of Jaehwan, standing in the dark, a long silk robe hanging open over his bare chest and matching silk trousers, didn’t help. The train of the robe was dragging on the floor, his feet were bare, and there was a bloody knife in his hand. Illuminated by the moonlight spilling in from the far windows, Jaehwan looked like some kind of avenging angel. 

“Jaehwan-“ he gasped, once he finally regained the power of speech, but his bodyguard shushed him. And Wonshik shushed. 

Jaehwan bent down beside the -who were they? An assassin? A fanatic? A servant with very bad timing? Wonshik didn’t know, but he watched in silence as Jaehwan quickly swiped some of the fallen man’s blood onto his fingertips. 

The walk wasn’t far, only two feet from where Wonshik was sitting bolt upright in bed. Jaehwan crossed the narrow distance and smeared the spilled vitas onto Wonshik's right hand. 

And then he curled Wonshik's fingers around the handle of the knife and climbed into the mattress beside Wonshik. 

“You killed the man, my prince, with the blade you kept concealed beneath your pillow. He managed to sneak past the guards and threatened your life, you were forced to protect yourself,” he murmured, in a voice so gentle that all Wonshik could do was nod. 

Staring unblinkingly as Jaehwan moved to cower behind him and then screamed at the top of his lungs.

The sound startled Wonshik so much that he jumped, reaching behind and pulling Jaehwan against his back. Feeling Jaehwan’s arms come around his middle. Bodies pressed together as palace guards streamed into the bedchamber. Swords drawn. 

Torches lit the room, making the still spreading pool of blood gleam black in the firelight. 

Jaehwan didn’t stop screaming, sobbing and whimpering into the prince's shoulder as Wonshik explained. Explained that he had just dispatched an assassin, parroting Jaehwan's words, and then shouting at them to get the body out of his sight.

The guards surged to action, first two of them ducking to lift the dead man’s weight between them. Another two sweeping the room in search of any other concealed attackers. Then, a final two running out and running back in with chambermaids at their side, instructing the sleepy servants to clean up the blood. 

And then Wonshik stopped paying attention because Jaehwan was still screaming. He rolled over, dropping the bloody knife now that it had been seen in his hand, hoping to try and console his terrified bodyguard. 

The prince felt a sudden and vivid protectiveness towards his friend. Completely instinctual. An urge to soothe the man in his bed and take his fear away.

Which was patently _absurd,_ seeing as how Jaehwan had killed a man nearly two heads taller than he was only five minutes previous. 

But the urge was still there so Wonshik tried. Clutching Jaehwan's face and stroking his hair and murmuring that they were safe. That everything was going to be fine. Accidentally leaving crimson fingerprints of his cheeks.

Jaehwan’s cries slowly began to lessen under Wonshik's tender ministrations. The comforting words and gentle gestures. Letting Wonshik hold him and trembling as he was swept up between Wonshik's arms. 

The prince was beyond confused as to where the fear in his bodyguard came from to begin with. Jaehwan had been so quiet and composed before, when he had been the one holding the knife and he had stepped over the body cooling on the bedroom floor. 

Jaehwan winked. _Winked,_ even as tears fell in streaming trails down his cheeks, even as he clung to Wonshik and worried his plush bottom lip. 

Wonshik understood then, that it was an act. This was Jaehwan playing a role. Playing the helpless concubine to protect the secret of his identity. 

But Wonshik didn’t stop comforting Jaehwan. Trying his best to play his own role. The role of a lovesick prince who had just killed a man to protect both himself and his paramour. 

Neither of them slept anymore that night. 

The bedchamber was very swiftly deemed unsecure -a logical assumption seeing as an assassin had managed to sneak in without alerting anyone- and so Wonshik and Jaehwan were ushered to a council chamber on the palace's ground floor. 

They were surrounded by a tight knot of soldiers, swords drawn on every side, as they waited for Sanghyuk and the captain of guard to show up. 

A messenger had been dispatched to the capital with orders to bring both men back, and they came. Making the twenty mile journey in record time and arriving just before daybreak. A cadre of extra soldiers alongside them. 

Sanghyuk gave no sign of recognition when he saw Jaehwan, whimpering a little and half-dozing on Wonshik's lap, only glancing at them with mild interest as he sat down at the council table. 

Wonshik didn’t let his bodyguard go. Arms securely around Jaehwan's middle, feeling little puffs of Jaehwan's warm breath against his neck. Holding him even as he began to go over new security plans and guard rotations and increasing measures to find the fanatic leaders. 

Grateful that Jaehwan was so good at his job. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnnngngggngngn


	20. You are giving me all of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince/Bodyguard
> 
> (Part 3/3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘You are giving me all of you’  
> Pairing: Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 4.5k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: rescue mission

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~♡♡♡♡♡~

“Highness?”

Wonshik looked up from his work, a request from a northern town for more soldiers that he’d already approved, to see Sanghyuk. Materializing as though from thin air on the veranda beside the garden. 

No one had announced his presence, no one had warned of his approach. _Again._

“Have you ever considered telling my soldiers where your secret passages are? So then maybe they could be patrolled?” the prince asked, voice sharp. Thinking of the assassin that had snuck into his bedroom only a month ago. Thinking of all the other unsavory people who could find their way into the summer palace via the unknown points of entry. 

Sanghyuk gave Wonshik a look. As though the prince should know better than to ask stupid questions. 

“They _are_ patrolled, highness. By a _very_ select few, mind you. A select few who won’t get drunk and disclose their location to anyone that happens to be sitting next to them in a pub.”

Wonshik lowered his eyes back to the papers fanned out before him. Not in the mood to be chastised. “Why are you here? All you ever do recently is bring me bad news.”

“Well, highness,” Sanghyuk replied, taking a seat beside Wonshik, “Today is the exception to that rule. I’ve come to take your new paramour on an outing.”

The prince blinked, gaze flicking in the direction of his bodyguard. 

They were only outside, slowly freezing in the autumn morning chill, because Jaehwan had wanted fresh air. He did a funny kind of stretching every day, bending his body into all sorts of usual shapes. Normally, he did them in Wonshik's bedroom while the prince was taking his turn for a bath, but today he had requested to do them outside. Something about the cold being good for his lungs. 

And so they had gone out first thing. Wonshik taking a bit of paperwork and setting himself up at the glass-topped table, trying to get comfortable in one of its accompanying metal chairs, and watching his bodyguard stretch.

Jaehwan was still doing them, in fact. Standing on one bare foot. Eyes closed. Both arms behind him, hands around his ankle and holding his other leg up so his body formed a circle. He looked a bit like a lollipop. Or a dancer. Blonde hair still damp from the bath and glittering in the morning sun. And he had given no indication that he had heard Sanghyuk either appear or speak. 

“Take him?” Wonshik asked, returning his eyes to his papers, “After you so staunchly insisted that he stay here?”

“Yes. His- particular talents are required.”

The corners of the prince’s mouth pulled down in a small frown. 

At the beginning of their arrangement, Sanghyuk taking Jaehwan away would have indeed been thought of as good news. Jaehwan leaving would have been good news. The prospect of some alone time would have been good news. 

But Wonshik didn’t think of Jaehwan's presence as an intrusion anymore. He never had, really. Despite his preconceived notions of what having a bodyguard would be like, Jaehwan was comfortable to be around. He didn’t hover, didn’t irritate Wonshik, didn’t try to stop Wonshik from doing the things he wanted. 

He was unobtrusive when he needed to be. Like background music. And he was a good companion when Wonshik wanted him to be. Happy and laughing and bright. 

Wonshik had grown used to having Jaehwan around, and now, the thought of him leaving was nothing but unpleasant. 

“Where exactly are you taking him?”

“It’s not important.”

“And why didn’t you tell me he is your cousin?” Wonshik asked, fully aware that he was trying to postpone Jaehwan's inevitable departure but not much caring. 

Sanghyuk had been eyeing Jaehwan, watching as he continued to hold that strange pose, but he turned in his seat. Looking at Wonshik so hard that the prince could feel it. 

“Jaehwan is not my cousin,” he said, voice even. Lacking all emotion. “He is my aunt's son, and my aunt is only a relation by marriage. My uncle never acknowledged him as an heir, and we only became acquainted in the latter part of our teenage years. Too late for any familial bonds to form.”

“That still technically makes him your cousin,” Wonshik replied, but Sanghyuk had momentarily stopped paying attention. 

“Why did you tell, Jaehwan? I thought you were denying your lineage to everyone, including yourself. Or, was that just a phase?”

Jaehwan didn’t open his eyes, only straightening up for a moment so he could switch legs. “His highness asked how we met, my lord. I cannot lie to my prince and expect him to be truthful with me in return.”

With a sigh of irritation, Sanghyuk stole a piece of now-cold toast off the breakfast try that Wonshik was currently ignoring. 

“Fine, fine. Go and get dressed. Properly, mind you, none of this-“ he replied, snappish, as he waved a hand at the light pink tunic and trousers Jaehwan was wearing, “-Fluttery nonsense. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

The pink things were what Jaehwan had slept in. He hadn’t gotten dressed at all yet, properly or otherwise. But Sanghyuk didn’t know that.

Jaehwan lowered his leg, standing straight and leveling a glare at Sanghyuk for an instant, before turning on his heel to go back into the palace. Dutifully following orders. 

But Wonshik called him back. 

“Wait a moment, Jaehwan,” the prince said, and Jaehwan paused. One hand already on the latch of the veranda’s double doors. 

And then Wonshik addressed himself to his best friend. A spark of annoyance kindling in his chest. 

“Watch your tone,” he continued, keeping his voice purposefully low. Tone cool. Wanting to remind them both that he was in charge. That he was the highest ranking person in the palace. And the second highest ranking person in the entire kingdom. “I don’t care if Jaehwan is your cousin or not, but don’t snap at him like he’s a dog you expect to roll over.”

_As if_ that would have any effect. _As if_ chastisement ever had _any_ effect on Sanghyuk when Sanghyuk thought he was right and Wonshik was wrong. 

Sanghyuk didn’t like to be micromanaged. Sanghyuk didn’t like other people giving orders to his lieutenants. Sanghyuk put up with Wonshik's arguing to a certain extent, but once the threshold of his patience was reached, he would usually either shout or leave. 

And Wonshik loved Sanghyuk, thought of Sanghyuk as a brother, but increased pressure made Sanghyuk's fuse shorter. Made his paranoia worse. And the pressure on him had most _certainly_ increased over the past month. 

So now, Sanghyuk was staring at the prince. Lips slightly pursed the way they got when he was upset. Dark brown eyes narrow and icy cold. Almost suspicious. 

He didn’t apologize. Wonshik hadn’t actually expected an apology, but at least Sanghyuk didn’t disregard him completely and try to order Jaehwan away a second time. 

Wonshik didn’t apologize either. He didn’t have too, technically, since he was a prince and Sanghyuk was only a lord. But After letting the tense silence hang between them for a moment longer, he asked, “What are you planning that requires your chief assassin?”

“I need him to kill someone,” Sanghyuk replied, leaning back in his chair. A relaxed façade that didn’t fool Wonshik a bit. He was so on edge, muscles so tense, that Wonshik thought he might shatter if pushed too hard. And yet Wonshik pushed, because he was very, very curious. 

“Who?”

“Several people.”

“And they are...?”

“Listen to me, highness,” Sanghyuk said, sharp and short, “I lent you my best lieutenant. _Lent_ him to you. Meaning I am going to take him back so he can return to normal duties, fulfill his obligations to the crown. I did not bring him here so he can lounge around in pink silks and do yoga all day.”

He stood, not pacing, but not entirely still either. And it seemed that Wonshik had pushed too much because he didn’t stop talking. Words spilling out like he was so full of them that he would burst if he did not speak. 

_“My_ job is to protect you and the kingdom. _Jaehwan’s_ job is to protect you and the kingdom. And at the moment, the best way for us _both_ to protect you and the kingdom is to go and dispatch these people as soon as possible. So please, highness, let us do our jobs.”

Seeing the stricken expression on his best friend's face, Wonshik swallowed the retort he had ready on his tongue. 

He _didn’t_ say that as the prince, he had the right to confiscate any and all of Sanghyuk's lieutenants, as they were all servants of the crown. 

He _didn’t_ say that Sanghyuk could not dictate orders to him, or that he should address his prince with respect. 

He _didn’t_ say that only days after the assassin had been killed in his chambers, Jaehwan had stopped sleeping on the divan. Sleeping in Wonshik's bed instead. That the feigned shows of affection between them were no longer an act. That Wonshik did not want Jaehwan to leave for the simple reason that he didn’t want to lose Jaehwan. 

Although Wonshik would have probably kept that last part to himself anyway. 

Instead, Wonshik asked, “How can I help with whatever this problem is?”

“By letting him go get dressed and then seeing us off as soon as possible!”

“My lord,” Jaehwan called, tentative, still standing with his hand on the doorknob. 

Both Wonshik and Sanghyuk turned to him, but Jaehwan was smiling a little. That smile growing wider by the second. 

“His highness could always come with us, if he so chose. Like a field trip.”

It took a full half hour to subdue the explosion that followed that pronouncement. 

Because as soon as he heard it, Wonshik realized that that was _exactly_ what he wanted to do. To be helpful, productive, to escape from this gilded cage even if it was only for a day. And to keep Jaehwan at his side. 

And as soon as Sanghyuk heard it, he started shouting again. 

But the prince and his bodyguard wore the spymaster down. 

Once Sanghyuk realized he was fighting a losing battle, he sat back down at the glass-topped table. Staring vacantly at Wonshik's neglected breakfast tray. Mouth shut tight. 

Wonshik and Jaehwan nearly ran up the stairs to change clothes. 

_‘Dressing properly’_ turned out to mean simply and all in dark colors, an instruction that now included Wonshik. 

Jaehwan put on the very same outfit he’d worn the day he’d first arrived at the summer palace, but he combed a charcoal-like power through his hair, staining the blonde strands a darker shade of grey. 

He chose the prince's clothes as well, Wonshik ending up in his most plain pair of leather riding breeches and a black wool shirt with a matching black cloak secured at his throat. 

Then, Jaehwan had smeared both of their lashes with heavy Kohl and rouged both their lips, dabbing an extra bit under their eyes so they appeared strung out and slightly crazed. 

When Wonshik looked at their reflections in the standing mirror -hoods pulled up and a shadow of stubble showing that neither of them had shaved that morning- the prince thought they looked just like every fanatic he had ever come into contact with. A pair of carrion crows. 

Before they left the bedchamber, Wonshik caught his bodyguard up in his arms. Brushing Jaehwan’s hood partly back with the tips of his fingers and laying a gentle kiss on his lips. Feeling his own mouth tingle as his kiss was returned. 

It was a heartbeat of bliss and Wonshik savored it.

And then they were off. Down a servants staircase and out to the veranda where Sanghyuk was waiting. The three of them leaving the summer palace by way of Sanghyuk's secret passages. 

This particular route consisted of an underground tunnel that took them about a mile into the fields that surrounded the palace. They walked it quickly, not speaking, until they climbed an iron ladder up into the autumn sunlight. Horses were waiting, as well as four mounted soldiers dressed in similar black ensembles. Not a single man asked who Wonshik was or what he was doing there. Too well trained to question their lords motivations. 

“The both of you are going to put me in an early grave,” Sanghyuk muttered, swinging up onto one of the unoccupied horses. Watching Wonshik mount the other and then haul Jaehwan up into the saddle in front of him. The spymaster had only prepared for one additional person, not two, so they had to share. Not that Wonshik minded in the slightest. 

The ride was fast, over flat countryside, not a route Wonshik had ever taken before. But this was clearly a clandestine mission and of course they wouldn’t travel on a road where they could be seen. Where the presence of seven darkly hooded riders would be noted and remarked upon. 

Wonshik had never been on a mission before. He’d trained with his fathers soldiers when his busy schedule allowed, but had never gone out on patrol. Never done anything that really mattered other than signing papers. The prince was almost giddy with nervous excitement. He was going to help his people. 

After entering the capital through one of the lesser used gates, Sanghyuk nudged his horse into the lead. Guiding their party along dark alleys until they reached what looked to be an abandoned building. Visibly rundown. Boarded up windows and paint severely chipped. 

“In,” Sanghyuk murmured, once they had all dismounted and they had tied up the horses. 

One man remained to watch their mounts, but Wonshik hurried his steps. Sticking close to Jaehwan. Not wanting his inexperience to burden the others.

The building was empty inside and they didn’t linger. Down to the cellar and into another tunnel. It wasn’t as long as the one by the summer palace and they reached the end within only a couple of minutes. Coming up into another alley that was indistinguishable from the others. 

“Fan out, you know your places,” Sanghyuk said, snapping his fingers at his soldiers. Not that he needed to snap. The remaining three had moved away. Melting into the shadows like ghosts. 

And then Sanghyuk turned his attention to the prince and his bodyguard. Expression one of grim concentration. 

“This is the fanatic’s headquarters,” he continued, barely above a whisper, “We discovered its location a week ago. I have had my people in and out, we know the layout. As soon as we get the signal, Jaehwan, go in and take care of the leaders. You know the three.”

Jaehwan nodded silently. 

Sanghyuk nodded in return and then pointed to a door only twenty feet away. “In, stairs are on the left. Third story, left hallway, two doors from the landing. That is where they’ll be. Get it done as quietly as possible and then continue down the hall. There's a back staircase, follow it down to the ground floor and exit through the rear door. The entrance to route 27c is a hundred yards away. Take it and meet us back at the palace. Wait in my office.”

Jaehwan nodded again. He didn’t seem to need any more of a briefing than that. But Wonshik certainly did, as he’d already forgotten at least half of the details Sanghyuk had just given. 

“And what are we doing?” the prince asked, mostly to remind them that he was still there. 

“We,” Sanghyuk replied, eyes darting quickly from one end of the alley to the other, distracted, “Are going to be waiting here. According to my intel, there are currently three stolen children still alive and being kept in this building. A few of my men are already inside, with instructions to find them and bring them to this entrance. But if something goes wrong, we’ll need to go in and get them ourselves.”

Wonshik swallowed hard. Hating the thought of captive children. Fighting the urge to run in that very moment and save them himself. But that would no-doubt ruin Sanghyuk's careful planning, so he held himself still. 

“You said this entrance, is there more than one?”

“Several, but I have soldiers discreetly posted at each one to bar the doors and block anyone from coming out after Jaehwan is done.”

“Good,” Wonshik nodded. 

And then the three of them fell silent. Waiting for the signal Sanghyuk was expecting. 

Wonshik looked around. Then he looked at Jaehwan. Watched Jaehwan slip into the role of _ chief assassin  _ as easily as breathing.

His bodyguard had pulled his blade free, holding the hilt so it was concealed against his forearm. Jaehwan’s eyes had grown cold, calculating, focusing very hard on something Wonshik couldn’t see. Body wound whip-chord tight. 

The prince wanted to take his free hand, but Jaehwan's fingers were flexing in a manner that seemed purposeful, like his funny stretching, so Wonshik didn’t indulge that urge either. Nor did he tell Jaehwan to be careful, to be safe, worrying that might be taken as a twisted sort of insult. That it would show a lack of faith in Jaehwan’s abilities, which wasn’t the case, but Wonshik kept his mouth shut all the same. 

A bird cawed somewhere in the distance, but that had apparently been what Sanghyuk was waiting for. 

“Go,” he whispered, even though it too was unnecessary. Jaehwan was already striding purposefully away, slipping through the door like a shadow. 

Wonshik waited. Standing at Sanghyuk's side like a statue. Barely daring to breathe. 

He didn’t know how long it was supposed to take, and there was no sign of a commotion from inside. To his untrained eye, the prince guessed that all way going according to plan. 

After a full two minutes of silence, Sanghyuk murmured, “Are you sleeping with him?”

The question surprised Wonshik, but he didn’t feel the need to lie about it. He rarely lied to his best friend. So, he nodded. 

Sanghyuk hummed, but that was all the response given before they lapsed back into quiet. The prince trying his best not to tap his foot. 

He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Jaehwan would be facing inside this nest of snakes. 

A group of fanatics could have been waiting for him just on the other side of the door. He could have been captured, knocked unconscious and carried away, locked up somewhere to wait for his life to be sacrificed. Or Sanghyuk's intel could have been wrong and the targets were not where they were supposed to be. Jaehwan could be injured or dead, and all Wonshik could do was stand out there and wait to see what would happen. 

The sound of shattering glass and a loud thump derailed Wonshik's anxious train of thought. He whipped around, scanning the alley for the source of the noise, but it turned out to be obvious. 

Sanghyuk swore under his breath. There was a man lying on the cobbled pavement, shards of glass still raining down around it from a third story window.

“Well, at least we know where he is,” Sanghyuk murmured, checking his watch, “Five more minutes and we go in.”

Neither of them went to check on the man who had clearly just been tossed through a window. Didn’t check to see if he was dead or simply injured. Wonshik followed Sanghyuk's lead on that, and Sanghyuk didn’t seem to be bothered about it apart from the alarming amount of noise caused by the window breaking. 

Another minute of waiting. 

Then two.

Then three. 

Sanghyuk was just reaching to unsheathe the knife on his belt when the door burst open and Jaehwan tumbled out. His cloak was in tatters and there was a smear of blood on his cheek, but he wasn’t alone. A small girl was clutched in the crook of one arm, holding the hand of a little boy with the other, and a second slightly older boy was on his back, clinging to his shoulders like a monkey. 

“Plan’s fucked, let's go!” he called, fairly hauling the children over to where the prince and spymaster were waiting. 

Wonshik was so startled that he didn’t move right away, but Sanghyuk wasn’t. He didn’t pause to ask questions, whistling a high shrill note and scooping up the boy that had been holding Jaehwan’s hand.

“Go!” Jaehwan prompted, and the single word was enough to force Wonshik’s body into motion. He pried the boy off Jaehwan’s back, holding the child close and secure against his chest as the three of them began to run. 

Not in the direction from which they’d approached, the opposite way. Following Sanghyuk's lead along the maze of narrow streets. Black-cloaked guards falling in behind them as they went. 

“What happened?” Sanghyuk asked, once they were a safe distance away. Not stopping, only slowing to an easy jog.

Jaehwan had been murmuring soothing words to the little girl, drying her tears with his sleeve, but he made a noise somewhere between a choke and a laugh. Shaking slightly with what Wonshik assumed was adrenaline. “They were having a meeting,” he replied, “More than three in that room. One managed to sound an alarm before I kicked him through a window.”

“And you found these, how?” Sanghyuk asked, eyeing him sidelong and indicating the children. Wonshik was curious about that too. 

“The soldiers got them out of the cellar, my lord, but we were swarmed before they could reach the exit. They stayed to hold the fanatics back so I could get the kids to safety. Oh, and you should know that-”

An almighty _boom_ from behind them made Wonshik jump.

“What was that!?” he exclaimed, nearly tripping over his own feet.

Jaehwan coughed. “I pulled a gas line from one of the lamps and left a candle nearby. Insurance.” 

“You blew up the building?!”

“Insurance, highness,” Jaehwan repeated, “So our men inside did not fight and die in vain.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

The celebrations rolled through the capital for days after the mission was completed. 

Joy was contagious. The people feasted and drank and danced in streets, hearts lightened now that they were free of the dark menace holding the kingdom hostage. 

After the elimination of their leaders, the fanatics dispersed. Melting back into the shadows from which they had come. Lost sheep without their shepherds. 

The palace’s residents celebrated as well.

Wonshik had been awarded a medal, even though he’d done _nothing_ to deserve it. It was pinned to his collar now, a gold six pointed star, sitting at the high table in the palace’s banquet hall. Sipping sweet wine from a goblet and watching the courtiers around him chatter and laugh. It was a festive event, but the prince couldn’t bring himself to feel very festive. 

Not because he was unhappy, exactly. The fact that the fanatics had been finally stopped was nothing but good news. His people were free to live their lives in peace and that was all he had ever wanted. 

Wonshik knew from court gossip that Sanghyuk had his people out sweeping up. Taking care of the few fanatic higher-ups that had managed to escape the explosion. And Jaehwan was Sanghyuk's top person. Surely, he was out with the others. Doing important work. 

Sanghyuk had received a medal as well, for extraordinary bravery and his commitment to the kingdom's welfare, but Jaehwan hadn’t. And that didn’t sit right. 

Plus, Wonshik hadn’t seen Jaehwan in a week, and the prince missed his bodyguard. Missed him _very_ much. 

Taking another sip of wine, Wonshik peered around the large room. Searching for a glint of blonde hair that he wasn’t really expecting to find. Jaehwan had never come to court before, why should he start now? But Sanghyuk was there, mingling with a few of the younger generals, so the prince couldn’t stop himself from hoping. 

And then he saw him. 

Jaehwan was hanging back in a corner, dressed plainly in white and deep red, standing by himself. Frowning slightly. Like he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. 

Wonshik rose from his seat as unobtrusively as possible. He wound his way through the crowd, accepting congratulations and giving greetings when they were required, until he reached the corner. Reached Jaehwan. 

“Highness,” Jaehwan said, sweeping a little bow when he caught Wonshik’s eye. 

The prince grinned. “Come with me,” he replied, leading Jaehwan away from the wall with a hand on his back, steering them into an unoccupied corridor outside, “I have something I wanted to ask you.”

Jaehwan nodded, going without protest. 

Wonshik had thought long and hard about how he wanted to phrase this. About what he wanted to say to Jaehwan when they finally saw each other again. 

“Firstly,” he began, once they were alone, hastily unclasping the medal and sliding it free, “This belongs to you.”

“No, highness, it’s yours, you earned it! You keep it!”

But Wonshik shook his head. Ignoring Jaehwan’s protests and stepping closer to pin the golden star to Jaehwan’s white shirt. Admiring the way it glittered. 

_ “You _ earned it,” Wonshik replied, satisfied that Jaehwan wouldn’t try to take it off. 

His bodyguard inclined his head. Almost shy. “Thank you, highness.”

“Secondly,” the prince continued, not wanting to accept thanks for doing what should have been done at the start, “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask away.”

Wonshik paused. Framing his words carefully. 

“You do so much,” he said, taking one of Jaehwan’s hands in his own. “You give all of yourself to me and this kingdom and the people living in it. I can't begin to thank you for that, and I know how important it is. But-”

Jaehwan was looking at him, those pretty brown eyes wide and expectant. His hand was so warm against Wonshik's. The prince swallowed. 

“Now that the main threat has been dealt with, surely you’ll have a bit more free time?”

“Free time?” Jaehwan asked, brow furrowing with confusion. 

Wonshik nodded. “I know you aren’t going to be my bodyguard any longer, but I don’t want that to mean that I lose you, just as we were beginning to grow close.”

Jaehwan opened his mouth to speak but Wonshik hurried on. “I know you will still have jobs to do and I don't ask you to ignore your duties, but I still want to see you. Even if it's only on occasion. I want to court you properly.”

“You do?” Jaehwan squeaked, fingers twitching against Wonshik’s palm.

“I do. I don’t care which role you play, or what costume you wear. I only ask for _you.”_

Jaehwan went still, looking from one of Wonshik’s eyes to the other. 

“Will you allow me? To court you, I mean?” the prince asked, preparing himself to be turned down as Jaehwan's silence stretched on. 

But then Jaehwan leapt at him. Throwing his arms around Wonshik’s neck as Wonshik caught him up in a hug. 

Their lips met and Wonshik could feel Jaehwan’s smile. Tasted mint as he lifted Jaehwan six inches off the floor and spun him in a circle. Delighting in the sound of Jaehwan’s happy laughter. 

“Yes, highness,” Jaehwan sighed, once he had broken away to catch his breath. Resting his hands flat on Wonshik’s chest. Their foreheads resting against each other. “Yes.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prince x bodyguard is now complete


	21. Make (you) unmistakably (mine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Make me unmistakably yours’  
> Pairing: Hyuken  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 2.5k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: dom/sub, rough sex, possessive behavior
> 
> (If, like me, you enjoy drama, intrigue, betrayal, and lies, feel free to read this as a bonus chapter of the prince/bodyguard story lol)

~♡♡♡♡♡~

Jaehwan listened to the burst of friendly _'goodnights'_ from the courtiers grouped around him as he stretched his arms over his head.

Sanghyuk's hand was on Jaehwan’s hip, and he walked behind him as Jaehwan made his way to the banquet hall’s many doors.

"Are you sleepy, Jaehwan?" he whispered, leaving one hand where it was but moving beside him as the two of them walked down the hall.

Two of Sanghyuk’s lieutenants were following them, but Jaehwan had decided long ago that they’re presence didn't count.

As far as he was concerned, they were alone. 

"Not even a little bit, my lord," Jaehwan replied, noticing Sanghyuk’s smirk from the corner of his eye. 

As he always did, Sanghyuk had taken the lead and steered them both along corridors and up a flight of stairs.

Not to Jaehwan’s own bedroom on the palace’s lower floor, but to his own suite.

A set of rooms he barely used, as he was so busy that he normally slept either in his office or back at his private manor in the country.

Or in Jaehwan’s room, but lately, those occasions have grown few and far between.

Just before the two of them reached his suite, Wonshik’s voice called from behind, "Sanghyuk? I didn’t know you ever came up here anymore."

"Every now and then, I do," Sanghyuk replied with a soft laugh, turning to glance at Wonshik over his shoulder before continuing, "Goodnight, highness."

"Goodnight- oh, Jaehwan, I didn’t see you there...”

His gaze was a bit unfocused, probably a result of all the wine he’d been drinking, but Jaehwan bit his lip as he gave the prince a little wave.

"Sweet dreams, highness," Sanghyuk replied, speaking so Jaehwan didn’t have to, as he pulled the door to his suite open and nudged Jaehwan inside.

"Goodni-" Wonshik started to say, but Sanghyuk had already followed Jaehwan in and shut the door, cutting his word off mid-sentence.

"That takes care of that," he said, sounding unnecessarily cheerful as he turned to face Jaehwan.

"Now, where were we? Something about you not being even a little bit tired?"

Jaehwan was standing in the middle of the suite, suddenly unsure of what to do with his arms.

They were just hanging by his side, and the feeling that he looked awkward was so overwhelming, he crossed them, uncrossed them, and finally clasped his hands behind his back.

Sanghyuk had his back against the door, watching Jaehwan's movements in mild amusement.

His Jaehwan always got so adorably fidgety when he was needy.

He stood perfectly still, flicking his eyes from the top of Jaehwan's blonde head, down to his black leather shoes, and back up again.

The bright white of his silk shirt made his warm skin glow. His Jaehwan was entirely perfect.

Sanghyuk knew that Jaehwan wouldn't do anything until he told him to, his training was impeccable.

None of his other attempts had ever come close to being this good.

Girls, boys, they were all the same.

Either they wouldn't listen well enough, or they stopped thinking for themselves all together.

But his Jaehwan was the perfect median.

Obedient, certainly, but still retaining his fiery personality.

Sanghyuk had known he would be the one from the very first day they’d been introduced by his father.

A small smile played across Sanghyuk's lips as he watched Jaehwan shift in place.

Jaehwan may be perfect, but he still had to remind Jaehwan who was in charge every now and then.

Jaehwan's arms still felt all wrong.

He had unclasped his hands and now had them wrapped around himself as he shifted from foot to foot.

And he could feel Sanghyuk's eyes on him but was staring at the floor, unable to decide if he wanted to run laps around the castle or just collapse on the ground and never move again.

"Come here, kitten," Sanghyuk said softly, his deep voice breaking the silence in the guestroom, and Jaehwan looked up at once.

He crossed to Sanghyuk instantly, watching his lord's smile grow wider as he stood in front of him.

Thank god Sanghyuk only called him that in private.

Sanghyuk was still leaning against the door, but he reached out and rested his hands on Jaehwan's hips, untucking the elder’s shirt with a single swift tug.

Finally realizing what to do with his arms, Jaehwan draped them loosely around his lord's neck, his breathing getting shallow with anticipation as he inhaled Sanghyuk's bergamot and vetiver cologne.

He felt Sanghyuk's hands under his shirt now, and the heat on his bare skin made Jaehwan shiver. 

Sanghyuk ran the tips of his fingers down Jaehwan's spine, enjoying his little involuntary shudder, before tilting his head down and pressing their lips together.

He didn't think he would ever get enough of the way his one and only seemed to melt in his arms, surrendering to him completely, and Jaehwan's quiet little moan against his lips made his heart rate quicken.

Jaehwan pressed as close to Sanghyuk as he could, and their kiss deepened.

His lord was like a drug to him, the sweetest drug in the world.

That was the only way to describe this feeling.

Every touch, every word, just left him needing more, and he would do _anything_ to get it.

After a few moments, Sanghyuk broke their kiss, looking intently at Jaehwan's slightly dazed face as he leaned his head back against the door.

"On your knees, kitten," Sanghyuk said quietly, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a small smile as Jaehwan immediately dropped to the floor.

Jaehwan quickly undid Sanghyuk's belt and unbuttoned his slacks.

He tugged them down a little, but he rested his hands on his lord's thighs and looked up, awaiting further instructions.

"You know what to do," Sanghyuk said, his eyelids lowering when he felt Jaehwan's hand circle his cock and start pumping it slowly.

Jaehwan continued moving his hand rhythmically up and down, but he watched Sanghyuk's face when he started giving his tip little kitten licks.

His lord's mouth had opened a bit, and his already dark eyes had grown darker with need as Jaehwan ran his tongue from the base of his cock to his tip.

Sanghyuk inhaled sharply without meaning to when he felt Jaehwan's mouth on him.

It was extraordinary, but he liked being the one to cause involuntary reactions like that, so in an effort to regain control of everything he said softly, "No hands."

Jaehwan complied, holding his hands behind his back and continuing to bob his head up and down.

Hearing Sanghyuk's little breath of surprise just made him want his lord more.

He swirled his tongue around the tip of Sanghyuk's cock, before taking it deeper in his mouth and humming softly.

Sanghyuk had one hand on the doorknob, clutching it tight.

Jaehwan was bobbing his head faster, and it took everything in Sanghyuk's power to keep his breathing some semblance of even.

He had his other hand firmly tangled in Jaehwan's hair, curling it around his fingers, but that really wasn't helping either.

"Enough," Sanghyuk said sharply a few minutes later, knowing he was getting close.

He pulled Jaehwan's head back, Jaehwan’s mouth coming off him with a pop.

Jaehwan was panting, and he still had his hands behind his back as he licked his lips and smiled up at him.

He could tell by his lord's tone that he had done a good job, Sanghyuk's self-control was getting weaker.

"Very good, kitten. Now, take off your clothes," Sanghyuk said a bit huskily, staring straight ahead at the opposite wall and breathing shallowly.

He had almost forgotten about the hand he had in Jaehwan's hair, but he quickly released it as Jaehwan stood up.

"Yes, my lord," Jaehwan replied smoothly, and Sanghyuk's eyes locked on him immediately.

He slowly crossed his arms and pulled his white shirt off over his head, stepped out of his shoes, and shimmied out of his burgundy trousers.

Leaving his clothes on the floor next to his shoes, he stood up straight and grinned.

"Kitten, why aren't you wearing underwear?" Sanghyuk asked, taking in every inch of Jaehwan's body.

His darling chuckled softly and replied, "I thought my lord would like it."

Sanghyuk _did_ like it, very much, but he resisted the urge to agree out loud.

Instead, he pulled Jaehwan back to him, holding his waist with one hand and kissing him deeply.

The wave of emotion behind the kiss almost made Jaehwan's knees give out, and he had to put his hands on his lord's shoulders to steady himself.

But it didn’t last long.

Sanghyuk had kept his back to the door the entire time, but the next moment he had spun Jaehwan around in his arms, turning and pinning him roughly against it with one hand.

Sanghyuk had been trying to control himself up until that point, but Jaehwan's little yelp of surprise wiped away whatever resolve he had left.

He cupped Jaehwan's ass in one hand and squeezed, leaning down and sucking on the nape of his neck until his skin was red.

He left marks down the line of Jaehwan's shoulder, running his hand along Jaehwan's torso.

"My kitten is so lovely, so good for me," he purred, nibbling Jaehwan's earlobe.

Jaehwan's hands were flat against the door, and he was biting his lip to stop himself from moaning.

Sanghyuk wouldn't like it if he was too easy, but his lord's mouth felt so good on him.

At exactly the wrong moment, he remembered that Wonshik might still be outside.

Sanghyuk pressed a finger into him without any warning and Jaehwan whined loudly, his breath coming out more like a hiss as Sanghyuk pressed him against the door.

He was still relatively loose from their session that afternoon, and so it only stung a little as a second spit-slicked finger joined the first.

But Jaehwan didn't care that it hurt, pain always made him feel alive.

He closed his eyes and surrendered to it.

Not wanting to hurt him too much, Sanghyuk scissored his fingers open a few times before slowly removing them and replacing them with his cock.

He gave Jaehwan a minute to adjust, but that minute wasn’t wasted.

He yanked Jaehwan's head back, leaving a trail of hickeys along the base of his throat. 

"Fuck... my lord, m-more," Jaehwan whined, his toes curling as his lord pushed deeper inside him.

The pain was beginning to mix with pleasure, and he palmed his mouth to try and stifle his moans.

Sanghyuk thrust into him a bit faster, and the tips of his fingers pressed against Jaehwan's hip bone so hard that it would bruise, but Sanghyuk didn't care.

He pulled Jaehwan's hand off his mouth with his free one, holding it flat against the door and covering it with his own as he whispered in Jaehwan's ear, "It doesn't matter who's outside. You're mine, they should know. Let me hear my kitten purr."

Jaehwan could barely think straight.

He tilted his head back and rested it on his lord's shoulder.

Whining and whimpering and flushed all over.

His legs were shaking, but he did his best to match Sanghyuk's rhythm and rocked his hips back with each thrust.

Sanghyuk looked down at Jaehwan's face intently.

His cheeks were flushed, brow damp with sweat, and his eyelids were fluttering a little like he was dreaming.

Jaehwan's red lips were parted and just the tiniest bit swollen, but the corners of his mouth were curved up into a smile.

Grinning to himself, Sanghyuk pulled out and spun Jaehwan around to face him.

His darling was back in his arms a second later, and when he jumped, Sanghyuk caught him instinctively.

Jaehwan yelped when Sanghyuk thrust into him again, his back hitting the door sharply with each thrust, but it didn't matter.

Nothing mattered now but Sanghyuk.

His lord was gripping his thighs so tightly that Jaehwan knew his hand prints would remain after this was over, and he smiled at the idea.

_'This is why he's the one,'_ Sanghyuk thought, thrusting harder into Jaehwan and watching his beautiful smile grow.

_'He's insatiable. He's fierce. He's perfect.'_

"Ahh... m-my lord..." Jaehwan groaned at a particularly sharp thrust, pleasure washing over him.

His breathing was ragged, but he wrapped his arms around his lord's neck as Sanghyuk leaned in and kissed him.

Their tongues toyed together for a few moments, until Sanghyuk bit Jaehwan's bottom lip, drawing a drop of blood.

The sharp sting mixed perfectly with the pleasure running through him, and Jaehwan moaned breathlessly.

Realizing that the table a few feet away would be perfect for what he had in mind, Sanghyuk wrapped one arm tightly around Jaehwan's back and spun him away from the door.

Jaehwan's legs were still securely around his waist, and Sanghyuk used his free hand to push the few items it held onto the floor.

He lay Jaehwan on his back, putting one hand on his shoulder and holding his thigh with the other as he fucked into his darling than before.

The closeness created by the new angle made Jaehwan's brain go fuzzy.

He was almost completely lost, and he reached his hands back to grip the table's edge as his moans became almost impossible to stifle.

"Kitten, you need to listen to me very carefully," Sanghyuk said, leaning down and peering at Jaehwan's face.

When he didn't open his eyes right away, Sanghyuk slapped his cheek to get him to focus, and Jaehwan's breath faltered as he blinked his eyes open.

"I don't care who you used to be or who you’re pretending to be. You're mine. I protect you, I touch you, I keep you. No one else," he continued, thrusting a bit faster as Jaehwan nodded.

"These are for the next guard... lord... prince... or king... that tries to claim you, so they know who you belong to," Sanghyuk said darkly, leaning down further and giving Jaehwan a love-bite each time he paused, leaving a row of marks across his collar bones.

Jaehwan had yelped a little at the first one, but his lips were parted in a smile by the time Sanghyuk finished.

His lord really did care about him, even if Sanghyuk didn’t usually show it.

It was such a happy thought that, despite being close, Jaehwan let go of the edge of the table and pulled Sanghyuk back down by the front of his shirt.

He ran his tongue along the side of his lord's neck, not bothering to suppress the noises he was making, and then sucked roughly on the base of Sanghyuk's throat.

A very deep thrust made him release his lord a moment later, but Jaehwan was satisfied with the single mark he left behind.

"You're m-my lord. I p-protect you too," he said breathlessly, before the pleasure broke him completely.

  
  
~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *written with haste and not reread lol*


	22. All I can do is wait for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘All I can do is wait for you’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 3k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: i really dont know, mentions of being an orphan? Wonshik being a bit of a dick?
> 
> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 1/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> switching up the formatting here because these next few chapters require a bit of background info!  
> so, the working title for these in my docs is 'the secret life of a palace guard', and they have been in my drafts since the first month i started writing (so like for a bout two years lol)  
> the basic premise is a royals au, but the royals are in the background and don't actually matter. normally, for me at least, that's a role played by guards. like set pieces basically. and here, its switched around. the story of what's going on with the royals doesn't matter, what matters is what the guards are doing when there are no royals around.
> 
> sorry that's so wordy lol, but i hope you enjoy!!
> 
> *also, for reference*  
> Sanghyuk - eldest, a member of the king's personal guard  
> Jaehwan - second eldest, captain of guard  
> Wonshik - third eldest, weapons master, fighting instructor, hired by Jaehwan for guard training  
> Hongbin - youngest, not actually a guard but works in the palace as a court musician  
> all of whom make up a sort of open but disgruntled love-square?
> 
> good luck lol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

_The country is at war, and the palace was just attacked by a rival ruler who loves nothing more than to torment both the king and his loyal captain of guard._

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ 10:30 pm, Jaehwan ~

Jaehwan dropped his pen on his desk and squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his temples as he thought about all the work he still had to do that night. 

Why did it have to be Sanghyuk's day off? 

Hakyeon was fine, Jaehwan didn't mind him at all, but nobody could ever really _replace_ Sanghyuk.

He opened his eyes momentarily, looking at the picture of himself and Sanghyuk that he kept on his desk. 

Sanghyuk looked so different, with his pudgy cheeks and scraggly hair, but his beautiful smile was exactly the same. 

Jaehwan closed his eyes again and sighed.

It had been a week since the attack, and despite Jaehwan’s best efforts, whoever had knocked Sanghyuk out and cut up his face had seemed to vanish into thin air. 

Jaehwan knew it was an agent from the rival king, the evil fucker had left a note. 

Taunting.

Always taking a savage delight in tormenting Jaehwan. 

But the agent's identity hadn’t yet been revealed and it frustrated him beyond belief; he wanted to personally kill whoever had cut Sanghyuk’s beautiful face. 

And kill them slowly.

Not that Sanghyuk seemed to mind though. 

He kept saying how much he liked his new scar; that he thought it made him look tough. 

That stupid kid he was seeing, Hongbin or whatever his name was, also wasn't helping... constantly telling him how handsome he was.

Sanghyuk _was_ handsome; he had always _been_ and would always _be_ handsome, scars or no scars.

But he needed to be angry about the fact that someone had knocked him out so easily instead of just ignoring it. 

The only thing he seemed to actually care about was the baby princess, whose nursery he had been standing guard outside of when the attack took place. 

He treated the princess like she was his own child.

Every time Jaehwan had to sit and watch him and the king acting like a little family, being all sweet and playing with the baby like they didn't have a care in the world, it made Jaehwan so jealous he thought his skin would melt off.

But, Jaehwan had chosen this stupid job, with the full understanding that he could never have a real relationship or children. 

Sometimes, that thought made him realize just how much of an idiot he was.

A knock came at his office door, and he called, "Come in," even though he wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone.

The door opened, and one of the people he wanted to speak too _least_ strolled in, smirking at him before shutting the door and leaning against the wall.

"What do you want? I'm busy," Jaehwan asked, not bothering to hide his annoyance as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

Wonshik chuckled a little, and Jaehwan tongued his cheek in irritation.

"You look _incredibly_ busy, sweetheart, that's why you had your eyes closed when I walked in, right?"

Jaehwan exhaled sharply and glared at him. 

Honestly, other than the fact that he was gorgeous, Jaehwan had no clue why he was sleeping with Wonshik. 

He was so arrogant sometimes, it pissed Jaehwan off.

"I _asked_ what you wanted," Jaehwan said coldly, but Wonshik just chuckled again and looked him up and down. 

That had the effect of pissing the captain off more, so he added, "Knock it off, I have shit to do," before grabbing his pen and resuming his writing.

"Aw, sweetheart, are you still mad at me for making fun of your boyfriend?" he asked, and even though Jaehwan wasn't looking at him, he could _hear_ Wonshik’s grin.

Jaehwan _was,_ in fact, still furious about that. 

The day after Sanghyuk had gotten his face cut up, Wonshik had laughed at him and called him 'helpless' and 'pathetic', two words which touched a nerve, seeing as they had been some of his ex's favorite ways to insult Jaehwan.

"Yes, I am, and I don't have boyfriends. Now get the fuck out of my office," Jaehwan snapped, still not bothering to look at Wonshik. 

Jaehwan heard him chuckle again, that infuriatingly deep baritone chuckle, but then the door opened and shut.

Jaehwan sighed and lay his head on his desk, praying that time would just stop for a minute so he could breathe.

~ 10:45 pm, Sanghyuk ~

Sanghyuk had had a very relaxing day off for a change. 

He’d slept in, taken an absurdly long shower, and got in an hour of reading all before taking Hongbin into town for lunch. 

Hongbin was such a fun person, and he made Sanghyuk feel so _normal._

Days like today made Sanghyuk wish he could just quit being a guard and run away. 

But this life was all Sanghyuk had really ever known, and he plus, he couldn't imagine his life without Jaehwanie.

Jaehwan had come to live at the orphanage where Sanghyuk grew up when his parents passed away. 

He had been twelve at the time, and Jaehwan had been eleven. 

They had been inseparable since the first day they met. 

Jaehwan was his best friend, and the two of them had joined the royal guard training program together as soon as they’d finished high school.

Sanghyuk had always had secret feelings for Jaehwan, but it wasn't until his nineteenth birthday party that Jaehwan had confessed he felt the same way. 

Actually, he had kissed Sanghyuk for the first time a few minutes before the picture that he had on his desk was taken. 

It was one of the best nights of Sanghyuk’s life.

The two of them had already been living together in a tiny apartment in the capital, but it was different after that. 

They stopped using separate bedrooms, and Sanghyuk thought (or hoped) that was how life would be forever.

Everything had been perfect until Jaehwan turned twenty one and became the king’s personal guard. 

Sanghyuk was also stationed at the palace, but not as close to the royals, and so he had been forced to watch from a distance as Jaehwan and the king grew closer and closer every day.

The king had been at his lowest point back then, his illness at its worst, and Jaehwan was always holding him up or carrying him somewhere. 

As a result, Jaehwan came home to Sanghyuk less and less, and when he _did_ come, he was always upset and exhausted, and he would tell Sanghyuk how sad the king’s failing health made him.

After about a month, Jaehwan had told him that Sanghyuk was still his love, would always be his love, but that they couldn't be in a real relationship anymore. 

Jaehwan still wanted to see him every day off he could get, but they were few and far between. 

It cracked Sanghyuk’s heart in two, but he let Jaehwan go.

It was what Jaehwan needed. 

And what else could he have done? 

Nothing. 

That casual _'off and on'_ had continued for years. 

Sanghyuk knew things between Jaehwan and the king were getting serious, and every time Sanghyuk saw them together, it broke his heart a little more. 

But he loved Jaehwan so much, and Jaehwan was his best friend; how could Sanghyuk lose him?

Then, what little of a relationship they’d had left stopped altogether when prince-consort came into the picture. 

Jaehwan had asked Sanghyuk to become the king's secondary guard. 

He had told Sanghyuk that he needed Sanghyuk to help him, but that the two of them had to stop seeing each other in the way they once had. 

That it wasn't professional. 

And Sanghyuk hadn't refused. 

Sanghyuk could never refuse him anything.

All that heartbreak was the true reason he’d begun to look out for a new partner. 

Because it was nice to hold someone without constantly having to worry about when they would inevitably leave. 

Pure and simple.

Hongbin was great, and Sanghyuk did love him a little, Hongbin just made everyone love him somehow. 

But not the way Sanghyuk loved Jaehwanie. 

It was just a fling and they both knew it wouldn't last. 

Jaehwan probably hadn't eaten dinner yet, Sanghyuk realized, sitting up in bed, and he most likely hadn't stopped working yet either.

Sanghyuk got up and dressed quickly, before walking down the long hallway to the kitchen and making a plate of food. 

A few minutes later, he reached Jaehwan's office and knocked softly on the door.

"What now?" Jaehwan’s irritated voice called from the other side, and Sanghyuk couldn't help but smile at the sound.

He opened the door as he replied, "I guessed you hadn't eaten, and thought you might want a late-night snack."

Jaehwan had his arms folded on his desk and was resting his head on them, but he looked up at the sound of Sanghyuk's voice. 

Something like relief crossed his face as he saw who had walked in. 

"My love,” he said quietly, reaching out a hand. 

His eyes never left Sanghyuk as Sanghyuk walked over and pulled a chair around to his side of the desk.

Sanghyuk sat down facing him, legs crossed, setting the plate in front of him and smiling as Jaehwan ran a hand through his hair. 

"Rough day?" Sanghyuk asked, and he nodded, taking a carrot off the plate and nibbling on it.

Jaehwan rested his food-free hand on Sanghyuk's knee, drawing slow, repetitive circles with his thumb as he stared at the plate. 

"How was your free time? I hope you got some rest." 

Sanghyuk nodded and stole one of his carrots. 

"I took Hongbin into town, it was nice."

~ Jaehwan ~

Jaehwan did his best to stop himself from getting annoyed at the mention of Hongbin's name, but he was never good at hiding his feelings from Sanghyuk. 

And Sanghyuk had been such an angel for bringing him dinner, he didn't want to start an argument. 

Arguing wouldn't solve anything.

That kid absolutely hated Jaehwan though, and Jaehwan understood why, but it still sucked to be instantly disliked for feelings that were out of his control. 

"That sounds like fun," he replied evenly, taking a bite of the sandwich Sanghyuk had made for him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jaehwan saw Sanghyuk grin. 

"You would really like him, you know. He's a singer just like you secretly are."

Jaehwan smiled a bit sadly. 

"It's not really a secret, the king makes me practice singing with him all the time. And I'm sure I _would_ like him, but I don't think the feeling would be mutual."

Sanghyuk's smile faltered and he stayed quiet for a minute. 

Jaehwan knew he had said the wrong thing, but he wasn't making Sanghyuk date Hongbin.

All he’d done was state the truth.

He really shouldn't even feel this way about Sanghyuk anymore. 

Jaehwan had been the one who finally ended things.

He had no right to still care as much as he did. 

It had been over a year ago now, but the few months before the king's wedding had been like Jaehwan’s personal form of hell. 

He’d been the one to ask Sanghyuk to be the king’s new guard. 

_And_ he’d been the one that insisted they put their relationship on pause for the sake of professionalism. 

Jaehwan stood by those decisions. 

Sanghyuk was the most competent person he knew and never once regretted asking for his help. 

But the king had completely stopped caring about Jaehwan by that point, newly infatuated with his consort. 

He almost started to resent Jaehwan for simply being in the same room.

But Sanghyuk and the king had no personal baggage, no history, so unlike him, Sanghyuk hadn’t been pushed to the side. 

Sanghyuk was the king's new favorite. 

And so Jaehwan had to watch as the king and Sanghyuk, the two people he loved most in the world, get more and more attached to each other. 

Sanghyuk could take care of the king in a way Jaehwan never had. 

They were inseparable, and even though he had brought it upon himself, it broke Jaehwan’s heart.

Now Jaehwan knew how Sanghyuk must have felt when he first became the king's guard. 

And Sanghyuk had put up with it for years. 

Jaehwan had no idea how he'd managed it, but Sanghyuk was always better at _feelings_ stuff than he was.

The first night of the king's honeymoon, when they both had the evening off and got drunk on champagne, Sanghyuk pulled him into bed and Jaehwan had gone without hesitation. 

He had missed Sanghyuk so much, it felt like half of his soul had gone missing and was finally made whole again.

Against Jaehwan's better judgement, and common sense for that matter, the two of them had been stealing secret moments together since then. 

But if anything, it just made his longing for Sanghyuk worse.

"How are things going with Wonshik?" Sanghyuk asked, abruptly bringing Jaehwan out of his reverie. 

"I'm still pissed at him for how he treats you. The way he speaks to you is out of line," he replied a bit sharply, looking up and running his thumb across his love’s new scar.

"Well, he _is_ a garbage human being," Sanghyuk said, sounding a little huffy as he crossed his arms. 

The two of them had known Wonshik since high school, and he and Sanghyuk had never gotten along, ever. 

Jaehwan didn't even really understand why, they just hated each other on sight.

"I don't disagree with you, but he is _really_ good looking," Jaehwan replied, cracking a mischievous grin. 

Sanghyuk smacked his arm and then stole another one of his carrots before leaning back in his chair.

"Did you bring me food just so you would have an excuse to eat?" Jaehwan asked, squeezing Sanghyuk's knee a little and watching him intently. 

"No, but now that it's here, I'm hungry," he replied, looking at the pictures on the desk.

"The king asked about that once, you know," he added quietly, and Jaehwan guessed he was talking about the picture of them. 

"What did you tell him?" Jaehwan asked, genuinely curious.

The king had known Jaehwan saw _'other people'_ when they were together, but Jaehwan had never told him that the other person was Sanghyuk.

"I just said it was from your birthday," he replied, his voice turning a bit sad.

"It _was_ from my birthday," Jaehwan said hesitantly, before adding, "Why do you sound like that?" 

Sanghyuk finally looked up, and his eyes were so full of pain that it felt like someone had stolen the breath from Jaehwan's lungs.

"Because I hate it. I wish we didn't have to hide. The prince-consort already knows, Hakyeon told me that he covered for me with the king when you convinced me to go with you to the garden the other night," Sanghyuk replied, the words leaving him in a rush.

How could the prince-consort know?! 

Jaehwan had been so fucking careful! 

His eyes widened a little as his mind raced, trying to figure out when _anyone_ could have found out.

"That just means we have to be more careful," Jaehwan said quickly, hating himself before the words had even left his mouth.

"I just don't understand why. Dating other people is fine, but being together isn't? It doesn't make sense Jaehwanie,” Sanghyuk replied, sounding completely and utterly heartbroken.

Jaehwan had never really given him an explanation for why he had broken things off, other than needing to be professional, and Sanghyuk had never asked for one. 

He had trusted that Jaehwan was doing what he had to do, and let him go.

"Because, my love, _I_ am the person that the rival king hates the most in the universe, right after our prince-consort!" Jaehwan exclaimed, failing to keep his voice calm as he cupped Sanghyuk's cheeks in both hands, "He's already had someone hurt you because he knows we are _friends._ Think what he would do if he found out how much I _love_ you!"

Sanghyuk's expression didn't change, but he replied quietly, "Nothing he could do would be worse than this."

Without hesitating, Jaehwan put a hand on the armrest of his chair and stood up, bent at the waist and holding the back of Sanghyuk's head with the other as he pressed his lips to Sanghyuk’s .

Sanghyuk’s breath hitched, and Jaehwan felt his hands rest on his hips as he kissed Jaehwan back. 

Their lips moved against each other desperately, Jaehwan’s fingers tangling in his hair as the kiss deepened.

If anything ever happened to Sanghyuk, Jaehwan honestly believed it would kill him.

And seeing him in pain made Jaehwan want to set the world on fire.

Both of them had gotten very good at pretending not to care about each other in public, but as soon as they touched, all of that disappeared. 

He was Jaehwan's family, Jaehwan's home, Jaehwan's everything.

Jaehwan heard several sets of footsteps outside the door, and even though they walked past without stopping, Sanghyuk broke the kiss and turned his head away.

Jaehwan looked at him in confusion, but Sanghyuk gently pushed him back onto his chair and stood up. 

He gave Jaehwan a sad little smile and brushed the hair off Jaehwan’s forehead before turning away and walking to the door.

"Where are you going?!" Jaehwan asked, completely at a loss.

"We have to be more careful, right? Eat your food and get some sleep. You need it," Sanghyuk replied, in that blank voice that Jaehwan knew he only used when he was suppressing his emotions.

Without another word, he left the office and quietly shut the door behind him.

Jaehwan stared at the door for a few seconds before covering his face with both hands, forcing himself not to cry.

He knew how much Sanghyuk was hurting, and the fact that he had caused his pain made Jaehwan such an overwhelming mixture of angry and sad, that without thinking, without looking, he pushed everything off one side of your desk.

There was the unmistakable sound of breaking glass, and Jaehwan quickly stood up and looked over the edge of the tabletop.

The glass covered the framed picture of himself and Sanghyuk had cracked in half, creating a jagged line in between then. 

Jaehwan sank back into his chair and couldn't stop the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks as he lay his head back down on the desk. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good? bad? ugly? lol help


	23. But I guess you don’t know what I feel or think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 2/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘ But I guess you don’t know what I feel or think’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 990
> 
> Warnings/Notes: jealousy? Mild angst?

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ 9 AM, Sanghyuk ~

Sanghyuk was lying in bed, his arm around Hongbin's shoulder, running a hand through his hair as the two of them caught their breath.

Hongbin looked over and smiled, before tugging the blanket up over his head.

Sanghyuk grinned and rolled over, wrapping his other arm around Hongbin as well and hugging him tightly as laughter emanated from under the covers.

"Why are you hiding?" Sanghyuk asked, shifting on top of him and pulling the blanket down so his eyes were peeking out.

Apparently, it was a trap, because Hongbin quickly sat up and pushed him onto his back, before throwing the blanket over Sanghyuk and crawling on top of him.

He flopped down, lying in between Sanghyuk's legs and crossing his arms on Sanghyuk’s chest.

Sanghyuk had been momentarily startled, but then he couldn't stop himself from laughing as Hongbin rested his chin on his folded arms and smiled.

He was such a beautiful person that sometimes, Sanghyuk couldn't believe he was real.

A sharp knock came at the door, and both of them looked up.

Sanghyuk hadn’t been expecting guests, and neither of them weren't prepared for one, considering neither he nor Hongbin were wearing anything.

Before he had a chance to tell whoever it was to go away, the door opened and Jaehwan walked in, reading a very long piece of paper and not looking where he was going.

"My love, I know it's your day off, but I was wondering if you could proof-read this letter for me, you know my grammar is shitty," he said, still reading the paper in his hand.

Sanghyuk had completely frozen, unsure of what to do or say.

He had been following Jaehwan's instructions and keeping his distance since the captain had told him that the two of them needed to be more careful, and Sanghyuk had barely seen him alone since then.

Hongbin coughed pointedly and Jaehwan's head snapped up, his expression changing from startled to angry in a split second.

Sanghyuk looked down at Hongbin, and his pretty eyes were narrowed as he glared at Jaehwan.

He still had his chin on Sanghyuk’s chest, but he began to pluck at the blanket, reaching a hand out and ran his fingers through Sanghyuk’s hair.

"He's not your love anymore, he's mine. And you're right, it _is_ his day off. Go have someone else read your stupid letter," he said coldly, and Sanghyuk tilted his head back to see Jaehwan's reaction.

Jaehwan didn't take this kind of territorial stuff lightly, but there wasn't much Sanghyuk could do since Hongbin was still on top of him.

Jaehwan was standing very still, and Sanghyuk couldn't tell whether he was going to cry or start screaming, but definitely one of the two.

But then, without a word, he turned on his heels and walked quickly out of the room, slamming the door so hard that one of the photos hanging on the wall fell off.

Sanghyuk closed his eyes and dropped his head back on the mattress, exhaling sharply.

He was relieved that Jaehwan didn't try and start a fight, but the look on his face still made Sanghyuk’s heart hurt.

"Baby, don't let him upset you," Hongbin said, his voice returning to its normal deep and soothing tone.

Sanghyuk opened his eyes as Hongbin scooted further on top of him, cupping his cheeks and kissing the tip of your nose.

He really was a sweetheart when he wasn't being possessive.

~ Jaehwan ~

Jaehwan hated Hongbin so much it made him want to scream.

And why was he never wearing clothes?! Every fucking time he saw the kid, Hongbin was some degree of naked.

That was probably why Sanghyuk liked him so much, the stupid kid was too carefree.

This wasn't exactly what Jaehwan had meant when he’d said that he and Sanghyuk had to be more careful.

He'd just been trying to say that the two of them should be more discreet, not having random make-out sessions in the garden where anyone could see them, for example.

But Sanghyuk had been avoiding him every time he was off duty and spent all of his time with Hongbin instead.

Jaehwan really _did_ need someone to proofread that letter, and he'd thought it would be a good excuse to get Sanghyuk to talk to him.

Stupid idea.

People nodded to him as he speed-walked down the hall, but Jaehwan barely noticed.

His mind was racing too fast.

He needed a distraction.

It was nine fifteen, Wonshik didn't start teaching until ten thirty.

Jaehwan knew he didn't like to eat breakfast, so he would probably still be in his room.

The captain almost ran down the stairs and reached Wonshik's door after another minute.

Without bothering to knock, he pushed it open, and then neatly dodged the knife that was thrown at his head.

Wonshik hated when people didn't knock.

"What the hell! Why didn't you knock?! What's the matter?!" Wonshik exclaimed, his voice still a bit husky from sleep.

He was sitting up in bed, propped up on one arm with his hair all ruffled, and a very worried expression on his face.

Jaehwan must look as upset as he felt.

Jaehwan didn't say anything, thinking he might start to cry if he tried, pulling his shirt off over his head instead.

Wonshik was still staring at him as Jaehwan slipped out of his shoes, and then crossed the room and pulled away the covers.

Straddling Wonshik's lap and pushing him back against the pillows.

"Jaehwanie, are you okay?" Wonshik asked, cupping Jaehwan's cheek with one hand and resting the other on his waist.

But Jaehwan ignored his question and leaned down, sucking gently on the side of his neck, earning a low groan.

He seemed to understand what Jaehwan needed, because a moment later he rolled the captain onto his back, kissing him deeply and reaching a hand down to unbutton his jeans.

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin is a bit more bratty than I usually write him lol


	24. Open me up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 3/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Open me up’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 4.3k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: abuse (ex boyfriend), flashbacks, rough sex, alcohol  
> *sorry to all youngjae's out there lol i picked that name at random*

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ Seven Years Ago ~

~ 4 pm, Wonshik ~

Classes had ended for the day, and Wonshik was with his friends on the roof of their school, trying to unwind. 

He had a slightly weird best friend group, none of them really matched. 

All of them had been outsiders in the beginning of freshman year, so they had kind of just naturally ended up together.

Even though none of them were outsiders anymore, they never stopped hanging out together, despite how much all of their other friends disliked it. 

Wonshik was more in the athletic crowd, his friend Youngjae tended to hang around with _“the tough kids”_ , Minho was the genius nerd mathetes captain. 

But his favorite, Jaehwan, was the most popular of all.

Within a month of the start of freshman year, Jaehwan had become the most well-liked guy in their grade. 

How could someone _not_ like the cute, attention-hungry, theater-loving, orphan? 

His charm was almost irresistible; everyone listened when he spoke, and the eyes of both girls and boys followed him wherever he went. 

Nobody really cared about his quiet shadow, Sanghyuk, and Wonshik had never liked him.

Youngjae was different. He was _nearly_ as popular, but more because he was impressively intimidating.

He had a 'coolness factor' that Wonshik had never been able to replicate.

Wonshik was just nice-ish, but Youngjae was edgy. 

"Give me that," Youngjae said from his spot beside Wonshik, swiping the water bottle of vodka out of Wonshik’s hand and taking a sip. 

The two of them, plus Minho, were sitting in the shade with their backs against one of the massive air conditioning units.

It was their senior year, only three months until graduation, and Wonshik was so unbelievably over school. 

Everything was on autopilot, none of it actually mattered anymore. 

He sighed, leaning his head back against the cool metal and enjoying the slight warmth in his stomach from the alcohol.

Wonshik heard the roof door creak open, and he looked over to see Jaehwan. 

A huge grin on his face as his head appeared around the door frame. He waved at Wonshik before quietly shutting the door.

Jaehwan walked over to where the three of them were sitting and basically collapsed on Youngjae. 

After years of weird tension, the two of them had finally started going out around four months ago. 

Wonshik was less than pleased about that, but they were his best friends.

So, he kept his mouth shut.

"Hello there, cutie," Youngjae said, and Wonshik grabbed the bottle back from him, pointedly ignoring their mini make-out session.

"Wonshikie, share please," Jaehwan said in a slightly whiny voice a minute later, sitting up on Youngjae's lap and making grabby hands in Wonshik’s direction. 

He only acted this cute when he wanted something, but Wonshik always did whatever he wanted no matter how adorable he happened to be acting.

Wonshik smiled, _accidentally_ letting the side of his hand brush Jaehwan’s leg as he handed the water bottle over. 

He couldn't help staring at his friend’s sharp jawline while he drank, and then laughed at his cute little cough.

"Don't laugh at me!" Jaehwan exclaimed, slapping the side of Wonshik’s neck. 

His voice always got higher pitched when he shouted, and Wonshik’s smile grew wider.

Youngjae quickly put a hand over his mouth, and Jaehwan fell silent. 

They weren't actually allowed to be up on the roof, and all of them would be in huge trouble if they got caught.

"Don't yell. And why do you look so boring today?" Youngjae asked, voice tinged with irritation. 

Wonshik slit a glare in his direction, but he only glared back and added, "What? He's looked better."

Jaehwan tugged the collar of his hoodie down a little, replying in a much quieter voice, "Sorry, I overslept this morning. I would have come to school in pajamas if Sanghyukie hadn't woken me up."

"You look fine," Wonshik muttered, turning away and staring at the clouds, just as Youngjae said, "I can't be seen with you when you look this plain, it's bad for my reputation." 

That was a stupid lie. 

Everyone loved Jaehwan no matter what he had on, and any person standing next to Youngjae automatically looked about ten times cooler.

"I'm sorry, I'll make sure to dress nice tomorrow," Jaehwan replied, looking away and continuing to tug on his collar. 

Youngjae took the bottle from him and handed it to Minho, saying evenly, "Whatever, just don't do it again. And don't drink, you get an ugly flush."

Wonshik glared at him again. 

Why was he being such an asshole? 

Well, he was always an asshole, just usually not to his friends and especially not to Jaehwan.

But this wasn't the first time he had been rude about Jaehwan's looks recently.

"His flush is cute, leave him alone," Wonshik replied under his breath, reaching between him and Jaehwan to grab the bottle from Minho.

Jaehwan smiled at the compliment, but Youngjae snapped, "Keep your jealousy to yourself." 

He took the bottle from Wonshik’s hand before he had a chance to take a sip and chugged about half the remaining vodka.

"Quit bickering, or I'll hit you both," Jaehwan said, resting his head on Youngjae's shoulder and closing his eyes. 

He had such pretty dark lashes. 

Wonshik forgot to make sure he wasn’t staring.

Youngjae smacked the side of his head, his tone very mean as he asked sharply, "Dude, what did I just say?" 

Wonshik smacked him back, doing his best to keep his annoyance in check and not quite succeeding.

"Knock it off! None of you are being fun and I need to relax after my horrible math," Jaehwan exclaimed, his voice getting louder again as he flicked both Wonshik and Youngjae's foreheads.

But his words were cut short.

Youngjae back-handed him so hard that Jaehwan slid off his lap, instantly tucking his knees against his chest and pressing a hand to his red cheek as Youngjae snapped, "I fucking told you _not to yell!_ Why is nobody listening to me today?"

That was it, Wonshik had had enough of his macho bullshit. 

Jaehwan pushed himself up off the floor and quickly walked back to the door, and Wonshik managed to wait until it shut behind him before punching Youngjae as hard as he could.

Wonshik wasn't the captain of the school's Judo club for nothing. 

He had about twenty pounds on him, and Youngjae may be tough, but Wonshik was strong. 

Wonshik’s knuckles stung a bit, but the dark bruise already forming on his friend's cheekbone was very satisfying.

"Don't be such a dick, Youngjae. Jaehwanie deserves better than you. Piece of shit," he said coldly, pushing himself up and ignoring both of his friend's stunned and angry expressions as he walked over to the door.

"You're fucking dead, Wonshik!" Youngjae yelled, but Wonshik continued ignoring him and hurried down the stairs.

He nearly tripped over Jaehwan who was sitting at the bottom of the stairwell, still with a hand on his cheek and silent tears streaming down his face.

"Come on, I'll take you home," he said calmly, gently taking Jaehwan’s hand and pulling him up before heading for the school exit.

Jaehwan's apartment was right by the palace, on the other side of the city from where Wonshik lived. 

He had moved out of his orphanage when he turned eighteen at the start of the year, and now lived with his annoying shadow. 

Wonshik should have walked and left his motorbike at school like he’d planned, but his high tolerance for alcohol was barely fazed by the two small sips he’d had. 

That wasn't an excuse, but he wanted to get Jaehwan away as soon as possible.

Wonshik pulled up in the alley next to Jaehwan’s apartment building and put his motorbike in park, slipping the keys in his pocket and pulling off his helmet. 

Jaehwan slid off the back and hung the extra helmet on the handlebars, before grabbing an empty glass bottle from the corner of the alley and smashing it against the wall.

"Jaehwanie don't, you'll hurt yourself," Wonshik exclaimed, quickly getting off the bike and grabbing his wrist as he tried to pick up another bottle.

He spun around and shook Wonshik off, fresh tears in his eyes as he said angrily, "I'm _already_ hurt! I don't understand why he's so cruel now!" 

Wonshik quickly pulled him into a hug, smoothing the back of his hair down and replying softly, "I don't know either, but he shouldn't treat you like that."

"We're supposed to go to that stupid spring formal tomorrow! I was so excited, but I don't want him to hit me again in front of everyone!" he said sadly, hiccupping a little as Wonshik hugged him tighter.

"Don't go with him, I'll take you instead. I won't let him hit you," Wonshik replied, and Jaehwan pulled away a little in surprise. 

The words actually surprised Wonshik too; he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"Really? Why would you want to go with me?" Jaehwan asked. 

At least his tears were slowing. 

"Of course, really. And you're my best friend, why shouldn't I go with you?" Wonshik replied, forcing a casual grin and tapping under his chin.

"I'll pick you up at 6 and we can get pizza or something. Come on, I'll walk you upstairs," he continued, trying not to let his nerves show as he put an arm around Jaehwan’s shoulder and pulled open the door of his building.

Once the two of them reached his apartment, Jaehwan knocked on the door and called, "Sanghyukie, I forgot my key! Let me in!" 

The door opened a moment later, and his shadow's annoyed expression switched to worry in an instant.

"What happened?! Why are you crying?! And have you been drinking?!" Sanghyuk exclaimed, ignoring Wonshik completely and nudging his hand off Jaehwan's shoulder, closely looking their friend over. 

He really was one of the most _irritating_ people Wonshik had ever met.

Before Jaehwan could explain, Wonshik said evenly, "Youngjae was being a dick to Jaehwan, but I punched him so they're even." 

Jaehwan looked back in shock, but he continued, "I'll see you tomorrow, and feel free to wear your pajamas," before turning away and walking back down the hallway.

~ 7pm, Jaehwan ~

Youngjae hadn't been at school today, a blessing Jaehwan wasn't expecting. 

He hadn't been looking forward to seeing his boyfriend like usual. 

And then Wonshik had knocked on the apartment door at six pm just like he said he would. 

Always so reliable. 

He had even brought flowers! 

Wonshik could be so sweet when he wasn't being cocky, a fact that Jaehwan occasionally forgot.

Jaehwan had decided against wearing pajamas and had on the new black button-down he had bought for the occasion, which complimented Wonshik’s cool white jacket nicely. 

Wonshik had fixed his hair too, and as always, Jaehwan was surprised by how good he looked when he tried. 

Jaehwan thought that Wonshik was handsome regardless of effort, but in a boy-next-door way, not sexy like how he looked now.

The two of them had just arrived at the dance, and Jaehwan hopped off the back of his motorbike. 

Sanghyukie had refused when Jaehwan asked if he wanted to join, claiming too much homework, but Jaehwan knew he actually just didn't want to hang out with Wonshik. 

He disliked the majority of Jaehwan’s friends, but Wonshik especially. 

"Come on, let's go in," Wonshik said, grinning and putting a hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder as he pocketed his keys. 

Jaehwan smiled and nodded, letting himself shrug off the stress of the past few days as they walked toward the double doors. 

Wonshik was always good that way; he was the best distraction.

Three hours later, Jaehwan pulled Wonshik away from the dancefloor and over to a table and collapsed on one of the chairs, feeling happier than he had in months and trying to catch his breath.

Normally, Jaehwan didn't like to dance and never danced if Sanghyukie was anywhere nearby. 

He thought Jaehwan’s behavior was already too risqué, there was no need to add more fuel to that particular fire. 

But tonight, Jaehwan was in the mood to relax a little. 

School stress and Youngjae's cruelty were thankfully pushed to the back of his mind.

"I'll go get us something to drink," Wonshik said, tapping under Jaehwan’s chin the way he always did before disappearing back into the crowd of students. 

Several girls waved, and Jaehwan happily waved back before ducking under the table.

He’d snuck a flask in, but Wonshik shouldn't drink since he had to drive, so Jaehwan hadn't told him. 

He managed to take a quick sip, but at the sight of shiny black shoes stopping a few feet away, Jaehwan quickly closed it and pushed it further under the table. 

Praying it wasn't a teacher, he pulled a mint out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth.

Jaehwan ducked back out from under the table, pretending to look around as he said, "I think I dropped my wallet, have you seen one?"

It wasn't a teacher. 

"You don't have a wallet, you lost it last week," Youngjae said coolly, wrapping his arms around Jaehwan’s waist. 

He looked so gorgeous, and he seemed like he was in a good mood. 

And Jaehwan _did_ love him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Jaehwan replied absently, putting his hands on his shoulders as Youngjae looked him over. 

"You're too forgetful, but at least you're dressed properly," he said. 

Jaehwan did his best to ignore the thinly veiled insult, lightly touching his bruised cheekbone. 

Wonshik had really done a number on the poor thing.

"Let's get going so I can rip that shirt off," he continued, winking and starting to pull Jaehwan away from the table. 

"I can't go yet, Wonshik's with me, he's getting drinks," Jaehwan replied, giving him an apologetic smile.

"You're _my_ boyfriend, why would you come with him?" Youngjae snapped, eyes narrowing. 

Jaehwan sighed a little, trying to keep his voice quiet since Youngjae didn't like shouting, and replied, "Just as friends."

"Are you cheating on me?" he asked rather loudly, and several people turned in your direction as Jaehwan quickly replied, "No! Of course, I'm not!"

"You _are,_ aren't you! I knew he was into you, but I can't believe you would cheat on me with my best friend!" he exclaimed angrily. 

Jaehwan cupped his cheek, struggling for words as he shook his head _'no'._

"How could you do this to me?! You told me you loved me!" Youngjae asked, sounding even more angry and squeezing Jaehwan’s waist tighter. 

"No, I'm not! And I do love you! You're being ridiculous!" Jaehwan replied imploringly, but then gasped and pulled back a step.

Youngjae had soda dripping from his hair and his clothes were soaked. 

He’d let go of Jaehwan all together and Jaehwan took another step back, glancing from his boyfriend's furious face to the empty plastic cup over his head.

"I'm not really in the mood to refill this, and I did promise you pizza," Wonshik said evenly, dropping the empty cup on the table and smirking at Youngjae, “Let’s get out of here.” 

Youngjae looked about to kill someone, but Wonshik put his arm around Jaehwan and pulled him towards the door, leaving the flask forgotten under the table.

~ Present ~

~ 9:15 am, Wonshik ~

"What the hell! Why didn't you knock?! What's the matter?!" Wonshik exclaimed, voice coming out rough and a bit gravely. 

He’d only just woken up, and the sight of his oldest friend stripping while clearly on the verge of tears was a jarring thing to see first thing in the morning. 

Jaehwan didn’t reply, mouth trembling as he pulled the shirt off over his head. 

He let the garment drop to the floor, barely seeming to notice the room around him as he padded over and tugged the blanket off Wonshik’s still sleep-warmed body. 

Straddling Wonshik’s lap and resting his hands on Wonshik’s shoulders, pushing him rather roughly down against the pillows. 

“Jaehwanie, are you okay?” Wonshik asked, cupping Jaehwan’s cheek with one hand and resting the other on his waist. 

But Jaehwan ignored his question and leaned down, sucking gently on the side of his neck. 

That pulled a groan from him and then Wonshik understood. 

Jaehwan was there for the same reason he always sought Wonshik out. 

In need of a distraction. 

Slightly more awake now, with his friend's weight comfortably settled on top of him and able to feel the chilly air on his skin, Wonshik rolled the captain onto his back. 

Kissing him hard and hastily unbuttoning his jeans with one hand. 

Settling between Jaehwan’s spread legs. 

Jaehwan’s fingers tangling in Wonshik’s hair and tugging a bit. 

The two of them had lost contact after high school, not reconnecting until Jaehwan found Wonshik and offered him a job, and the years apart had brought about changes in both of them.

Wonshik still marveled at how his old best friend now used his natural charisma to be a strong leader, rather than to make friends. 

Jaehwan had always had a quick temper, but the anger was now firmly ingrained in his personality. 

He wasn't a happy, popular teenager anymore.

Wonshik knew something similar had happened to himself. 

He had been a little arrogant in school, that was undeniable, but the transition to a very high paying and dangerous job had only accentuated that side of him. 

Unsurprisingly, Sanghyuk was exactly the same as he had always been, and Wonshik took an educated guess that Jaehwan's shadow had been the one who upset him. 

Wonshik still couldn't resist the urge to take care of his old best friend, even after all these years.

"Jaehwanie, what happened?" Wonshik asked in between kisses, praying for an excuse to go stab Jaehwan's piece of shit loser of a boyfriend in the heart. 

Sanghyuk was too weak, he didn't deserve Jaehwan and couldn't look after him properly. 

Never had done. 

Jaehwanie's fire was more than he could handle.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it," Jaehwan replied absently, trailing kisses along Wonshik's jaw. 

One of his legs wrapped around Wonshik's hips and pulled him closer. 

Their bodies almost flush together, chest to chest. 

Knowing that was a lie, Wonshik put a hand in the center of Jaehwan's chest and pushed him down a little.

Holding him firm against the mattress and watching his face closely. 

Jaehwan sighed and closed his eyes, but said nothing. 

“Is it Sanghyuk? Is he being stupid again?”

Wonshik wished Jaehwan would just talk to him the way he used to. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. 

They weren’t kids anymore.

"Stop talking, Wonshikie, I'm not in the mood to talk," Jaehwan said quietly, sitting up and pushing Wonshik onto his back. 

Clearly trying to get Wonshik to focus as he crawled on top of him. 

Putting his hands on Wonshik's shoulders and trailing kisses up the side of Wonshik's neck. 

Nibbling on his earlobe.

If Jaehwan didn't want to talk, Wonshik wasn't going to force it. 

His Jaehwanie's mouth on his skin was too distracting to try and carry on a conversation anyway.

He rested one palm on Jaehwan's hip, cupping his cheek with the other, raising Jaehwan’s face and kissing him again. 

Just once. 

"Tell me what you need, sweetheart," Wonshik whispered against Jaehwan's lips, as his old best friend tugged on the waistband of the gym shorts Wonshik had slept in.

"Rough, turn my brain off. Please, Wonshikie," Jaehwan replied softly, pouting the most adorable pout. 

It was a slightly low blow, knowing Wonshik was still a complete sucker for the cutesy act. 

But it worked. 

Some things never changed.

Wonshik nodded, rolling over so Jaehwan was on his back again, lying on the edge of the bed. 

He stood up and reached over to grab the bottle of lube from his nightstand, letting Jaehwan hastily pull down his shorts and quickly slicking up his fingers.

Complying with the request for _rough,_ Wonshik tangled his clean hand in Jaehwan's hair and pulled him to a standing position. 

He leaned down a bit, yanking Jaehwan's jeans only down around his mid thigh before spinning Jaehwan around and bending him over his almost empty desk.

Wonshik nudged Jaehwan's legs apart as far as they would go, which wasn’t much, holding his wrists against the small of his back with one hand before pushing a finger past his rim.

Jaehwan's hands twitched and curled into fists, eyes squeezed shut, letting out a low moan as Wonshik began prying him open. 

First one finger, then two, and then three. 

He may have agreed to be rough, but actually _hurting_ Jaehwan was beyond Wonshik’s capacity. 

No matter how hard Jaehwan begged him for it. 

So, he continued to prep, curling his fingers until he was satisfied that the stretch was enough. 

Reducing the captain to a whiney wriggling mess in the process. 

_“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,”_ Jaehwan mumbled, groaning as he hid his face against the desktop. 

Wonshik sighed a shaky sigh. 

Shakier than he would have liked. 

“Patience is a virtue.”

“I’m not fucking _patient,”_ Jaehwan snapped, and Wonshik relented. 

Holding his old friend as still as he could. 

Slicking himself up and pushing into Jaehwan in a single smooth motion.

After giving Jaehwan a moment to adjust, Wonshik raised a hand to his hair and gave it a sharp yank. 

Still pinning Jaehwan’s wrists as he started to thrust.

The captain whined, biting his bottom lip in a way that was downright sinful. 

His fingertips brushed the inside of Wonshik's wrist, but Wonshik didn’t think he noticed. 

Wonshik barely noticed himself. 

Jaehwan's dark hair was so soft against Wonshik's palm, and he pulled it harder, earning another breathy moan as he fucked into Jaehwan faster.

Wonshik always hoped Jaehwanie would be his, but that wasn't what the type of relationship they had, despite what the two of them were currently in the midst of. 

Jaehwan would never love him the way he loved Sanghyuk, and with Wonshik's current job situation, he didn't want him too. 

This emotionally-detached affair was all they would ever have.

Jaehwan gasped a little at a particularly sharp thrust, moaning louder as his Wonshik’s hand shifted from his hair to his shoulder.

Wonshik held Jaehwan in place to meet his thrusts, his fingertips pressing against Jaehwan's collar bone hard enough to bruise.

He let his own mild heartbreak fuel him, peering blearily down at the side of Jaehwan's face and listening as his whines filled the bedroom. 

It didn't matter if people could hear them, the other guards were too intimidated by Wonshik to even _think_ about knocking on his door. 

For that matter, they were too scared of Jaehwan to seek him out if anyone had seen him come in. 

Jaehwan yelped, his whole body tensing for an instant before relaxing again. 

Damn near melting into the table. 

“You’re _perfect,”_ he murmured, eyes still closed as a smile tugged up the corner of his open mouth.

Wonshik didn’t smile back. 

Couldn’t. 

He wrapped an arm around Jaehwan’s waist and released his wrists, pulling him up and holding him tightly against his chest. 

He smoothed Jaehwan's hair off his forehead, beginning to suck on the side of his neck as he fucked into him harder. 

Feeling Jaehwan’s spine arch, legs tremble, chest rise and fall with his short sharp breaths. 

He didn't think Jaehwan would have been able to stand if Wonshik wasn't holding him up.

Jaehwan reached a hand back, barely brushing his cheek before Wonshik grabbed his upper arm and pulled it back down. 

Holding it firmly against his side.

"Fuck... baby, s-so good..." he mumbled, body jolting again.

"What was that, sweetheart?" Wonshik asked, voice a bit husky even to his own ears.

He couldn’t keep from smirking against Jaehwan's skin as his old friend replied breathlessly, "S-so good, baby..."

Wonshik pulled out, spinning Jaehwan around and catching the captain before he could fall. 

Gripping the undersides of his thighs the instant Jaehwan jumped into his arms.

Jaehwan wrapped his legs around Wonshik's waist, his arms around Wonshik’s neck, groaning as Wonshik pushed him roughly against the bedroom wall. 

Wonshik held him there, trailing kisses across Jaehwan's chest as he thrust into him again.

Wonshik left a hickey on the left side of Jaehwan's chest, right over his heart. 

Running his lips over Jaehwan's collar bones and dotting kisses along his jaw.

He watched his Jaehwanie's eyelids flutter, looking like he was in the midst of a very good dream. 

Jaehwan's fingers tangled in his hair, pulling it a little, and Wonshik hissed under his breath before pushing Jaehwan's back harder against the wall.

"Wonshikie... b-baby," Jaehwan whined, but seemed to forget what he wanted to say before he finished the sentence.

Hearing his name on Jaehwan's lips always drove Wonshik a little crazy. 

He leaned in and kissed his Jaehwanie deeply, holding tight to his waist with one hand and the back of his thigh with the other.

Jaehwan moaned against his lips, and the pleasure of it all finally crested. 

Coming hard and seeing stars as Jaehwan clenched up around him. 

Cock twitching and dripping white over his own stomach. 

After a few more slow thrusts, Wonshik pulled out, gently lowering Jaehwan onto his bed before collapsing next to him.

The two of them caught their breath, and a minute later, Jaehwan rolled over and curled against him, resting his head on Wonshik's arm.

"You don't have to go teach for another half an hour, and I have a letter that I was hoping you could proofread. I think it's on the floor," Jaehwan said a bit drowsily, glancing at the clock on the nightstand before shutting his eyes.

The corners of Wonshik's mouth turned up in a smile, and he lightly tapped under Jaehwan's chin as he replied, "Whatever you need, sweetheart."

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh, the catharsis of giving ones trauma to a character lol
> 
> im sure you can probably tell (or, i hope you can tell lol) that the majority of the writing for these things was done when i just started out and had no clue what i was doing lol, but i *had* to rewrite the smut because the original was *genuinely* atrocious lol


	25. You love me, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 4/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘You love me, right?’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 2k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: jealousy, protective behavior

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ 12:30, Sanghyuk ~

Normally, Hongbin tried to set his schedule so he was free on Sanghyuk’s days off, but he had a rehearsal today, so he had just given Sanghyuk a goodbye kiss and left. 

At least they had gotten to spend the morning together. Better than nothing.

Sanghyuk knew the king and the prince-consort were staying in the private cottage with the princess today, and the prince-consort had specifically said that they didn't want any guards around, so Jaehwanie must be in the castle somewhere.

He was worried about how Jaehwan had acted when he walked in on Sanghyuk and Hongbin that morning. 

If he had just shouted or tried to break something, that would have been normal. 

But the  _ 'silent storm-off'  _ wasn't Jaehwan’s style, he only did that if he was really, _ really  _ hurt.

It wasn’t like Sanghyuk had anything else to do today, and he hated the thought of Jaehwan being upset, so he grabbed a book the captain had lent him a few weeks ago and left the bedroom. 

Returning it would be a good excuse to talk to him.

Sanghyuk had never felt like he needed an excuse to talk to Jaehwanie before; Jaehwan was like his other half, if he wanted to talk to him, then he did. 

But something was different with him now. 

Until that morning, he had been acting the same way he’d done for months, all cold and distant.

Sanghyuk reached Jaehwan’s office after a few minutes but got no answer when he knocked on the door. 

He opened it, but he wasn't there. 

And Sanghyuk noticed he had put the photo of the two of them in a new frame; the old dark wooden one replaced with a very fancy looking silver.

That made him smile a little, but he was curious about what had happened to the old one. 

Maybe Jaehwanie was working out or something. 

There was a private gym for high ranking officers that he liked, but almost nobody else used, so Sanghyuk decided to check there.

When he got to the gym, he used the special key to open the door, and he walked in to find Jaehwan doing push-ups with headphones on.

It looked as though Jaehwan had already been working out for a while, but he had a hoodie on for some reason. 

He must be getting too warm, he would pass out if he kept that up!

"Jaehwanie, take your sweatshirt off," Sanghyuk called, walking towards him, but his music was on so loud that Sanghyuk could hear it through his headphones.

He hadn't noticed Sanghyuk come in, and you knelt on the mat a few feet away, trying not to startle him. 

In the middle of a push-up, he glanced over, and it must have made him lose focus because he dropped back to the floor and groaned.

He yanked off his headphones and glared at Sanghyuk, panting a little as he snapped, "What?! You scared the hell out of me!" 

There was the grumpy Jaehwan that Sanghyuk loved so much.

"I have your book for you, and you were right, I loved it," Sanghyuk replied, holding the book a few inches from his face and grinning.

"You could have just left it in my office, now go away," he said very angrily, putting his headphones back on and resuming his pushups. 

Sanghyuk rolled his eyes and lifted one headphone off Jaehwan’s ear as he replied loudly, "Will you please just talk to me? And take your sweatshirt off, you'll get too hot."

Jaehwan smacked his hand off and rolled away, standing up and walking to the other side of the room to start doing pull-ups. 

That was annoying, but Sanghyuk decided to just wait.

He sat cross-legged on the mat, holding the book in his lap and watching Jaehwan ignore him. 

Sanghyuk knew Jaehwan had no patience for that sort of thing

He'd give in and talk to Sanghyuk eventually.

~ Jaehwan ~

Why was Sanghyuk even there?! 

He seemed pretty busy this morning! 

Jaehwan knew he’d finished that stupid book last week, no way he just decided to give it back now on a whim. 

And of course, he loved it, why would Sanghyuk ever doubt him?!

Jaehwan could see his reflection in the mirrors that covered the back wall of the gym, and he kept catching Jaehwan looking. 

Jaehwan wished he would just leave, but he would wait here all night if he had too. 

Sanghyuk was a patient son of a bitch.

Only Jaehwan was allowed to call him that, if anyone else did, Jaehwan would cut their head off. 

But it was still true. 

And after a few more minutes, Jaehwan was tired anyway, so he gave in.

"Why aren't you with Hongbin?" he asked, forgetting to keep the nastiness from his tone as he dropped from the pull-up bar, yanking the headphones off and turning to face Sanghyuk.

He was still sitting on the floor, and looked infuriatingly unbothered as he replied, "He has a rehearsal." 

Jaehwan crossed his arms, not moving any closer as Sanghyuk continued to stare, his stupid puppy-dog eyes poking holes in the shield of anger Jaehwan was trying to maintain.

"Aren't you too warm? How long have you been working out for?" he asked. 

Jaehwan tongued his cheek, looking away and replying sharply, "No."

Jaehwan was _ extremely  _ hot, as it happened, but he had a very good reason to keep his hoodie on, especially now that Sanghyuk was here. 

The session with Wonshik had been a bit too vigorous, and as a result, Jaehwan had some faint bruises on his wrists and one on his collarbone, not including hickeys. 

If Sanghyuk saw, he would probably lose it.

"Anything else?" Jaehwan asked impatiently. 

Sanghyuk was still looking at him, but he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling and started tapping his foot when no answer came right away.

"Do you want me to read that letter for you?" Sanghyuk replied softly, but Jaehwan snapped, "I had Wonshik do it. If that's all, then get out. I still have half my work out left." 

As Jaehwan knew it would, Sanghyuk’s expression changed the instant he said Wonshik's name.

Gone was the calm puppy Sanghyuk. 

Now, Jaehwan was looking down at angry and jealous Sanghyuk. 

He liked this Sanghyuk less, but at least now Sanghyuk knew how Jaehwan felt. 

Some payback felt good, and Jaehwan realized he could very easily make it better.

Jaehwan was so hurt that Sanghyuk kept avoiding him to spend time with Hongbin instead, that he almost didn't care if Sanghyuk got upset. 

Jaehwan smirked and turned away, pulling the hoodie off over his head and tossing it towards the wall as he walked back to the pull-up bar.

"What the fuck happened to you?!" Sanghyuk basically shouted, but Jaehwan just grinned at his reflection and resumed his pull-ups. 

His love had abandoned the book and stood up, not moving for a moment as he glared at Jaehwan’s back, then arms, then neck, all visible beneath the baggy tank top Jaehwan had on.

Sanghyuk crossed the room in a flash, wrapping his arms around Jaehwan’s waist and dragging him off the pull-up bar. 

Carrying Jaehwan a few yards away before dropping him on his feet. 

Jaehwan had been shouting at him to  _ 'fuck off', _ wriggling in his arms, but he was ignored it all.

He spun Jaehwan around to face him and looked Jaehwan over closely, his eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. 

Sanghyuk still had his hands on Jaehwan’s waist, and his grip tightened a little when he saw the bruise on Jaehwan’s collarbone.

"Wonshik..." he said, low voice edged with temper, before letting Jaehwan go and turning to walk out of the room. 

Sanghyuk was bigger than Wonshik, and was good at fighting, a little better than Jaehwan, actually, but he had  _ nothing _ on Wonshik. 

Especially if Wonshik was armed, which he almost always was. 

Sanghyuk was going to get his ass kicked for nothing.

"Come back!" Jaehwan called, but he was already out the door. 

Jaehwan swore under his breath and grabbed his hoodie, pulling it on again as he ran after Sanghyuk. 

Other people didn't need to see him roughed up.

"Sanghyuk, come here!" Jaehwan called again, jogging down the hall. 

Wonshik's room was close by, but Sanghyuk had too much of a head start for Jaehwan to catch him. 

He was about twenty yards away when he saw Sanghyuk push Wonshik's door open, _ without knocking, _ and stomp inside.

Jaehwan heard Wonshik's shouted, "What the fuck," and then the sound of something hitting the door. Just as he ran inside, Sanghyuk asked, "Why did you hurt Jaehwan?" 

In an effort to avoid a pointless fight, Jaehwan put both hands on Sanghyuk's shoulders and exclaimed, "My love, I'm fine! Let's go, we can go eat!"

Both Sanghyuk and Wonshik were ignoring him. 

Wonshik's initial annoyance had turned to amusement as he smirked at Sanghyuk and replied, "That? That’s all superficial at best. By the way he was acting this morning, I think  _ you're _ the one who actually hurt him, Sanghyukie. And where's your little boyfriend?"

"You're a stupid piece of shit and you don't know what you’re talking about. Tell me why you hurt him so badly!" Sanghyuk said angrily, his voice getting louder with each word he spoke.

"Sanghyuk! We," Jaehwan started to say, but Wonshik cut him off with a laugh and replied, "I was just doing as instructed, he said he wanted it rough." 

Jaehwan shot him a glare, but then quickly moved in front of Sanghyuk as he tried to take a step forward.

They were both making Jaehwan so unbelievably angry that he just wanted to run out of the room and go hide somewhere. 

But if he did that, there was no possible way this would end well, so he put your hands on Sanghyuk's hips and firmly shoved him backwards out of Wonshik's room, kicking the door shut behind them.

"I'm not finished with him yet," Sanghyuk hissed, trying to walk back towards the door, but Jaehwan kept a firm hold on him and pulled him down the hall.

~ Sanghyuk ~

Despite saying that the two of them would go eat, Jaehwan had dragged Sanghyuk back to his room, and he’d been either so tired or so upset that he had just fallen asleep on Sanghyuk’s bed. 

Sanghyuk had seriously contemplated going back out to find Wonshik and punch him in the face, but he'd decided to just take a nap instead. 

Punching Wonshik, while satisfying, wouldn’t wipe the hickeys and bruises from Jaehwan’s skin.

Sanghyuk had just woken up and felt someone warm next to him. 

He opened one eye and peered around, seeing Jaehwan sitting up with a book in one hand. 

It took him a moment to realize that his head was in Jaehwan’s lap, and Jaehwan’s fingers were curled loosely in his hair, but he just closed his eye again and smiled.

"Good morning," Sanghyuk said quietly, but Jaehwan replied much too loudly, "It's 3 in the afternoon!" 

Sanghyuk grinned and snuggled closer to him, half dragging him back down under the covers before saying, "Morning is a state of mind."

"You're infuriating," Jaehwan muttered. 

Sanghyuk nodded, opening one eye again and smiling up at his angry, handsome face before replying, "That's why you love me, though."

"No, I love you more when you're your normal  _ calm _ self. I actually don't like you very much when you get all alpha. Why did you think it was necessary to pick a fight with Wonshik of all people? You saw I was fine, I couldn't have been working out if I was actually hurt!" he said, sounding more frustrated than before.

"Because he hurt you," Sanghyuk said simply, hugging Jaehwan’s waist tightly as he shut his eye again, “Nobody hurts you.”

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well lol ignore me just indulging my love of drama and conflict lol


	26. Take more of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 5/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘Take more of me’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: T  
> Word Count: 2.9k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: injuries, mentions of hospitals

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ The palace was attacked once again, with heavy casualties and major injury all around, and the king has been taken hostage ~

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ 3:15 PM, Jaehwan ~

Jaehwan was sitting up in a hospital bed, an IV in his arm, looking around the room in complete confusion. 

He’d only been conscious for ten minutes at most. 

"Where's Sanghyuk?! Where’s the king?" he shouted, the prince-consort and Hakyeon who were standing beside his bed both taking a half step back.

"Where are they?!" he shouted again, and a nurse quickly walked over and tried to make him lie back against the pillows. 

"Sanghyuk is recovering from surgery, and the king is missing. Do you remember anything that happened?" the prince-consort asked.

"I remember killing about six assholes in black before passing out! Someone held a fucking rag over my mouth! You need to take me to Sanghyuk right now, get this garbage out of my arm," Jaehwan said angrily, tugging on his IV. 

Almost sick with anxiety. 

The prince-consort looked at him through narrowed eyes. 

Jaehwan gave up trying to yank out his IV and got out of bed, rolling the IV machine with him and using it for support as he took a few unsteady steps towards the door.

"You haven't asked about the princess," Hakyeon said evenly, but Jaehwan didn't slow his steps, giving the man a glare so cold it could have frozen him solid.

"I just woke up in a hospital room, and the last thing I remember is seeing some fucker trying to cut the love of my life's throat. And now, you told me that the only other person I care about is missing. Forgive me for not worrying about your kid," Jaehwan hissed, not bothering to wait for the prince-consort’s reply as he walked into the hall.

After the door shut behind him,  Jaehwan’s mind was racing as he yelled orders at random guards on his way to Sanghyuk's room in the medical wing. 

A doctor had told him where to go, but a nurse had briefly explained about the stitches in his abdomen before the prince-consort showed up, and as a result, Jaehwan had to walk obnoxiously slowly to stop his stab wound from opening up again. 

It hurt like hell.

But Jaehwan would go to hell and back a thousand times if Sanghyuk needed him too, so he kept his pace steady and held on to the stupid IV thing for support. 

It was like a thin metal tree on wheels.

Jaehwan had seen Sanghyuk trying to fight off the two people who had been holding him, just as a third came up behind him and put a knife to his throat. 

But someone had said something like _ 'that's enough'  _ just as he began to bleed. 

Jaehwan thought they might have said something else, but everything had gone black.

The voice had been odd, and he almost recognized it. 

But he had been so surprised by the attack, and so focused on trying to get to the king and Sanghyuk, that Jaehwan had barely heard it.

After walking for what felt like an eternity, Jaehwan finally made it to Sanghyuk's room and pushed the door open. 

He absolutely hated the medical wing. 

Sure, Jaehwan may have liked things to be neat, but this place was so sterile it made him nauseous.

To Jaehwan’s overwhelming irritation, Hongbin was sitting by the side of Sanghyuk's bed, holding his hand and reading a book. 

Jaehwan barely spared him a glance, concentrating entirely on Sanghyuk.

He looked like he was asleep and there were bandages wrapped around his neck. 

But at least he was breathing, slowly, but he  _ was  _ breathing. 

Jaehwan walked to the opposite side of the bed and gingerly sat down, holding a hand against his side to stop himself from wincing at the sharp pain.

"What are you doing here? Aren't the two of you fighting?" Hongbin whispered, sounding very annoyed from the other side of the bed.

Jaehwan didn't look at him. 

"It doesn't matter. We never stay angry for too long. How is he?" Jaehwan replied quietly, taking Sanghyuk's other hand.

Hongbin huffed, a sound that was so similar to the king's  _ 'angry breathing' _ that Jaehwan actually glanced up to make sure it wasn't the king sitting there, before he whispered, "The doctors fixed him, he should wake up soon."

After a minute's silence, Hongbin asked suddenly, "Why didn't you save him?!"

Jaehwan looked at Sanghyuk's closed eyes and then back down at the hand he was holding, pausing for a moment before he replied, "I tried. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

Saying those words out loud hurt more than the knife that had been buried in his gut. 

Not only had Jaehwan always failed to save their king from the rival ruler’s attackers, but now he had failed Sanghyuk as well. 

He was completely worthless.

"What exactly is the point of you then?" Hongbin hissed, seeming to read Jaehwan’s mind. 

"I don't know," he replied, letting his emotional turmoil melt away like water flowing down a drain.

Jaehwan had gotten very good at whipping his feelings away when things got to be too much. 

Feeling nothing was better than feeling pain, right?

"The prince-consort will probably show up here soon; he will want to talk to Sanghyuk when he wakes up. Are you going to insist on being here for that?" Jaehwan asked blankly, not really caring anymore whether he stayed or went.

"Of course, I'm staying! _ You  _ should be the one to leave. Have you even checked on your _ real _ boyfriend?" Hongbin snapped, turning away and resting his head on the corner of Sanghyuk's pillow.

Jaehwan hadn't even thought about Wonshik yet. 

His mind hadn’t stretched further than  _ Sanghyuk needed surgery.  _

All his focus had been entirely on Sanghyuk. 

But Wonshik had been right next to Jaehwan when the attackers appeared, and Jaehwan hadn't seen what happened to him.

"No, I came here as soon as I woke up. And I don't have boyfriends, but do you know if Wonshik is alright?" he replied coldly, not taking his eyes off Sanghyuk's face.

"I asked one of the nurses earlier, he was unconscious like you, but nothing worse than minor cuts and bruises. And you can knock that _ 'no boyfriends' _ crap off, everyone knows it's a lie. Even you."

At least Wonshik hadn't gotten as badly hurt as himself then. 

That was good. 

Jaehwan  _ did  _ care about Wonshik, even if he couldn't stand him most of the time. 

But nobody was more important to Jaehwan than Sanghyuk.

The two of them sat in silence for a few more minutes. 

Jaehwan wasn't actually sure how long. 

Hongbin had gone back to reading his book, but all Jaehwan could do was stare at Sanghyuk.

He looked so peaceful. 

Jaehwan held his hand tight, trying to pour all of his strength into his love. 

Trying to give Sanghyuk all of him, to let Sanghyuk take whatever he needed, even if it was silly. 

His mind kept flashing back to the image of him with a knife to his throat, and his heart twisted each time. 

If Jaehwan had lost Sanghyuk, _ actually _ lost him, he didn't know what he would have done. 

Walked straight into an enemy camp and lunged at the first person he saw, died gloriously in battle, taking as many of the hateful fuckers down with him as he could. 

That would be a good solution.

Sometime later, the door opened. 

The prince-consort and Hakyeon walked in, and Jaehwan sat up straighter in his chair. 

"How is he doing?" Hakyeon asked in a voice that was too loud for the bedside of an injured person.

"Be quiet!" Hongbin snapped, glaring at Hakyeon as he bowed to the prince-consort. 

The sight was weirdly funny, and Jaehwan had to stop himself from laughing. 

Maybe he really  _ was  _ too overwhelmed.

As Hongbin was turning back around to resume his seat, Jaehwan felt a slight pressure on his hand, and he looked down to see that Sanghyuk's eyes were open.

Hakyeon must have woken him up.

Sanghyuk opened his mouth and tried to say something, but he coughed dryly and put a hand to his neck, wincing immediately. 

"My love, don't talk, your throat!" Jaehwan exclaimed, standing up and resting his palm across Sanghyuk’s forehead.

Hongbin smacked his hand away and hissed, "Go get his doctor, you've done enough." 

Jaehwan  _ really  _ wasn't in the mood to be pushed around by a stupid little homewrecker.

"You're his side bitch, you do it," he replied coldly, sitting back down and taking Sanghyuk's hand once more.

Apparently, Hakyeon had already gone to get the doctor, because she appeared in the room just as Hongbin opened his mouth to reply.

Hongbin was sitting closer to the door, so the doctor made him move while she tended to Sanghyuk. 

Jaehwan stayed put, holding Sanghyuk's hand and feeling the tiniest bit smug.

After she had given him water and changed his bandages -Jaehwan had seen the cut on his throat and had to squeeze the bed clothes to stop himself from hitting something out of anger- the doctor said he was allowed to talk.

Sanghyuk coughed a bit more, but then looked at the prince-consort and asked, "Where's the king?" 

Jaehwan’s jaw clenched, not taking his eyes off Sanghyuk's face as the prince-consort replied in a surprisingly calm voice, "He's gone."

Sanghyuk's eyes widened, and he squeezed Jaehwan’s hand before asking, "Where? What happened?"

~ 11 AM, Sanghyuk ~

The doctor had given Sanghyuk something to help with the pain from the cut on his neck, and it worked, but it made him feel almost uncomfortably woozy. 

Jaehwan had seemed very angry when Sanghyuk had woken, but he had flatly refused when the doctor told him to leave and that Sanghyuk would be fine.

He had slept on a little couch in the corner of Sanghyuk’s hospital room, and a few hours ago, he had sent a new guard Sanghyuk didn't recognize to bring him some papers from his office. 

He was now sitting next to the bed and working on something. 

Sanghyuk’s mind was a bit hazy, but it was nice to have him here whether he was still angry or not.

Sanghyuk had just woken up from a little nap, and turned to look at Jaehwan, noticing that he had gotten a new shirt from somewhere. 

Apparently, he had some kind of injury on his stomach and had pulled out his stitches when he walked over here, but he wouldn't actually tell Sanghyuk what was wrong. 

The doctor said the blood from his injury that had gotten on his old shirt was a biohazard or something, and she made him throw it away.

Sanghyuk reached out and ran a finger over the soft cotton of Jaehwan’s sleeve. 

Jaehwan glanced at him for barely half a second before returning his attention to whatever he was working on.

"Where did you get that? Did you leave and come back?" Sanghyuk asked, his voice sounding funny to his own ears. 

"No. I would never leave you. It's Hakyeon's, he came to check on you, and brought it for me. He knows I hate hospital clothes," Jaehwan replied sharply, not stopping his writing.

"That was nice of him," Sanghyuk said, closing his eyes and continuing to pet Jaehwan’s arm before adding, "Are you sleeping with him too?" 

He was genuinely curious, it wasn't meant to be rude or anything.

Sanghyuk  _ felt _ Jaehwans glare as he snapped, "No, you stupid hypocrite! He's  _ your _ friend, I should be asking you that! People are allowed to be nice!" 

Sanghyuk smiled and nodded, but just kept petting Jaehwan’s sleeve.

"Oh, perfect," Jaehwan muttered, and Sanghyuk opened both eyes this time as the door opened. 

A familiar voice from nearby exclaimed, "Sanghyuk! My love, how are you feeling this morning?"

Hongbin appeared on the other side of the bed, clutching Sanghyuk’s free hand very tightly in both of his. 

Sanghyuk stopped petting Jaehwan's sleeve, deciding to pet Hongbin's hair instead. It looked even softer.

"I'm okay, I feel funny," he replied, grinning at Hongbin, just as Jaehwan snapped, "Don't call him that."

"Shut up, I'll call him what I like," Hongbin hissed at Jaehwan, before returning his attention to Sanghyuk and asking, "What do you mean, _ funny?" _

"They gave him pain medication, he's been saying stupid things all morning," Jaehwan said from Sanghyuk’s other side, and Sanghyuk nodded, starting to feel drowsy again.

Hongbin's eyes narrowed, and he glared at Jaehwan once more before saying angrily, "You are so rude to him! All of this is your fault, why would you be so mean to him?! What's the matter with you?!"

Knowing that would probably make Jaehwan sad, Sanghyuk kept petting Hongbin's hair as he murmured, "Don't say that, sweetheart, he didn't do anything. It was my fault for not reacting fast enough during the fight."

~ Jaehwan ~

Hongbin was right. 

Jaehwan always got Sanghyuk hurt. 

First the scar on his face, and now this. 

Worse than that, though, Jaehwan knew he had hurt Sanghyuk inside the day he had left him for the king. 

It had been what Jaehwan needed to do, he couldn't handle two relationships on top of the king being sick and having to keep him safe all at the same time. 

But Jaehwan had had someone else, and Sanghyuk hadn’t. 

Jaehwan had left him alone, just like he was when they’d met as kids.

Jaehwan turned his head a little, watching Sanghyuk play with Hongbin's hair. 

A sweet smile on his face. 

The work he was doing was just a distraction. 

Jaehwan wasn't angry at Sanghyuk or anyone else, he was angry with himself.

"Why don't you just leave him alone for good? It would be better for him, don't you think?" Hongbin said, glaring at Jaehwan.

Jaehwan instantly went on the defensive, the thought of losing Sanghyuk was not something he was willing to contemplate again. 

"I see him almost twenty-four seven, that's not happening. Why don't you go back to your music stuff, kid? You don’t matter and we don't need you."

Sanghyuk sighed and dropped his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes and letting go of Hongbin as he pulled the blanket up around his shoulders.

"You're speaking to Hongbin the way Youngjae spoke to you," Sanghyuk said quietly, snuggling down further in bed. 

His words made Jaehwan feel like someone had physically ripped out his heart.

Hongbin looked a little confused, but his image was blurred through the tears growing in Jaehwan’s eyes.

Jaehwan didn't know if Sanghyuk had meant to hurt his feelings or not, but it didn't really matter. 

He quickly gathered his papers and stood up, somehow managing not to run as he left the medical wing.

~ A Week Later ~

~ 2:00 pm, Sanghyuk ~

His cut mostly healed and no longer in need of pain medicine, the doctor who fixed Sanghyuk up had released him back to normal work after a few days. 

With the king being gone, he hadn't exactly been sure what he was supposed to do, but the prince-consort had ordered him to stay with the princess at all times.

Sanghyuk wasn't complaining; he loved the princess like she was his own daughter and would want to protect her even if he hadn't been assigned too. 

That being said, the king's absence was killing him. 

Sanghyuk hadn't done the  _ one  _ thing he was supposed to do as a guard.

He had slowly started to remember what had happened. 

Whoever had attacked him had knocked him out in addition to almost killing him, but Sanghyuk could clearly remember seeing Jaehwan and Wonshik trying to fight as he struggled to free himself before everything went dark.

Jaehwanie's face had been the last thing Sanghyuk had seen, and then the first when he had opened his eyes in the medical wing. 

Jaehwan had looked furious both times, but that's how he looked most of the time.

Jaehwan had never come back to Sanghyuk’s room after he had left last Sunday. 

Sanghyuk wasn't even sure why. 

The pain medicine had made him feel so dazed, that everything until a few days ago was basically a blur of naps and doctors. 

Hongbin had stayed with him though, and only said that Jaehwan had been rude and then ran off to Wonshik.

Sanghyuk wasn't sure about the rude part, but the Wonshik thing seemed to be absolutely true. 

From what he’d seen, the two of them hadn't left each other's side all week. 

The prince-consort had given Wonshik some sort of undeserved promotion, and he and Jaehwan now shadowed the prince-consort everywhere.

At the moment, Sanghyuk was sitting in the prince-consort's study, holding the baby princess on his lap while the prince-consort worked on something. 

He wouldn't let the princess out of his sight, even insisting that the princess sleep in the crib in his and the king's bedroom.

Wonshik and Jaehwan were standing silently by the door, but Sanghyuk was studiously ignoring both of them. 

If Jaehwan wanted to be with Wonshik now, that was fine with him. 

Sanghyuk could stay with Hongbin. 

Who cared what anyone else did. 

~♡♡♡♡♡~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more left


	27. All that matters is you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The Secret Life of a Palace Guard 6/6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ‘All that matters is you’  
> Pairing: Hyuken, Hyukbin, Raken  
> Rated: E  
> Word Count: 4k
> 
> Warnings/Notes: confessions, smut, yelling lol

~♡♡♡♡♡~

~ 7:05 PM, Sanghyuk ~

Sanghyuk had just returned to the palace from a trip into town with Hongbin. 

The two of them had eaten dinner and spent several hours in a cute used bookstore that doubled as a café before that. 

It was an almost picture-perfect day. 

He’d barely even missed Jaehwan at all.

He and Hongbin had gotten a lot closer the past few days. 

He had told Sanghyuk all about how he had taken care of his sick mother, and Sanghyuk had explained about the king's illness and how he was the one who had to give him his medicine, since Jaehwan wasn't good at that sort of thing. 

It had been a good bonding conversation, and Sanghyuk liked him even more now that Hongbin had opened up to him.

"So baby, what do you want to do now?" Hongbin asked, giving Sanghyuk a wicked little grin and leaning back against the wall of his room, just next to the door.

He had seemed a mixture of anxious and excited to get home after dinner, and Sanghyuk was too if he were honest. 

Sanghyuk had actually suggested just staying in a hotel in town and coming back the next day, but Hongbin had to give some kind of music lesson early tomorrow morning, so that wouldn't have worked. 

"Hmm, let me think," Sanghyuk replied, resting his hands on Hongbin’s waist. 

Pretending to be deep in thought as he ran his finger along the waistband on Hongbin’s jeans.

"Baby!” he exclaimed, almost snickering as he wrapped his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck. 

Pulling him into a very sweet kiss.

It sent tingles all the way down to Sanghyuk’s toes and he couldn't stop himself from smiling against Hongbin’s lips. 

Holding him closer.

Without any warning whatsoever, the door to Sanghyuk’s room flew open and Jaehwan stomped in, looking well past his normal level of anger and on the verge of apoplectic.

Sanghyuk broke the kiss, turning to glare at him for interrupting what promised to be a  _ very _ good night. 

Hongbin nuzzled against the side of his neck as Jaehwan shouted, "You think I'm leaving you?!"

Those were, very possibly, the last words Sanghyuk thought would come out of his mouth. 

_ 'Get off of that brat', 'What do you think you're doing', _ or  _ 'Why didn't you take me out instead of him',  _ all seemed like much more plausible options.

Sanghyuk stared at him blankly, but after a few seconds, he continued shouting, "You think _ I’m _ leaving  _ you?! _ When all you ever do is spend time with _ him?!" _

There we go, that seemed to get things back on his normal jealousy track.

Narrowing his eyes, Sanghyuk replied coolly, "Why do you care? Go back to Wonshik." 

Jaehwan exhaled so sharply that it almost sounded like a snarl, taking a few quick steps towards him.

Hongbin held on a bit tighter and Sanghyuk gave his waist a little squeeze as Jaehwan shouted, "I have a right to be upset after what you said to me! You of _ all  _ people should understand how much that hurt!"

That was a bit of a surprise. 

Sanghyuk didn't remember saying anything mean to him, and had no clue what Jaehwan was talking about, but Hongbin had started to tremble a little in his arms.

"Lower your god damn voice, Jaehwan. And then calmly explain what you're talking about, because you aren't making any sense," Sanghyuk snapped, reaching a hand up to pet Hongbin's hair.

"You called me  _ Youngjae!" _ he yelled, his voice actually getting louder instead of quieter like Sanghyuk had asked.

"What?! No, I didn't! I would never say that!" Sanghyuk replied angrily, instantly going on the defensive. 

That really _ would  _ hurt him, and hurt him badly, which was how he knew he hadn’t said it.

"You did, but not like that. You said he treats me the way Youngjae treated him. When you were on those crazy pain meds after your surgery and he was being mean to me," Hongbin said quietly.

That was something Sanghyuk had absolutely no recollection of doing. 

Youngjae was a guy Jaehwan had been dating in highschool, a controlling idiot. 

One of Wonshik’s friends. 

Absolute scum of the earth, that guy, and he was cruel to Jaehwan almost from the moment their relationship had begun. 

Wonshik had apparently hit him once because being rude to Jaehwan. 

Literally the only good thing Wonshik had ever done, in Sanghyuk’s opinion.

Sanghyuk had convinced Jaehwan to leave the guy after six months, but the relationship had left some deep emotional scarring behind. 

Which was, again, why Sanghyuk would have  _ never _ said anything of the sort. 

"Shut up! You aren't a part of this!" Jaehwan smarled, glaring at Hongbin, but Sanghyuk said quickly, "Sweetheart, wait here for me, I'll be right back. Jaehwan, we can talk about this somewhere else."

~ Jaehwan ~

What the hell did Sanghyuk mean, he wouldn't say it?! Of course, he would! He had! Even Hongbin had heard him! Right now, Jaehwan didn't have the mental capacity to try and figure out why Hongbin had briefly taken his side, and he really didn't care. Hearing Sanghyuk call him _ 'sweetheart' _ made Jaehwan want to break something.

Hongbin didn't seem to want Sanghyuk to leave, because he was still holding onto him. If possible, that made Jaehwan angrier than he already was. Jaehwan took another step towards them and grabbed Sanghyuk's arm, yanking him away from Hongbin and out the door. The side bitch could wait.

The door shut behind them, and Jaehwan physically couldn't bring himself to speak as he pulled Sanghyuk down the hall. If he’d tired, he would have just continued yelling, which was something he couldn't do in public.

Sanghyuk shook Jaehwan’s hand off, and Jaehwan glanced over his shoulder to see him scowling in the opposite direction. He had  _ literally  _ no right to be mad! Thank fucking god that Wonshik had decided to be a decent human being for a change and told Jaehwan what was going on.

A moment later, they reached the door to Jaehwan’s room and Jaehwan unlocked it, doing his best to ignore Sanghyuk's obnoxious foot tapping behind him, before pushing it open so hard that it hit the wall with a loud _ 'crack'. _

Jaehwan ignored whatever had broken and stomped inside, spinning to face Sanghyuk as he shut the door and said angrily, "You ruined my date."

_ "You _ ruined my  _ week!  _ Why," Jaehwan hissed back, but Sanghyuk interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

"Your jealousy is getting ridiculous. Have I been nasty to Wonshik because you've spent all your time with him since the attack? No! I keep my mouth shut, because you said we can't be together. So, there's nothing I can do about it, other than moving on! I'm sorry I said you were acting like Youngjae when I was high on painkillers, I honestly have no memory of it. But you need to get over all of this! We aren't kids anymore. I have done _ everything  _ you've asked of me, I let you go, and I took you back every time you showed up on my doorstep out of the blue."

He was barely pausing for breath as he spoke and Jaehwan stood entirely still, frozen. 

"And then, I let you go again when you asked me to take this stupid job and told me we had to stop. God only knows why I agreed to start things again after that night during their honeymoon, but you asked, and I couldn't say no. I waited for you for _ years, _ because I love you. And because you kept telling me that you loved me too. But all of this was  _ your  _ decision. I'm with him now because of _ you. _ My life is this way because of _ you, your  _ choices. Essentially, I'm just along for the ride."

Jaehwan stared at him, feeling everything and nothing all at once. Sanghyuk had never complained about the whole  _ 'off-and-on' _ thing before, and Jaehwan knew the separation had hurt him, but he’d never known this much.

The first time he had ever even brought it up was in Jaehwan’s office when he’d said the two of them had to be more careful. And that had only been questions. What he had just said was a statement of facts.

Jaehwan had never told Sanghyuk how much he missed him, or how not being with him broke Jaehwan’s heart every second of every day. He was normally so good at hiding his feelings, Jaehwan hadn't known he felt this way. Jaehwan had always assumed Sanghyuk would think he was being stupid for saying things like that.

But now, seeing the pain and anger written clearly across Sanghyuk’s face, the face Jaehwan loved more than any other in this world, fear crashed over him like a wave. Was it too late? After all this time, had he finally closed his heart off to Jaehwan for good?

Jaehwan realized he had been quiet for a beat too long, the silence in the room was deafening. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Sanghyuk turned away, reaching for the door handle as he said quietly, "I knew you didn't care, just leave me alone."

"My love, wait!" Jaehwan exclaimed, jumping in front of Sanghyuk and pressing his own back against the door before Sanghyuk had it half way open. Jaehwan knew if he let him walk out now, Sanghyuk really wouldn't come back, and there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen.

"Please move. And don't call me that," Sanghyuk replied, using that emotionless voice Jaehwan hated. "No! I'm not moving until you listen to me. Then, you can go if you want, I won't stop you," Jaehwan said, doing his best to keep the panic out of his tone.

Sanghyuk glared at him for a few seconds, then sighed and took a step away, waving a hand for Jaehwan to speak before crossing his arms. Jaehwan took a deep breath, deciding to tell him absolutely everything, not wanting to waste this chance.

"My love, do you know how much it kills me every moment that I'm not with you? How it broke my heart every time I would catch a glimpse of you at the palace, but I couldn't run to you the way I wanted because I had to stay and watch the king?"

Jaehwan swallowed hard, but forced the words to keep coming. 

"Did I tell you that I cried myself to sleep every night for the first three months after I became his guard, because I had to stay there, and not being able to come home to you ripped my heart in half? And that, on the rare occasion I did get to see you, even if it was out of the blue like you said, it was like the pieces of my heart were put back together. Until I had to leave you the next day, and then it broke all over again."

Sanghyuk’s fingers curled and then uncurled at his side, but Jaehwan didn’t let himself look down. 

"But I didn't care if I lived with a broken heart for the rest of my life. Spending a few perfect days with you would have been worth all the pain in the world. And when I asked you to become the king's guard, I knew those days would have to stop. But at least I would get to see your beautiful face every day, and talk to you all the time, which was more than we had been able to do in years. You always masked your feelings so well, I didn't think you minded."

Sanghyuk had stopped moving entirely now, those lovely dark eyes wide.

"I was just so happy to be near you again, my love, I missed you every day that we were apart. And that night during their honeymoon, you know I've always loved you whether you were drunk or sober, I didn't care. It felt like the missing half of my soul had been found. You're the other half of my soul, Sanghyukie. You never told me how much all of this hurt you before, and it kills me to know that I've caused you so much pain. You know that's the last thing I ever want to do, I want to protect you."

Another hard swallow.

"As soon as this stupid war is over, or the first opportunity I get to kill the rival king, I want us to go back to the way we were. That has always been my plan, it has just been too dangerous. I'll go sneak into his palace and kill him now if you tell me to, I'll do anything for you. Wonshik is done, I don't need or want him. He was just a distraction. I don't care if you stay with Hongbin, as long as he makes you happy, I'll keep my mouth shut. But the second the danger to you is gone, you're mine, my love. You've always been mine and always will be. And I am yours until I take my last breath."

Jaehwan hadn't realized a few tears were running down his cheeks until he finished speaking and tried to take a breath, but it was uneven and caught in his chest. He'd taken a step away from the door but hadn't taken his eyes off Sanghyuk.

Never before had Jaehwan said anything like that. He wasn’t good at declarations of love or big emotional gestures. But he hoped his honesty would be enough for Sanghyuk to keep him. If it wasn't, Jaehwan didn't know what else he could do.

~ Sanghyuk ~

Sanghyuk stared at Jaehwan's tearstained face for a few seconds, completely overwhelmed with emotion, before he closed the distance between them.

Wrapping his arms around Jaehwan's waist, pressing his lips against Jaehwan's, and putting every ounce of love he had into their kiss.

Jaehwan cupped Sanghyuk's cheeks, hot tears rolling over the tips of his fingers. 

Their lips fit together perfectly, with the practised ease of two people who had been in love for a very, very long time. 

Jaehwan’s hand tangling in Sanghyuk’s hair as Sanghyuk traced the seam of his mouth with his tongue. 

Sanghyuk took a half step forward, gently pressing Jaehwan's back against the door and moving his hands lower so he was holding Jaehwan's hips. 

Jaehwan’s lips parting for him like always. 

They had kissed this way only a few weeks ago, but it felt like it had been an eternity.

Sanghyuk brushed his lips along Jaehwan's jaw, trailing gentle kisses down the side of his neck to the base of his throat, inhaling the intoxicating smell of Jaehwan's rosemary and lotus cologne.

"My love," Jaehwan sighed, moaning softly and closing his eyes as Sanghyuk sucked gently on the delicate skin of his neck, before asking, "Was that a goodbye kiss? Or- does this mean you'll stay?"

"Forever," Sanghyuk replied without hesitation, the warmth of his breath causing Jaehwan to shiver a little, “No goodbyes.”

Jaehwan finally relaxed into Sanghyuk’s embrace, melting against him.

He quickly reached down and began to unbutton Sanghyuk's shirt, nimble fingers still shaking but steady enough to get the job done. 

Sanghyuk released Jaehwan's hips just long enough to shrug off his shirt, letting it fall to the bedroom floor before tugging Jaehwan's shirt off over his head and dropping that as well.

All thoughts of Hongbin waiting in his room had been wiped clean from his mind by Jaehwan's words. 

All he could focus on was his need to feel Jaehwan against him. 

To hear Jaehwan say his name. 

Their lips connected again, moving together as Sanghyuk pulled Jaehwan away from the door. 

Slowly walking backwards until he felt the bed touch the back of his legs.

Sanghyuk sat down hard, breaking their kiss and looking up at Jaehwan's face as he ran his hands over Jaehwan’s toned stomach. 

One of his fingers trailed the still-healing scar from where Jaehwan had been injured in the attack, and Sanghyuk made a mental note to find whoever had done it and kill them personally.

"It doesn't hurt anymore, I'm okay," Jaehwan said quietly, putting a knee on either side of Sanghyuk and settling on his lap.

"Good, I don't like it when you're hurt," Sanghyuk replied, his arms circling Jaehwan's waist, pulling him against his chest as he lay back on the bed.

Jaehwan chuckled softly, a smile crossing his face as he reached a hand out to hold himself up. 

Using the other to brush Sanghyuk's hair off his forehead.

Jaehwan's smile made Sanghyuk immeasurably happy, and he grinned before rolling Jaehwan onto his back, laying a series of kisses across his collarbone as he quickly unzipped Jaehwan's slacks.

Sanghyuk stood up and tugged them off, still grinning as he dropped them on the ground and watched Jaehwan sit up. 

Jaehwan's eyelids were lowered and his lips were parted. 

Those fingers now impatient as he unbuttoned Sanghyuk's jeans. 

Pulling them down halfway and momentarily glancing up at his love’s face.

Sanghyuk's grin faltered, his breath hitching as Jaehwan pumped his cock a few times before taking it in his mouth.

Jaehwan moved his mouth up and down rhythmically, but slowly, Sanghyuk's hand knotting loosely in his hair, and he moaned softly. 

The vibrations from his voice making Sanghyuk shiver.

He ran his tongue along the vein and then swirled it around the tip, his neediness making him sloppy. 

Not that Sanghyuk cared. 

Sanghyuk’s own feelings of need were increasing, groaning quietly as Jaehwan hummed around him.

"Ahh... sugar, you're so good," Sanghyuk said, voice low, using his very, very private pet-name for Jaehwan.

He had his eyes closed and tightened his grip on Jaehwan's hair, the feeling of Jaehwan’s mouth on him emptying his mind of everything but static.

Jaehwan absolutely adored it when Sanghyuk called him that, a fact Sanghyuk knew very well, and he increased his pace a little as a result.

Sanghyuk's breathing was getting unhelpfully shallow, and after another minute he opened his eyes as Jaehwan pulled off. 

Giving his tip a little kitten-lick and smiling before pulling Sanghyuk back down onto the bed.

Jaehwan was panting, then, lying on his back and looking up at Sanghyuk through those shiny brown eyes.

He ran his hands over Sanghyuk's broad back and whispered, "My love, I _ need _ you."

Grabbing the bottle of lube from the nightstand drawer when he knew Jaehwan kept it, Sanghyuk quickly slicked them both up. 

Making sure his sugar was good to go and then leaning down. 

Kissing Jaehwan hard as he entered him.

They moaned in unison at the connection and Jaehwan squeezed his already closed eyes shut tighter. 

Sanghyuk began to thrust slowly, not wanting to hurt him. 

Never wanting to hurt him. 

The friction and the heat around him making Sanghyuk’s breath shudder. 

Jaehwan's lips parted, head lolling a little to the side as Sanghyuk brushed a thumb over his forehead.

He wrapped his legs around Sanghyuk's waist, and Sanghyuk thrust into him a bit faster, resting a hand on Jaehwan's thigh.

Jaehwan's low moaning was all Sanghyuk could hear, the sound echoing around the bedroom in time with Sanghyuk’s racing pulse. 

He nudged Jaehwan’s face back up, quickly kissing him again in an attempt to keep him quiet. 

Not knowing who may be nearby and overhear them.

Sanghyuk ran his hand up Jaehwan's leg, the familiar feeling of his soft skin and downy hair against his fingertips igniting a fire in the pit of his stomach.

Jaehwan gently bit Sanghyuk's bottom lip, pulling a little groan as Sanghyuk picked up his pace.

The tips of his fingers were digging into Sanghyuk's shoulders, and his head fell back against the pillows. 

Breaking their kiss once more as he mewled, "My love... please, h-harder."

Sanghyuk was always gentle with him unless Jaehwan told him to do otherwise. 

At his words, Sanghyuk pulled out momentarily before thrusting into him again, hard and fast and all the way to the hilt. 

Jaehwan gasped, his adams apple bobbing on a convulsive swallow. 

Nodding as though to urge Sanghyuk on. 

Sanghyuk ran a hand through Jaehwan's hair, tugging on it and turning Jaehwan's head to the side. 

Keeping a firm grip on his upper thigh as he sucked roughly on the side of Jaehwan's neck.

Jaehwan bit his lip and moaned louder, clearly attempting to keep his breathing under control and failing miserably. 

The pleasure was so overwhelming Sanghyuk could barely stand it.

Every touch was electric.

All of the sensations at once almost made him stop breathing all together.

Jaehwan yelped, his whole body going slack, and Sanghyuk couldn’t keep from smiling against his neck. 

Pulling out and flipping Jaehwan onto his stomach before thrusting in and hitting that most sensitive spot again.

Hands resting on Jaehwan's narrow waist, completely mesmerized by the sound of Jaehwan's low whines, Sanghyuk bent down a little. 

Moving a hand up to yank sharply on Jaehwan's hair. 

Voice a bit husky as he asked, "Is that better, sugar?"

"Mmhm... s-so good," Jaehwan managed to reply, propping himself up on one elbow and rocking his hips back to meet Sanghyuk's thrusts.

He reached a hand behind him to hold the back of Sanghyuk's neck. 

Uncertain fingers trying not to disturb the bandage Sanghyuk still had adhered to the side of his throat.

He tangled his fingers in Sanghyuk's hair instead, squeezing his eyes shut and worrying his bottom lip. 

Trying so adorably hard to be quiet. 

But Sanghyuk just fucked into him faster, and Jaehwan couldn't stop himself from whining, "Fuck!"

"Do you want me to slow down, sugar?" Sanghyuk asked in a low voice, smirking as he nibbled Jaehwan's earlobe. 

Knowing full well that would just make Jaehwan want more.

"Don't you d-dare," Jaehwan hissed under his breath, momentarily looking back at Sanghyuk. 

But he moaned and dropped his head almost immediately when Sanghyuk hit that spot again.

Both were getting close, and Jaehwan was being so loud that Sanghyuk gently covered his mouth with one hand. 

Remembering that they weren't technically in private.

The pleasure overwhelmed him completely, and he groaned as he came, panting shallowly as he felt Jaehwan clench around him.

Sanghyuk thrust slowly a few more times before pulling out, making Jaehwan whine quietly at the loss of contact, and got up to grab a towel.

He quickly cleaned himself off, and then cleaned up Jaehwan, who was lying on his back with his eyes closed, still breathing heavily. 

Sanghyuk grinned down at him as he put his boxers back on, before collapsing back on the bed and nuzzling his cheek.

"You are the most incredible person in the universe, Sanghyukie," Jaehwan whispered, rolling onto his side and resting his forehead against Sanghyuk's.

"I love you too, sugar," Sanghyuk replied, closing his eyes as Jaehwan pushed himself up and got off the bed. 

Sanghyuk lay there for a minute, listening to the water in the sink turn on and off, and opened his eyes again when Jaehwan came back out of the bathroom.

He was dressed again and had somehow managed to make himself look perfectly presentable, a skill which Sanghyuk had always admired.

"I remembered I'm still on duty, and there's someone waiting for you," Jaehwan said quietly, putting his hands in his pockets and looking at the floor. 

"The king doesn't need you, just stay here with me," Sanghyuk replied, reaching a hand out for him.

Jaehwan sighed. 

It didn’t take much convincing, as Sanghyuk knew it wouldn’t. 

“Anything for you.”

  
~♡♡♡♡♡~  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one day of the month left!

**Author's Note:**

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